Planning Your Guest List: Inviting Friends To Your Wedding

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to deciding who to invite. The guest list is one of the earliest and hardest parts of planning your big day, but it's also essential. It's not as simple as just writing down names—there's strategy involved. One technique is to create groups of family members and friends from both sides, starting with those closest to you and working outwards. If your budget and venue allow, you can invite everyone, but often you'll need to trim the list. It's important to be fair and equitable, especially when dealing with family. You might also want to consider a B-list of guests who you can invite if you have space. When it comes to friends, it's a good idea to consider how well they know your partner and whether you still keep in touch with them regularly.

Who to invite

Deciding who to invite to your wedding can be one of the most challenging parts of wedding planning. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

Make a Master List

Start by writing down the names of everyone you would invite to your wedding if there were no restrictions. Begin with immediate family and very close friends, and work outwards to include colleagues, acquaintances, and distant relatives.

Separate Your Top-Tier Guests

Identify the people you absolutely want at your wedding. These are the non-negotiables, the people you couldn't imagine getting married without. Ensure they are the first to be added to your guest list.

Consider Your Budget and Venue

The type of wedding you're planning and your venue will play a significant role in determining how many people you can invite. If you're having an intimate ceremony or a destination wedding, you may only be able to accommodate your top-tier guests.

Involve Your Parents

Traditionally, both sets of parents have a say in the guest list, especially if they are contributing financially. Discuss your plans with them early on and consider reserving a portion of the guest list for them to allocate.

Be Fair with Family

Try to treat members of different families equally. For example, if you invite one aunt, consider including all aunts and uncles to avoid hurt feelings.

Plus-Ones

Decide on a criteria for offering plus-ones. You may want to invite only those in long-term relationships or those you have met. Be consistent and communicate this criteria clearly to your guests.

Children

Decide whether you want a child-free wedding or will be inviting children. You don't have to invite children, but if you do, be consistent and only invite children within the wedding party, or invite all children to avoid hurt feelings.

Coworkers

You are not obligated to invite coworkers, but if you are close friends with them outside of work, you may want to consider including them.

People You've Lost Touch With

If you wouldn't treat someone to a $300-plus meal, they probably don't need to be on your guest list. This includes people you have lost touch with, even if you were invited to their wedding years ago.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love with the people who are closest to you. Don't be afraid to set boundaries and make decisions that feel right for you and your partner.

Who not to invite

Deciding on your wedding guest list can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to figuring out who not to invite. Here are some tips to help you decide:

People Who Will Cause Drama

It's best to avoid inviting anyone who might cause drama or start fights at your wedding. This is your special day, and you don't want to deal with family drama or friend politics. If you're unsure, have a conversation with the person beforehand to set expectations and gauge their reaction.

People You Don't Genuinely Want There

Your wedding day should be filled with people you love and want to be around. Don't feel obligated to invite someone just because they invited you to their wedding or because they are a distant relative. If you haven't spoken to someone in a long time, it's probably a sign that you don't need to invite them.

Ex-Partners

Inviting an ex-partner to your wedding can be odd and uncomfortable for you, your new spouse, and your family and friends. It's best to avoid inviting them unless your relationship was very casual and you remain good friends within a larger friend group. Even then, have a conversation with your future spouse before extending an invitation.

Co-workers You're Not Friends with

You don't need to invite all your co-workers, especially if you don't socialise with them outside of work. It's okay to set boundaries and keep your wedding celebration limited to those you are closest to.

People Who Aren't Supportive of Your Marriage

If you have acquaintances who don't approve of your union, don't invite them! Your wedding day should be filled with people who are excited and happy for you, not those who will judge or be disruptive.

Children

Whether or not to invite children is a personal choice. If you want a child-free wedding, that's completely valid. However, be prepared for some parents to decline the invitation due to childcare issues. If there are specific children in your life who are important to you, like nieces and nephews, you can choose to include them while restricting the guest list to only kids in the wedding party.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you should feel comfortable with the guest list. Be honest and direct with those who don't make the cut, and set clear parameters to help you decide.

Plus-ones

Deciding on your guest list is one of the earliest and most challenging parts of wedding planning. When it comes to plus-ones, there are a few considerations and rules of etiquette to keep in mind.

Firstly, it is important to establish a set of "rules" for who gets a plus-one and to be consistent in applying these rules. For example, you might decide that only guests who are married, engaged, or cohabiting receive a plus-one, or you might extend plus-ones to anyone in a serious relationship, including long-term couples who live apart. It is also common to give plus-ones to members of the wedding party and to guests who are travelling from out of town and won't know anyone else at the wedding.

If you are inviting a lot of friend groups that include couples and single people, it is a good idea to give the single people a plus-one so that they don't feel like a third wheel. Similarly, if you have a lot of single friends or family members who won't know many people at the wedding, you might want to give them a plus-one so that they feel more comfortable.

On the other hand, if your single guests are part of friend groups that will be attending together, or if they will know lots of other people at the wedding, then a plus-one is not necessary.

When it comes to wording your invitations, traditional wedding invitations include an outer and inner envelope. The outer envelope is addressed to the recipient, and the inner envelope lists the names of those who are invited, including any plus-ones. If you are using more modern invitations with only one envelope, be sure to address all invitees clearly and upfront. If the couple is in a relationship, list both guests by their full names. If you are allowing a guest to bring a casual date, write your friend's name and then "and guest".

Finally, be prepared for people to ask if they can bring a plus-one, and remember to be polite and consistent in your response.

Budget and venue

Deciding on a wedding venue and budget often goes hand-in-hand with creating your guest list. Here are some tips to help you with the "budget and venue" aspect of your wedding planning:

Consider Your Budget

The first step is to determine your total wedding budget. This will help you decide how many guests you can afford to accommodate. According to the WeddingWire Newlywed Report, the average couple spends $215 per guest. So, if you have a set budget, you can estimate the number of guests you can invite.

Choose Your Venue

The type of wedding you envision will influence your venue choice. Do you dream of an intimate ceremony or a grand celebration? A country house or a beach wedding? Once you have an idea of the style and size of your wedding, you can start searching for venues that align with your vision.

Venue Capacity

Ensure that your chosen venue can comfortably accommodate your guest list. If you have a large number of guests, you may need to opt for a bigger space or consider having an outdoor wedding. Conversely, if you plan to elope or have a micro-wedding, a more intimate venue will be suitable.

Catering and Venue Costs

Catering and venue costs can quickly add up, so it's essential to allocate a significant portion of your budget to these expenses. Susan Norcross of The Styled Bride recommends setting aside about half of your budget for the venue and catering. This will help you create a realistic guest list that fits within your financial constraints.

Be Flexible

If you have your heart set on a particular venue, you may need to be flexible with your guest list. Some venues have maximum capacity restrictions, while others may have a minimum guest count requirement, especially for peak season weddings.

Prioritize Your Guest List

If budget constraints limit your guest list, prioritize the people closest to you and your partner. This may include immediate family, the wedding party, and your dearest friends. You can also consider having an "A-list" and a "B-list," where you invite additional guests if you receive regrets from your initial list.

Consider Different Options

If you're set on having a large guest list but are constrained by budget or venue capacity, consider alternative options. You could opt for a less traditional venue, such as a public park or a family member's backyard, which may be more accommodating to larger groups. Alternatively, you could have a daytime wedding, as daytime events are often less expensive than evening celebrations.

Communicate Early

If you know that your budget or venue limits the number of guests, communicate this early to those who may expect an invitation. Let them know that your wedding will be intimate, and you would have loved to invite more people if circumstances allowed.

Research and Plan

Research venues thoroughly to understand all associated costs, including catering, rentals, and any hidden fees. Planning and creating a detailed budget will help you make informed decisions about your guest list and venue, ensuring that your special day stays within your financial means.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and commitment. While the venue and guest list are essential aspects, don't lose sight of what truly matters – the joy of beginning your married life together surrounded by those you hold dear.

Timing

The timing of your wedding invitations is important. Firstly, you should send out your invitations at least eight to ten weeks in advance of your wedding day. This is to give your guests enough time to plan and prepare for the event. If your wedding is taking place out of town, it is recommended that you send invitations ten weeks in advance to allow guests to make travel arrangements.

Secondly, you should set an RSVP deadline of two to three weeks before the wedding day. This will give you enough time to finalise numbers with your vendors and create a seating plan. If you don't hear back from some guests, it is a good idea to give them a call to check they received the invitation and to see if they plan to attend.

Thirdly, if you are planning on sending out a second wave of invitations to a 'B-list', it is important to do this soon after the first wave. Sending out the second wave within a few weeks of the first will ensure that your B-list guests don't feel like an afterthought.

Finally, if you are planning a last-minute wedding, digital invitations are a good option as they can be sent out quickly and easily. You can also use digital platforms to keep track of RSVPs.

Frequently asked questions