Anxious About Weddings? You're Not Alone

Weddings are often touted as one of the happiest days of your life, but they can also be a significant source of stress and anxiety for many people. From the pressure of planning a complicated event to the social anxiety of being the centre of attention, there are numerous factors that can contribute to wedding anxiety. It is essential to recognise that these feelings are normal and that effective strategies can help manage them. This includes self-care practices, such as exercise, meditation, and adequate sleep, as well as challenging negative thoughts and setting realistic expectations. By prioritising wellness and adopting anxiety management techniques, individuals can learn to mitigate wedding anxiety and fully enjoy their special day.

Planning a wedding can be stressful

Start planning early

Give yourself plenty of time to plan by setting a date and starting early. This will help reduce stress and give you more time to make decisions. It is important to be realistic about how much you can manage and not put extra pressure on yourself.

Ask for help

Don't be afraid to ask for help from friends, family, or a wedding planner. Delegate tasks and decisions to those around you and be willing to accept help when offered. This will lighten your load and make the process more manageable.

Prioritize self-care

Taking care of yourself is crucial during the planning process. Make sure to practice self-care and relaxation techniques such as meditation, yoga, physical activity, and getting enough sleep. Eat nutritious meals, drink plenty of water, and continue your favourite activities.

Manage expectations

Remember that your wedding is about celebrating your love and commitment. Focus on what is truly important to you and your partner, rather than getting caught up in minor details or perfectionism. It is okay to say no or set boundaries if you feel overwhelmed.

Challenge negative thoughts

It is common to have negative or anxious thoughts during the planning process. Challenge these thoughts by reminding yourself that imperfections are normal and contribute to the unique beauty of the day. Stay present and focus on the joy of marrying your partner.

Connect with your partner

Spend quality time with your partner and remember why you are getting married. This will help you stay grounded and manage any pre-wedding jitters. Communicate openly about your expectations, fears, and excitement.

Planning a wedding can be a stressful journey, but by following these tips, you can help manage the anxiety and create a memorable day that reflects your love.

Social anxiety

Weddings can be a source of social anxiety for many people, whether you're the one getting married, part of the wedding party, or simply a guest. This is largely due to the social aspect of weddings, which often involves interacting with many people you may not know well or may not particularly like. Additionally, there may be pressure to look, dress, or behave in a certain way, and a fear of being judged by others. For individuals who already struggle with social anxiety, these events can be particularly challenging.

• Practice self-care and relaxation techniques: In the days or weeks leading up to the wedding, engage in activities such as meditation, yoga, physical exercise, and getting enough sleep. On the day of the wedding, be sure to eat nutritious meals, stay hydrated, and make time for physical movement or relaxation activities.
• Use grounding techniques: Grounding techniques can help bring you back to the present moment by using your senses to shift your focus away from distressing thoughts and feelings.
• Challenge negative or anxious thoughts: Recognize when you are having negative self-talk or anxious thoughts and actively challenge and replace them with more positive and realistic ones.
• Take breaks: If you feel overwhelmed during the wedding, find a quiet space such as a bathroom or outdoor area to take a break and practice your relaxation techniques.
• Limit alcohol consumption: While alcohol may be readily available at wedding receptions, it can negatively impact anxiety levels, leading to increased intoxication or heightened anxiety the next day.
• Set time and topic limits: Decide in advance how long you will stay at the wedding and what topics you are comfortable discussing. If certain topics make you uncomfortable, excuse yourself from those conversations.
• Manage financial anxiety: Weddings can be expensive for everyone involved, including guests. If discussing finances causes anxiety, set a spending limit for yourself and avoid conversations about money.
• Consider your attendance: If attending a wedding feels like it will negatively impact your mental health and is not something you can cope with, it is okay to politely decline the invitation.
• Expose yourself gradually: Gradually exposing yourself to situations that make you anxious can help build confidence and tolerance. Start with smaller social interactions and work your way up to attending a wedding when you feel ready.
• Seek professional help: If social anxiety is severely impacting your life and well-being, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. They can provide additional strategies and support to manage your anxiety.

Remember, it is normal to feel some level of anxiety or stress when it comes to weddings. By using these strategies and seeking support when needed, you can learn to manage your social anxiety and enjoy these special occasions.

Self-confidence and identity

Weddings are a significant social occasion in our society. They are a day that celebrates your love and partnership with your significant other. However, it is also an event that means a lot to those around you, and there might be pressure to invite certain people, honour certain family traditions, and so on.

The pressure to be perfect

Weddings are a multi-billion-dollar industry, and there is immense pressure to create a "picture-perfect day". This pressure can be felt in the body: a racing heart, headaches, uneasiness in the belly, and shaking hands are some physical symptoms that you might experience.

The impact on self-confidence

The pressure to have the perfect wedding can take a battering ram to your self-confidence. You may feel the need to clarify that you aren't worried about the marriage but the wedding itself. People around you might suggest that you have cold feet or invalidate your concerns, as being married "should be all that matters".

The impact on identity

Tom Couch, a luxury wedding planner, notes that weddings have increasingly become an extension of your identity. "It's a marker of you as your imagined best self," he says. If your wedding is an extension of you, or your idealised self, it is therefore wrought with the potential for some serious anxieties over your identity. Who are you, and who do you want to be seen as? Why are these different, if they are?

The pressure to perform

The assumed success or failure of your wedding can be seen as a treatise on your own sense of self. "People feel really judged on their wedding day," says relationship counsellor Simone Bose. This can bring up existing anxieties or even unearth buried ones. You may feel imposter syndrome, a sense that you don't deserve all the attention you're getting.

The impact of social media

The audience for your nuptials is not just the people you invited but potentially hundreds or thousands more online strangers. "My clients get really overwhelmed by the pressure for the wedding to look good—not only for guests but for Instagram," says Couch. This can add to the pressure you feel and impact your self-confidence and identity.

Financial anxiety

Planning a wedding can be a stressful experience, and financial anxiety is a common issue for couples. Here are some ways to manage financial anxiety during wedding planning:

Understand Financial Anxiety

Recognise the Signs of Financial Anxiety

Communicate with Your Partner

Discuss financial matters openly and honestly with your partner. Talk about how much you are both comfortable spending and what your priorities are. If you are merging finances, understanding each other's financial beliefs and experiences is crucial. Set a solid financial foundation early on to address any issues that may arise during the planning process.

Seek Outside Help

If financial anxiety is affecting your mental well-being or your ability to manage your finances effectively, consider seeking professional help. A financial planner can provide guidance on managing your money, while a financial therapist or traditional therapist can assist in addressing the emotional and relational aspects of financial anxiety.

Practise Self-Care

Improve your self-care practices to manage stress and anxiety. Mindfulness activities such as yoga, meditation, or focused breathing can help. There are also many apps available that provide guidance in these areas, such as Headspace.

Create a Financial Plan

Develop a plan to pay off any existing debt and establish financial independence before the wedding. Build financial resilience by creating an emergency fund to protect against unexpected expenses. Use visuals, such as a fundraising thermometer, to track your progress and stay motivated.

Stick to Your Budget

As much as possible, try to stick to your budget. It is your guide to spending comfortably and avoiding financial strain. Consider having a contingency plan, such as setting aside a percentage of your total budget as a safety net.

Be Open with Contributors

If others are contributing financially to your wedding, be transparent and honest about the budget and expectations. Ask them about their planned contributions and ensure everyone is on the same page to avoid misunderstandings and additional stress.

Focus on the Bigger Picture

Remember that your wedding is about celebrating your connection with your partner, family, and friends. Step away from planning occasionally to maintain perspective and give yourself a break. Weddings can be all-encompassing, so it's important to nurture other aspects of your life and well-being.

Pre-existing mental health issues

Weddings can be a source of anxiety for many people, and this is especially true for those with pre-existing mental health issues. If you're struggling with wedding anxiety and have a history of mental health challenges, here are some strategies that can help:

Accept Your Condition

The first step is to acknowledge and accept your mental health condition. Denial can hinder your ability to effectively manage your anxiety. Acceptance means understanding that you have unique needs and finding ways to better equip yourself to feel calmer and happier. It's important to recognise that acceptance does not equate to resignation; instead, it empowers you to take proactive steps toward recovery and improved wellbeing.

Talk to Trusted Individuals

Share your mental health struggles with loved ones you trust. Confide in your partner, close friends, or family members who can provide emotional support and help you navigate this challenging time. Remember that your partner has promised to be with you through sickness and health, and mental health is a crucial aspect of overall health. Explaining your condition to them can foster a deeper understanding and strengthen your bond as you embark on this journey together.

Understand Your Triggers

Take the time to identify your anxiety triggers. Is it the stress of wedding planning, the financial burden, the pressure of living up to societal expectations, or something else? Understanding your triggers can help you develop strategies to minimise or avoid a breakdown or relapse. The months leading up to the wedding can be particularly challenging, so recognising these triggers is essential for your wellbeing.

Create Safe Spaces

Identify safe spaces where you can retreat when you feel overwhelmed or anxious. This could be a trusted friend's house, a relative's place, your therapist's office, a spa retreat, or even a peaceful walk in the park. Having these safe havens allows you to distance yourself from triggers and cope with anxiety attacks in a calming environment. As you plan your wedding, knowing that you have these safe spaces to turn to can make a significant difference in managing your mental health.

Practice Self-Care

Self-care is crucial for maintaining your mental health. Take breaks from wedding planning and incorporate activities that nurture your wellbeing. This could include taking a few days off from work, going on a short holiday, indulging in spa treatments or facials, spending time with pets, meeting a friend for a heart-to-heart chat, or trying a social media detox. Prioritise self-care to ensure you're in a good headspace as you approach your wedding day.

Seek Professional Help

If needed, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Consult a therapist or counsellor who specialises in wedding-related anxiety or has experience working with individuals with similar mental health concerns. They can provide you with additional tools and techniques to manage your anxiety effectively. Remember, prioritising your mental health is essential, and there is no shame in asking for professional guidance when needed.

Frequently asked questions