Wedding Guest List: Partners, Invite Or Not?

Deciding whether or not to invite your guests' partners to your wedding can be tricky, especially if you're on a tight budget or have a limited venue capacity. While there's no one-size-fits-all answer, there are some important considerations to keep in mind. Firstly, it's generally considered good etiquette to invite the long-term partners, spouses, or live-in partners of your close friends and family members. This is because it can be seen as rude to ask people to celebrate your relationship while ignoring theirs. However, if someone is in a new or casual relationship, especially if you haven't met their partner, it may be more reasonable to not extend the invitation.

Another factor to consider is whether your guests will know other people at the wedding. If they won't know anyone else, it's polite to invite their partner or offer them a plus one so they have someone to spend time with. On the other hand, if they will know a few people, they may still be able to enjoy themselves without their partner. Additionally, it's worth noting that creating a B-list of guests to invite if you receive declines is generally considered rude, as it makes people feel like second choices.

Ultimately, the decision comes down to what works best for you, your wedding, and your budget. It's a good idea to have a clear set of rules and a cutoff point to explain who gets to bring a date and who doesn't. Be sure to communicate your decision clearly to your guests, and remember that you can't please everyone!

Inviting partners you don't know

When it comes to inviting partners you don't know to your wedding, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it's important to remember that every extra person will cost you more money, so you need to decide if your budget allows for it. If you're having an intimate wedding, you may want to keep the guest list small and only invite people you know well. However, if you're having a larger wedding, a few extra guests may not be an issue.

It's generally considered good etiquette to invite the long-term partners of close friends and family members, even if you haven't met them before. This is especially important if your guests are travelling a long way to attend your wedding, as they may be more likely to decline the invitation if their partner is not invited. In some cases, it may be better to reconsider your guest list and cut people you don't know very well, rather than inviting strangers.

If you have single guests, you don't have to offer them a plus one, but it's worth considering each guest individually and trying to put yourself in their shoes. If they won't know many people at the wedding, it might be polite to invite their partner or offer them a plus one, so they have someone to spend time with. However, if they will know a few people, they may still have a great time without a partner or plus one.

Ultimately, the decision is yours and you should make it based on what works best for you and your wedding. It's a good idea to have a clear set of rules beforehand, so you can explain your reasoning to anyone who disagrees with your choices.

Married or engaged couples

When it comes to wedding invitation etiquette, the general consensus is that married or engaged couples should be treated as a social unit and invited together. This is considered good form and a courteous gesture, especially if one partner is a close friend or family member.

When addressing the wedding invitations, the outer envelope is typically more formal, while the inner envelope is slightly more casual and often includes first names. For a heterosexual married couple with the same last name, the outer envelope can be addressed as "Mr. and Mrs. [Husband's Full Name]". If the couple has different last names, you can list either name first, followed by the other's name and their title, for example, "Mrs. Leslie Knope and Mr. Ben Wyatt".

If you wish to address both partners equally, you can include both their first and last names: "Mr. Robert Belcher and Mrs. Linda Belcher". Alternatively, for a more modern approach, you may choose to use "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by their first names only: "Mr. Robert and Mrs. Linda".

For same-sex married couples, the same etiquette applies. If they share a hyphenated last name, the name can be listed last: "Ms. Susan Bunch and Ms. Carol Willik-Bunch". If they have different last names, you can list the names alphabetically or according to your preference.

While it is generally considered good etiquette to invite married or engaged couples, there may be situations where flexibility is required, especially if you have a tight guest list or a low-key wedding. In such cases, it is advisable to use your best judgment and consider the closeness of your relationship with the couple.

Long-term relationships

When it comes to long-term relationships, the general consensus is that it is rude not to invite a guest's partner to a wedding. This is especially true if the couple is married, engaged, or living together. In these cases, the couple is considered a "social unit" and should be invited together. Even if the couple is not married or engaged, but have been together for a significant amount of time (usually over a year), it is still considered good etiquette to invite them as a pair.

There are a few exceptions to this rule. If the guest's partner is unknown to the couple getting married, or if they have only been dating for a short time, then it may be acceptable to invite only the guest and not the partner. However, this should be approached with caution, as it could still be seen as offensive to some.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to invite partners comes down to the couple getting married. They may have constraints such as budget or venue capacity that limit the number of guests they can invite. In these cases, it is generally advised to be consistent and establish clear "rules" for who gets a plus-one. For example, only inviting partners of those in the wedding party, or only inviting partners of guests who don't know anyone else at the wedding.

It's important to remember that a wedding invitation is a privilege, and guests should not automatically assume that their partners are invited. However, if a guest is travelling a long distance to attend the wedding, it may be considerate to allow them to bring their partner for company and to avoid additional travel costs.

Plus ones

When it comes to plus ones, it's important to remember that every extra guest will cost you more money. So, before deciding whether to allow plus ones, you should consider your budget and the size of your wedding. If you're having an intimate wedding, you may want to keep the guest list tight and only invite people you know well. However, if you're having a larger wedding, a few extra guests may not be an issue.

• The spouse or live-in/long-term partner of a close friend or family member should always be invited. It is considered rude in many places to invite people to celebrate your relationship while ignoring theirs.
• If someone has only been in a relationship for a short time (especially if you haven't met their partner), it is not unreasonable to not invite them. However, if the relationship is relatively new but serious, you may want to consider extending an invitation.
• You don't have to offer plus ones to all single guests. However, consider each guest individually and try to put yourself in their shoes. If a guest won't know many people at the wedding, it may be polite to invite their partner or offer them a plus one.
• When deciding whether to invite a guest's partner, consider the closeness of your relationship with the guest. If they are travelling from far away, inviting their partner may be a considerate gesture.
• Be consistent with your rules. Have a clearly defined set of rules and a cut-off point to explain who gets a plus one and who doesn't. This will help you explain your reasoning to anyone who disagrees with your decision.
• You may want to allow your bridal party and groomsmen to bring their partners, especially if they have helped with the wedding preparations.
• Consider what others in your family or circle of friends have done. Ask your close friends about their experiences and what worked for them.
• Make it clear on the invitation if a guest is allocated a plus one or not. You can address the invitation to "Mr John Smith Plus Guest" if they are allowed to bring someone, or just "Mr John Smith" if they are not.
• If you're not allowing plus ones and want to ensure that guests don't bring uninvited guests, include a polite note in the additional information section of your invitation.
• Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to the plus-one dilemma. Make decisions based on what works for you and your wedding.

Budget

Determine Your Overall Budget

First, figure out how much you can realistically afford to spend on your wedding. Be honest about your financial situation and consider your daily expenses, debts, and future costs. If you have people contributing financially to your wedding, communicate with them to understand their expectations and how much they are willing to spend.

Prioritize Your Must-Haves

Discuss with your partner what aspects of the wedding are most important to both of you. This could be anything from the venue, catering, photography, attire, flowers, entertainment, or transportation. Knowing your priorities will help you allocate your budget accordingly.

Research Average Wedding Costs

Look into average wedding costs in your area to get a sense of pricing. The venue, catering, and rentals will typically take up a significant portion of your budget. According to sources, these three categories can account for about 45% of your total budget.

Create a Detailed Breakdown

Create a comprehensive budget breakdown to allocate funds for different expenses. Here are some categories to consider, along with average wedding budget percentages as a starting point:

• Reception venue, catering, and rentals: 37% (venue, tables, chairs, linens, catering, bartending)
• Wedding planner/coordinator: 5-15%
• Ceremony: 2-3% (ceremony venue, rentals)
• Photography and/or videography: 12%
• Reception music/entertainment: 10% (band, DJ, cocktail hour musicians, photobooths)
• Stationery: 2% (save-the-dates, invitations, programs, menus, thank-you cards)
• Flowers & decor: 10% (bouquets, ceremony flowers, reception centerpieces, lighting, miscellaneous decor)
• Wedding attire & beauty: 9% (wedding dress/suit, alterations, accessories, hair & makeup, wedding party attire)
• Favors & gifts: 1-2% (wedding party gifts, guest favors)
• Cake & desserts: 2%
• Transportation: 3-6% (getaway car, wedding party transportation, guest transportation)

Consider Hidden Costs and Extras

Don't forget to account for tips, unexpected expenses, rehearsal dinners, and your honeymoon. These can add up quickly, so it's a good idea to set aside about 5-15% of your budget for these extras.

Be Flexible and Make Compromises

If you find that your budget is strained, be prepared to make compromises. You can cut costs by reducing the guest list, choosing a less expensive venue, renting instead of buying attire, opting for minimalist decor, or DIYing certain elements.

Remember, these are averages and guidelines. Tailor your budget to your specific needs and priorities. Some categories may be more or less important to you, so feel free to adjust the allocations accordingly.

Happy planning, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Frequently asked questions