The Etiquette Of Wedding Gifts: To Give Or Not To Give?

Wedding gifts are a common tradition, but there are many nuances to consider when deciding what to give and when. Firstly, it is generally recommended to consult the couple's registry as it contains items the couple wants and offers a range of price points. If the registry is inaccessible or unsuitable, guests can opt for household items, luxury experiences, or contribute to the couple's honeymoon fund. The amount spent on a gift depends on one's budget and relationship with the couple, with closer relationships often leading to more expensive gifts. It is best to send gifts promptly, preferably before the wedding, and avoid bringing them to the event, especially if it is a destination wedding.

How much to spend on a wedding gift

When it comes to wedding gifts, there are a few factors to consider when deciding how much to spend. Firstly, it's important to remember that there is no set amount or strict rule about wedding gift spending. It is more about the thought and what you can reasonably afford that counts. The magic number will depend on your budget and your relationship with the couple.

Wedding Gift Spending Guidelines

According to wedding experts and gift etiquette specialists, here are some guidelines to consider:

• The average wedding gift amount ranges from $50 to $200, depending on your closeness to the couple.
• For coworkers, acquaintances, or distant relatives, consider spending between $50 and $75.
• For friends or relatives, the suggested amount is between $75 and $100.
• If you are close friends, immediate family, or part of the wedding party, a gift in the range of $100 to $150 or more is appropriate.
• If you are attending with a plus-one, it is customary to increase the gift amount by 1.5 to 2 times the original amount.
• If you are attending as a family, one gift in the range of $150 to $200 or more is expected.

Other Considerations

• Group Gifts: If there is a big-ticket item that you cannot afford on your own, consider joining forces with a group of friends to purchase it together.
• Destination Weddings: If you are travelling for a destination wedding, it is still customary to give a gift, even if it is on the smaller side.
• No Gift Necessary: If you are unable to attend the wedding, a gift is not required, especially if you don't know the couple well. However, if you are close to the couple, it is considerate to send a small gift or card.
• Cash Gifts: Cash gifts are acceptable and often preferred by modern couples. If giving cash or a cheque, it is best to send it ahead of time to avoid any chaos on the wedding day.
• Honeymoon Funds: Contributing to the couple's honeymoon fund is a great option, especially if they have specifically requested it. This allows you to give any amount that suits your budget.
• Off-Registry Gifts: While it is generally best to purchase a gift from the couple's registry, you can also ask them if there is something else they would like. Alternatively, you can give a cash gift or opt for an off-registry gift that you are confident they will love, ensuring you get a gift receipt in case they need to return or exchange it.

Remember, these are just guidelines, and you should ultimately spend what you are comfortable with and what feels appropriate for your relationship with the couple.

When to send a wedding gift

While it's not mandatory to give a gift when you've been invited to a wedding, it is customary and appreciated, especially if you're close to the couple. There are a few things to consider when it comes to timing your gift.

If you're eager to get your gift-giving duties out of the way, you might be wondering if it's okay to send a gift as soon as you receive the save-the-date. While there's no hard and fast rule against this, it's generally recommended to wait until you receive the official invitation. This way, you can take care of a few wedding-related tasks at once, such as sending back the RSVP card and browsing for potential outfits.

The Sweet Spot

Most sources recommend sending your gift shortly after receiving the invitation, ideally about four to six weeks before the wedding. This gives the couple enough time to send you a thank-you note before the big day. According to a WeddingWire study, 31% of wedding guests purchased their gift a month or more before the wedding.

However, it's more common for guests to send gifts the week before the event. In fact, 37% of guests in the WeddingWire survey did so. While this is considered fine from an etiquette perspective, the couple might not receive your gift until after they return from their honeymoon.

Don't Wait Too Long

Technically, you have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift. However, most experts recommend sending your gift within three months of the wedding. It's easy to forget about sending a gift after the wedding, and your gift will be more appreciated if it arrives while the celebration is still fresh in everyone's minds.

If you're planning to give cash or a cheque, you can bring an envelope with you to the wedding and hand it directly to the couple or place it in a card box if there is one. However, there is a risk that your gift could get lost or stolen during the event. A safer option is to send a gift card, contribute to the couple's honeymoon fund or cash registry, or use a payment app a few weeks to a month before the wedding.

It's generally not recommended to bring a gift to the wedding, especially if it's a physical gift. The couple will have a lot to deal with on their big day, and coordinating gift transportation can be stressful. If you forget to send a gift before the wedding, it's better to send it directly to their home after the event, even if it's a bit late.

Cash vs physical gifts

When it comes to wedding gifts, there are a few options to consider: cash, physical gifts, or a combination of both. Here are some factors to think about when deciding between cash and physical gifts for a wedding present:

Budget

One of the most important considerations is your budget. It's essential to determine how much you are comfortable spending on a wedding gift. Lizzie Post, Co-President of The Emily Post Institute, advises that "the magic number for how much you should spend on a wedding gift depends on what fits your budget." She adds that you should give a gift "worth what you can afford to give comfortably." Therefore, if you have a limited budget, giving cash might be a more flexible option, allowing you to give any amount that works for you. On the other hand, with physical gifts, you might be restricted to specific price points offered by the couple's registry or the cost of the item you choose.

Relationship with the Couple

The nature of your relationship with the couple can also influence your choice. If you are close friends, family, or part of the wedding party, you might prefer to give a more personalised physical gift that reflects your relationship. On the other hand, if you don't know the couple well, cash might be a safer option, as it gives them the flexibility to choose how to spend the money. According to The Knot, the average amount spent on wedding gifts in 2023 was $150, with guests spending more on closer relationships and less on acquaintances.

Couple's Preferences

Another factor to consider is the couple's preferences. In some cases, they might explicitly state their preference for cash or physical gifts. Many couples nowadays create wedding registries, which can give you an idea of the physical gifts they desire. If they have registered for specific items, it's generally a good idea to stick to those choices, as a lot of effort goes into creating a registry. However, if the couple hasn't expressed a preference, you can consider what you think they would appreciate most.

Practicality and Convenience

Cash gifts offer a convenient option, especially for destination weddings, as they don't require any shipping or transportation. They are also a good choice if you are unsure about the couple's tastes or if they already have well-stocked homes. Physical gifts, on the other hand, might require more research and thought to ensure they align with the couple's interests and needs. Additionally, with cash gifts, you can easily transfer money through digital payment platforms or contribute to specific funds, such as honeymoon or renovation funds.

Sentiment and Personalisation

Physical gifts tend to have a more sentimental and personalised touch. They can be tailored to the couple's hobbies, interests, or future plans. For example, you could give them a gift card to their favourite bookstore, a set of mixing bowls for their kitchen, or a donation to a charity they support. Cash gifts can also be personalised with a thoughtful card or note expressing your well wishes.

In conclusion, when deciding between cash and physical gifts for a wedding, consider your budget, relationship with the couple, their preferences, practicality, and the level of sentiment you want to convey. Both options are acceptable, and you can always combine them to offer a thoughtful and practical present that the couple will appreciate.

Sending gifts to the couple's house

Sending gifts directly to the couple's house is often considered the proper etiquette when it comes to wedding gifts. This is especially true if the couple is having a destination wedding or lives far from the wedding venue, as it can be inconvenient for them to transport gifts back home. Sending gifts to their home address also saves them the worry of keeping track of gifts at the reception and ensures they can leave straight after the party without having to pack up fragile items. It also prevents the risk of gifts being stolen.

If you're unsure about what to do, it's best to ask a member of the wedding party, such as the bride's mother or maid of honour. They can advise you on what the couple would prefer and whether there are any regional traditions to consider. For example, in some parts of the Southern and Midwestern United States, it is traditional to bring gifts to the reception.

If you're opting to send a gift to the couple's house, here are some thoughtful housewarming gift ideas:

• Personalised doormat: A doormat is a perfect finishing touch to a new home, and one with their names and a small heart will be a lovely greeting for guests.
• Custom coordinate decor: Surprise the couple with a custom print of the exact coordinates of their new house. You can print it and add a frame to make it even more special.
• Wine and cheese carousel: For couples who love to host, this elegant carousel holds up to six glasses and one bottle of wine, with plenty of room for snacks. You can even have it engraved with their monogram.
• Self-cleaning vacuum: Help the couple keep their new, larger space clean with a hands-free vacuum that can be controlled via an app, voice assistant, or a simple button press.
• Custom house portrait: Gift them a sentimental present by commissioning a custom portrait of their new home. You can upload a photo and choose a colour for the ink, and even add custom text underneath.
• Personalised cutting board: A meaningful gift for a couple's first home, this cutting board can be laser-engraved with their initials and a special date, and they may love it so much that they keep it on display instead of using it for chopping!
• Gourmet olive oil: Brightland's duo of extra virgin olive oils, Awake and Alive, will elevate every meal. These high-quality, early-harvest olive oils are perfect for roasting, sauteing, salads, and more.
• Bread-warming set: In some cultures, bread and salt are traditional housewarming gifts, symbolising a full life with good food. Gift the couple a nod to this tradition with a heart-shaped stone, a cloth-lined basket, and a linen bread towel to keep their loaf warm.
• Spice set and rack: Help stock the couple's pantry with this modern spice rack and bottle set. It comes in stylish colours and can sit on the countertop or be mounted on the wall. Choose from 12 or 18 organic spices to include.
• Personalised bottle opener: For beer-loving couples, get them this wall-mounted bottle opener made from reclaimed white oak bourbon barrels and recycled wine barrel rings. You can personalise it with their names and the date they moved in.
• Local restaurant gift card: If the couple's pots and pans are all packed away, treat them to a meal out with a gift card for local restaurants.

These gift ideas will not only celebrate the couple's new life together but also add a touch of warmth and personality to their home.

Group gifts

If you are thinking of going in on a group gift, it's a good idea to establish a budget before anyone starts shopping. Once you have an approximate sum in mind, you can browse the bridal registry to find a present for the happy couple.

Couples frequently mark a big-ticket item or a cash and honeymoon fund as a "Group Gift" to let you contribute any amount you wish towards it. Websites like Zola allow couples to set any gift as a "Group Gift" on their registry, where multiple guests can contribute what they wish.

If you are thinking of giving a group gift, it's important to remember to factor in taxes, shipping, and gift-wrapping fees into the final tally before it is split.

Frequently asked questions