Junior Rasmussen
Marriage is a complex and multifaceted topic that has evolved over centuries and differs across cultures and belief systems. While the traditional view of marriage is often associated with a man wedding a woman, societal changes and legal advancements have broadened the understanding of marriage to include same-sex unions and various forms of plural marriages. In exploring the dynamics of who weds whom, it is essential to consider factors such as cultural norms, personal values, religious beliefs, and legal frameworks that shape the institution of marriage in different contexts.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Who proposes? | Traditionally, men propose to women, but women can also propose to men or other women |
| Who marries whom? | A man marries a woman; a woman marries a man; a woman can marry a woman; a man can marry a man |
| Who becomes what? | A man marries his girlfriend, who becomes his wife; a woman marries her boyfriend, who becomes her husband |
| Who decides to marry? | In most cases, men decide whether they want to marry |
| Factors that influence men to marry | Age, biological clock, financial investment, social skills, height, having lived away from home |
| Factors that influence men to marry some women and not others | Compatibility in beliefs, values, and outlooks on life |
| Polyandry | A form of polygamy where a woman has multiple husbands |
| Polygyny | A form of polygamy where a man has multiple wives |
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What You'll Learn
Polyandry: A woman with multiple husbands
Polyandry is a form of polygamy in which a woman has two or more husbands simultaneously. The term is derived from the Ancient Greek "polú" meaning "many" and "anḗr" meaning "man". Polyandry is distinct from polygyny, where one male has multiple female partners. Polyandry can also refer to sexual relations with multiple males within or outside of marriage in its broadest sense.
Polyandry has been observed in various societies throughout history, including ancient Britain, Rome, and Hindu societies. In the Mahabharata, an ancient Hindu epic, the character Draupadi married the five Pandava brothers. In Roman society, the practice of polyandry was advocated by some, as evidenced by the matrons of Rome begging the Senate for the legalization of marriages between one woman and two men.
Among the Kanak of New Caledonia, it is customary for a woman to be the property of several husbands, with the husbands and their shared wife living together in a hut. Friedrich Ratzel, in his book "The History of Mankind," documented a similar tradition in the New Hebrides, where it was common for two widowers to share a widow as a wife. The Bororos and Tupi-Kawahib are also known to practice polyandry, and up to 70% of Amazonian cultures may have believed in the principle of multiple paternity.
In modern times, polyandry is still rare but not unheard of. Of the 1,231 societies listed in the 1980 Ethnographic Atlas, only four were found to practice polyandry, all located in the Himalayan mountain region. However, with the increasing acceptance of same-sex marriage and plural marriage, it is possible that polyandry may gain more traction in the future.
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Polygyny: One male with multiple wives
Polygyny is a form of polygamy in which one man has multiple wives. It is distinct from polyandry, where a woman has more than one husband. Polygyny, derived from the Ancient Greek "polú" (many) and "anēr" (man), is a practice with a long history in various cultures and societies.
In the past, polygyny was observed in ancient societies such as the Britons, the Lacedaemonians, and the Romans, according to historical records. It was also prevalent in certain ethnic groups, such as the Kanak of New Caledonia, the Marquesans, and the Bororos, where it was a customary practice for brothers, and sometimes fathers and sons, to share wives.
The practice of polygyny is not limited to ancient history. Even today, it is still found in some societies, with 453 societies out of 1,231 in the 1980 Ethnographic Atlas exhibiting occasional polygyny and 588 exhibiting more frequent polygyny.
Polygyny is often associated with religious and cultural beliefs. For example, in the Hebrew Bible, there are no examples of women married to more than one man, indicating that polyandry was unacceptable in Jewish tradition. Similarly, most Christian denominations in the Western world advocate for monogamous marriages, which implicitly forbids polygyny.
In contrast, the ancient Hindu epic Mahabharata describes Draupadi's marriage to the five Pandava brothers, suggesting a historical acceptance of polygyny in Hindu society.
It is important to note that the legality and acceptance of polygyny vary across different regions and cultures. While some societies have embraced it, others strongly advocate for monogamous relationships.
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Same-sex marriage: Two men or two women
Same-sex marriage refers to the union of two people of the same gender in a romantic relationship similar to that of a traditional marriage. It can involve two men or two women coming together as spouses. In the past, the concept of marriage was primarily associated with a union between a man and a woman, as dictated by religious texts such as the Bible. However, societal norms and legal frameworks are evolving to recognize and celebrate the diversity of human relationships, including same-sex marriages.
The recognition of same-sex marriages as legally valid is a relatively recent development. While some countries have embraced this change, others continue to grapple with the idea due to religious, cultural, or traditional beliefs that define marriage as solely between a man and a woman. This evolution in the perception of marriage has sparked debates and discussions worldwide, with proponents of same-sex marriage advocating for equal rights and non-discrimination.
In a same-sex marriage, the dynamics of the relationship may differ from traditional heterosexual marriages in certain aspects. For instance, in a marriage between two men, both partners may propose to each other, breaking away from the traditional notion of the man being the proposer. Similarly, in a marriage between two women, they become each other's wives, challenging the conventional idea of a woman acquiring the status of a "wife" from a man.
The language used to describe same-sex marriages is also evolving to be more inclusive. While the terms "husband" and "wife" are commonly used in heterosexual marriages, same-sex spouses may choose to adopt these terms, create new ones, or forgo labels altogether. Ultimately, the specific dynamics and terminology within a same-sex marriage are determined by the couple themselves, reflecting their unique personalities and preferences.
Same-sex marriages are a testament to the evolving nature of societal norms and the increasing recognition of diverse relationships. While there may be differing opinions on the matter, the fundamental principle of respect for human rights and equality underpins the growing acceptance of same-sex marriages globally.
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Who proposes: Traditionally, men propose to women
While the traditional expectation is that men propose to women, this is not always the case. In the 21st century, it is becoming increasingly common for women to propose to men or for same-sex couples to propose to one another. Ultimately, as long as both people in the couple agree to get married, it doesn't matter who proposes. Marriage should be an equal partnership, and the act of proposing can be decided between the couple.
In English, the phrase "to get married" is typically used to describe two people getting married to each other. For example, a man will marry his girlfriend after he proposes, and she becomes his fiancée until the wedding, when they become a married couple. The same is true for a woman proposing to her boyfriend. Once the proposal is accepted, the man becomes her fiancé, and they become husband and wife at the wedding.
The use of the words "wed" and "wedded" can also imply a focus on the wedding or the marriage, respectively. For example, "to wed" can refer to causing two people to become married, such as by an officiant of the wedding. On the other hand, "wedded" implies a focus on the marriage itself rather than the wedding ceremony.
Historically, the language used to describe marriage and proposals has been gendered, with phrases like "a man marrying a woman" or "a woman being married to a man." However, it is important to note that marriage is a mutual decision and commitment between two people, regardless of gender.
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Gendered language: Man and wife vs husband and wife
The use of "man and wife" versus "husband and wife" has been a topic of discussion and debate. The traditional phrase "man and wife" has been used in wedding ceremonies for generations and carries a historical and linguistic context. On the other hand, the phrase "husband and wife" is gaining popularity in modern ceremonies as couples strive for more egalitarian language.
Historically, the usage of "man and wife" reflected societal perceptions of gender roles and the status of women. In the past, women were often not viewed as fully autonomous individuals but were defined by their relationships with men. The term "wife," derived from Middle English, meant "woman." By using "man and wife" in wedding vows, a man retained his personhood, while a woman became a "wife," implying that her identity was subsumed by her role as a spouse. This dynamic is further reflected in the Latin translation "vir et uxor," where vir is typically translated as "man" rather than "husband."
However, societal norms and attitudes have evolved, and modern couples often prefer more equitable language that reflects their values. The phrase "husband and wife" is increasingly used in contemporary wedding ceremonies to emphasize equality and mutuality in marriage. This shift away from "man and wife" acknowledges that both partners bring their unique identities to the union, challenging the historical notion of a woman's personhood being diminished upon marriage.
The evolution of language surrounding marriage also extends to same-sex couples, where gendered terms like "husband" and "wife" may not apply or may be used interchangeably. For example, in a marriage between two women, they become each other's wives, challenging the traditional heteronormative implications of these terms.
While the traditional phrase "man and wife" has been a subject of scrutiny due to its historical connotations, the continued use of this phrase in some modern ceremonies suggests a complex interplay between tradition and changing societal norms. As attitudes toward gender equality evolve, the language of marriage ceremonies adapts to reflect a more inclusive and egalitarian vision of marriage.
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Frequently asked questions
In English, two people get married to each other. A man will marry his girlfriend, and a woman will marry her boyfriend. They become each other's spouses.
People of any gender can marry people of any other gender. A woman can marry a woman, and a man can marry a man.
Plural marriage, or polygamy, is where one person has multiple spouses. Polyandry is when a woman has multiple husbands, and polygyny is when a man has multiple wives.
