George Boyle
The phrase do you take [name] to be your lawfully wedded wife? is part of the wedding vows that are exchanged between the bride and groom during a wedding ceremony. Wedding vows are promises that spouses make to each other on their wedding day, and they vary across different religions and cultures. For example, in the United States, Catholic wedding vows may take the form of I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Tone | Formal |
| Language | Old English |
| Structure | Question, followed by a statement |
| Content | A promise to love, honour, and cherish, in good times and bad, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, and to be faithful |
| Response | "I do" |
| Modifications | Variations include adding "to have and to hold", "until death do us part", "according to God's holy will", and "I will" as a response |
| Legalities | The phrase "lawfully wedded" refers to the legal recognition of the marriage |
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What You'll Learn
Love and honour
The concept of "love and honour" is integral to the wedding vows of many cultures and religions. For example, in traditional Catholic wedding vows, the couple may say:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my husband/wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honour you all the days of my life.
In the United States, Catholic vows may also include the phrase:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
Similarly, traditional Protestant Christian vows often include the line:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my husband/wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death.
In Reform Jewish weddings, the vows may be:
> I, [name], take [name] to be my husband/wife, promising to cherish and protect him/her, whether in good fortune or in adversity, and to seek together with him/her a life hallowed by the faith of Israel.
While in Conservative Jewish weddings, the vows are:
> I, [name], take [name] to be my lawfully wedded husband/wife, to love, to honour and to cherish.
In the United Kingdom, the Church of England has traditionally recognised marriages conducted by Quakers, who may use vows such as:
> I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith.
In discussing their vows, couples may reflect on what it means to be each other's "lawfully wedded" spouse and how it will change their lives. This includes considering the legalities of marriage and the responsibilities that come with it.
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Faithfulness
The phrase "I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife/husband" is a common element of wedding vows in many cultures and religions. While the exact wording may vary, the core concept of pledging faithfulness and commitment is consistent across different traditions.
In Christian traditions, including Catholic, Protestant, and Episcopalian weddings, vows often include phrases such as "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." These words emphasise the couple's promise to remain faithful to each other through life's joys and challenges.
In Jewish weddings, the concept of faithfulness is also prevalent. Traditional Reform Jewish vows include a promise to ""cherish and protect" the spouse "whether in good fortune or in adversity." Similarly, Conservative Jewish vows emphasise loving, honouring, and cherishing one's spouse.
In Islamic weddings, the vows may be recited in accordance with the Holy Quran and the Prophet, with a pledge to be a "faithful and helpful" spouse.
Even in non-religious contexts, the idea of faithfulness is integral to wedding vows. For example, in civil marriage ceremonies in England and Wales, the declaration includes the phrase "to take thee to be my lawfully wedded wife/husband." This legal contract signifies a commitment to exclusivity and fidelity.
Expressing Faithfulness
The expression of faithfulness in wedding vows varies across cultures and beliefs. Here are some ways this commitment is articulated:
- Pledging Faith: In Christian weddings, couples often pledge their faith to each other, promising to remain devoted until "death do us part."
- Symbolism of Rings: The exchange of wedding rings is a powerful symbol of faithfulness. The circular shape of the ring represents eternity and the unending love and faithfulness between the couple.
- Divine Assistance: In some religious traditions, such as Quaker and Christian weddings, vows may include a reference to divine assistance, acknowledging that their commitment to faithfulness is strengthened and guided by their faith in God.
- Honour and Respect: Faithfulness is not just about exclusivity; it also involves treating your spouse with honour and respect. Vows may include promises to cherish, protect, and respect one another, reflecting a commitment to uphold the dignity and worth of one's partner.
- Love and Support: Faithfulness is often expressed through promises of unwavering love and support. Couples may vow to stand by each other through "thick and thin," offering comfort and companionship for life.
In conclusion, while the specific words and rituals may differ, the theme of faithfulness is a universal thread that binds wedding traditions across the world. Whether through religious devotion, legal commitment, or heartfelt promises, couples unite in a sacred bond, pledging to remain faithful and devoted to each other for a lifetime.
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For richer or poorer
The phrase "for richer or poorer" is a well-known part of traditional wedding vows. It is a promise that acknowledges that financial circumstances can change and is a pledge to stay committed to one's partner regardless of economic status. This vow is often included in wedding ceremonies across various religions, such as Jewish and Hindu weddings, and is also a part of interfaith and non-denominational ceremonies.
When including "for richer or poorer" in your wedding vows, it is essential to make the phrase your own and inject your unique perspective. This might involve reflecting on your relationship and the significance of this promise. For example, you could share a story or memory that highlights why this vow is important to you as a couple.
- "For richer or poorer, we will face our financial circumstances as a team, supporting each other and making decisions together."
- "I promise to be your partner in all things, including our financial journey. For richer or poorer, I will work alongside you to build a life we are proud of."
- "Our love is not dependent on material wealth. For richer or poorer, I will cherish you and our love will endure through any financial season we face."
- "I commit to being transparent about our finances, knowing that honesty is the foundation of a strong partnership. For richer or poorer, we will navigate our financial decisions with openness and mutual understanding."
- "In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, I will be by your side. Our financial state will not define us, but instead, strengthen our bond as we work together."
Remember, the most meaningful vows are those that reflect your unique bond as a couple. Feel free to customize and add personal touches to make them truly your own.
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In sickness and in health
When you say "in sickness and in health," you are vowing to care for your partner through any challenges that life may bring. This is a promise to stand by your spouse's side through thick and thin, whether they are physically or mentally unwell, or if they are in a state of perfect health. It is a commitment to be there for each other during life's ups and downs, providing support and love no matter what.
This phrase is a powerful reminder that marriage is not just about the good times, but also about weathering the storms together. It speaks to the idea that true love endures and overcomes even the most difficult circumstances. By including this in your wedding vows, you are making a profound pledge to nurture and support your partner emotionally, mentally, and physically throughout your lives together.
Standing by your spouse during their illness can take many forms. It may involve providing physical care, such as helping them with daily tasks or administering medication. It could mean offering emotional support, being a shoulder to cry on, or simply holding their hand through scary medical procedures. It also extends to advocating for your partner's health and well-being, ensuring they receive the best possible care and treatment.
Similarly, celebrating and supporting your spouse's health and well-being is crucial. This could mean encouraging them to pursue their passions, fostering their personal growth, or simply enjoying shared hobbies and experiences together. Creating a safe and nurturing environment where your partner feels valued, respected, and loved is essential. Taking care of your own health is also important, as your well-being is crucial to maintaining a healthy and happy marriage.
Ultimately, saying "in sickness and in health" is a profound commitment that speaks to the very core of unconditional love and support. It reminds us that marriage is a journey taken together through life's twists and turns and a promise to navigate those paths side by side. This phrase is a powerful testament to the enduring nature of love and the strength of the bond shared with your spouse.
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Until death do us part
The phrase "until death do us part" is a well-known and powerful component of traditional wedding vows. It signifies a profound commitment between two people, pledging to stay together through life's challenges and joys until death separates them. This phrase is often included in wedding ceremonies across various religious and non-denominational traditions, with slight variations in wording based on personal preferences and beliefs.
When including "until death do us part" in your vows, it is essential to consider the broader context of the phrase. This phrase is typically part of a larger declaration of lifelong devotion and mutual support. For example, the traditional vow often includes phrases such as "I, [name], take you, [partner's name], to be my lawfully wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
This broader context sets the tone and reinforces the seriousness of the commitment being made. It acknowledges that marriage is a journey that encompasses a range of experiences, from joyful moments to potential challenges and difficulties. By including these additional phrases, the couple expresses their willingness to embrace all facets of life together, come what may.
When crafting your own vows, you can personalize them to reflect your unique relationship and values. You might choose to include specific memories, expressions of love, humour, and stories that hold significance for you as a couple. However, it is important to strike a balance and keep the vows concise and impactful. While you want to include meaningful details, editing is crucial to ensure your vows hold your guests' attention and effectively convey the depth of your commitment.
Remember, the "until death do us part" phrase is just one element of the wedding vows. You can also incorporate other promises and affirmations that resonate with you, such as pledging to be a faithful and supportive partner, honouring shared values, or expressing your desire to create a loving and joyful home together. The key is to make your vows authentic and reflective of the special bond you share with your beloved.
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Frequently asked questions
Here are some examples of traditional wedding vows:
- "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
- "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy will; and I pledge to you my faithfulness."
- "Do you take [name] to be your lawfully wedded wife? If so, answer 'I do.'"
Couples can choose to modify traditional wedding vows in a variety of ways. For example, the response to the vows can be changed from "I do" to "I will." Couples can also choose to blend elements from different religious or cultural backgrounds to create unique vows that reflect their individual beliefs and values.
Yes, the law in England and other English-speaking countries requires the presence of witnesses and the civil registration of the marriage for it to be legally valid. In the United States, Catholic wedding vows typically include a declaration by the priest, who says aloud: "You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. What God has joined, men must not divide. Amen."
