Groom And Bride Wedding Invitations: Who Gets Them?

Wedding invitation etiquette is a complex affair, with many traditions and expectations to consider. One such consideration is whose name, the bride's or the groom's, should appear first on the invitation. Traditionally, the bride's name appears first, followed by the groom's. This is because the bride's parents are typically the hosts of the wedding and are named at the top of the invitation. However, this tradition is not set in stone, and modern couples may choose to list the groom's name first or even use a combination of both names. Same-sex couples may also choose to list their names alphabetically or based on personal preference. Ultimately, the decision rests with the couple, and there is no wrong choice as long as the invitation accurately represents the couple and conveys the necessary information about the wedding.

Who goes first on the invitation?

When it comes to wedding invitations, there are many considerations to take into account, such as who is hosting the wedding and the couple's preferences. Here are some guidelines on who should be listed first on the invitation:

Traditional Etiquette

Traditionally, the bride's name is listed first on the wedding invitation, followed by the groom's full name. This is because, historically, the bride's family bears the cost of the wedding and is considered the host. In this case, the invitation would be worded as follows:

> Mr. and Mrs. [Bride's Parents] request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter [Bride's Full Name] to [Groom's Full Name], son of Mr. and Mrs. [Groom's Parents]

However, this tradition is becoming less common, as more couples opt for a more modern approach or have both sets of parents contributing financially to the wedding.

Modern Variations

In modern times, wedding invitation wording has become more flexible and often reflects the couple's preferences and the level of involvement of both families. Here are some options to consider:

• Collaborative Event: If the wedding is hosted by the bride, groom, and both sets of parents, the invitation can begin with the parents' names or a statement such as, "Together with their families, [Bride] and [Groom] invite you to celebrate their love and union."
• Same-Sex Couples: For same-sex weddings, couples often choose to list names in alphabetical order or based on personal preference, whichever sounds better. This approach ensures neutrality and avoids any potential arguments.
• Personal Preference: Some couples opt to list the groom's name first, especially if the groom's family is hosting the wedding or if it simply sounds better to them. Ultimately, the choice of name order can be based on what feels right to the couple, especially if they are known to friends and family in a certain order.

Special Circumstances

There are also special circumstances to consider when deciding on the name order:

• Military or Higher Rank: In the case where the groom is in the military or holds a higher rank or degree than the bride, his rank or status may take precedence, and the invitation would be structured accordingly.
• Deceased Parent: When including a deceased parent's name on the invitation, the order may need to be rearranged. A formal example would be: "[Bride's Name], daughter of Mr. [Bride's Father] and the late [Bride's Mother], requests the pleasure of your presence."

In conclusion, while traditional etiquette dictates that the bride's name appears first on the invitation, modern weddings allow for more flexibility. Couples can choose to prioritise personal preference, family dynamics, or simply what sounds best to them. Ultimately, the decision should reflect the couple's unique circumstances and ensure that their invitation is a true representation of their special day.

Honouring a deceased parent

During the Ceremony

• Include a moment of silence in the ceremony to honour them or have a candle lit in their memory.
• Ask your officiant to mention them during the ceremony.
• Reserve a seat in their honour, perhaps with a sign, a flower, or a bouquet of flowers.
• Carry or wear a memento from them, such as a piece of jewellery they gave you or a handkerchief.
• Incorporate their favourite flowers into your bouquet or boutonniere.
• Add a photo charm to your bouquet or boutonniere.
• Wear a piece of fabric that belonged to them, such as a handkerchief or pocket square, or incorporate it into your wedding attire.
• Play their favourite song or a meaningful poem during the ceremony.
• Write a tribute, anecdote, favourite poem, or message in their honour in the wedding programme.
• Light a memorial candle.

During the Reception

• Talk about and toast them at the reception.
• Play their favourite song.
• Incorporate their favourite food or recipe into the menu, such as their signature dessert or appetizer.
• Create a signature drink in their honour.
• Display their favourite photos in beautiful frames.
• Set up a memorial table with photos, candles, and mementos.
• Wear their favourite scent.
• Use their champagne glasses for the toast or their wedding knife to cut the cake.
• Donate to their favourite charity in lieu of gifts.
• Visit their grave after the ceremony and leave your bouquet there.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to honour a deceased parent at your wedding. Choose what feels best and helps you bring their presence into your special day.

The request line

The Request to Attend

It is essential to extend an invitation to your guests, asking for the pleasure of their company. This can be done in various ways, depending on the formality of the wedding and who is hosting. Here are some examples:

• "Request the honour of your presence" – Traditionally used for religious ceremonies, the British spelling of "honour" adds a formal and traditional touch.
• "Request the pleasure of your company" – This phrase is often used for non-religious ceremonies.
• "Invite you to celebrate with them"
• "Would love for you to join them"

Wording and Etiquette

The traditional order for the couple's names is the bride's name followed by the groom's. This is especially important if the bride's parents are hosting the wedding. However, modern couples may choose to go with what sounds better or is more aesthetically pleasing on the invitation design. Same-sex couples can choose an order based on preference or alphabetical order.

• "Together with their families, Bride and Groom invite you to share in the joy of their wedding day."
• "Bride, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and Groom, son of Mr. and Mrs. Jones, request the honour of your presence at their wedding."
• "With great pleasure, Bride and Groom invite you to join them as they exchange wedding vows."
• "Bride and Groom joyfully request your presence at their wedding ceremony and reception."

Additional Considerations

When it comes to the date and time, it is traditional to spell them out in full. For a formal invitation, include the day of the week, the date, and the year in lowercase. For example, "Saturday, the fifteenth of September, two thousand twenty-four, at half past four in the afternoon."

In terms of dress code, it is optional to include it on the invitation, but it can be helpful for guests. If you are having a black-tie wedding, it is essential to specify this on the invitation.

Remember, these are just guidelines, and you can personalise your request line to match your wedding's tone and style. Feel free to riff off these principles to create something unique and representative of your special day!

Alphabetical or traditional?

When it comes to the order of names on a wedding invitation, there are a few options to consider: traditional or alphabetical.

Traditional

The traditional way to order names on a wedding invitation is to list the bride's name first, followed by the groom's name. This is true for both the invitation itself and the envelope. For example, "Emily and Zara" or "Zara and Emily" for a same-sex couple, or "Emily and Matt" for a heterosexual couple.

Alphabetical

Another option is to order the names alphabetically by last name or based on what looks best with the invitation design. This approach can be especially helpful for same-sex couples, as there is no established tradition for name order.

Other Considerations

It's worth noting that the name order can also depend on the formality of the wedding and the couple's preferences. For more casual weddings, first names only may be used. Additionally, if the bride's parents' names are listed at the top of the invitation, the bride's name on the following line can be her first and middle name, without the last name.

Ultimately, the decision on name order is a personal choice, and couples can choose the option that feels most comfortable and aligns with their wedding vision.

When to send the invites

The timing of sending out wedding invitations is an important aspect of wedding planning. It can be inconsiderate to send out invites too early or too late, which may hurt guest attendance. The general rule of thumb is to send out invitations six to eight weeks before the wedding date. This gives guests enough time to clear their schedules and make travel arrangements if needed. It also allows the couple to request RSVPs sooner, facilitating final headcounts, seating charts, and other wedding preparations.

However, there are some circumstances where sending invitations earlier may be appropriate. If a large proportion of guests are travelling from abroad or the wedding is during a major holiday, it is advisable to send invitations around twelve weeks in advance. This provides guests with ample time to plan their travels and accommodations. For couples with a shorter engagement period, sending invitations two to three months in advance is also acceptable.

On the other hand, sending invitations too early can lead to issues. Guests may lose track of the date, and there is a higher chance of people changing their plans. This can result in an inaccurate guest count for the couple when providing numbers to the venue and vendors.

To ensure a timely response from guests, it is recommended to set an RSVP deadline of about one month from the wedding date. This provides a brief window for guests to respond and offers vendors sufficient advance notice for their preparations.

In summary, the ideal timeline for sending wedding invitations is six to eight weeks before the wedding, with some flexibility depending on the specific circumstances. This ensures that guests have enough time to plan and respond, allowing the couple to finalise their wedding arrangements.

Frequently asked questions