The Unseen Cruelty: Ganging Up On Fat Bridesmaids

Being a bridesmaid is hard enough without the added stress of struggling to find a dress that fits. Many bridesmaids' dresses are not designed with plus-size women in mind, and even when they are, trying them on in a salon surrounded by thinner women can be humiliating. It's no wonder that some plus-size women feel like their friends are ganging up on them when they're expected to wear unflattering dresses or outfits that don't come in their size. While some brides are considerate of their friends' body issues, others are not, and this can put a strain on even the closest of friendships.

The emotional and financial burden of being a plus-size bridesmaid

Being a bridesmaid is an honor, but it can also be emotionally and financially challenging, especially for plus-size individuals. Here are some insights into the emotional and financial burdens faced by plus-size bridesmaids:

Emotional Burden:

• Finding a Flattering Dress: One of the biggest challenges for plus-size bridesmaids is finding a dress that is both flattering and comfortable. Many stores and bridal salons carry a limited range of sizes, making it difficult for plus-size women to find dresses that fit well. This can lead to feelings of self-consciousness and frustration.
• Body Image Issues: The pressure to look a certain way and fit into a specific dress size can trigger body image issues for plus-size bridesmaids. They may feel insecure about their bodies, especially when surrounded by thinner bridesmaids.
• Feeling Like a Burden: Plus-size bridesmaids may feel like a burden to the bride and other members of the bridal party. They may worry about having to make special requests or accommodations for their size, which can cause guilt and anxiety.
• Social Comparison: Being a plus-size bridesmaid in a group of thinner women can lead to social comparison and feelings of inadequacy. This can affect self-esteem and body image, especially if the other bridesmaids are close friends.
• Limited Clothing Options: Plus-size women often have fewer clothing options available to them, and this extends to bridesmaid dresses. This can make it challenging to find a dress that aligns with the bride's vision and also flatters the plus-size bridesmaid's body.

Financial Burden:

• Attire Costs: Plus-size bridesmaids may incur higher costs for their attire. Alterations, custom fittings, and specialty sizing can add up, making the financial burden of being a bridesmaid even greater for plus-size individuals.
• Pressure to Spend: There is often pressure on bridesmaids to spend money on various wedding-related expenses, such as bachelorette parties, gifts, and spa days. This pressure can be intensified for plus-size bridesmaids, who may feel the need to prove their dedication to the bride financially.
• Debt Incurred: In some cases, the financial burden of being a bridesmaid can lead to debt. A significant proportion of bridesmaids go into debt due to wedding-related expenses, and this may be especially true for plus-size individuals who face higher costs for attire and alterations.
• Hidden Costs: In addition to the cost of the bridesmaid dress, there may be hidden costs such as shapewear, shoes, and accessories. These additional expenses can add to the financial burden, especially if the plus-size bridesmaid has to purchase specialty items that fit their body type.

Being a plus-size bridesmaid can be emotionally challenging due to body image issues, limited clothing options, and feelings of being a burden. Financially, plus-size bridesmaids may face higher costs for attire and alterations, as well as pressure to spend money on wedding-related expenses, potentially leading to debt. It is important for brides to be considerate of the unique challenges faced by plus-size bridesmaids and to prioritize their comfort and inclusion.

The pressure to lose weight for the wedding

It is extremely common for brides to want to lose weight ahead of their wedding day. A 2008 study by Cornell University found that 70% of women surveyed wanted to lose weight ahead of their special day. A more recent study in 2019 found that 62% of brides wanted to lose weight before their wedding, but only 18% managed to do so.

The pressure to be a 'perfect' bride

Brides are often subject to intense scrutiny, with everyone feeling entitled to an opinion on their appearance, their dress, their diet, and their size. The 'Bridezilla' trope, which paints women who are obsessive about their wedding day as monsters, is deeply misogynistic. Women who are labelled as such are often simply people at the end of their tether, weighed down by the pressure of other people's expectations.

Fatphobia

We continue to live in a fatphobic culture, in which fat people are dehumanised and discriminated against. They earn less, have a harder time finding work, and are seen as lazy, lacking in self-discipline, and full of self-loathing. It is therefore no surprise that brides often feel pressured to lose weight ahead of their wedding day, as 'looking your best' is usually shorthand for 'being thin'.

The impact of social pressure

Social pressure to lose weight for major events can trigger eating disorder behaviours, according to Beat, the UK's leading charity supporting those affected by eating disorders. The increased stress and pressure can lead to negative feelings about body image, perfectionism, and anxiety, or cause people to control food or exercise as a way of coping.

How to deal with the pressure

If you are feeling pressured to lose weight for your wedding, it is important to remember that you do not have to conform to unrealistic beauty standards. You can also take a more balanced approach and remember that perfection is impossible, even on your wedding day. Instead of worrying about the opinions of others, try to focus on what makes you feel your best emotionally, mentally, and physically.

The lack of plus-size options in bridal shops

It can be incredibly challenging to find plus-size options in bridal shops, and this issue is not limited to brides-to-be; bridesmaids also struggle with the limited options available. This can be a source of stress and anxiety for women who are already facing the pressure of fitting into a very specific body image. The experience of shopping for a bridesmaid dress can be fraught with difficulties and discomfort, and it is made even more challenging when the options available do not accommodate a range of body types and sizes.

The limited options available in bridal shops can lead to a sense of isolation and exclusion for plus-size women. They may feel like they are not represented or considered in the wedding industry, which is supposed to be a celebration of love and inclusion. This can cause a great deal of stress and anxiety, as they navigate the challenges of finding clothing that fits well and flatters their body type.

Additionally, the process of shopping for a bridesmaid dress can be costly and time-consuming, with many women reporting that they have spent hundreds of dollars on alterations or custom fittings. The financial burden can be significant, especially when coupled with the pressure of wanting to look and feel one's best on a friend or family member's special day.

However, there are some bridal shops and designers that are paving the way for inclusive sizing. For example, Solutions Bridal Designer House in Orlando, Florida, has curated a Limitless collection that serves brides of all sizes. The collection features made-to-measure gowns, ensuring that every bride feels fabulous and celebrated. Other boutiques, such as Della Curva in Southern California, have also gained recognition for their commitment to size inclusivity and body positivity.

When it comes to finding plus-size options in bridal shops, it is essential to do your research. Look for retailers that specialize in plus sizes and have a good selection of samples in a range of sizes. It is also important to be selective with your entourage when shopping for a dress; surround yourself with people who are supportive and respectful of your vision and boundaries. Remember, it's all about finding a dress that makes you feel confident and beautiful, regardless of the size on the tag.

The importance of body positivity and acceptance

Body positivity is a movement that emerged from the "fat acceptance movement" of the 1960s. It asserts that all people deserve a positive body image, regardless of societal norms and popular culture's views of the "ideal" body shape and size. It involves loving and feeling good about your body and challenging how society views bodies that do not fit the ideal. Body positivity is about promoting the acceptance and love of all body types and championing the inherent dignity of all bodies.

The movement is particularly important in the context of weddings and bridesmaids, where there is a lot of pressure to conform to a certain aesthetic. This can be extremely difficult for plus-size bridesmaids, who often struggle with finding dresses that fit and flatter their bodies. They may also feel self-conscious and uncomfortable, especially when surrounded by thinner bridesmaids.

The body positivity movement aims to address these issues by challenging unrealistic beauty standards and promoting the acceptance of all bodies. It encourages people to recognize the influences contributing to poor body image and to develop a healthier and more realistic relationship with their bodies. This can lead to improved mental health, higher self-esteem, and a reduced risk of depression and eating disorders.

However, it is important to note that body positivity is not without its criticisms. Some argue that it can be non-inclusive, often excluding marginalized bodies and centering thin white women. Others criticize it for overemphasizing physical appearance and for pressuring people to feel positive about their bodies, even when they do not genuinely feel that way.

As an alternative, the body neutrality movement suggests that people do not need to love or hate their bodies, but can feel neutral about them. It emphasizes functionality over appearance and removes the expectation of specific feelings toward the body.

Ultimately, both movements strive for acceptance and a healthier relationship with one's body. They encourage people to recognize their worth and value, regardless of their body shape and size.

The impact of fat-shaming on mental health

Being a bridesmaid is supposed to be an honour and a fun experience, but for many plus-size women, it can be a stressful and humiliating nightmare. From unflattering dresses to body-shaming comments, the pressure to look a certain way can take a toll on mental health.

Fat-shaming is the act of criticizing and harassing people with excess weight about their weight or eating habits to make them feel ashamed of themselves. It is often justified as a means to motivate people to eat less, exercise more, and lose weight. However, scientific evidence suggests that fat-shaming has the opposite effect. Instead of encouraging people to lead healthier lifestyles, it can trigger feelings of anxiety, depression, frustration, and a sense of futility.

Research has shown that fat-shaming leads to psychological distress and is not an effective motivator for weight loss. In fact, it can cause people to eat more and gain more weight. Studies indicate that weight discrimination and fat-shaming are linked to an increased risk of depression, eating disorders, reduced self-esteem, and various other mental and physical health problems.

The stress caused by fat-shaming can lead to increased cortisol levels and inflammation in the body, which can result in chronic health issues such as high blood pressure. It can also impact an individual's ability to receive proper healthcare, as fat-shaming by medical professionals can lead to patients avoiding important health care advice and refusing to seek further treatment.

To combat fat-shaming and promote body positivity, it is essential to address weight bias and challenge societal norms that perpetuate the idea that being thin is the only acceptable standard of beauty. By creating a more inclusive and accepting environment, we can help reduce the harmful mental health effects of fat-shaming and empower individuals to lead healthier and more fulfilling lives.

Frequently asked questions