Crafting Wedding Speeches: Who Should Speak?

Wedding speeches are a memorable part of the big day, but they can be daunting for those involved. While it's an honour to be asked, it's also a big responsibility. There are no hard and fast rules about who should speak, but traditionally, the best man, maid of honour, and parents of the couple give speeches. The couple themselves may also wish to say a few words. While it's not mandatory for the maid of honour and best man to give a speech, it is customary. If you're worried about what to say, or how to say it, there are professionals who can help.

Who should give a speech?

There are no hard and fast rules about who should give a speech at a wedding, but there are some traditions and customs that are usually followed. Ultimately, it's up to the couple to decide who they want to speak at their wedding. That said, there are a few key people who traditionally deliver a speech.

The main people who contributed to the wedding budget are usually invited to offer a few words. At weddings with a bride and groom, it is customary for the bride's parents to give a welcome speech. If both sets of parents contributed financially, it is a nice gesture to invite them all to say a few words.

The honour attendants (typically the maid of honour and the best man) may give a speech at the wedding. However, many modern couples opt for these speeches to happen at the rehearsal dinner instead of the reception. The honour attendants' speeches usually involve introducing themselves, explaining their relationship to the bride or groom, congratulating the couple, sharing an anecdote or funny story, and ending with a toast and best wishes.

It is also common for at least one parent to give a speech. Historically, the father of the bride prepares a wedding toast, as in many cultures, he pays for the wedding and is seen as the host. However, this tradition can be adapted to suit the couple. For example, the mother of the groom is also becoming more likely to give a speech. If the couple wishes to include more parents in the speeches, it is more common for one parent to represent each side of the family, but both parents can give a speech together if preferred.

The newlyweds can also give a speech. It is nice to have at least one person from the couple say a few words. They can speak individually or give a joint speech. Their speech might include addressing their guests, communicating what their guests' presence means to them, and creating a closing statement.

How long should it be?

The length of your wedding speech should be between two and five minutes. This is the typical time frame for a wedding speech, and it ensures that your guests don't lose interest. Remember, you don't want to bore your guests or take up too much time that could be spent on other activities, like dancing or mingling.

If you plan to have multiple speakers, keep the total speech time to around 20 minutes. This ensures that your guests remain engaged and that there is enough time for other activities at the reception. Communicate a clear time limit to each speaker, and inform them that they have between three and five minutes for their wedding toast.

It's essential to respect the time constraints and be mindful of your guests' experience. A well-timed speech will keep the event flowing smoothly and create a more enjoyable atmosphere for everyone involved.

What should I include?

The content of your wedding speech will depend on your relationship to the couple. It's customary for the speech to be structured around anecdotes and stories about the couple, particularly the person you are closest to. For example, if you are the maid of honour, you might focus more on the bride.

The speech should be heartfelt and sincere, but it can also be funny. It's a delicate balance of humour and sentiment. You can include an anecdote or a funny story, but it's best to avoid anything too embarrassing or vulgar. Keep the tone lighthearted and warm.

You can also include some words of wisdom or well-wishes for the couple's future together. It's also a good idea to thank the guests for attending and the hosts, staff, and anyone else who helped put the wedding together.

• Introduction: Introduce yourself and explain your relationship to the couple.
• Anecdotes: Share a few strong memories or anecdotes about the couple, especially how they met.
• Praise: Talk about the couple's positive qualities and why they are well-suited.
• Wishes for the future: Share your hopes for their life together.
• Closing: Finish with a toast to the happy couple.

Remember, this is a speech to be spoken aloud, so it's best to use a conversational tone and avoid flowery language or complicated vocabulary. Practice reading your speech aloud, and make sure to time it so it's not too long—2-5 minutes is a good length.

Should I prepare in advance?

Preparing in advance for your wedding speech is crucial to ensure a smooth and memorable delivery. Here are some reasons why you should prepare ahead of time:

Overcoming Nerves:

Public speaking can be nerve-wracking, and wedding speeches are no exception. By preparing in advance, you can help calm your nerves and feel more confident when standing in front of the audience. Practising your speech beforehand will allow you to familiarise yourself with the content, reducing anxiety and the likelihood of forgetting important points.

Structure and Content:

Advance preparation gives you the opportunity to carefully craft the structure and content of your speech. A well-prepared speech should have a clear beginning, middle, and end, with a thoughtful selection of anecdotes and stories. By outlining your speech in advance, you can ensure it flows smoothly, making it more engaging for your audience.

Time Management:

A good wedding speech should typically last between 2 to 5 minutes. Preparing in advance helps you stay mindful of time constraints. You can edit and refine your speech to ensure it is concise and respects the overall timeline of the wedding reception. This consideration will be appreciated by the couple, other speakers, and hungry guests eager to hit the dance floor!

Authenticity and Connection:

A well-prepared speech allows you to focus on authenticity and connection with the couple and the audience. Practising beforehand helps you become comfortable with your material, enabling you to make eye contact, engage with guests, and share meaningful moments. This connection is essential for creating a memorable and heartfelt speech.

Flexibility and Adaptability:

While preparing in advance is beneficial, it's also important to remain flexible and adaptable. Your speech may evolve as you rehearse and receive feedback. You might find that certain stories or jokes land better than others, and you can make adjustments accordingly. Additionally, you may want to leave room for spontaneity and allow the moment to guide your delivery.

In conclusion, preparing your wedding speech in advance is highly recommended. It helps you manage nerves, create a well-structured speech, respect time limits, connect with the audience, and remain adaptable. Remember, your speech is a unique contribution to the couple's special day, so take the time to make it thoughtful, engaging, and heartfelt.

What if I'm nervous?

Feeling nervous about giving a wedding speech is completely natural. It's a big responsibility to deliver a speech that captures the couple's relationship in a meaningful and entertaining way. Here are some tips to help you manage your nerves:

Plan and Practice

The key to calming your nerves is to plan and practice. Start by outlining your ideas and stories using a voice recorder. This will help you sound natural and conversational when delivering your speech. Give yourself plenty of time to write, edit, and rehearse. Practice in front of someone you trust, who can give you feedback and encouragement. The more familiar you are with your speech, the more confident you will feel.

Breathe and Relax

Remember to breathe deeply and relax your body. Focus on taking slow, steady breaths to calm your nerves. Visualise your breath flowing in and out smoothly. This will help you stay calm and grounded.

Keep it Sincere

You might feel pressured to be funny, but joke-telling doesn't come naturally to everyone. Instead, focus on sharing sincere thoughts and stories about the couple. This is a crowd that wants to laugh and cry, so be yourself and speak from the heart.

Know Your Audience

Consider who will be in the room and what they would like to hear. Greet the guests and introduce yourself. Share anecdotes, memories, and stories about the couple. This is your opportunity to showcase their strengths and the special moments that define their relationship.

Keep it Short and Sweet

A wedding speech doesn't have to be long to be impactful. Aim for a length of 2-5 minutes. This will help you feel more confident, and your audience will appreciate a concise and well-crafted speech.

Avoid Excessive Drinking

While it's fine to have a drink or two to calm your nerves, avoid excessive drinking. It can make you seem sloppy and disrespectful, and it won't actually help with your nerves. You want to be fully present and able to deliver your speech with clarity and emotion.

Remember, everyone at the wedding is there to support the couple and celebrate their love. Your speech is a contribution to this celebration, so focus on sharing your unique perspective and well-wishes for the happy couple.

Frequently asked questions