Deborah Chan
The phrase do you take [name] to be your lawfully wedded [wife/husband]? is part of the traditional wedding vows exchanged between partners during a wedding ceremony. The exact phrasing and content of these vows can vary depending on cultural, religious, and personal preferences. While vows are not legally required for a wedding, they are considered a significant expression of commitment, pledging to love, honour, and support each other through life's joys and challenges. Some couples opt for traditional vows, while others personalise their vows to align with their unique beliefs and relationship dynamics. Ultimately, the declaration of intent, whether traditional or customised, is a powerful testament to the love and devotion shared between two individuals embarking on a lifelong journey together.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Format | Question-answer |
| Pronouns | Vows can be made in the first or second person |
| Customisation | Couples can choose to use traditional vows, modify them, or write their own |
| Spirituality | Some couples include religious references, while others do not |
| Level of formality | Vows can be traditional, contemporary, or casual |
| Specific promises | To love, to cherish, to honour, to obey, to support, to provide for, to care for, to be faithful, etc. |
| Rings | Couples often exchange rings as a symbol of their commitment |
| Witnesses | Vows are usually made before family and friends |
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What You'll Learn
'To have and to hold'
The phrase "to have and to hold" is a traditional element of wedding vows, though modern couples may choose to modify or omit this phrase. The phrase is often included in the declaration of intent, which is required for a legal wedding ceremony.
The "to have and to hold" phrase can be traced back to the medieval church and the Sarum Rite of the Catholic Church. It is still used in modern wedding vows, often as part of the question: " [Name], do you take [name] to be your lawfully wedded [wife/husband/spouse/partner]*, to have and to hold*, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part?"
This phrase is a powerful symbol of the couple's commitment to each other and their intention to accept their partner completely, embracing their talents, flaws, dreams, and failures as part of themselves forever. It is a rejection of all others and a promise of exclusivity.
Some couples may choose to modify the traditional "to have and to hold" phrase to make it more personal or contemporary. For example, it could be changed to: "Do you take this person to be your lawfully wedded spouse, to have and to hold from this day forward, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, for as long as you both shall live?"
Ultimately, the inclusion and wording of "to have and to hold" in wedding vows are up to the couple's personal preferences and beliefs.
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'In sickness and in health'
"In sickness and in health" is a traditional part of Western Christian marriage vows, where the couple pledges to care for each other through any challenges that life may bring. This phrase is a solemn promise to support and cherish one another, regardless of the circumstances.
When saying these words, a couple is committing to a lifelong partnership, promising to stand by each other through both the good and the bad. This includes any potential physical or mental health issues, financial difficulties, emotional struggles, or any other challenges that may arise over the course of their lives together. It is a recognition that life will not always be easy, but that they will face these challenges together and support each other unconditionally.
This phrase is a reminder that marriage is a bond that endures through all of life's ups and downs. It signifies a deep level of commitment and loyalty, and the promise to provide care, comfort, and support when it is needed most. Whether it is a short-term illness or a long-term chronic condition, the couple vows to be there for each other, to provide strength and comfort, and to seek the necessary help and support to navigate any difficulties they may encounter.
By including "in sickness and in health" in their wedding vows, a couple acknowledges that their love and dedication will remain steadfast, no matter what life brings. It is a powerful statement of their devotion and a promise to prioritize their partner's well-being, even in the face of adversity. This phrase underscores the seriousness and depth of the commitment they are making to one another.
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'For richer, for poorer'
The phrase "for richer, for poorer" is a traditional part of wedding vows, often included in the declaration of intent. It is a promise that the couple will stay together and support each other regardless of their financial situation. This is a significant vow, as financial issues are a common source of stress and conflict in relationships. By including this phrase, the couple is pledging to love and support each other even if their financial circumstances change.
The traditional wedding vow, often spoken by the officiant, goes as follows:
" [Name], do you take [name] to be your lawfully wedded [wife/husband/spouse]? Do you promise to love and cherish them, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto them, for as long as you both shall live?"
The response to this declaration is typically "I do" or "I will", solidifying the commitment between the couple. This phrase acknowledges that financial stability is not guaranteed and that the couple will face both prosperous and challenging times. It is a reminder that true commitment means sticking together through all life's ups and downs.
Some couples may choose to modify or omit this phrase to match their personal beliefs or financial independence. For example, they may prefer to focus on other aspects of their relationship or address financial matters in a prenuptial agreement. However, the traditional "for richer, for poorer" vow remains a powerful testament to a couple's dedication and willingness to face life's challenges as a team.
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'For better, for worse'
The phrase "for better, for worse" is a traditional part of wedding vows, where one partner asks the other: " [Name], do you take [name] to be your lawfully wedded [wife/husband]... for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health... so long as you both shall live?".
This phrase is meant to acknowledge that there will be good times and bad times in the marriage, and that the couple is pledging to stick together through it all. "For better" can refer to times when finances are plentiful, children are healthy, love is abundant, and life goals are being achieved. "For worse" can refer to financial hardship, emotional tolls, infertility, loss of affection, and unfulfilled dreams.
It's important to note that "for worse" does not mean enduring abuse, infidelity, manipulation, or any form of neglect. It refers to the hardships that life may bring and the commitment to support each other through them. Some couples may choose to modify these traditional vows to better reflect their personal beliefs and values.
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'Until death do us part'
The phrase "until death do us part" is often used in traditional wedding vows, signalling the seriousness and longevity of the commitment being made. The phrase is a powerful reminder of the enduring nature of the bond being forged between two people.
In the context of wedding vows, "until death do us part" signifies a promise to remain devoted and faithful to one's spouse until death separates them. It is a recognition that the marriage is intended to last a lifetime and beyond. This phrase is often included as part of the declaration of intent, which is typically recited by the officiant during the wedding ceremony.
The inclusion of "until death do us part" in wedding vows can be traced back to religious traditions, particularly within Christian denominations. For example, in the United States, Catholic wedding vows may include the phrase "until death do us part" as part of the couple's promise to love and cherish each other "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health". Similarly, in the Episcopal Church, wedding vows historically included a reference to death as the only acceptable end to a marriage, with the bride and groom pledging to remain together "until it shall please the Lord by death to separate us".
The specific wording of wedding vows, including the use of "until death do us part", may vary depending on the couple's personal preferences, cultural background, and religious beliefs. Some couples may opt for more contemporary or personalised vows that reflect their unique relationship and values.
However, regardless of the exact wording, the sentiment behind "until death do us part" remains a powerful expression of commitment, signifying a lifelong promise of love, devotion, and faithfulness between two people.
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Frequently asked questions
The traditional wedding vow is as follows:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [wife/husband]. I promise to love and cherish you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, keep myself only unto you, for so long as we both shall live.
Yes, you can modify the traditional wedding vow to make it more personalised. For example, you can say:
> Do you, [name], promise to be [name]'s friend? To comfort them and to listen to them? To celebrate their successes and to support their struggles? To love, respect, and tenderly care for them through all the days of your life?
The declaration of intent is a legally required statement for a wedding ceremony. It usually goes as follows:
> Do you take this person to be your lawfully wedded [wife/husband]/spouse/partner? Do you promise to love and cherish them, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, for as long as you both shall live?
Yes, you can include religious references in your wedding vow. For example, you can say:
> Under the eyes of God, I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [wife/husband]. Do you promise to support and love me unconditionally, so long as we both shall live?
