Deborah Chan
Asking your friends to be your bridesmaids is one of the most exciting parts of getting engaged. But when is the right time to do it? Some people ask their friends to be bridesmaids when they tell them about their engagement. Others wait until they have more wedding details figured out, like the date and location. It's important to give your bridesmaids enough time to plan, especially if they need to travel for the wedding. It's also a good idea to wait until you're sure about who you want in your bridal party, as it can be awkward to ask someone to be a bridesmaid and then change your mind later. Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all answer, and the timing may depend on various factors, such as the location of the wedding and the logistics of your bridal party.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| When to ask bridesmaids | There are varying opinions on when to ask bridesmaids, ranging from immediately after getting engaged to a few days later, to a few weeks, a month, or even a year. Some sources suggest waiting until you have a date locked down, while others say it's okay to ask before you've set a date. |
| How to ask bridesmaids | Some people ask bridesmaids over the phone, while others prefer to do it in person, either one-on-one or as a group. Some people give their bridesmaids gifts or cards when they ask them. |
| Save-the-date timing | Save-the-dates should be sent 4-6 months before a local wedding, 6-8 months before a wedding on a holiday weekend, and 9 months before a destination wedding. |
What You'll Learn
Asking before setting a date
Asking your bridesmaids before setting a date can be a tricky situation to navigate. While it is exciting to share the news of your engagement and involve your closest friends in the planning process, there are a few considerations to keep in mind.
Firstly, it is generally recommended to wait until you have a confirmed wedding date before asking your bridesmaids. This is because your chosen date might fall at an inconvenient time for your bridesmaids, such as when they have another wedding commitment, a major life event, or prior travel plans. Asking after confirming the date ensures your bridesmaids can commit with a higher degree of certainty.
Secondly, take the time to thoughtfully consider your choices. If your wedding is happening a year or two after your engagement, use this time to reflect on who you want by your side throughout the wedding planning process and on your special day. It is also beneficial to have a clear vision of the kind of bridal shower and bachelorette party you want, as this may influence the size of your bridal party.
Thirdly, while it is not necessary to wait until every detail is finalized before asking, it is advantageous to have a rough idea of the timeline and key responsibilities you will be asking of your bridesmaids. This includes the dates of important events they will need to attend, such as dress fittings, the bridal shower, and the bachelorette party. Sharing these details will help your bridesmaids understand their commitment and feel more confident in their ability to fulfil their role.
Finally, while it is not mandatory, many people choose to ask their bridesmaids in person or with a thoughtful gift or card. This adds a personal touch to the request and makes your bridesmaids feel valued and appreciated.
In conclusion, while it is not essential to have a confirmed date before asking your bridesmaids, it is beneficial to have a clear idea of the timeline, key responsibilities, and any potential conflicts. This will ensure your bridesmaids can confidently commit to their role and allow them to provide more effective support during the wedding planning process.
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Asking in person
Asking your bridesmaids in person is a great way to make your proposal intimate and special. Here are some tips and ideas for popping the question in person:
Choose the Right Moment
Wait until you know your wedding date and have a rough timeline for your wedding planning. It's essential that your bridesmaids have an idea of the commitment they're making, including the date of the wedding and any other important details you've finalised. Asking in person also gives your bridesmaids the opportunity to ask any questions they may have about the role and your expectations.
Make it Memorable
Get creative with your proposal! You could pop the question with fortune cookies, ring pops, or a bouquet of flowers with a personalised note. You might also consider putting together a curated gift box filled with wedding essentials and goodies. Make it a moment to remember by incorporating a fun activity or celebration, such as a workshop or a toast.
Be Mindful of Timing
While you don't want to rush the decision, it's generally recommended to ask your bridesmaids anywhere between a year to eight months before the wedding. This gives your bridal party enough time to plan, especially if they need to save money, request time off work, or make travel arrangements. However, don't wait too long, as you want to give your bridesmaids a heads-up before sending out save-the-date cards.
Keep it Personal
When asking in person, consider meeting each prospective bridesmaid individually to share the news and make them feel special. You might want to pour a glass of champagne or take them out for a celebratory drink to mark the occasion. This intimate approach allows you to connect with each person on a deeper level and express how much their presence in your bridal party means to you.
Ask with Confidence
Before proposing to your bridesmaids, take the time to reflect on your relationships and be sure about your choices. While it's natural to want to involve as many loved ones as possible, remember that being a bridesmaid is a significant commitment, and you want to choose people who are excited and honoured to stand by your side on your special day.
Remember, asking your bridesmaids in person is a wonderful way to create lasting memories and strengthen your bond with the special women in your life. Enjoy this exciting time and savour the joy of sharing your wedding plans with those closest to you!
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Asking via a card
Asking your bridesmaids via a card is a great way to make your proposal memorable and special. Here are some tips and ideas to help you create the perfect card:
Timing
While it is ultimately your choice when to ask your bridesmaids, it is generally recommended to wait until you have a wedding date set. This will allow your bridesmaids to have a better idea of whether they can commit to the role, especially if they need to request time off work or make travel arrangements. It is also a good idea to give yourself at least 60 days after getting engaged to make your decision, so you can be sure about your choice of bridesmaids and have time to plan how you will ask them. If you are having a destination wedding or getting married on a holiday weekend, it is advisable to send out your save-the-dates nine to six months in advance, so your bridesmaids have plenty of time to prepare.
What to Write
You may want to include a cute message in your card, such as "I'm not sure when, I'm not sure where, but I know I want you there! Will you be my bridesmaid?". You could also include a more personal note, expressing how much the recipient means to you and how excited you are to have them by your side on your wedding day. If you already have some wedding details planned, you may want to include this information so your bridesmaids can start to prepare.
Creative Ideas
There are many creative ways to propose to your bridesmaids with a card. You could send them a bouquet of flowers with a personalised note, or put together a curated gift box filled with wedding essentials and goodies. If you want to include a keepsake gift, you could send them a small box with a "Will you be my bridesmaid?" mug or another item they can treasure. For a fun twist, you could include ring pops or fortune cookies with a note inside that says "Will you be my bridesmaid?".
In-Person or by Mail?
If you have friends or family who live close by, you may want to hand-deliver your cards and ask them in person. This can make the moment more special and allow you to celebrate together. However, if your bridesmaids live far away, sending a card by mail is also a great option. You could even include a note asking them to give you a call once they've opened the card so you can celebrate together over the phone.
Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to asking your bridesmaids. Choose a method that feels right for you and reflects your relationship with your bridal party.
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Asking via a gift box
Asking your bridesmaids to be a part of your wedding via a gift box is a thoughtful gesture to show your friends and family how much you care. Here are some ideas for what to include in your bridesmaid proposal box and some things to consider when asking your bridal party:
What to Include in the Gift Box:
- Mini bottles of champagne or other celebratory drinks.
- Customized wine glasses, tumblers or champagne flutes.
- Sweet treats such as champagne-themed gummies, truffles or chocolate.
- Self-care goodies like bath bombs, scented candles, nail polish, sheet masks or under-eye patches.
- Personalized items such as robes, dresses, hangers, jewellery, compact mirrors, tote bags or cosmetic cases with their name or initials.
- Fun accessories like sunglasses, hair clips or silk scrunchies.
- Sentimental items like a framed photo of you and your bridesmaid, a custom puzzle or a plant.
Things to Consider When Asking Your Bridal Party:
- It is recommended to ask your bridal party two to three months after getting engaged to give them enough time to plan and save money for the wedding.
- You can ask your bridal party all at once or individually, but if you go the individual route, it is best to ask everyone within a week so no one feels left out.
- It is not necessary to propose with a gift, but if you choose to do so, it is customary to spend the same amount on each bridesmaid's gift (excluding the maid of honour).
- You don't need to have a set date for your wedding before asking your bridal party, but it is helpful to give them a timeline or an idea of the season so they can plan accordingly.
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Asking at an engagement party
Asking your bridesmaids to be a part of your wedding party at your engagement party is a great idea! Not only will it be a nice touch, but it will also allow your bridesmaids to meet each other and get to know one another. Here are some tips and suggestions for asking at your engagement party:
- Make sure you have a clear idea of who you want to be in your wedding party. It is important to choose people who are close to you and who you know will be there for you throughout the wedding planning process and on your big day.
- Give your bridesmaids a heads-up before the engagement party. While you can certainly surprise them with a formal ask at the party, it is a good idea to give them a heads-up beforehand, especially if they need to travel to be there. This way, they will know to expect the ask and can plan their response.
- Consider how you want to ask your bridesmaids. You can ask them individually or as a group. You can make it a grand gesture or keep it low-key and intimate. Some ideas include popping the question with fortune cookies, ring pops, or a bouquet of flowers with a personalised note. You can also put together curated gift boxes with wedding essentials and goodies.
- Provide your bridesmaids with some details about the wedding and their role. It is a good idea to have some information about the bridal shower and bachelorette party ready when you ask them. This will help them understand their responsibilities and allow them to start planning and saving up if needed.
- Be mindful of the timing. It is generally recommended to ask your bridesmaids anywhere between a year to eight months before the wedding. This gives them enough time to plan and make any necessary arrangements. However, if you have a clear idea of your wedding date and it is fast approaching, you may need to ask them sooner.
- Be prepared for some of your bridesmaids to say no. Unfortunately, the date might not work for everyone, or they may have other commitments. Don't take it personally, and be understanding of their situation.
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Frequently asked questions
It is generally considered a good idea to have a date before you ask your bridesmaids. This is so they can know whether or not they can commit to the role and be sure they can make it on that day.
Yes, it is okay to ask your bridesmaids before sending out save-the-dates. It is recommended that you ask your bridesmaids between a year to eight months before the wedding, and save-the-dates should be sent out four to nine months in advance, depending on whether your wedding is local or a destination wedding.
It is generally not recommended to ask your bridesmaids after sending out save-the-dates as it may seem like an afterthought. However, some people have done this if they were unsure about their wedding party or had a long engagement.
There are many ways to ask your bridesmaids, and it depends on your relationship with them. Some ideas include giving them a card, putting together a gift box, or taking them out for a workshop or class where you can ask them all at once.
If a bridesmaid is unable to commit, it is important to respect their decision. You can always ask someone else or have an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.
