Who Invites The Guests? Wedding Guest List Etiquette

Planning a wedding guest list can be a stressful task, especially when it comes to deciding who to invite. Traditionally, the parents of the bride would send out the invitations, but nowadays, the couple themselves usually take care of it, especially if they are hosting and paying for the wedding.

When it comes to who should be on the guest list, it is ultimately up to the couple to decide. However, there are some considerations to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to set a realistic budget and determine how many people can be invited within that budget. The couple should also prioritize inviting their closest loved ones and immediate family members. If the couple is paying for the wedding, a common approach is to divide the guest list into thirds: one-third for the bride's family, one-third for the groom's, and one-third for the couple.

It is also important to handle the plus-one situation delicately. While it is not necessary to give every guest a plus-one, guests who are married, engaged, or living with their partner should be invited as a couple. For other guests, the couple can decide on a case-by-case basis, considering factors such as whether the guest knows other people at the wedding or if it is a destination wedding.

Deciding on the guest list can be challenging, but by setting a budget, prioritizing close loved ones, and handling plus-ones thoughtfully, the couple can create a guest list that works for them.

Parents of the wedding party: to invite or not?

When it comes to wedding planning, deciding on the guest list can be one of the most challenging aspects. You may find yourself wondering if you should invite the parents of your wedding party members. Ultimately, the decision is a personal one and will depend on various factors. Here are some considerations to help you make an informed choice:

Your Relationship with the Parents

Ask yourself how close you are to the parents of your wedding party members. If you have a personal relationship with them, consider them family, or have a history with them, it might be appropriate to extend an invitation. On the other hand, if you have never met or barely know the parents, there may be no need to include them on the guest list.

Budget and Space Constraints

Another crucial factor to consider is your wedding budget and the venue capacity. Inviting additional guests can increase costs significantly, so ensure that you have the financial means and the space to accommodate the parents of your wedding party members. If you are working with a limited budget or have a small venue, you may need to be more selective with your invitations.

Dynamics and Relationships

Be mindful of the dynamics between your wedding party members and their parents. If there is a strained or complicated relationship, it may be best to respect those boundaries and not invite the parents. On the other hand, if your wedding party member is bringing their children to the wedding, it might be considerate to invite the grandparents to help with supervision during the festivities.

Communication with Your Wedding Party

Open communication with your wedding party is essential. If you plan to invite the parents of one wedding party member, it is thoughtful to inform the rest of the party to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings. Be transparent about your reasons for inviting certain parents, especially if you are only inviting a select few.

Personal Preferences

Ultimately, the decision to invite the parents of your wedding party members comes down to your personal preferences and what you envision for your wedding day. If you feel that their presence would enhance your celebration, then by all means, extend the invitation. However, if you prefer a more intimate gathering or have other priorities for your guest list, it is perfectly acceptable not to invite them.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and commitment. While it is important to consider the feelings of others, the final decision rests with you and your partner. Choose what feels right for you, and don't be afraid to set boundaries or communicate your wishes clearly.

Plus-ones for the wedding party

Deciding on plus-ones for the wedding party is a tricky topic, especially if you're not offering plus-ones to the rest of your guests. However, it is generally considered a courteous move to offer your wedding party the option of bringing a plus-one. This is because they have likely spent a lot of money on your wedding, and it can be awkward for them to attend alone.

If you have the budget and venue capacity, it is a nice gesture to allow every unattached guest to bring a plus-one. However, if you are working with a limited budget and space, you may need to be more selective. In this case, it is recommended that you establish clear and consistent 'rules' for offering plus-ones. For example, you could offer plus-ones to anyone who is married, engaged, or cohabiting with a partner. Alternatively, you could allow only your wedding party to bring plus-ones as a token of appreciation for their time and support.

If you are unable to offer plus-ones to everyone in the wedding party, it is important to communicate this to them individually and be transparent with your reasons. It may also be a good idea to ensure that any single members of the wedding party are seated with people they know or will feel comfortable with.

Remember, your guest list is ultimately your decision, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to wedding planning.

Budget and space considerations

Assess Your Budget and Venue Capacity

The number of guests you can invite is directly linked to your budget and the capacity of your chosen venue. Start by setting a realistic budget and identifying the maximum number of guests your venue can accommodate comfortably. This will provide a framework to guide your guest list decisions.

Create a Priority List

Begin by listing the people closest to you, such as immediate family members and best friends, who you cannot imagine getting married without. Once you have this top-tier list, you can start adding other guests, keeping in mind that not everyone may be able to attend.

Consider Your Guests' Budgets

If you're planning a destination wedding, consider your guests' budgets for travel and accommodations. Sending out "save the dates" early can help guests plan and budget. You may also want to offer group rates or provide transportation to ease the financial burden on your guests.

Be Mindful of Space Constraints

If your chosen venue has a capacity limit, it's crucial to work within those constraints. Confirm the number of people the venue can comfortably accommodate before sending out invitations. Remember, a smaller guest list can make your wedding more intimate and manageable.

Manage Expectations

When dealing with complex family dynamics or limited venue capacity, it's essential to set boundaries and manage expectations. Communicate openly with your partner about your priorities and concerns. If your parents are contributing financially, you may need to compromise and invite some relatives or family friends. However, remember that your wedding day is about what you and your partner want.

Consider the Impact of Plus-Ones and Children

Restricting plus-ones to married, engaged, or long-term couples can help manage numbers. Similarly, opting for an adults-only wedding can significantly reduce the guest count and create a more mature atmosphere.

In summary, when navigating budget and space considerations for your wedding guest list, start by assessing your budget and venue capacity, creating a priority list, and considering your guests' budgets and space constraints. Be mindful of the impact of plus-ones and children, and always manage expectations to ensure your special day aligns with your vision.

Parents of children in the wedding party

When it comes to the parents of children in the wedding party, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it is important to remember that you are not obligated to invite anyone to your wedding out of obligation or guilt. If you are not close with the parents or do not have a personal relationship with them, you can choose not to invite them. However, if you have a close relationship with the parents and consider them family, you may want to consider inviting them. This is especially true if your wedding party member is bringing their children and needs their parents to supervise them during the wedding.

Another thing to keep in mind is the budget and space constraints. Inviting additional guests can increase costs for dinner, transportation, and accommodations. If you have the budget and space to accommodate the parents, then you can proceed with sending out invitations. It is also important to consider who they will be seated with. Ideally, you should be able to seat them with people they know or feel comfortable with, such as your parents, other family members, or someone from a similar time in your life.

If you do decide to invite the parents of the children in the wedding party, it is a thoughtful gesture to discuss the scenario with your wedding party member beforehand. This shows respect for your friendship and ensures that everyone is on the same page. It is also important to be transparent with your wedding party and communicate your reasons for inviting certain guests.

There are also ways to involve the parents in your wedding ceremony beyond just inviting them as guests. For example, you can include them in the processional, give them VIP seating, ask them to recite readings or prayers, or have them sign your marriage license. Including the parents in these ways can be a meaningful way to honour them and make them feel special.

Inviting certain parents and not others

Deciding whether or not to invite certain parents to your wedding can be a challenging and stressful task. Here are some tips to help you navigate this situation:

• Be mindful of hurt feelings: Excluding certain parents from your wedding guest list may result in hurt feelings. It is important to be compassionate and considerate of their emotions while also standing your ground firmly.
• Communicate transparently: Ensure open and honest communication with your wedding party. If you plan to invite some parents and not others, make sure the rest of the party is aware of the reason behind your decision. Transparent communication can help prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
• Consider your relationship: Evaluate the nature of your relationship with the parents in question. Ask yourself if you have a close connection, consider them family, or would want to display their photo in your home. A strong relationship may indicate a higher priority for invitation.
• Budget and space constraints: Take into account your wedding budget and the venue's capacity. If you have limited resources or space, it may be necessary to prioritize certain parents over others.
• Seating arrangements: Think about who the parents will be seated with during the wedding. Ideally, they should be placed with people they know or feel comfortable with, such as your parents, other family members, or individuals from a similar phase of your life.
• Childcare needs: If you are not having an adults-only wedding and some members of your wedding party are bringing their children, consider inviting their parents to provide supervision during the event.
• Strained relationships: If you are aware of a strained or non-existent relationship between a member of your wedding party and their parents, it is generally advisable not to cross that boundary by inviting the parents. Respect the standing relationship dynamics and avoid causing further tension.
• Avoid obligation or guilt: Do not invite parents out of a sense of obligation or guilt. Your wedding day is about celebrating your happiness, and you should not feel pressured to include individuals who may detract from that joy.

Frequently asked questions