Etiquette Guide: Last Names On Wedding Invites, Repeat Or Not?

There are a few schools of thought on whether to repeat last names on wedding invitations. Traditionally, the bride's parents host the wedding, so the bride's full name is listed first, followed by the groom's full name. However, same-sex couples may choose to list names in alphabetical order or based on which option sounds better. In the case of a couple with different last names, the outer envelope should include both partners' full names, with the woman's name listed first. Inner envelopes are more informal, so you can choose to include last names or not. If you're inviting a couple and one person has a distinguished title, such as a doctor, lawyer, or judge, that person's name should be listed first. Ultimately, it's up to you how you want to structure your wedding invitations, and you can choose to include or exclude last names based on your preference and the formality of the event.

Including last names for formality and to avoid confusion

Including last names on wedding invitations is a great way to maintain formality and avoid confusion for your guests. While modern invitations often feature only the first names of the couple, the traditional approach is to include last names, especially when the parents are included in the invitation wording. This is particularly important if your guest list includes people who may not know the couple well or if there are individuals with the same first name.

For example, if you are addressing an invitation to a married couple with the same last name, the outer envelope could be "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren." If they have different last names, the outer envelope would be "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez." In both cases, the inner envelope can be more informal, such as "Thomas and Michelle" or "Maria and David."

Including last names is also essential when addressing invitations to unmarried couples living together. In this case, each name gets its own line, and you can list the person you are closest with first or go in alphabetical order. For instance, the outer envelope could be "Mr. Aaron Triguiero" and "Mr. Gabriel Reyes."

Additionally, last names can be helpful for guests who are considering personalised gifts for the couple. By including last names, you provide guests with the information they need to make informed decisions about gift choices.

Alphabetical order for same-sex couples

When it comes to wedding invitation etiquette, there are a few general guidelines to follow, but ultimately, the rules are flexible and can be adjusted to fit your preferences. This is especially true when addressing same-sex couples, as there are no strict rules for same-sex wedding invitation wording etiquette. Here are some tips for addressing wedding invitations to same-sex couples in alphabetical order:

Unmarried Same-Sex Couples

If the couple is not married, traditional etiquette suggests addressing each person individually, regardless of their gender. Write each name on a separate line, just as you would for an unmarried opposite-sex couple. If the couple has different last names, the general format is as follows:

"Mr. [First Name] [Last Name]

Mr. [First Name] [Last Name]"

For example:

"Mr. Charles Adams

Mr. John Green"

If the couple has the same last name, you can use the French plural forms "Messrs." or "Mmes." For example:

"Messrs. Charles and John Green"

Or

"Mmes. Anna and Emily Andrews"

Alternatively, you can use the individual titles followed by their names:

"Mrs. Anna Andrews

Mrs. Emily Andrews"

Married Same-Sex Couples with Different Last Names

For married couples with different last names, both names are typically written on the same line and separated by the word "and." Many married same-sex couples choose to keep their last names, so this format is often the most appropriate. Here's an example:

"Mr. [First Name] [Last Name] and Mr. [First Name] [Last Name]"

For instance:

"Mr. Dan Brown and Mr. John Smith"

Married Same-Sex Couples with the Same Last Name

For married couples with the same last name, you can use the plural forms "Messrs." or "Mmes." For example:

"The Messrs. Dan and John Smith"

Or

"The Mesdames Amanda and Jane Williams"

Alternatively, you can use the individual titles followed by their names:

"Mr. Dan Smith and Mr. John Smith"

Or

"Mrs. Amanda Williams and Mrs. Jane Williams"

Alphabetical Order or Best Sounding Order?

When deciding the order of names for same-sex couples, you have two main options: alphabetical order or the order that sounds the best. Alphabetical order provides a structured and neutral approach, especially if there are no distinguished titles involved. However, if you prefer a more fluid structure, you can choose the order based on which combination of names sounds the best together.

Other Considerations

When addressing same-sex couples, it's important to consider their preferences and how they identify. Some same-sex couples may choose to keep their last names after marriage, so the format with separate last names may apply. Additionally, non-binary guests may prefer the gender-neutral title "Mx." Remember to double-check with your guests about their preferred titles and names before finalising the invitations.

Addressing married couples with the same last name

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples with the same last name, there are a few conventions to follow. Firstly, it is important to consider the couple's gender and their personal preferences. For heterosexual couples, the traditional format is "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's full name on the outer envelope. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren". However, this format may not be suitable for all heterosexual couples, as some women may prefer to have their names included instead of being "lumped in" with their husbands. In such cases, the outer envelope can be addressed as "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren".

For same-sex couples, either name can go first. It is also acceptable to list the person you are closest with first or go in alphabetical order if you are equally close to both guests. If you are inviting a married couple with the same last name, their names are usually written on the same line.

The inner envelope (if included) is more informal and can include only the couple's first names or a combination of their titles and last names. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle".

It is worth noting that modern etiquette allows for more flexibility, and you may choose to forgo titles and use only first and last names, especially if you feel that personal titles may be restrictive or exclusive for your guest list. Additionally, always consider the couple's preferred personal titles and double-check before incorporating them into your wedding invitations.

Addressing married couples with different last names

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples with different last names, it is recommended that their names are written on the same line, with the woman's name listed first. If the combined names are too long to fit on one line, list them separately. Here is an example of how to address the outer and inner envelopes for a heterosexual couple:

Outer envelope: "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez" or "Maria and David"

If the couple is same-sex, either name can go first. It is also acceptable to forgo titles and list their names separately, as shown in this example:

Outer envelope: "Celine Elgin and Jacqueline Purcell"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Elgin and Ms. Purcell" or "Celine and Jacqueline"

When addressing a married couple with different last names, the order of the names is generally based on alphabetical order or the level of closeness with each person. If one person has taken the other's surname, this can also be reflected in the addressing format.

Addressing married couples with hyphenated last names

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples with hyphenated last names, there are a few options to consider, depending on the couple's preferences and the level of formality desired. Here are some guidelines to help you with the addressing:

Outer Envelope (Formal):

• For a heterosexual couple, the outer envelope can be addressed as "Mr. [Husband's First Name] [Husband's Last Name] and Mrs./Ms. [Wife's First Name] [Wife's Maiden Name]-[Husband's Last Name]. For example, "Mr. Michael Jones and Mrs./Ms. Mary Smith-Jones". Using "Mrs." is not technically correct if a woman hyphenates her last name, so it is safer to use "Ms." unless you know her preference.
• For a same-sex couple, you can address the outer envelope as "Mr./Mx. [First Name] [Last Name] and Mr./Mx. [First Name] [Last Name]". For example, "Mr. Marcus Craft and Mr. Brian Crosby-Craft".

Inner Envelope (Informal):

• On the inner envelope, you can be more informal and use their first names only. For example, "Michael and Mary".
• If you want to include last names, you can refer to the couple as "Mr. [Husband's Last Name] and Mrs./Ms. [Wife's Maiden Name]-[Husband's Last Name]". For example, "Mr. Jones and Mrs./Ms. Smith-Jones".
• Alternatively, you can address them as "Mr. [Husband's First Name] and Mrs./Ms. [Wife's First Name]". For example, "Mr. Michael and Mrs./Ms. Mary".

General Guidelines:

• It is essential to consider the couple's preferences. Some women may be particular about their hyphenated last names and would prefer to be addressed using their full hyphenated name. Others may be more flexible and not mind being referred to by their husband's last name only.
• If you are unsure about the couple's preferences, it is best to err on the side of caution and use the full hyphenated name or stick to using "Ms." as it does not indicate marital status.
• The level of formality of your wedding can also guide your addressing choices. More formal weddings may call for the use of titles and last names, while more casual weddings may allow for the use of first names only.
• Remember that the outer envelope should be more formal and follow traditional etiquette, while the inner envelope can be more relaxed and informal.

Frequently asked questions