Crafting Wedding Toasts: Who Should You Ask?

Wedding toasts are an essential element of a wedding reception, where select friends and family members share words of love, encouragement, and sometimes humour. Traditionally, the father of the bride, the maid of honour, and the best man give toasts, but the couple may also choose to have other close friends or family members share a few words. It is important to ask your speakers well in advance, preferably at least three months, and to limit the number of toasts to no more than four or five to maintain the mood of the reception.

Asking the maid of honour, best man, or other members of the wedding party

Asking your wedding party to make a toast can be a daunting task. It is important to ask your desired speakers well in advance to give them time to prepare. Here are some tips for asking the maid of honour, best man, or other members of the wedding party to give a wedding toast:

• Timing is key: It is important to ask your wedding party to give a toast with enough time for them to prepare. This will ensure that they feel ready and comfortable when the time comes. A few months in advance is ideal, but even a few weeks can be enough time for someone to put together a thoughtful speech.
• Be direct but polite: Simply asking, "Would you like to give a toast at the reception?" is a polite and direct way to approach the topic. This gives your wedding party the option to accept or decline the invitation. You can also let them know that there is no pressure to accept and that you are simply trying to finalise the timeline for the event.
• Provide guidance: If your wedding party accepts the invitation to give a toast, you can offer them guidance on what to include in their speech. Suggest that they introduce themselves and their relationship to the couple, share a meaningful story or memory, and address both partners directly. You can also recommend that they keep their speech concise, aiming for around 3 to 5 minutes in length.
• Limit the number of toasts: While you may have several people interested in giving a toast, it is best to limit the number to maintain the energy and flow of the reception. Aim for no more than four or five toasts, including the parents of the bride and/or groom, the maid of honour, and the best man.
• Consider staggering the speeches: Instead of having all the toasts delivered at once, you can choose to split them into two sections during the evening. This will help to keep the reception focused and smooth. The rehearsal dinner is also a great opportunity for additional toasts, allowing more people to speak while keeping the wedding reception streamlined.
• Be mindful of microphone logistics: If you are having a large wedding or an outdoor reception, it is important to consider microphone logistics. Ensure that each speaker has access to a microphone so that all guests can hear the toasts clearly.
• Encourage authenticity: The best wedding toasts are heartfelt and focus on the couple's journey. Encourage your wedding party to share their admiration for the couple, offer meaningful wishes for their future, and include personal stories or anecdotes that are not inside jokes.

Remember, it is an honour for your wedding party to be asked to give a toast, so don't be afraid to approach them directly and give them plenty of time to prepare.

Asking family members

It is traditional for the parents of the bride and groom to give a wedding toast, but this can vary depending on cultural norms and family dynamics. For example, if your parents are divorced, you may ask them to speak separately, or you could ask another family member to speak on their behalf. If you have a close relationship with a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or cousin, you could also ask them to speak. It is completely up to you and your partner, and there are no rules set in stone.

When asking family members to give a wedding toast, it is a good idea to give them plenty of notice—at least three months in advance is recommended. This will give them time to prepare and ensure that they feel comfortable and confident on the day. It is also a good idea to let them know the time limit for their speech, which is usually kept to under five minutes. This will help to ensure that the toasts are concise and meaningful, without losing the attention of your guests.

You could also provide your family members with some guidance on what to include in their speech. A good wedding toast includes a short introduction, a meaningful story or anecdote, and well-wishes for the couple. It is also important to address both partners, even if the speaker is closer to one than the other.

"Hi [Name of Family Member], I hope you are doing well. As you know, [Partner's Name] and I are getting married, and we would be honoured if you would give a toast at the reception. We would love to hear your words of love and encouragement as we celebrate this special day. We would like to give you plenty of time to prepare, so please let me know if you would like any further details or guidance. Thank you so much, and we look forward to hearing your toast at the wedding!"

Asking friends

Who to Ask

Firstly, decide who you want to give a toast. Traditionally, the parents of the bride and groom, the maid of honour, and the best man give speeches. However, you can also ask close friends to share kind words if you don't have a wedding party or if you want to include more people. It is recommended to limit the number of toasts to no more than four or five to maintain the mood of the reception.

When to Ask

It is important to ask your friends well in advance, preferably at least three months before the wedding. This gives them enough time to prepare and allows you to find a different speaker if someone declines. It is also a good idea to give your friends a time limit, usually around three to five minutes, to ensure the toasts are concise and don't lose the audience's attention.

How to Ask

When asking your friends, it is best to be polite and give them an option rather than putting them on the spot. For example, you could say, "Would you like to give a toast at the reception?" This gives them the opportunity to accept or politely decline. It is also a good idea to let them know that there is no pressure and that you are simply trying to finalise the timeline for the wedding.

Providing Guidance

Once your friends have agreed to give a toast, you can provide them with guidance to help them prepare. This includes letting them know the order of the speeches, introducing themselves and their relationship to the couple, sharing a meaningful story, addressing both partners, and keeping the tone light and positive.

Dealing with Declines

If one of your friends declines your request, don't take it personally. They may have their own reasons, such as discomfort with public speaking. In this case, you can politely ask another friend or family member to give a toast. It is always a good idea to have a backup plan.

How to ask politely and in advance

Asking people to give a wedding toast can be a tricky task, but it's important to do it politely and in advance to ensure a smooth celebration. Here are some tips on how to go about it:

Be Timely

It is considered good etiquette to ask potential speakers well in advance, preferably at least three months before the wedding. This gives them ample time to prepare and allows you to find a replacement if someone declines. It also helps with the overall planning of the event, as you can inform your wedding planner and DJ about the number of speakers and their order.

Be Selective

It is generally advised to limit the number of toasts to four or five. Too many speakers can dampen the mood of the reception. It is best to select the most meaningful individuals, such as parents, the best man, and the maid of honor. If you're not having a wedding party, you can ask close friends or family members to speak instead.

Be Clear

When asking potential speakers, be clear and direct. A simple "Would you like to give a toast at the reception?" is often enough. You can also explain that they don't have to do it but that you need to know for timeline purposes. It is also a good idea to give them an option to get back to you later if they are unsure or need time to prepare.

Be Considerate

Remember to be considerate of the speakers' comfort levels and personalities. For example, if public speaking is not their forte, you can offer support or guidance in preparing their speech. You can also suggest they write it down beforehand so they can refer to it during the toast. Additionally, be mindful of the guests' experience. Keep the toasts short and sweet, ideally between three to five minutes, to maintain the energy and flow of the reception.

Be Organized

Plan the order of the speeches to ensure a smooth transition and representation from both sides of the family. You can alternate the speakers or split them into two sections during the evening to maintain the energy and flow. It is also a good idea to provide a microphone, especially for large weddings or outdoor receptions, so that everyone can hear the toasts clearly.

By following these tips, you can politely and effectively ask people to make wedding toasts, ensuring a memorable and well-organized celebration.

The order of speeches

Asking someone to give a wedding toast can be a tricky task, but it's important to remember that it's your wedding and you can ask whoever you want! Traditionally, the people who give toasts are the parents of the couple, the maid/matron/man of honour, and the best man. However, it's becoming more and more common for brides, bridesmaids, and other family members or friends to give speeches as well.

• Master of Ceremonies: The MC introduces the bridal party and welcomes the newlyweds into the room.
• Host of the Wedding (traditionally the Father of the Bride): They thank the guests for coming, acknowledge those who contributed to the cost of the wedding, compliment the couple, and finish with a toast to the bride and groom.
• Groom: The groom thanks the host/father of the bride for the toast, thanks the guests for their attendance and gifts, thanks both sets of parents, and compliments the bride. He may also share a story or anecdote and raise a glass to toast the bridesmaids.
• Best Man: The best man thanks the groom for the toast to the bridesmaids, comments on the couple (especially the groom), and may share stories about the groom. He ends his speech by toasting the bride's parents.
• Father/Mother of the Bride: They thank the best man for the toast, share words of wisdom with the couple, welcome the groom into the family, and propose a toast to the parents of the groom.
• Father/Mother of the Groom: They thank the parents of the bride for the toast, welcome the bride, and propose a toast to the couple.
• Reading of Messages: The MC or best man reads out any messages from family or guests who could not attend the wedding.
• Thanking the Contributors: The MC closes the speeches by thanking everyone involved in the wedding, including organisers, musicians, and caterers. This is also when the cake-cutting is announced.

Modern Weddings

In modern weddings, the bride and maid of honour often give speeches as well. The bride usually speaks between the groom and the best man. She thanks the guests for coming, thanks her parents and bridesmaids, compliments her new spouse, and proposes a toast. The maid of honour/chief bridesmaid may share embarrassing stories or sing a song to surprise the bride. She compliments the ushers and leads a toast to the couple.

Other Things to Consider

• Number of Toasts: Keep the number of toasts to a maximum of 5, with each toast lasting no more than 5 minutes.
• Timing: Speeches usually take place after dinner, but some couples choose to mix up the order and have them before the meal or between courses.
• Introduction: Ask the person before you to introduce you, so you don't have to introduce yourself.
• Length: Set time limits for each speech to ensure they don't go on for too long.
• Content: Make sure to include a mix of thank yous, announcements, and stories or anecdotes in each speech.
• Master of Ceremonies: Consider hiring an MC to ensure the night runs smoothly and transitions between speeches are seamless.

Frequently asked questions