Junior Rasmussen
The wedding tradition of giving away the bride has evolved over the years. Historically, a woman was viewed as the property of her father, who would physically place his daughter's hand into the hand of her suitor, transferring ownership to her new husband. Nowadays, the bride may be escorted by either parent, a sibling, grandparent, or close friend, and the moment is seen as a meaningful exercise rather than an exchange of property. Couples may choose to hold hands during the ceremony, as a way to calm nerves and symbolise their union.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Holding hands during the ceremony | To calm nerves, show unity, and for better photos |
| Who holds the bouquet? | The Maid of Honour (MOH) |
| Who gives the bride away? | The father, mother, or both parents of the bride |
| Who is the bride given to? | The groom |
| What does the officiant say? | "Who gives this woman to be married today?" or "Who gives this woman (the bride) to this man (the groom) today?" |
| What does the father say? | "I do" or "Her mother and I do" |
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What You'll Learn
Holding hands at the altar
There is no etiquette for this, and couples should do what feels right for them. Some couples may choose to hold hands for the entire ceremony, while others may opt to hold hands only during certain portions of it. If you are nervous about what to do with your hands, consider holding your partner's hand. You can also ask your maid of honour or bridesmaid to hold your bouquet so that your hands are free.
If you are unsure, it is a good idea to rehearse different positions during your wedding rehearsal to see what feels most comfortable. You can also discuss this with your officiant, who may be able to include a lighthearted line about taking each other's hands during the ceremony.
The tradition of holding hands at the altar may be linked to the idea of "asking for her hand in marriage". This phrase originates from the concept of joining together, symbolised by holding hands, and the physical act of placing a ring on the hand during the ceremony. In some cultures, the suitor would ask the woman's father for permission to marry her, and the father would signify his consent by physically placing his daughter's hand into the suitor's hand.
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Who gives this woman away?
The tradition of "giving away the bride" is a common part of weddings, but its roots are antiquated and problematic. Historically, the father of the bride would walk his daughter down the aisle and "give her away" to her soon-to-be spouse, representing a transfer of ownership from her father to her new husband. Thankfully, this meaning has evolved, and today, the tradition is viewed very differently.
When the bride arrives at the front, accompanied by her father or another family member, the officiant may ask, "Who gives this woman to be married today?" This question can be modified to be more inclusive and modern. For example, the officiant can ask, "Who gives their blessing for this union?" or "Who supports this couple in their commitment to each other?".
The person accompanying the bride can be her father, mother, both parents, a brother, a stepfather, an uncle, a grandparent, or a close friend. Ultimately, it is up to the couple to decide who should fulfil this role. Some couples may choose to walk down the aisle together, symbolising their mutual decision to come together as a family.
The "giving away" tradition can be personalised or omitted entirely. For example, the couple may prefer a simple handshake or hug between the bride's father and the groom, or they may opt to skip the question altogether and leave a moment for the father to embrace his daughter.
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The history of asking for a woman's hand in marriage
The tradition of asking for a woman's hand in marriage has evolved significantly over time. In the Middle Ages, a man would have to ask a nobleman for permission to marry his daughter, becoming his right-hand person and protector. This practice stems from old European pagan marriage rituals where the groom and bride hold hands, and an officiator wraps a cloth around their hands, symbolically binding them together.
The expression "asking for her hand in marriage" may also originate from the tradition of handfasting, where a couple's hands are bound together to symbolise their union. This tradition is likely the source of the phrase "tying the knot".
Over time, the concept of a woman's hand in marriage came to represent her transfer from the ownership of her father to her new husband. The father of the bride walking his daughter down the aisle and giving her away to the groom is an antiquated practice that has evolved to hold different meanings for modern couples.
Today, the tradition of giving away the bride is often reinterpreted to suit the couple's beliefs and family dynamics. Some brides choose to walk down the aisle alone or with their partner, symbolising their mutual decision to come together as a family. Others opt for both parents or their entire immediate family to accompany them. Ultimately, the decision of who gives the bride away, if anyone at all, rests with the couple.
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Alternatives to the father walking the bride down the aisle
The tradition of the father walking the bride down the aisle is not always a possibility for brides. Some brides have two mothers, a father who has passed away, or are not close with their father. In addition, some brides do not feel comfortable with the tradition of being "given away" by their father. Here are some alternatives to the father walking the bride down the aisle:
Walking down the aisle with the groom
Walking down the aisle with the groom is a way to symbolise the unity of their partnership. This option can be a fun twist on the traditional walk down the aisle, where the couple walks down the aisle separately but at the same time, entering from either side of the altar.
Walking down the aisle with the mother
Many brides are just as close with their mothers, and some are raised by single mothers. Walking down the aisle with the mother can be a wonderful way to honour her and give her a bigger role in the ceremony.
Walking down the aisle with both parents
In Jewish weddings, it is traditional for both parents to accompany the bride down the aisle, with the father on the bride's left arm and the mother on the right. This option can also be chosen by brides of other religious backgrounds to include both parents in the ceremony.
Walking down the aisle alone
The bride can choose to walk down the aisle alone, without a parent or partner. This option can be a way to surprise guests and shake up the status quo.
Other alternatives
There are many other ways to include loved ones in the ceremony if the bride does not want to walk down the aisle with her father. For example, the bride can wear something that belonged to a loved one, such as a piece of jewellery or a handkerchief, or light a candle in memory of a loved one. The bride can also choose to include a special reading or poem during the ceremony to honour a loved one or include a moment of silence to pay tribute to them.
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What to do with your hands during the ceremony
There are several options for what to do with your hands during the wedding ceremony.
One option is to hold your partner's hands. This can be a way to calm nerves and symbolise your union. You could hold hands throughout the entire ceremony, or just during certain portions of it. If you have a bouquet, you could pass it to your maid of honour so that your hands are free.
If you don't want to hold hands, you could simply let them hang by your sides. Alternatively, you could incorporate a handshake or hug between the person giving the bride away and the groom.
There is no right or wrong way to stand during the ceremony, and you should do whatever feels most comfortable for you. If you are having a rehearsal, you could try out different positions to see what feels best.
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Frequently asked questions
The phrase "do you take this woman's hand" is a traditional expression used during a wedding ceremony when a bride is given away by her father or parents, symbolizing her transfer from her father's custody to her new husband. This practice has evolved, and today, it signifies the bride's choice to join hands with her partner and start a life together.
Traditionally, the father of the bride walks his daughter down the aisle and gives her away to the groom. However, modern weddings allow for flexibility, and the bride may choose to be escorted by her mother, a close relative, or even walk down the aisle with her partner.
Holding hands during the wedding ceremony is not mandatory. Some couples choose to hold hands as a way to calm their nerves, symbolize their union, and create visually appealing moments. Others may opt to hold their bouquet or simply keep their hands at their sides. Ultimately, it is a personal preference.
Instead of the traditional phrase, you can modify it to include both the bride's and groom's names, making it more personal. For example, "Who gives this woman, [Bride's name], to be married to [Groom's name] today?" This variation acknowledges the individuals involved and feels more contemporary.
