Deborah Chan
Wedding vows are a crucial part of the wedding ceremony, and couples have the option to choose between traditional vows and personalised ones. Traditional vows are passed down through generations and are a great way to honour one's heritage and culture. They typically include promises to love, honour, and cherish each other, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, and in good times and bad. On the other hand, personalised vows allow couples to customise their promises and express their unique love story. The decision to use traditional or personalised vows depends on the couple's preferences, and some even choose to incorporate elements of both. Ultimately, the choice of wedding vows is a personal decision that reflects the couple's relationship and values.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Vows | I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [lawfully wedded] [wife/husband/partner], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. |
| Traditional vows can be modified to be more personalised. | |
| Response | "I do" or "I will" |
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What You'll Learn
Traditional wedding vows
The structure and wording of traditional wedding vows vary depending on the couple's religion and the specific ceremony. For example, in a Catholic wedding, the vows may take the following form:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do part.
In a Protestant Christian wedding, the vows may be as follows:
> In the name of God, I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [husband/wife], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.
In a Jewish wedding, the key moments are the ring exchange and the Seven Blessings, often recited in Hebrew. The couple may say the following words as they exchange rings:
> Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel.
In a Muslim wedding ceremony, or nikkah, the couple typically does not exchange vows. Instead, the imam or cleric provides a short sermon and marital blessing before the newlyweds offer their consent. However, if a Muslim couple chooses to include a vow exchange, the bride may say:
> I, [name], offer you myself in marriage in accordance with the instructions of the Holy Quran and the Holy Prophet, peace and blessing be upon him. I pledge, in honesty and with sincerity, to be for you an obedient and faithful wife.
Hindu weddings are steeped in customs and traditions. The exchange of vows is known as the saptapadi, or "seven steps," and typically follows the exchange of floral garlands. As the couple walks around the flame honouring Agni, the Hindu fire god, they recite the following:
> Let us take the first step to provide for our household a nourishing and pure diet, avoiding those foods injurious to healthy living. Let us take the second step to develop physical, mental, and spiritual powers. Let us take the third step to increase our wealth by righteous means and proper use. Let us take the fourth step to acquire knowledge, happiness, and harmony by mutual love and trust.
These are just a few examples of traditional wedding vows from different cultures and religions. Couples may choose to recite these vows verbatim or use them as a starting point to personalize their own wedding vows.
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Personalised vows
Personalised wedding vows are a great way to showcase your love and commitment to your partner. They can be serious, funny, romantic, or a mix of all three! Here are some tips and examples to help you craft your own personalised vows:
Tips for Writing Personalised Vows:
- Start early and take breaks: Writing personalised vows can be overwhelming, so give yourself plenty of time. Don't try to write them in one sitting; take breaks and come back to them with fresh eyes.
- Include personal touches: Make your vows unique to your relationship. Share a funny story, a sentimental anecdote, or a romantic movie quote.
- Make concrete promises: While it's good to include heartfelt emotions, don't forget to make concrete promises that you intend to keep. These could be serious, such as vowing to support each other through thick and thin, or lighthearted, like promising to be the one to kill spiders.
- Involve your partner: Discuss with your partner if you both want to write personalised vows. Agree on the length, tone, and content to ensure your vows complement each other.
- Get help: Consider sharing your vows with a trusted person, like your best man or maid of honour, to get feedback and ensure they match in length and tone.
Examples of Personalised Vows:
- "I, [name], take you, [partner's name], to be my lawfully wedded [wife/husband]. I promise to laugh with you in times of joy and comfort you in times of sorrow. I will share in your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals. In sickness and in health, until death do us part."
- "I promise to be your partner in all things, your biggest fan, and your honest critic. I vow to support your dreams and goals and to create a home filled with love and laughter. I will be your confidant and companion throughout our journey together."
- "I, [name], pledge you, [partner's name], my love, for as long as I live. What I possess in this world, I give to you. I will keep you, comfort you, protect you, and shelter you for all the days of my life."
- "I promise to always choose you and to stand by your side through all of life's adventures. I will laugh with you, cry with you, grow with you, and create memories with you. I choose you as my partner and my best friend, today and every day."
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Religious vows
Religious wedding vows are often tailored to the couple's specific beliefs and relationship. They can be written by the couple themselves or chosen from a selection of traditional vows. Here are some examples of religious vows:
Christian Wedding Vows
"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded husband/wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live. I promise, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband/wife."
"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my husband/wife, to live with you together in marriage, guided each step by His love and light. I promise to respect, trust, support, and cherish you, and I will be worthy of the same in return. I will forgive you as we have been forgiven, and I will share my life with you, honestly and openly."
"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded husband/wife, and I promise before God and these witnesses that I will be your faithful and loving spouse. I will trust in our commitment and share my life with you. Together, we will laugh, cry, grow, and dream. I will honour, challenge, and respect you. I will be honest, compassionate, and loyal."
Biblical Wedding Vows
"I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth."
"Wilt thou have this man/woman to be thy wedded husband/wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love, honour, and keep him/her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, so long as ye both shall live?" The response to this question is, "I will."
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Secular vows
Secular wedding vows, also known as non-religious wedding vows, are a meaningful way for couples to express their love and commitment to each other. There are no rules for what to include in secular vows, and couples are free to personalise their vows to reflect their unique relationship. Here are some examples of secular vows:
Example 1
"I see these vows not as promises but as privileges: I get to laugh with you and cry with you; care for you and share with you. I get to run with you and walk with you; build with you and live with you. Anywhere I go, you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling."
Example 2
"I vow to trust and respect you, to value your opinions and perspective. I vow to listen, laugh, and lounge with you – the three l’s that really matter. And I promise to be beside you through all of life’s challenges and adventures, big and small. Never standing against you, but for you, and for us. I choose you, and I choose us, for the rest of our lives."
Example 3
"I promise to love you, to protect and care for you, and to be patient and understanding, to support you, and to always be faithful to you. I will be your friend and companion, and I will share my life with you, through good times and bad times, as long as we both shall live."
Example 4
"You cannot possess me for I belong to myself, but while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give. You cannot command me, for I am a free person. But I shall serve you in those ways you require, and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand. I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night, and the eyes into which I smile in the morning."
When writing secular vows, couples may choose to incorporate readings, music, and personal touches to make their ceremony unique and memorable. It is also recommended to set a timeline for completing the vows, organise practice sessions, and prepare backups to ensure a smooth and stress-free wedding day.
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The ring exchange
The Vows
During the ring exchange, the couple takes turns placing the wedding ring on each other's finger. The ring is a symbol of their commitment and love, and the act of exchanging rings signifies the couple's willingness to be bound to each other. The rings are usually placed on the left hand's ring finger, which is believed to contain a vein connected directly to the heart.
The Words
While exchanging the rings, the couple may say traditional or personalized words. Traditional phrases include "With this ring, I wed you and pledge my love to you forever," or "This ring I give you as a token of our constant faith and abiding love." Personalized words allow the couple to express their unique feelings and may include references to their journey, shared memories, or future dreams.
Religious Variations
For religious weddings, the ring exchange may be incorporated into the faith's traditional vows. For example, in Christian weddings, the phrase "In the name of God, I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am and all that I have, I honor you, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit," is often used. In Jewish weddings, the ring exchange is accompanied by traditional vows such as "Do you, [name], take [name] to be your wife/husband, promising to cherish and protect each other, whether in good fortune or adversity, and to seek a life blessed by the faith of Israel."
Double-Ring Ceremonies
In some weddings, both partners exchange rings, known as a double-ring ceremony. In this case, each partner takes turns reciting their vows and placing the ring on their beloved's finger, using the same traditional or personalized words.
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Frequently asked questions
No, there are no magic words when it comes to wedding vows. You can say "I do", "I will", or anything else that feels right to you.
Traditional wedding vows are those that have been passed down for generations and often include religious references. There are different traditional vows for various cultures and religions, including Christian, Viking, Jewish, Buddhist, and more. Traditional vows typically include promises to love, honour, and cherish one another, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, and so on.
Absolutely! Writing your own vows allows you to customise what you want to say to your partner. You can start with a traditional vow as a template and modify it to make it your own, or you can write something entirely unique.
One example of a traditional wedding vow is: "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband]. I promise to love and cherish you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, keep myself only unto you, for so long as we both shall live."
