Deborah Chan
Do you take thee to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband? is a phrase commonly used in wedding vows, also known as marriage vows, which are promises each partner makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. The vows are a crucial part of the wedding, as they represent the couple's commitment to each other and their promise to uphold their duties as spouses. The specific wording of the vows can vary depending on the couple's preferences, cultural heritage, and religious beliefs, but the fundamental idea of pledging love, support, and faithfulness remains consistent across different traditions.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Nature of the vow | To take someone to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband |
| Who says it | Minister, groom, bride |
| Variations | I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded [wife/husband] |
| I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded [wife/husband] | |
| Do you take [name] to be your lawfully wedded [wife/husband]? | |
| I do | |
| I declare that I know of no legal reason why I [name] may not be joined in marriage to [name] | |
| Are you [name] free lawfully to marry [name]? I am | |
| I [name] take you/thee [name] to be my wedded [wife/husband] | |
| I, [name], take you, [name], for my lawful [wife/husband] | |
| I, [name], take thee, [name], for my lawful [wife/husband] | |
| I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health | |
| I will love and honour you all the days of my life | |
| I promise to love and cherish you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, keep myself only unto you, for so long as we both shall live | |
| I promise to be your faithful partner, to stand by your side through thick and thin, and to love and support you for all eternity |
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What You'll Learn
'To have and to hold'
"To have and to hold" is a phrase often used in traditional wedding vows in English-speaking countries. The full vow, as practised by many Christian denominations, goes as follows:
> I, [name], take you, [name of bride/groom], to be my wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy will; and I pledge to you my faithfulness.
The phrase "to have and to hold" has been interpreted in various ways throughout history. Literally, the phrase could refer to having possession or ownership over someone, which may have been the original intention centuries ago when women were often considered property. However, in modern times, the interpretation has shifted to a symbolic sense of belonging and unity rather than legal possession. In this context, "to have and to hold" signifies giving all of oneself to the other person and treating that gift with utmost care, love, and cherishing.
The phrase "to have and to hold" is also often considered in conjunction with the other components of the vow, such as "for better or for worse," "for richer or for poorer," and "in sickness and in health." These additional clauses emphasise the commitment, dedication, and endurance required in a marriage, where the act of "holding" someone may take on a more metaphorical meaning of supporting and caring for them through life's challenges.
Overall, "to have and to hold" in the context of wedding vows is a powerful phrase that contributes to the depth and significance of the promises exchanged between the bride and groom.
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'For better, for worse'
The phrase "for better, for worse" is a common part of traditional wedding vows, and it is a promise that speaks to the very heart of the commitment being made. It is a pledge to stand together through life's challenges and joys, to endure hardship, and to share in life's triumphs.
"For better" is a promise to love, honour, and cherish one another in the good times. It is a commitment to find and foster happiness, to celebrate achievements, and to support and encourage each other's dreams and ambitions. In the good times, partners should strive to enhance each other's lives, bringing out the best in one another and sharing a sense of joy and contentment.
"For worse" acknowledges that life will inevitably bring challenges and that there will be difficult times ahead. It is a promise to stand together, to face adversity as a team, and to support each other through sickness, hardship, and sadness. This part of the vow is about endurance and resilience, and it speaks to the strength of the bond between the couple.
This phrase also speaks to the practical aspects of marriage. It is a recognition that there will be mundane tasks, financial worries, and the everyday realities of sharing a life together. It is a promise to work together through the routine and the ordinary, as well as the extraordinary.
Ultimately, "for better, for worse" is about embracing the entirety of married life. It is a commitment to share and support each other through all of life's experiences, to weather the storms and enjoy the sunshine together. It is a powerful statement of devotion and a cornerstone of the marriage vows.
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'For richer, for poorer'
The phrase "for richer, for poorer" is a traditional part of Christian marriage vows, and is often included in wedding ceremonies of a variety of faiths and cultures. It is a promise that acknowledges the unpredictability of life and the potential for financial ups and downs. This vow signifies a commitment to stay together and support each other regardless of financial status or material possessions.
When a couple recites "for richer, for poorer," they are making a pledge to weather any financial challenges that may arise during their marriage. This includes situations of financial abundance as well as periods of financial hardship. By including this vow in their wedding ceremony, the couple expresses their willingness to face these fluctuations as a united front, valuing their relationship above material wealth or social status.
The "for poorer" aspect of the vow acknowledges that there may be times when the couple faces financial difficulties, such as unemployment, debt, or unexpected expenses. During such times, the couple promises to support and comfort each other, make sacrifices if necessary, and find creative solutions together. It is a reminder that their commitment to each other is more important than the money they have or the possessions they own.
On the other hand, "for richer" celebrates the potential for financial abundance and success in their lives together. It acknowledges that their financial situation may improve, whether through career advancements, wise investments, or unexpected windfalls. In reciting this vow, the couple promises to share in each other's successes and enjoy the fruits of their labor together. They also acknowledge the importance of financial responsibility, ensuring that their financial gains strengthen their bond rather than becoming a source of division.
Ultimately, the vow "for richer, for poorer" is a reminder that marriage transcends material circumstances. It encourages couples to prioritize their relationship above financial considerations and to navigate through both lean times and times of plenty with mutual support and unity. This aspect of the wedding vows fosters a mindset of resilience, adaptability, and unwavering dedication to one another throughout their married life together.
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'In sickness and in health'
The phrase "in sickness and in health" is a powerful and profound vow often spoken during wedding ceremonies. It is a promise that signifies a couple's commitment to stand by each other through all of life's challenges, particularly the unpredictable nature of health.
This vow is a recognition that life is uncertain and that illness or health issues can arise at any time. It is a promise to be a caregiver, a supporter, and an advocate for one's spouse during times of physical or mental health struggles. This includes everything from short-term illnesses to chronic conditions and mental health challenges.
When one partner falls ill, the healthy partner takes on the role of caregiver. This can include providing physical care, such as helping with daily tasks or administering medication, and emotional support, such as offering comfort, encouragement, and understanding. It may also involve advocating for one's spouse by coordinating medical care, communicating with healthcare professionals, and making informed decisions together.
Additionally, the vow "in sickness and in health" also speaks to the importance of prioritizing one's own health. It is a reminder that self-care is not selfish but essential to being the best partner one can be. Taking care of one's physical and mental well-being ensures the strength and resilience needed to support a spouse during their health struggles.
Ultimately, this vow is about embracing the reality that life brings both joys and challenges. It is a promise to face these challenges together, to support and uplift each other, and to navigate the unpredictable path of health and illness as a team. It speaks to the very core of a committed relationship, where love and dedication endure through life's twists and turns.
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'Till death do us part'
The phrase "till death do us part" is a common element of traditional Christian wedding vows. It signifies the seriousness and weight of the commitment being made—a lifelong promise to be each other's husband or wife.
In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may take the following form:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
The exact wording varies across different Christian denominations and cultures. For example, traditional Viking wedding vows include a reference to "the strength of Thor's hammer", while traditional Pagan vows mention "life and beyond".
The concept of "till death do us part" is also present in Quaker marriage declarations, which have been recognised by the state in the UK since the Marriage Act of 1753:
> Man: Friends, in the fear of the Lord, and before this assembly, I take my friend AB to be my wife, promising, through divine assistance, to be unto her a loving and faithful husband, until it shall please the Lord by death to separate us.
Regardless of the specific words used, the essence of "till death do us part" is a solemn pledge to remain united with one's spouse for life. It is a reminder that marriage is not just a social contract but a sacred bond, instituted by God, as stated in Genesis 2:18: "It is not good for man to be alone".
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Frequently asked questions
"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy will; and I pledge to you my faithfulness."
Traditional Jewish ceremonies do not include spoken wedding vows. Instead, the ring exchange and seven blessings (Sheva B'rachot) represent the marriage contract. However, traditional Conservative Jewish wedding vows include: "Do you, ___, take_____ to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband, promising to cherish and protect her/him, whether in good fortune or in adversity, and to seek together with her/him a life hallowed by the faith of Israel?"
"I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith."
