Who Should Be Your Best Man? Sibling Obligation?

Choosing a best man can be a difficult decision, especially if you have siblings. While some people may feel pressured to choose a brother as their best man, it is not a requirement. It is your wedding, and you can choose whoever you want to be your best man, whether that be a brother, a friend, or someone else entirely. If you have multiple brothers, you can even have them all be your best men! Ultimately, it is up to you to decide who will make you feel the most comfortable and ease any anxieties you may have about your wedding.

It is not obligatory to have your brother as your best man

If you are not close with your brother, or you have multiple brothers and do not want to play favourites, you can choose someone else to be your best man. It is a good idea to inform your brother early on to manage expectations and avoid any family drama. You can also offer him another role in the wedding, such as a groomsman, usher, driver, or ring bearer, to ensure he still feels included.

Ultimately, it is your wedding, and you can do what feels right for you.

You can choose someone else to be your best man

Ultimately, it's your wedding, and you can choose whoever you want to be your best man. It's your decision, and you should go with your gut. Your best man should be someone who makes you feel comfortable, eases any anxieties, and is reliable enough to help with everything from suit rental and stag planning to looking after wedding gifts and making sure your grandmother has a chair at the drinks reception. This person may be your sibling, or they may not be. There are no hard and fast rules here.

If you're not close with your brother, chances are he won't be expecting to be asked to be your best man, and he won't mind if you've chosen someone else. If you are close, he'll probably already know who you're going to choose, so he won't be put out. If you think your brother will be disappointed about not being chosen, it's best to set expectations early and be upfront. You don't need to apologise or make a big announcement, but it's a good idea to have another role for your brother ready to go, whether it's asking him to be a groomsman or including him in your wedding in another way.

There are plenty of other ways to include your brother in your wedding if he's not your best man. You could ask him to be an usher, directing guests to their seats for the ceremony, handing out booklets, and getting guests mingling at the reception. If he has a nice car, he could be the driver, bringing you from A to B on the day. You could also ask him to give a speech, sharing fun stories from your childhood, or to give a reading or play music during the ceremony. If he's a great public speaker, he could even be your non-legal celebrant!

Other ideas for including your brother in your wedding include asking him to be the ring bearer (as long as he's reliable!), putting his skills to use as a baker, crafter, or designer, or setting him to work as a handyman, helping to set up the venue, make collections, or hang decorations.

Ways to include your brother in your wedding without making him the best man

There is no obligation to make your brother your best man, and you can choose whoever you want for this role. However, if you want to include your brother in your wedding, there are several ways to do so without giving him the title of best man. Here are some ideas:

Groomsman

Your brother can still be included in the wedding party as a groomsman. He can join in the festivities and you can even give him the prime spot immediately next to the best man.

Usher

Having an usher on hand is essential for a ceremony, and your brother can be a great fit for this role. He can greet guests, help them find their seats, and make sure grandparents or older relatives are well taken care of.

Escort for Grandparents

If you are including your grandparents in the processional, your brother can walk them down the aisle. He can hold your grandmother's arm while your grandfather follows closely behind.

Readings

Ask your brother to give a reading during the ceremony. It can be a Bible verse, a poem, or lines from your favourite song. If he's inclined towards sentimentality, he can choose a reading that represents your relationship.

Ring Bearer

While this role often goes to younger children, your brother can be an adult version of "ring security". He can also escort a younger ring bearer who might not be confident on their own.

Surprises

If you have a surprise planned for your spouse-to-be or a trick up your sleeve for the reception, your brother can be a great confidant. He can help you plan and keep your secret until it's time to reveal it.

Driver

If your brother has a nice car he'd like to show off, he can drive you to and from the wedding venue.

Speech-Giver

Your brother can share fun stories from your childhood in a speech. He can also give a toast during the rehearsal dinner or at the morning-after brunch.

Officiant

If your brother is a great public speaker, he could be your non-legal celebrant.

Baker/Crafter/Designer

If your brother has any special skills, you can put them to use. For example, if he's a graphic designer, he can create your wedding stationery, or if he's a talented baker, he can make your wedding cake.

These are just a few ways to include your brother in your wedding without making him the best man. Ultimately, it's your wedding, so feel free to get creative and choose what feels right for you and your brother.

Having multiple best men

While traditionally, grooms select one best man, it is becoming more common to have multiple best men. This can be a great option if you have multiple close friends or siblings and don't want to choose between them. It can also be helpful to spread out the responsibilities and workload, especially if one of your best men is great at planning events and the other is a fantastic public speaker.

If you're worried about upsetting your brother(s) by not choosing them as your best man, you can always give them another role in the wedding, such as groomsman, usher, driver, or speech-giver. However, if you do decide to have multiple best men, it's important to clearly communicate their duties and expectations to avoid any confusion or overlap.

• Bachelor Party: One best man can plan the bachelor party, while the other manages the guest list, travel, or accommodation details.
• Wedding Day Logistics: One can be in charge of the rings, while the other oversees the groomsmen and ensures everyone is where they need to be on time.
• Speech: If both are comfortable with public speaking, they can split or give their own speeches. Alternatively, they can work together on a joint speech to avoid repetition.

How to break the news to your brother

Be upfront and set expectations early

If you think your brother will be disappointed about not being chosen as your best man, it's best to be direct and upfront with him. Have this conversation early on to manage his expectations and avoid any potential drama within the family.

Avoid apologising or making a big announcement

You don't need to apologise or make a grand gesture when sharing the news. Simply mention that you've chosen someone else to be your best man. It's okay to feel sad about it, but remember, this is your day and your decision.

Offer him another role in the wedding

To soften the blow, consider offering your brother a different role in the wedding. This could be as a groomsman, usher, driver, speech-giver, ring-bearer, or even the baker/crafter/designer if he has any special skills you can utilise. By including him in another way, you show that you still value his participation and involvement in your special day.

Be prepared for his reaction

Chances are, your brother may feel hurt or disappointed by the news, especially if you are close. It's important to acknowledge his feelings and be empathetic towards his reaction. Remember, he may have been looking forward to this role and the opportunity to support you in a unique way.

Explain your reasons honestly

Be honest and open about why you chose someone else as your best man. Explain that it was a difficult decision and that you still want him to be involved in the wedding. Share your thoughts and feelings about the planning process and your desire to include him in other ways.

Involve him in surprises or special moments

If you have any surprises or special moments planned for your spouse-to-be, consider making your brother your confidant. Including him in these secret plans will make him feel trusted and valued. He can help you plan and execute these surprises, creating a unique bond between you.

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