Understanding Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Plus Ones

Planning a wedding is no easy feat, and deciding who to invite can be a tricky task. One of the most common questions couples ask is who should get a plus-one. While there are no set rules, there are some best practices and etiquette guidelines to follow. A plus-one typically allows an invited guest to bring someone with them, usually a date or romantic partner. It is not always possible to accommodate a plus-one for every guest due to budget and space constraints, so which guests should you offer this option to?

How to address the envelope

When addressing wedding invitation envelopes, it's important to consider the formality of your wedding and your relationship with the invitee. Here are some detailed guidelines on how to address the envelopes:

Formal Weddings:

If you're having a formal wedding, traditional etiquette suggests using titles and full names. Here are some examples:

• For married couples: "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" or "Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Smith". Avoid using only the husband's full name, such as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith", as it may be considered sexist and offensive to some.
• For unmarried couples living together: List both individuals' full names on separate lines, with the invitee you're closest to first. For example, "Ms. Jane Smith" and on the line below, "Mr. John Doe".
• For divorced women who kept their married name: Address as "Mrs." or "Ms." followed by their full name, such as "Mrs. Jane Smith".
• For single or divorced men: Write the man's full name and title, such as "Mr. John Smith", on the outer envelope.
• For families with children under 18: On the outer envelope, list the parents' full names and titles. Children's names are listed by seniority on the inner envelope, omitting their last names.
• For families with children over 18: Each child over 18 should receive a separate invitation. List their names by seniority.
• For friends with a known plus-one: List your friend first, followed by their guest's full name on the line below.
• For friends with an unknown plus-one: Write your friend's full name followed by "and guest" in lowercase.

Informal Weddings:

If your wedding is more casual, you have more flexibility in how you address the envelopes. Here are some suggestions:

• Use first and last names without titles: "John and Mary Smith" or "John Smith and Mary Jones".
• For unmarried couples: Write both individuals' first and last names, regardless of gender. For example, "John Smith" and "Mary Jones".
• For divorced women or single women: Use their first and last names, such as "Jane Smith".
• For single or divorced men: Simply use their first and last name, like "John Smith".

General Tips:

• Avoid using initials, abbreviations, or ampersands (+). Spell out names, streets, and states in full.
• When addressing plus-ones, try to find out their full name instead of just writing "+1" or "and guest".
• If you're using double envelopes, the outer envelope can include titles and last names, while the inner envelope can have first names.
• Be mindful of different circumstances, such as unmarried couples with different last names or same-gender couples, and list their names alphabetically by last name.

Married, engaged and cohabiting guests

When it comes to wedding guest lists, it can be tricky to know what’s considered appropriate when it comes to plus-ones. However, there are some general rules of thumb to follow.

Married, Engaged, and Cohabiting Guests

Married, engaged, and cohabiting guests traditionally receive a plus-one. This is the case even if the couple getting married have never met the guest's spouse, fiancé(e), or live-in partner. It's important to acknowledge their commitment and treat guests as a "package deal".

Wedding Party Members

It is also customary to offer a plus-one to members of the wedding party. This is a way of showing appreciation for their time, support, and financial contributions throughout the wedding planning process and the wedding itself.

Other Considerations

Some other factors to consider when allocating plus-ones include:

• Out-of-town guests who may not know many other attendees are commonly given plus-one privileges so they don’t feel out of place or lonely.
• If only a few single people are invited, they may benefit from having a date at their side.
• If a guest is travelling a long way to attend and doesn’t know anyone apart from the couple, they may appreciate a plus-one.
• If a guest is close to the couple, such as a cousin, and has been in a long-term relationship, it is probably best to offer a plus-one, even if you haven't met their partner.

How to Address Invitations

When addressing invitations to married, engaged, and cohabiting guests, it is best to include the names of both partners on the outer and inner envelopes. If you are unsure of the relationship status of any of your guests, it’s best to use “invited guest” on the inner envelope.

Bridal party members

When it comes to bridal party members, it is generally considered good etiquette to offer a plus-one. This is because they have likely spent a lot of time, energy, and money supporting you in the lead-up to your wedding. Even if they don't plan to bring a date, it's a nice gesture to give them the option.

If you're worried about costs, it's worth remembering that weddings are about celebrating with your nearest and dearest. Your bridal party members are some of the people closest to you, so it makes sense to give them a plus-one. It's also a small token of appreciation for their efforts and support.

If you're concerned about numbers, it's a good idea to establish clear criteria for who gets a plus-one. For example, you could decide that only bridal party members and married, engaged, or cohabiting guests receive a plus-one. This will help you stick to your budget and ensure that your bridal party members feel appreciated.

When addressing the invitations, you can write "and guest" on the envelope or include a note saying, "You are invited to bring a guest." If you know the name of their partner, it's more formal to include their name on the invitation and any other wedding materials like seating charts and place cards.

Remember, it's your wedding, and there are no hard and fast rules. However, offering a plus-one to your bridal party members is a great way to show your appreciation and ensure they feel valued on your special day.

Additional guests

Deciding on the guest list for your wedding can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to plus-ones. Here are some tips to help you navigate the process of inviting additional guests:

Be Clear About Who Gets a Plus-One

It is generally accepted that married, engaged, and cohabiting guests receive a plus-one. It is also common courtesy to extend a plus-one to members of the bridal party, close family members, and outlier guests who won't know many other attendees. If you are inviting a couple who lives together, address the invitation to both of them by name. If they live separately, each person should receive their own invitation, ideally with their partner's name included.

Create an "A" and "B" List

If you are working with a limited guest list, create an ""A" list of guests who are offered a plus-one as a priority. Then, create a "B" list of guests who you would like to offer a plus-one to if your budget and venue capacity allow. This way, you can ensure that your closest friends and family have the option to bring a guest while still managing your guest list.

Choose the Right Wording

When addressing your invitations, use the wording "and guest" to indicate that a plus-one is invited. For example, "Mr. James R. Smith and guest." If you are inviting a couple, address the envelope with both names, such as "Mrs. Valerie Smith and Mrs. Hannah Woods." If you don't know the name of the plus-one, you can include "and guest" on the inner envelope or include a note inside the invitation.

Be Prepared for Requests

Even if you don't offer a plus-one to every guest, some people may still reach out to ask about bringing a guest. Have a kind and consistent response prepared, such as, "We'd love to include everyone, but our budget only allowed us to invite close friends and family. We hope you understand, and we really hope to see you there!" It is best to deliver this message over the phone or in person rather than via email.

Manage Your Guest List Proactively

To avoid last-minute surprises and potential stress, be proactive in managing your guest list. Include a space on your RSVPs for the primary guest to write the name of their plus-one. This will help you prepare a seating chart and reception place cards. It is also a good idea to follow up on any RSVPs that confirm a plus-one but don't provide a name for the additional guest.

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to plus-ones, and every wedding is different. Keep your budget, venue capacity, and your vision for the day in mind when making decisions about additional guests.

Seating arrangements

Be Mindful of Dynamics

When arranging your seating chart, be mindful of the dynamics between guests. For singles, there are few things more awkward than being seated between a married couple or a PDA-heavy pair. Instead of creating a "singles-only" table, which may give off the impression that you are corralling your single friends, try placing them between outgoing and friendly couples with whom they will likely get along. This will create a more communal feel to the event and help them meet people organically.

Avoid Drama

When considering your seating arrangements, take personalities and relationships into account to avoid unwanted drama at the reception. Seat guests or plus-ones away from others with whom they may have issues. As a couple celebrating your wedding, the last thing you want to worry about is guest drama.

Make Use of Online Tools

There are many online seating chart tools available to help you plan. Grab your guest list and make a mock seating chart to help you visualise the arrangements and identify any potential issues.

Be Clear in Your Invitations

When designing your invitations and RSVP cards, be clear about who is invited. Swap out the term "plus-one" for "invited guest" to add formality. Address the invitation to the primary guest's name and "invited guest", or address it to the primary guest only and include a plus-one note inside with the RSVP card. This will help you keep track of the number of guests and avoid surprises on the day.

Be Proactive

Make managing your guest list a priority. Be sure to include a space for the primary guest to write the name of their plus-one on the RSVPs. This will help you prepare seating charts and reception place cards, and cut out the possibility of a stranger or problem guest showing up at the last minute.

Frequently asked questions