Wedding Bands: Picking Together Or Apart?

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to whether the bride and groom should pick out wedding bands together. It depends on the couple and their preferences. Some couples may feel that choosing rings together creates a more intimate and meaningful experience, allowing them to bond and better understand each other's style and personality. On the other hand, some couples prefer to maintain the element of surprise by choosing their rings separately, wanting to pick out something they know their partner will love. Ultimately, it is a personal preference, and there is no right or wrong answer.

Wedding band styles

Wedding bands come in a variety of styles, allowing couples to choose a ring that is unique to them and their relationship. Here are some popular wedding band styles:

Classic Metal Bands

Classic metal wedding bands typically feature no gemstones and are crafted from platinum, titanium, stainless steel, or 18K or 14K white, yellow, or rose gold. Platinum is the most popular choice for this style, as it is the shiniest metal and develops a beautiful patina with age. Metal bands are versatile and can be paired with any style of engagement ring or worn alone. They are also a good option for those who lead active lifestyles, as they are low-maintenance and durable.

Pavé Bands

Pavé wedding bands are encrusted with diamonds or gemstones, adding sparkle and flair to the ring. Brides can choose from various styles, including cushion-cut solitaire rings with a pavé halo setting or matching the pavé band to their engagement ring. Pavé bands are ideal for those who want the sparkle of diamonds without the look of high-set prongs.

Eternity Bands

Eternity bands feature diamonds or gemstones around the entire perimeter of the ring. The two most common styles are shared prong and channel settings. In a shared prong setting, two stones share a prong, forming a "u" shape from the side, while a channel setting features diamonds laid side by side within a metal channel for a more encrusted look. Eternity bands can be set with various diamond cuts, including round brilliant, cushion, or emerald. They can be worn alone or paired with a classic engagement ring for added shine.

Anniversary Bands

Anniversary bands are similar to eternity bands but feature clusters of diamonds or gemstones along only half of the band's perimeter. They are meant to celebrate a couple's wedding anniversary, typically for milestones such as 10, 15, or 20 years. Anniversary bands can be paired with any type of engagement ring, creating a cohesive look by matching the settings.

Gemstone Bands

Gemstone wedding bands offer a bold pop of color and a unique look. Popular gemstone choices include sapphires, rubies, and emeralds, each symbolizing nobility, truth, romance, devotion, and vitality. Gemstone bands can be designed with eternity styles, curved bands with hidden gemstone accents, or fancy gemstone shapes.

Vintage-Inspired Bands

Vintage-inspired wedding bands evoke the charm of a family heirloom or a celebrity ring from decades past. These rings often feature fancy-shaped diamonds and beautiful milgrain details, combining old-world charm with contemporary touches.

Infinity Bands

Infinity wedding bands feature intertwining strands that form an infinity sign, symbolizing an infinite relationship. Many styles incorporate diamond pavé for added sparkle.

Stackable Bands

Stackable wedding bands allow couples to create their own personal ring stack, going beyond the classic pairing of an engagement ring and wedding band. Popular combinations include a third band that bookends the engagement ring or multiple skinny bands for added bling.

Matching vs. unique bands

There is no rule that dictates whether wedding bands should match or not. It is a matter of personal preference for the couple. However, there are several factors to consider when making this decision.

Matching wedding bands have traditionally been seen as a symbol of togetherness and unity, with both partners wearing the same style of ring as a representation of their bond. Matching bands can also be more convenient and affordable for couples, especially if they have similar tastes or if one partner does not have a strong preference. Additionally, the act of selecting matching bands can be a shared experience that adds significance to the rings.

On the other hand, unique wedding bands allow each individual to express their personality and preferences within the context of their union. Couples may have different fashion senses or preferences for ring materials, colours, and designs. With so many alternative ring options available, such as titanium, tungsten, ceramic, and wood, it can be challenging for couples to agree on a single design. In these cases, opting for unique bands ensures that both partners get a ring they love and will enjoy wearing.

For couples who want a middle ground, it is possible to incorporate some matching elements into unique designs. For example, the rings could use the same precious metal or have a similar modern or classic sensibility while differing in their exact design. Ultimately, the decision of whether to have matching or unique wedding bands is a personal one, and there is no right or wrong choice.

Paying for the bands

Paying for wedding bands can be tricky, especially as there are many different ways to approach it. Firstly, it's important to note that there is no "right" way to do it. There are no hard-and-fast rules, and it's perfectly acceptable to buy your own ring or shop for both rings together.

Traditionally, each person pays for the other person's ring. So, in a heterosexual marriage, the groom or his family would pay for the bride's ring, and the bride or her family would pay for the groom's ring. However, this tradition assumes that all weddings involve a man and a woman, and modern weddings are no longer governed by the gender rules of the past. Nowadays, each half of the couple is generally expected to pay for the other person's ring, but there are many other ways to approach it.

If one person bought the engagement ring, the other might pay for both of the wedding bands. Alternatively, you could split the cost evenly, start a shared wedding bank account, or gift each other the bands. You could also divide the total cost of the bands proportionally according to your individual incomes, which is a common practice when splitting costs as a couple.

The best course of action is to talk it out and come to a mutual agreement. Be open about expectations, likes, and dislikes, and consider your joint financial situation.

Practical considerations

There are several practical considerations to keep in mind when deciding whether the bride and groom should pick out wedding bands together. Here are some key points to think about:

• Lifestyle and Occupation: Consider the couple's lifestyle and occupation when choosing a wedding band. If one or both individuals lead an active lifestyle, work with their hands, or travel frequently, a low-maintenance and durable band may be more suitable. Simple bands without diamonds or other gemstones can be both timeless and practical in these cases.
• Metal Options: Various metal options are available for wedding bands, including yellow gold, white gold, rose gold, and platinum. Choosing the same metal for both bands can create a sense of cohesion without needing to match exactly. Alternatively, each individual can select the metal they prefer.
• Design and Style: Wedding bands come in various designs and styles, ranging from simple bands to more intricate designs with gemstones or textural techniques. Consider the couple's style preferences and whether they want their bands to match or complement each other in some way.
• Ring Size: Knowing the correct ring size is crucial. Eternity bands or rings with designs that go all around the band may not be resizable, so ensuring an accurate fit is essential.
• Cost and Budget: Discussing the budget for wedding bands is essential. The couple should decide who will pay for the bands and whether they will split the cost or use a shared account. Considering the cost of the engagement ring and any other wedding expenses can help determine a realistic budget for the bands.
• Timing and Availability: Planning ahead and allowing sufficient time for ring selection and any necessary adjustments is crucial. Keep in mind that custom or made-to-order rings may take longer to create and deliver.
• Return and Resizing Policies: Understanding the jeweller's return and resizing policies is important. Some jewellers may charge a fee for changes or resizing requests, especially for custom or eternity-style rings.
• Personal Preferences: Ultimately, the decision to pick out wedding bands together or separately comes down to the couple's personal preferences. Some couples may prefer the intimacy and shared experience of choosing matching or complementary bands, while others may opt for the element of surprise by selecting their bands independently.

The role of surprise

The wedding band is a piece of jewelry laden with symbolism and meaning. It is a promise of faithfulness, love, and loyalty. Traditionally, wedding bands were simple, smooth metal bands, but today, couples have a wide range of options to choose from. From style and design to how they are worn, the wedding band is an important choice for the couple.

Surprising your partner with a wedding band can add an element of excitement to the wedding day. In modern weddings, there are often few surprises, so a "planned" surprise can be a fun addition. It gives the opportunity for the couple's tastes to blend, with one person choosing the engagement ring and the other, the wedding band. However, the downside is that the rings may not match, and there is a risk of the band not fitting or being to the other person's taste.

On the other hand, picking out wedding bands together has its own advantages. It allows the couple to avoid choosing a ring that isn't to their partner's taste, which is important as it will be worn every day. It also provides an opportunity to design custom rings, possibly incorporating heirloom pieces or eco-friendly and conflict-free materials, which can be a meaningful and enjoyable part of the wedding planning process. Discussing and deciding on a budget together can also save money and be a romantic aspect of the process.

Ultimately, the decision to surprise or not surprise is a personal one. Some couples may prefer the excitement of a surprise, while others value the practicality and romance of choosing the bands together. Superstition may also play a role, with some believing it is bad luck for the bride to see the wedding band before the wedding, although this is not a widely held belief.

Whether chosen together or as a surprise, the wedding band is a powerful symbol of the couple's commitment and love for each other.

Frequently asked questions