Wedding Bands: Shopping Together?

Wedding traditions have evolved over the years, and the same goes for wedding ring traditions. While traditionally, the groom or his family would pay for the bride's ring, and the bride or her family would pay for the groom's ring, modern couples often discuss wedding expenses, including the cost of wedding bands, together. Many couples choose to pay for each other's wedding bands, while others opt for splitting the cost evenly or starting a shared wedding bank account. Shopping for wedding bands together as a couple is becoming increasingly common, allowing both individuals to have a say in the style and design of their rings.

Wedding band traditions vs. modern practices

Wedding bands are steeped in tradition, with the circular shape of the ring representing eternity and everlasting love. The tradition of exchanging wedding rings is believed to have originated in ancient Egypt, where it was believed that the ring finger had a vein connected directly to the heart, known as the "vena amoris" or "vein of love". This ritual has been practised in various forms across different civilisations and religions, including ancient Greece and Rome, and is now a common practice in Christian weddings.

Traditional Practices

In traditional weddings, the bride or her family would pay for the groom's wedding band, and the groom or his family would pay for the bride's. This tradition stems from the belief that the wedding band is a symbol of the groom's financial commitment to the bride and her family.

Modern Practices

Today, wedding band traditions are evolving, and modern couples are taking a more inclusive and individualised approach. Many couples now choose to pay for each other's bands or split the cost evenly, reflecting their shared expenses and commitment to equality in their relationship. Some couples even opt for matching wedding bands that complement each other stylistically or feature symbolic connections, such as matching gemstones or fingerprint engravings.

The process of selecting wedding bands has also become a joint endeavour for many modern couples. They visit jewellers together and make decisions based on personal preferences, lifestyle, and budget. The wide range of options available today, from metal type to engraving, allows couples to create bands that reflect their unique style and the significance of their union.

While traditions are valued, modern couples are not bound by rigid rules and are instead choosing what works best for them. Open communication about expectations and finances is key to navigating these decisions and ensuring a smooth process as they plan their wedding.

Who buys the wedding bands?

Wedding ring traditions have evolved over the years, and while there are no hard-and-fast rules, there are some precedents. In the past, gender determined who bought the wedding rings, with the groom and his family paying for the bride's ring, and the bride and her family paying for the groom's. This tradition dates back to the dowry system, where the bride's family would give gifts to the groom.

However, nowadays, many couples discuss wedding expenses together, and some choose to split the cost of the rings, or one person may buy both wedding bands if the other is contributing more to another part of the wedding. For same-sex or non-conforming couples, the male/female binary of wedding traditions doesn't apply, and they plan together what they're buying and who is paying.

If you're unsure how your future spouse wants to handle the wedding band question, it's best to ask. Open and honest communication is key to any good marriage, so it should be easy to have a conversation about it. Discuss not only who will pay but also whether or not your bands should match and what styles you like.

If you're both chipping in for the overall cost of your wedding, it may not matter who pays for this one expense. You could also consider starting a shared wedding bank account that you can both contribute to and spend from.

Shopping for wedding bands

Wedding band shopping is an important part of wedding planning. While wedding traditions are constantly evolving, the exchanging of rings remains one of the most traditional exercises in marriage. Wedding bands are often simple, unadorned bands without a big diamond or other stone, although some couples opt for gemstones, engravings, or other features. The cost of wedding bands depends on the type of metal chosen, the ring size, and any other features included.

When it comes to shopping for wedding bands, there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Some couples choose to shop together, while others prefer to keep it a surprise. Here are some things to consider when shopping for wedding bands:

Metal Type

Gold is the most popular option, but other metals such as platinum are available. Platinum is more hypoallergenic and durable, but has fewer colour options compared to gold, which comes in a variety of colours like white, yellow, and rose. If the couple wants their bands to match, choosing the same metal is crucial.

Engraving

If the couple wants to personalise their wedding bands with an engraving, this will typically extend the delivery timeline. It is recommended to decide on an engraving as soon as possible and order the bands far in advance of the wedding to give the jeweller plenty of time. Engravings are usually placed on the inside of the band.

Band Size

It is important to know the correct band size, especially for styles like eternity bands that are difficult to resize. Knowing the correct size will also prevent any delays in receiving the rings due to resizing.

Timing

It is advisable to start shopping for wedding bands early to allow for enough time between receiving the bands and the wedding day. This provides a cushion in case of any issues such as incorrect ring size or engraving flaws. Custom jewellery designs will also take longer to create.

Cost

The cost of wedding bands can be a significant expense, and it is common for couples to discuss wedding expenses, including the cost of the bands, together. There are several approaches to consider when deciding how to pay for the rings. One option is for each person to pay for their partner's ring, following the traditional approach. Alternatively, if one person bought the engagement ring, the other person may pay for both wedding bands. Another option is to split the cost evenly, especially if the couple has combined their finances.

The pros and cons of ring shopping together

Wedding ring traditions have evolved over the years, and while some couples still adhere to classic traditions, such as the groom purchasing the rings or the bride receiving a family heirloom, many modern couples prefer to make these decisions together.

Pros of Ring Shopping Together:

• You have options: Shopping together doesn't necessarily mean you'll know every detail about the ring. You can try on different options and let your partner know your preferences, or you can keep some elements of surprise by narrowing it down to a few choices and letting your partner make the final decision.
• It eases the stress: Buying an engagement ring is a significant decision and a major investment. Shopping as a couple can reduce stress and pressure by providing a second opinion and ensuring you're both comfortable with the financial aspect.
• It creates a sense of empowerment: From a progressive/feminist perspective, shopping together makes your partner feel like an equal partner in the process, rather than just accepting what is given to them. It also fosters open communication and collaboration, which is essential in a marriage.
• It ensures your partner gets the ring they want: Your partner will be wearing the ring for the rest of their life, and shopping together ensures they get a ring they truly want and will cherish.
• It can be romantic: Trying on rings together can be just as romantic and special as seeing it for the first time during the proposal. It's a memorable experience that symbolizes your love and commitment to each other.

Cons of Ring Shopping Together:

• It may ruin the surprise: If you value the surprise and suspense of the proposal, shopping together may take away some of the magic. However, there can still be elements of surprise, such as not knowing the exact moment or location of the proposal.
• It may add to the financial stress: Having your partner present during the shopping process can add pressure to spend more than your budget, especially if the merchant encourages upgrades.
• It's not traditional: If you value tradition and want to maintain the fairy-tale aspect of the proposal, shopping together may not align with your vision.
• It may take away the opportunity to show how well you know your partner: Your partner might want to express their love through the design of the ring they choose for you. Letting them pick the ring without your input can be a meaningful way to demonstrate their understanding of your taste and preferences.

Ultimately, the decision to shop for wedding rings together depends on your unique situation as a couple. Open communication is key, and discussing your preferences, finances, and expectations will help you make a choice that feels right for both of you.

How to decide who buys the wedding bands

Wedding band traditions have evolved over the years, and there is no longer a hard-and-fast rule about who buys the wedding bands. While traditionally the bride (and/or her family) buys the groom's wedding ring, and the groom (and/or his family) buys the bride's, modern couples have a wide range of options. Here are some ways to decide who buys the wedding bands:

Open Communication

It is essential to have an honest conversation about your preferences and expectations. This will help prevent any negative feelings that may arise from making a large financial investment. It is also a good opportunity to discuss your finances and ensure you are both comfortable and on the same page.

Split the Cost

If you have already combined your finances or are paying for the wedding together, you may want to split the cost of the wedding bands. This does not necessarily mean contributing an equal amount; you could divide the total cost proportionally to your individual incomes, a common practice when splitting costs as a couple.

Gift Each Other the Rings

Some couples choose to buy the wedding bands for each other as a gift, continuing the traditional approach of each person paying for the other's ring.

Create a Shared Wedding Account

You could set up a dedicated wedding bank account that each person can contribute to and spend from, ensuring a fair and open approach to buying the wedding bands.

Consider Your Financial History

Think about what you have done in the past regarding splitting costs. If you've always split expenses evenly, it may make sense to continue doing so for the wedding bands.

Look at Your Future Together

If you have big honeymoon plans or are in the process of buying a home, you may need to stay within a certain budget for the wedding bands to save money for other important expenses. You could even opt for inexpensive bands to be replaced with higher-quality ones later.

Ask for Help

If you are unsure about how to approach the situation, don't be afraid to ask for advice from friends and family who have been through the same process.

Remember, the most important thing is to make a decision that works for both of you and ensures you are both comfortable with the arrangement.

Frequently asked questions