Franklin Dean
There are many reasons why couples may choose to forgo a wedding party. Some may prefer the simplicity of having just the two of them at the altar for a more intimate moment, while others may want to avoid the stress and pressure of choosing one friend over another. Having a wedding party can also be a significant financial burden, with costs for additional bouquets, boutonnieres, and potential hair and makeup expenses adding up quickly. Some couples may also want to avoid putting their friends in a position of feeling obligated or spending a small fortune on matching outfits. However, a wedding party can provide support to the bride and groom as they walk down the aisle, get ready for the big day, and plan extra celebrations like bridal showers and bachelor parties. Ultimately, the choice to have a wedding party or not is a personal one, and couples should do what feels right for them.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Reasons for not having a wedding party | Budget, stress, simplicity, not wanting to put friends in a position of feeling obligated, too many friends and family to choose from, preference for intimacy, elopement or small wedding, second wedding |
| Reasons for having a wedding party | Support, help with wedding planning, communal feeling, special roles for friends and family |
| Alternatives to a large wedding party | Unique dress code, downsizing to a maid of honour and best man, assigning specific colours from the wedding palette, giving out boutonnieres or corsages |
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What You'll Learn
The stress of choosing
There are a number of reasons why choosing a wedding party can be stressful. Firstly, there is the pressure of choosing one friend over another, or having to edit out family members to keep to a prescribed number. This can be difficult, especially if you have a large group of friends or a big family. It can be hard to decide who to include and who to leave out, and you may risk hurting some feelings in the process.
Secondly, having a wedding party means dealing with a lot of people who have varying expectations, personalities, and needs. This can create extra work and stress for the couple, who are already dealing with the pressure of planning a wedding. It can be challenging to coordinate with a large group of people and ensure that everyone is happy and on the same page.
Thirdly, there may be financial considerations. The cost of additional bouquets, boutonnieres, and potential hair and makeup expenses can add up quickly. This can be a burden for the wedding party, who may already be spending a lot of money on travel and accommodation for the wedding.
Finally, there is the pressure of living up to traditional expectations and duties. Bridesmaids and groomsmen often have a long list of responsibilities, from planning pre-wedding events to providing emotional support on the big day. This can be a lot to ask of your friends and family, who may already be busy with their own lives.
Ultimately, the choice of whether or not to have a wedding party is a personal one, and there are valid reasons for both options. However, it is important to be mindful of the potential stress and challenges that come with choosing a wedding party, and to make sure that you are comfortable with your decision.
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Budgeting for a wedding party
Budgeting for a wedding can be a daunting task, but it is crucial to do so before moving forward with your wedding plans. While there are no strict rules about how much to spend on each category, there are some general guidelines to keep in mind. Here are some tips for budgeting for a wedding, including considerations for a wedding party:
General Wedding Budgeting Tips:
- Determine your total budget: Figure out how much you and your partner can personally contribute to the wedding while still covering your daily expenses and other financial goals. Also, consider whether you will receive financial contributions from family or friends and clarify if they have expectations for how the money should be spent.
- Use a budgeting system: Utilize a wedding budget advisor or a spreadsheet to track your spending and make frequent check-ins with your partner and anyone else contributing financially.
- Prioritize categories: Allocate your budget across different categories, such as venue, food, alcohol, photography, videography, entertainment, attire, and so on.
- Venue and catering: It is recommended to spend no more than 40% of your overall budget on the venue, rental fees, food, and alcohol combined. Remember to factor in taxes, service charges, and overtime costs, which can add up quickly.
- Photography and videography: Allocate around 12% of your budget to capture memories. You may opt to save money by asking a friend to be your photographer or forgoing videography altogether.
- Entertainment: If you have leftover funds, consider unique entertainment experiences like live painters, dancers, musical performers, photobooths, etc. Set aside about 3% of your budget for this.
- Transportation and stationery: Save at least 2% of your budget for transportation to and from the venue for guests and your wedding party. Stationery, including invitations and thank-you cards, is another important detail to budget for.
- Honeymoon: If you're paying for your honeymoon yourselves, remember to budget for that as well, and consider setting up a honeymoon fund on your wedding registry.
- Miscellaneous expenses: Don't forget to account for beauty treatments, bachelor/bachelorette parties, hotel rooms, vendor meals, planning trips, taxes, tips, and gratuities. These small costs can quickly add up.
Wedding Party Budgeting Considerations:
- Cost savings: Not having a wedding party can reduce expenses for floral arrangements, hair and makeup, and specific attire for the bridal party. It can also relieve you of the pressure of choosing one friend over another.
- Communal feeling: Opting for a smaller wedding party or none at all can create a more communal feeling among all guests, with the focus solely on the couple and their families.
- Support and inclusion: Consider the roles typically filled by the bridal party, such as giving toasts, providing emotional support, and helping with planning and day-of logistics. You can still ask friends and family to fulfil these roles, creating unique dress codes, or distinguishing significant guests with a specific colour or a boutonniere/corsage.
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Keeping it intimate
There are many reasons why a couple might want to keep their wedding day an intimate affair. From wanting to keep things simple and stress-free to not wanting to put friends in the position of feeling obligated, it's a growing trend.
One of the main benefits of an intimate wedding is that it can be easier on your budget. You'll save on expenses like extra bouquets, boutonnieres, and hair and makeup costs. It can also be a lot less stressful, as you won't have to deal with managing the expectations, personalities, and needs of a large wedding party. This means you can feel more relaxed during the planning process and on the big day itself.
If you opt for an intimate wedding, it doesn't mean you have to forgo all traditions or that you won't have any support. You can still include your loved ones in other ways, such as giving them a role in the ceremony or asking them to get ready with you. You can also delegate important tasks like holding the bouquet or keeping the rings. Your friends and family will likely be more than happy to provide emotional support and help ensure your day runs smoothly.
If you're worried about how your decision might be received, it's important to communicate with your loved ones. Let them know how much you appreciate them and that your decision is about keeping the day intimate, rather than excluding them. You can also involve your closest friends and family in unique ways, such as by asking them to wear a specific colour or providing them with a boutonniere or corsage to distinguish them from other guests.
Ultimately, the choice to have a wedding party or not is completely up to you and your partner. You can make your wedding day your own by picking the traditions that feel right for you as a couple.
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Including friends and family in other ways
If you're choosing not to have a wedding party, there are still many ways to include your friends and family in your special day.
Firstly, you can ask your friends and family to help you get ready on the morning of your wedding. This can be an intimate and low-key way to spend time with your nearest and dearest before the ceremony. You could also ask a close friend to be in charge of planning your bridal shower, or be honest with your friends and family and let them know you would still love to have a bridal shower, and they will likely be happy to put something together.
You can also give your friends and family members unique roles that suit their personalities and skill sets. For example, if your brother is a great public speaker, he could do a reading during the ceremony, or your college best friend could sing a few tunes to kick off the dance party. You could also ask a friend to be in charge of managing your social media on the day, or to take Polaroid pictures. If you're planning a Jewish wedding, you could ask four loved ones to carry the chuppah poles, or you could ask a friend to officiate the ceremony.
If you have a large guest list, you could also consider having a wedding house party. This is an additional group of family or close friends that you wish to honour but cannot include in your wedding party. They can still be involved in other aspects of the wedding, such as helping to plan bridal showers and taking photos.
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The pros and cons of attendants
There are several reasons why a couple might not want any attendants at their wedding. For instance, they may have a large circle of friends and family and would rather not make tough choices about who to include. Or they may prefer to have just the two of them at the altar for a more intimate moment. If a couple is eloping, having a very small wedding, or if this is not their first wedding, having a wedding party might feel unnecessary.
Another reason to skip attendants is to keep things simple and relaxed. Wedding planner KC Cloud shares that "couples who choose to forego bridal parties tend to feel more relaxed during the planning process, in the weeks leading up to the wedding, and on the actual day itself." This is because they don't have to manage so many people with varying expectations, personalities, and needs.
However, attendants can also provide support to the couple on their wedding day. They can help the couple get ready, ensure they stay on time, and manage tasks like answering the phone or checking on the setup of the ceremony and reception sites. They can also be involved in pre-wedding activities like bachelor or bachelorette parties.
Having attendants can also create a communal feeling among guests and make them feel included. Photographer Ellen Ross, for example, created a unique dress code for her wedding, asking all guests to wear florals. This made everyone feel like part of the wedding party.
Finally, it's important to consider the feelings of friends and family who may expect to be included in the wedding party. While some may be relieved to skip the expenses associated with being an attendant, others may be upset if they are not asked.
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Frequently asked questions
Not having a wedding party can save you money on things like flowers, hair and makeup, and clothing. It can also reduce stress and allow you and your partner to focus on each other and your guests.
Some of your friends and family may feel hurt if they're not included in your wedding party. However, they may also feel relieved not to have to spend money on clothing and other expenses.
You can still involve your loved ones by giving them roles in the ceremony, such as making a speech, or asking them to help with pre-wedding tasks and getting ready with you on the day.
The wedding party, including the best man, groomsmen, maid of honour, and bridesmaids, typically provide support to the couple on the day and in the lead-up to the wedding. They may also be involved in planning extra celebrations like bridal showers and bachelor parties.
