Planning A Wedding: When To Keep Calm And Carry On

Planning a wedding can be stressful, and the COVID-19 pandemic has added a new layer of complexity for couples. With constantly changing guidelines and infection rates, it can be challenging to make decisions about your big day. Many couples have had to postpone, cancel, or downscale their weddings, and the uncertainty can be overwhelming. However, some couples have successfully tied the knot during the pandemic by adapting traditions, such as hosting outdoor bridal showers or virtual celebrations, and implementing safety measures like requiring vaccinations and providing COVID-19 testing for guests. For those planning destination weddings, staying informed about travel restrictions and local regulations is crucial. Ultimately, the decision to continue with wedding plans rests with the couple, who must weigh their vision for their special day with the responsibility of keeping guests safe.

It's okay not to enjoy wedding planning

Wedding planning can be stressful, and it's perfectly normal to not enjoy it. There is a lot of pressure to feel excited about planning your wedding, but it's okay if you don't feel that way. It's important to remember that your wedding day is about your marriage and spending time with the people you love, rather than the small details.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, it might be helpful to simplify your plans and only focus on what's truly important to you. You can also delegate tasks to others and accept help when it's offered. For example, you could hire a wedding planner or ask a friend to coordinate on the day of the wedding. Keeping the number of guests low can also make things more manageable.

Additionally, it's okay to set boundaries and communicate your needs. If you're struggling with complex family dynamics, consider seeking support from a therapist. Remember, your wedding day doesn't have to be perfect, and it doesn't have to be the "best day of your life." It's about what feels right for you and your partner.

Finally, try to focus on the reasons why you're getting married in the first place. It's normal to have a range of emotions during the planning process, and it's okay to feel sad or overwhelmed. By simplifying your plans and seeking support, you can make the process more enjoyable and manageable.

Planning a wedding in under a year

Planning a wedding can be stressful, and it's okay if you don't enjoy it. It's important to remember that this is a celebration of your love and commitment to your partner. Whether you're planning a year or two in advance, or have a shorter engagement, there are ways to make the process smoother.

Firstly, don't feel like you have to do this alone. Consult with your partner and make joint decisions together. Wedding planning is a great opportunity to learn the art of compromise and collaboration, which will benefit your marriage. If you can, also enlist the help of a wedding planner, or at least consult a guidebook for timelines and checklists to keep you on track.

If you have less than a year to plan your wedding, don't panic. It is possible, and it can be a great idea to have a shorter engagement. The first step is to choose a few ideal dates and book your venue. Consider a weekday wedding, as you'll have more availability. Once you have your venue, you can create a concrete budget and make decisions about vendors, as many venues have preferred vendor lists.

Next, send out 'save the dates' to your guests, especially if you're planning a destination wedding. You can do this up to a year in advance, but eight months before the wedding is a good timeframe to aim for. This will give your guests time to plan, especially if they need to travel. If you're short on time, consider digital 'save the date' cards and invitations to make the RSVP process easier.

Finally, create a comprehensive wedding-day schedule. Include timings for hair and makeup, vendor arrivals, transportation, the couple's arrival at the reception, speeches, the first dance, and the cake-cutting. Send copies to your vendors, wedding party, and family members so that everyone knows what to expect.

Managing finances and budgeting

Wedding planning can be stressful, and financial concerns are often a large part of this. However, managing finances and budgeting for your wedding doesn't have to be overwhelming.

Firstly, it's important to establish a clear budget. This will be determined by how much you and your partner can afford to spend, and whether you will be receiving any contributions from family or friends. It's a good idea to be realistic about what you can afford, and to give yourself a buffer to ensure you don't blow your budget on hidden expenses. You can use online wedding budget calculators to help with this.

Next, you should break down your budget into categories. This could include sections such as "for you" and "for them", as suggested by wedding planner Alicia Fritz, with the latter taking up a large portion of the budget. "For them" includes guest needs such as venue, food, and beverages. The remaining amount can then be allocated to other fixed costs, such as a photographer, videographer, and entertainment, as well as logistical expenses like labour, lighting, and stationery. Wedding planner Chanda Daniels suggests focusing on guest experience, with an emphasis on food, transportation, and music.

Once you have your budget and categories, you can start allocating a percentage of your budget to each expense. It's a good idea to use a spreadsheet or budgeting app to keep track of your spending and ensure you're sticking to your budget. You can also use a credit card to take advantage of rewards, but only if you can pay off the balance within 30 days to avoid additional charges.

Finally, it's important to remember that a smaller budget doesn't mean a less unique or special wedding. Be flexible with your dates and venues, and consider what's truly important to you and your partner.

Dealing with complex family dynamics

Planning a wedding is one of the first major joint projects for many couples, and by communicating honestly and compassionately, they can build strength and confidence. However, it can also be a stressful experience, with complex family dynamics and heightened emotions. Here are some strategies to help you deal with complex family dynamics while planning your wedding:

Have Open and Honest Conversations Early On

It is essential to have open and honest conversations with your family members about the wedding plans as early as possible. Discuss the number of attendees, the budget, the role of divorced or separated parents, and any other potential sources of conflict. By addressing these issues early, you can avoid misunderstandings and resentment later on.

Include Family Members in the Planning Process

Involve your family members in the planning process by asking for their advice or delegating specific tasks or responsibilities to them. This will make them feel valued and included while still allowing you to maintain control over the planning process. For example, you could ask a family member to oversee the set-up at the venue or manage a particular aspect of the wedding, such as activity packs for children or breakfast for the wedding party.

Manage Expectations and Be Flexible

Recognize that not everyone will get 100% of what they want on the wedding day due to family dynamics. Be flexible and determine what aspects are most important to you and your partner, and be willing to compromise on the rest. This "flexigidity" can help you navigate complex family dynamics and find a balance that works for everyone.

Seek Outside Perspective and Support

Consider seeking the support of a neutral friend or wedding planner who can provide an unbiased perspective on family dynamics and potential conflicts. They can help you navigate tricky situations and offer solutions that you may not have considered. Remember, it is normal for family dynamics to change and evolve during the wedding planning process, and it is essential to address conflicts early on to prevent them from escalating.

Address Financial Contributions Clearly

Money can be a significant source of conflict in wedding planning. Be clear about who is contributing financially and what conditions, if any, are attached to that contribution. If accepting money from family members will cause drama, consider paying for the wedding yourself or eloping. If you do accept financial help, be gracious and honour your family's contribution.

Organising and staying on track

Firstly, it's crucial to keep the bigger picture in mind. It's easy to get caught up in the details, but remember that you're marrying the love of your life! This is a celebration of your relationship, so try to keep things in perspective.

Communication is essential. Discuss with your partner the kind of wedding you both want, and consult each other throughout the planning process. This will help you bond and grow as a couple. It's also a good idea to communicate with both families early on to determine if anyone will contribute financially and how much. This will impact your budget and subsequent decisions.

To stay organised, use checklists, spreadsheets, or apps to gather your thoughts, budgets, and numbers in one place. You can also keep essential documents in a virtual, sharable space, like Google Docs, so you, your partner, and family members can access and edit them together. If you prefer physical materials, a wedding notebook is a great option for storing receipts, brochures, and other items from vendors.

Create a comprehensive wedding-day schedule to ensure everyone is on the same page about timing and locations, helping the day's events run smoothly. Include details such as hair and makeup appointments, vendor arrivals, transportation, the couple's arrival at the reception, speeches, the first dance, and cake-cutting.

Finally, remember that it's okay if you don't enjoy every aspect of wedding planning. It can be stressful, and it's normal to feel overwhelmed. Take breaks, check in with your partner, and focus on your relationship and the excitement of your future together.

Frequently asked questions