Deborah Chan
The I do is a crucial part of the wedding ceremony, signifying the couple's verbal consent to enter into a lifelong commitment of marriage. While the specific words used in the ceremony can vary, the I do holds significant weight as it represents the couple's willingness to legally bind their lives and fortunes together. The I do is typically part of the Declaration of Intent, where the officiant asks the couple if they take each other as their lawful wedded spouses, promising to love and support each other through life's joys and challenges. This declaration is followed by the Pronouncement, where the officiant officially proclaims the couple as married. The I do is a powerful expression of consent and a pivotal moment in the ceremony, marking the start of a new chapter for the couple.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Legality | Requires a Declaration of Intent ("I do") |
| Vows | Not legally required but can be included |
| Pronouncement | Required for the officiant to make |
| Customisation | Flexible wording, structure, and rituals |
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What You'll Learn
The declaration of intent
- "Do you take this person to be your lawfully wedded spouse, to have and to hold from this day forward, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, for as long as you both shall live?"
- "Do you take [name] to be your lawful wedded [wife/husband/spouse/partner]? Do you promise to love and cherish [her/him/them], in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto [her/him/them], for so long as you both shall live?"
- "Do you, as a couple, promise to share in each other's good times as well as each other's hard times?"
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Wedding vows
While there are no specific words or phrases that are legally required in a wedding ceremony, couples must make their Declaration of Intent, which is often referred to as the "I do" section. This is the part of the ceremony where the couple verbally declares that they wish to enter into the marriage contract and intend to legally commit to one another.
Example 1
"I promise to never take you for granted and to love and cherish every single day that I have with you. And lastly, I have a secret vow that’s just for you… You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and more loved than you know. Together we will walk into the future side by side as partners, lovers, best friends, and as husband and wife. Together we can accomplish the life we dream of, because we are a team. You are my favorite person and I promise to love you and only you, forever."
Example 2
"I promise to never go in for those terrible cliché jokes about 'the ol' ball and chain', because I will always see you as the one who frees me, and never as a prison. I promise to feign offense every time you rip a big one, even though we both know it's really very funny, because I know how much it makes you laugh. I promise to do anything that I know will make you laugh, because that laugh is everything I ever wanted. I promise to love you through good times and bad. Through sickness, through health, through everything in between. I vow to be your lone candle, holding back the dark and igniting the stars. I promise all of these things, from now until forever, because you should have nothing less than my best."
Example 3
"I love all of your qualities and accept every part of you – just as you are. You are caring and devoted to raising our chonk children; you see a problem and don’t hesitate to fix it, you don’t mind getting your hands dirty – literally greased up if necessary. Above all, you openly share your feelings and thoughts. I vow to you that whenever you stop meal planning, I will cook creamy pasta and sch"...
Example 4
"For my vows, I shared how growing up I had the most beautiful example of marriage from my parents. A tidbit I shared was how my parents named me Hoàng-Kim, which means Golden Age, and I felt like every day Johnny was in my life, I felt like I was living in a Golden Age. I promised to make the best and right choices for us so our marriage would be like our own Golden Age."
Example 5
"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [wife/husband]. I promise to love and cherish you, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, for as long as we both shall live."
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Wedding officiant
A wedding officiant is a key part of a wedding and is responsible for making the marriage official. There are several types of wedding officiants, including religious officiants, professional officiants, and civil officiants. A religious officiant can be a priest, pastor, rabbi, or imam, while a civil officiant is often a judge or justice of the peace. Friends or family members can also officiate a wedding, as long as they are ordained or plan to be ordained.
The wedding officiant has several important duties, including:
- Mirroring the couple's desires and expectations: The officiant should meet with the couple to discuss their vision for the ceremony, including the tone, traditions, readings, and whether they want the ceremony to be funny or heartfelt.
- Creating a program: Based on the couple's wishes, the officiant creates a program for the ceremony, ensuring a smooth flow from one point to the next.
- Leading the rehearsal: The officiant leads the wedding rehearsal, ensuring that everyone involved understands their roles during the ceremony.
- Providing direction on the wedding day: On the day of the wedding, the officiant serves as the primary speaker, guiding the ceremony and ensuring it runs smoothly.
- Making the marriage legal: The officiant is responsible for ensuring the marriage is legally binding, which includes reminding the couple to obtain a marriage license and making the Pronouncement or Proclamation, declaring the couple officially and legally wed.
- Being an "anti-stress pill": The officiant should provide support and help alleviate any worries or stress that the couple may have leading up to and during the wedding.
- Involving the guests: The officiant should involve the guests in the ceremony, calling on them to be involved and focused on the ratification of the couple's union.
The wedding officiant also plays a crucial role in the "I do" section of the wedding ceremony, which is a necessary part of a legal wedding ceremony. The officiant recites the Declaration of Intent, asking the couple if they take each other as their lawfully wedded spouses and if they promise to love and support each other through various circumstances. The couple then responds with "I do," providing their verbal consent to the marriage.
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Wedding readings
While there are no specific words or phrases that are legally required to be used in a wedding ceremony, couples must make their Declaration of Intent, which is often in the form of "I do". This is the part of the ceremony where the couple verbally declares that they wish to enter into the marriage contract and intend to legally commit to one another.
Traditional wedding readings
Traditional wedding readings are often excerpts from famous love poems or literary works. For example, an excerpt from "A Blessing for a Wedding" by Jane Hirschfield:
> Today, let this light bless you
> With these friends let it bless you
> With snow-scent and lavender bless you
> Let the vow of this day keep itself wildly and wholly
> Spoken and silent, surprise you inside your ears
> Sleeping and waking, unfold itself inside your eyes
> Let its fierceness and tenderness hold you
> Let its vastness be undisguised in all your days
Or, an excerpt from "Song of the Open Road" by Walt Whitman:
> Allons! the road is before us!
> It is safe—I have tried it—my own feet have tried it well—be not detain’d!
> Let the paper remain on the desk unwritten, and the book on the shelf unopen’d!
> Let the tools remain in the workshop! let the money remain unearn’d!
> Let the school stand! mind not the cry of the teacher!
> Let the preacher preach in his pulpit!
Non-traditional wedding readings
Non-traditional wedding readings can be anything that suits the couple, from emotional to cute, romantic, funny, or philosophical. Here are some examples:
> You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving. The great acts of love are done by those who are habitually performing small acts of kindness. We pardon to the extent that we love. Love is knowing that even when you are alone, you will never be lonely again. And the great happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. Loved for ourselves. And even loved in spite of ourselves.
> I like you because when I am feeling sad, you don’t always cheer me up right away. Sometimes it is better to be sad… I like you because if I am mad at you, then you are mad at me too. It’s awful when the other person isn’t… I like you because I don’t know why but everything that happens is nicer with you. I can’t remember when I didn’t like you. It must have been lonesome then. I like you because because because I forget why I like you but I do.
> Love gives you a sense of security: when you’re walking down the street late at night and you have a leash on love, ain’t no one going to mess with you. Because crooks and muggers think love is unpredictable. Who knows what love could do in its own defense? On cold winter nights, love is warm. It lies between you and lives and breathes and makes funny noises. Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs. It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy. Love doesn’t like being left alone for long. But come home and love is always happy to see you. It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life, but you can never be mad at love for long.
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Wedding rituals
While no specific words or phrases are legally required to be used in a wedding ceremony, there are some rituals that are commonly included. One of the most important components of a wedding ceremony is the "Declaration of Intent" or "I do" section, where both individuals consent to get married. This is often done by asking: "Do you take [name] as your lawful/wedded [wife/husband/spouse/partner]??". The response is then "I do".
The "Declaration of Intent" can be worded in a variety of ways to match the couple's values and beliefs. For example, some couples prefer terms like "husband" or "wife", while others may opt for "spouse" or "partner". The ceremony may also include religious or secular language, traditional or contemporary wording, and individual or collective "I dos".
- Candle-lighting ritual: In this ritual, the couple (or their parents) light a common candle, known as the "Unity candle", from two individual candles, symbolizing their union. This ritual is often included in Christian, Catholic, and other religious ceremonies.
- Sand-pouring ritual: This is a variation of the candle-lighting ritual, where the couple pours sand from two individual containers into a single vase or vessel to symbolize their union. The sand can be from beaches that are special to the couple or colourful sand that creates a decorative item to display in their home.
- Wine ritual: In this ritual, the couple selects a special bottle of wine to put in a box during the ceremony. They then work together to hammer or seal the box closed. The celebrant explains that the wine will be opened and drunk on a special date in the future, such as their first or tenth wedding anniversary. Love letters can also be included in the box to be read when the wine is opened.
- "Jumping the broom": This ritual originated in the early 19th century when enslaved African Americans were not allowed to formally marry. It involves the couple jumping over a broom laid on the ground together, symbolizing a "brushing away" of the past and a fresh start.
- Ring-warming ritual: In this Irish tradition, the wedding rings are passed around the congregation to be "warmed up" by the guests before they are exchanged. Each guest holds the rings for a moment and sets an intention or wish for the couple.
- Group prayer: For couples whose relationship is anchored in their Christian faith, a group prayer can be a meaningful ritual to include in their wedding ceremony. This involves holding hands and gathering loved ones around the altar as the officiant leads the prayer.
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Frequently asked questions
Yes, the "I do" is a necessary part of the wedding ceremony. This is known as the Declaration of Intent, where the couple verbally declares that they wish to enter into the marriage contract and intend to legally commit to one another.
There is no standard format for the "I do" and couples can play with the wording to match their values. The traditional "I do" usually involves the officiant asking the couple if they take each other as their lawful wedded spouses, to have and to hold from that day forward, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth, for as long as they both shall live.
Yes, the "I do" can be replaced with "I will". Instead of "Do you take this person..." or "Do you promise to love...", the phrasing changes to "Will you take this person..." or "Will you promise to love...", and the response then becomes "I will".
Yes, the "I do" is part of the Declaration of Intent, which is a legally required part of the wedding ceremony. Vows, on the other hand, are not legally required and can be shared privately outside of the ceremony or skipped entirely. Vows usually involve telling the other person why you love them, sharing your history as a couple, and making promises about your relationship going forward.
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