Lesbian Weddings: Who Stands Where?

Lesbian brides can choose to have bridesmaids or not, depending on their preferences. Some lesbian brides opt for a more symmetrical wedding, with both brides wearing dresses and getting ready with their friends on the morning of the wedding. They may also choose to walk down the aisle together and involve their mothers, siblings, and friends in the ceremony.

Some lesbian brides may prefer to avoid the traditional roles and responsibilities associated with bridesmaids, such as the objectification and patriarchal history associated with the term. Instead, they may opt for gender-neutral terms like People of Honour or Important People to involve their loved ones in a way that aligns with their values and beliefs.

Ultimately, the decision to have bridesmaids or not is a personal choice, and lesbian brides should feel free to plan their wedding in a way that reflects their unique relationship and values.

Lesbian bridesmaids' attire

When it comes to attire for bridesmaids in lesbian weddings, there are no rules, and clothing choices can be made to reflect the personalities and styles of the bridesmaids themselves.

While some may opt for a more traditional approach, with dresses or skirts, others may choose to wear suits or a mix of both. The choice of attire can depend on several factors, such as the formality of the wedding, the season, and the overall style or theme of the celebration.

For a formal or black-tie lesbian wedding, bridesmaids can consider elegant, tailored suits in classic colours like black, charcoal, or burgundy. These suits can be accessorised with boutonnieres, pocket squares, or statement jewellery to add a touch of personality. If the wedding is more relaxed or informal, bridesmaids might opt for a mix-and-match approach, with a variety of colours, cuts, and styles that reflect their individual tastes while still complementing the overall wedding colour palette.

For example, a fall wedding could feature burnt orange suits, while a summer wedding might showcase a range of light blue suits, perhaps with vests for added sophistication. The choice of footwear can also be an opportunity to express individuality, with options ranging from heels to sneakers, depending on the level of formality and the comfort of the bridesmaids.

Ultimately, the attire for lesbian bridesmaids should be a reflection of the bridesmaids' unique personalities and styles, ensuring they feel confident and comfortable as they stand by the happy couple on their special day.

Duties of lesbian bridesmaids

While the concept of 'bridesmaids' and 'maids of honour' is considered problematic by some in the lesbian community due to its roots in heteronormative and patriarchal traditions, many lesbian couples still choose to include 'important people' in their wedding. These people are often close friends or family members who play a crucial role in supporting the brides and can be referred to by gender-neutral terms such as 'people of honour'.

Pre-Wedding Duties:

• Emotional support: Check in with the brides throughout the wedding planning process, offering a listening ear and a calm presence.
• Planning and attendance: Plan and attend pre-wedding events such as the bridal shower and bachelorette party.
• Financial contribution: Contribute financially to pre-wedding events and consider giving an engagement gift.
• Travel and accommodation: Book any necessary travel and accommodation for the wedding, ensuring early reservations for convenience.
• Rehearsal and dinner: Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, familiarising themselves with the ceremony flow and offering support to the brides during their final preparations.
• Wedding planning tasks: Assist with smaller wedding planning tasks, such as stuffing envelopes, alphabetising escort cards, or easy DIY projects.
• Wedding gift: Purchase a wedding gift for the couple from their registry and have it shipped before the wedding, unless it's a destination wedding.
• Attire selection: Choose their wedding day outfit, either as a group or individually, and be prepared to cover the associated costs.

Wedding Day Duties:

• Getting ready: Arrive at the designated getting-ready location on time, with all the necessary gear, and assist the brides with their hair, makeup, attire, and jewellery.
• Snacks and drinks: Provide snacks and drinks for the bridal party to enjoy while getting ready, ensuring everyone stays energised and hydrated.
• Support and assistance: Throughout the day, be the brides' support crew, offering assistance with any last-minute tasks, coordinating with vendors, and providing an emergency kit.
• Ceremony participation: Process down the aisle during the ceremony, standing by the brides' side, and fulfilling any assigned roles, such as holding bouquets or assisting with outfit adjustments.
• Photography: Be available for group portraits, cooperating with the photographer to ensure the process is efficient.
• Guest interaction: Mingle with guests, direct them as needed, and participate in guest-related activities like signing the guest book or visiting the photo booth.
• Speeches: Give a speech during the reception if requested by the couple, or listen respectfully to others' speeches.
• Dancing and celebrations: Engage in dancing and celebrations, encouraging a festive atmosphere and including other guests as well.
• Brides' wellbeing: Ensure the brides are well-fed, hydrated, and calm throughout the day, passing them refreshments if needed.

Post-Wedding Duties:

• Farewell party: Attend a farewell party or post-wedding brunch, if applicable, and support the couple in their final celebrations.
• Organisation and returns: Help organise and return any miscellaneous or leftover wedding items, decorations, or rentals to the appropriate people.
• Outstanding payments: Settle any remaining expenses that need to be split among the bridal party or vendors.

It's important to communicate openly with the brides about expectations and responsibilities, ensuring a clear understanding of what is required from the 'people of honour' or bridesmaids.

Lesbian bridesmaids' titles

Lesbian bridesmaids titles is a topic that has been widely discussed. The traditional concept of "bridesmaids" and "maids of honour" is considered problematic by some lesbians, as it is steeped in heterosexual and patriarchal history and tradition. The idea of women as handmaidens or servants to the bride, or as objects of sexual desire for groomsmen, is not appealing to many modern lesbian couples.

Some lesbian couples choose to forgo the traditional bridal party altogether, instead opting for a more symmetrical wedding party with no gender distinctions. Others choose to include a mixed-gender bridal party, with bridesmen or groomswomen standing alongside the brides. Still, others decide to do away with gendered titles altogether, referring to their wedding party as "Important People", "People of Honour", or "Wedding Attendants".

When it comes to specific titles for lesbian bridesmaids, some couples choose to use gender-neutral terms such as "Person of Honour" or "Bridesperson". Others get creative with titles like "Bridal Brigade", "I Do Crew", or "Matrimony Homies". Ultimately, the choice of title depends on the couple's personal preferences and the level of formality they want for their wedding.

In addition to titles, lesbian couples may also need to consider attire for their bridesmaids. While some bridesmaids may be comfortable wearing dresses, others may prefer to wear suits or pantsuits that match the colour scheme of the wedding. It is important to communicate with the bridal party and ensure that everyone feels comfortable and respected, regardless of their gender identity or expression.

Overall, the most important aspect of choosing lesbian bridesmaids titles is ensuring that the people standing by your side on your wedding day are those who you love and who support your relationship, regardless of their gender.

Lesbian bridesmaids' comfort

To ensure comfort, it is crucial to communicate clearly and manage expectations. Discuss what is expected of the bridesmaids throughout the wedding journey, including their roles and responsibilities. Offer flexibility and understanding regarding attire. Allow them to wear outfits that align with their gender expression and identity, whether it be a dress, suit, or something else entirely. Respect their preferences and provide options that make them feel comfortable and authentic.

Involve the bridesmaids in activities and decisions that are typically gender-segregated, such as pre-wedding preparations, speeches, readings, and walking down the aisle. This inclusive approach ensures that your bridesmaids feel valued and honoured for who they are, rather than being confined to traditional gender roles.

Additionally, be mindful of the language and titles used. Instead of "bridesmaids," consider gender-neutral alternatives such as "People of Honour" or "Important People." This not only respects their gender identity but also emphasises their significance in your life without imposing specific roles or tasks.

Remember, the goal is to create an environment where your bridesmaids feel comfortable, respected, and celebrated for who they are. By offering flexibility, clear communication, and inclusive practices, you can achieve this and create a memorable wedding experience for everyone involved.

Lesbian bridesmaids' significant others

For example, if the bridesmaids are wearing dresses, offer the option of a suit in the same colour, or vice versa. It's also a good idea to ask what they would like to be referred to as—for example, they may prefer the term "bridesman" or "wedding attendant" to "bridesmaid".

Ultimately, the most important thing is to make sure that everyone involved feels respected and comfortable, and that the wedding is a celebration of the couple and their loved ones.

Frequently asked questions