Wedding Shower Guest List: To Include Extended Family Or Not?

Wedding showers are a chance for the couple to be surrounded by close friends and family to celebrate their upcoming nuptials. While it's an exciting time, the guest list can be a tricky topic. Wedding showers are traditionally more intimate than weddings, so the guest list should be limited to the couple's nearest and dearest. It's also important to note that it's considered poor etiquette to invite someone to the wedding shower if they're not invited to the wedding, and vice versa.

The bride's role in deciding the guest list

The bridal shower is an intimate gathering of the bride's nearest and dearest, so the bride has a significant role in deciding the guest list. While the host—traditionally the maid of honour or the mother of the bride—gets the final say on the guest list, they should do so with input from the bride. The bride should provide the host with a list of must-have guests to ensure that her closest friends and family are included. The bride should also communicate her preferences regarding the number of guests, especially if she wants a smaller group.

The bride's wishes should be considered when it comes to including the groom's side of the family. A good rule of thumb is to invite the groom's closest female relatives and friends of the family. When the groom's mother is co-hosting, her sisters, aunts, and cousins can also be included. If the bride is unsure about the group becoming too large, she can discuss her concerns with the host and her partner.

The bride should also be mindful of the venue and budget constraints when deciding on the number of guests. If there are venue or budget limitations, the guest list may need to be adjusted accordingly. It is essential to have open communication with the host and partner to create a guest list that works for everyone.

The bride plays a crucial role in determining the guest list for her bridal shower. By providing a list of must-have guests and communicating her preferences, she can ensure that her closest friends and family are included in this intimate gathering.

Inviting extended family to the wedding shower but not the wedding

It is generally considered rude to invite someone to a bridal shower if they are not invited to the wedding. However, there are some exceptions to this rule, including elopements, micro weddings, and destination weddings. If you are having a small wedding, it may be a good idea to let your extended family know that you would have loved to invite them but are keeping the guest list tight due to budget or venue constraints. You could also consider hosting a separate celebration for extended family, such as a bridal brunch the day after the wedding.

If you do decide to invite extended family to your bridal shower but not to the wedding, it is important to handle the invitation with care. Make sure that the bridal shower invitations are sent out within an appropriate timeframe (six to eight weeks before the event) and include all relevant information, such as the bride's name, the date and time of the shower, the venue address, RSVP details, and any registry information. It may also be helpful to include a theme or dress code and a note explaining that the event is intimate and smaller in scale than the wedding.

"While our destination wedding ceremony will be an intimate gathering, we hope to celebrate our love with you at our wedding shower prior to the big day in [location]!"

"A bridal shower is the perfect way to celebrate! As our wedding space is limited, it means a lot to us that you come to the shower."

It is also important to be prepared for questions or concerns from extended family members who may feel hurt or confused by not being invited to the wedding. Be direct and honest in your communication, and make it clear that your decision is final. Here are some examples of what you could say:

"I'm not comfortable having you/them attend our wedding. I'm sorry, but my decision has been made."

"I understand this will probably be upsetting, but I've made the difficult decision not to invite you/them to our wedding. I'm just not comfortable with you/them being there. I'm sorry."

"It's hard for me to talk about the reasons behind the decision, because they're emotional and painful. At this point, my decision has been made and it is final. I'm sorry. I'm done talking about this."

Remember that it is your wedding and you have the right to choose who to invite. Stand firm in your decision and focus on celebrating with the people who love and support you.

Including extended family from the groom's side

When it comes to wedding showers, there are no fixed rules, and you can invite whoever you want to be part of your special day. However, if you're looking for some guidance on including extended family from the groom's side, here are some tips to consider:

The Guest List

The guest list for a wedding shower is typically smaller and more intimate than the wedding itself. It usually includes the bride's closest female friends and family members, such as bridesmaids, mothers, sisters, and future in-laws. However, in recent times, bridal showers can also include close male friends or relatives if the bride wishes.

When including extended family from the groom's side, consider inviting his closest female relatives, such as his mother, sisters, aunts, and cousins. If the groom's mother is co-hosting the wedding shower, it is customary to include her close female relatives as well.

Multiple Wedding Showers

To accommodate everyone, you could consider having multiple wedding showers. One option is to have a family-only wedding shower separate from the larger one with friends. This allows both families to come together in a more intimate setting.

Co-ed Wedding Showers

Another option is to have a co-ed wedding shower, which has become increasingly common. Although it's not customary for the groom to attend, some couples prefer to celebrate together, especially if they live away from their friends and family. In this case, the groom can bring whoever he wants to be part of the celebration.

Etiquette

It is considered poor etiquette to invite someone to your wedding shower if they are not invited to the wedding. This may offend them and give the impression that you are only interested in gifts. Therefore, ensure that everyone on your wedding shower guest list is also invited to the wedding.

Communication

Discuss your wishes and concerns with your partner and your wedding shower host. Be open and honest about your preferences, especially if you prefer a smaller, more intimate gathering. It's important to strike a balance between your wishes and being inclusive of others.

Invitations

Finally, timing is crucial when sending out invitations. Send them out approximately six to eight weeks before the event to give guests enough time to plan and make arrangements. For out-of-town guests or destinations that require travel, consider sending the invitations a few months in advance.

In conclusion, including extended family from the groom's side is a wonderful way to bring both families together and celebrate your upcoming nuptials. Remember to communicate openly, consider multiple showers if needed, and always keep in mind the joy and excitement of this special occasion.

Inviting extended family members you're not close with

When it comes to wedding showers, the guest list is usually reserved for those nearest and dearest to the couple. However, it can be tricky to decide whether to invite extended family members you're not close with. Here are some considerations to help you navigate this situation:

Discuss with Your Partner and Parents:

It's essential to have open and honest conversations with your partner and parents about the guest list. Be transparent about your preferences and concerns. If you feel strongly about not inviting certain extended family members, express your thoughts respectfully.

Consider the Dynamics of Your Family:

Evaluate the dynamics within your family. Are your parents or in-laws insistent on inviting extended family members? Understand their perspective and try to find a compromise. For example, you could suggest hosting a separate, intimate celebration for close friends and family only.

Evaluate the Size of Your Wedding Shower:

Factor in the size of your wedding shower. If you're planning an intimate gathering, it may not be feasible to invite all extended family members. Discuss venue constraints and budget limitations with your host to determine the maximum number of guests.

Set Clear Boundaries:

Decide on a clear set of criteria for inviting extended family members. For instance, you might choose to only invite aunts, uncles, and first cousins, while excluding more distant relatives. Communicate these boundaries clearly to your parents and in-laws to manage expectations.

Be Mindful of Etiquette:

It is generally considered poor etiquette to invite someone to a wedding shower if they are not invited to the wedding itself. Keep this in mind when finalizing your guest list to avoid any potential misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

Consider Sending Announcements:

If you decide not to invite certain extended family members, you can still let them know about your wedding by sending marriage announcements after the ceremony. This gesture shows your appreciation for their support and can help avoid any hard feelings.

Remember, the decision to invite extended family members you're not close with is ultimately a personal choice. It's important to maintain open communication with your partner, parents, and in-laws to create a guest list that aligns with your vision for the wedding shower and wedding day.

Etiquette for inviting extended family to the wedding shower

A wedding shower is a more intimate event than the wedding itself, so the guest list can be limited to the nearest and dearest. It is traditionally hosted by the bride's side of the family, such as the maid of honour, mother of the bride, and bridesmaids. However, in recent years, wedding showers can be held by any group of people who want to celebrate with the couple, such as colleagues, church congregations, or neighbours.

When it comes to inviting extended family to the wedding shower, there are a few points to consider:

• It is generally considered poor etiquette to invite someone to the wedding shower if they are not also invited to the wedding. This can come across as pandering for gifts. The exception to this rule is an office wedding shower, where colleagues may throw a celebration regardless of whether they are invited to the wedding.
• The bride's closest female relatives and friends of the family from the groom's side are usually invited. If the groom's mother is co-hosting, her sisters, aunts, and cousins can also be included.
• If the wedding shower is held before the wedding invitations have been sent out, it may be unclear to guests whether they are invited to the wedding. In this case, it is essential to handle the invitation with care and communicate clearly.
• The bride should provide the host(s) with a list of must-have guests, including her closest friends and family. The host(s) will then have the final say on the guest list, taking into account venue and budget constraints.
• Multiple wedding showers can be held to include everyone. For example, a family-only wedding shower can be held separately from a larger one with friends, or a co-ed wedding shower can be organised.
• The wedding shower guest list should be shorter than the wedding guest list. It is not necessary to invite plus ones of friends, co-workers, or acquaintances of parents. However, it is important to invite the partner's close female relatives, such as their mother, grandmother, sister, aunts, and close cousins.
• The wedding shower invitations should be sent out within an appropriate timeframe, usually about six to eight weeks before the event.

Frequently asked questions