Bridesmaids' Pre-Wedding Event Attendance: Who, What, When?

There are a lot of different opinions on whether bridesmaids are required to attend pre-wedding events. While some brides expect their bridesmaids to attend all pre-wedding events, others understand that their bridesmaids may not be able to attend due to financial or logistical constraints. Ultimately, it is up to the individual bridesmaid to decide which events she wants to attend, and the bride should be understanding of any limitations or constraints that her bridesmaids may have. However, it is important for bridesmaids to communicate their plans and expectations clearly with the bride to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

Out-of-town bridesmaids

While it is not mandatory for bridesmaids to attend pre-wedding events, it is customary for them to be involved in the planning and execution of these festivities. This is especially true for the maid of honor, who typically takes on a more prominent role in organising events like the bridal shower and bachelorette party. However, it is important to note that out-of-town bridesmaids may face logistical and financial challenges when it comes to participating in these events.

If you are an out-of-town bridesmaid, here are some tips to stay involved and supportive:

• Communicate openly: Discuss your availability and budget constraints with the bride early on. Be honest about your limitations, and work together to find ways for you to contribute without overextending yourself.
• Offer to help with research and planning: Even from a distance, you can assist with researching vendors, creating invitations, and providing input on themes and ideas.
• Stay connected: Join group chats or social media groups created for the bridal party. This will help you stay informed about the wedding plans and allow you to provide input and support remotely.
• Attend virtual events: If you are unable to travel, suggest having virtual meetings or events. This way, you can still participate in discussions, offer advice, and celebrate with the bride and other bridesmaids.
• Contribute financially, if possible: If the bridal party is covering expenses for certain events, consider contributing financially, especially if you are unable to attend in person. However, this should not be mandatory, and you should not feel pressured to spend beyond your means.
• Discuss expectations: Be clear about your capabilities and limitations. If you are unable to take on certain tasks or attend specific events, communicate this to the bride and other bridesmaids. It is important to set clear expectations to avoid misunderstandings or hurt feelings.
• Arrive early, if possible: If your schedule and budget allow, consider arriving a few days early to help with last-minute tasks and spend quality time with the bride and bridal party.

Remember, the most important thing is to maintain open communication and be supportive of the bride throughout the wedding planning process. Your contribution and presence, whether in person or remotely, will surely be appreciated.

Bridal showers

While some brides may have the expectation that their bridesmaids will attend all pre-wedding events, it is not compulsory. Bridesmaids who live in the same town as the bridal shower is being held may feel more pressure to attend, but it is still not obligatory.

If a bridesmaid cannot attend a bridal shower, it is considered polite to let the bride know in advance and to explain the reason for their absence. This could be due to work commitments, financial constraints, or other prior engagements. It is also considerate to send a gift or contribute to the hosting of the bridal shower if unable to attend.

Ultimately, the decision to attend a bridal shower is up to the individual bridesmaid, and it is important to communicate any limitations or concerns to the bride to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

Bachelorette parties

Planning a bachelorette party can be challenging, but it's important to remember that it's a fun part of the wedding process. Here are some tips to help you navigate the planning process and ensure the bachelorette party is a success:

Guest List

While there are no strict rules about who to invite, the guest list typically includes the bridal party, sisters, and close friends. The bride-to-be should decide who she wants by her side on her special night, and it's essential to ensure that anyone invited to the bachelorette party is also invited to the wedding. The average bachelorette party has around 10 attendees, but you can have a smaller, more intimate group or a bigger celebration with all the bride's friends.

Planning

The maid of honour usually takes the lead in planning the bachelorette party, but anyone can do it as long as they are close to the bride and have good communication and organisational skills. It's important to discuss the plans with the bride and respect her wishes. The party can be a surprise, but only if you know the bride will enjoy it. It's also a good idea to talk to the attendees about their budgets to ensure the plans are affordable for everyone.

Timing

A bachelorette party usually takes place around two months before the wedding, but it can be held closer to the main event. It's a good idea to plan it a few months in advance to avoid clashing with other pre-wedding commitments.

Invitations

Invitations can be sent via email or phone, or you can use a site like Paperless Post. Formal paper invitations sent by post are also an option, especially if you prefer formality or are planning a weekend-long event.

Activities

Bachelorette party activities should match the bride's personality and interests. It can be a wild night of drinks and dancing, a relaxing spa day, a nature hike, a cooking class, a private dance class, or anything else that suits the bride's taste.

Remember, the key to a successful bachelorette party is ensuring that the bride and her guests have a wonderful time celebrating this special moment in the bride's life.

Rehearsal and rehearsal dinners

The rehearsal dinner is a meal that follows the practice run of the wedding ceremony, usually taking place on the eve of the wedding day. It is an opportunity for the couple to spend time with their loved ones and for both families to unite and kick off the wedding celebrations. It is also a chance to introduce any relatives and friends who have not met before.

As a bridesmaid, you will be expected to attend the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal is important as it allows you to practice walking down the aisle and learn where to stand during the ceremony. The dinner is a more relaxed event where the couple can give a short toast and spend time with their nearest and dearest.

The guest list for the rehearsal dinner is usually limited to those participating in the wedding ceremony, including the bridal party, groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearers, ushers, and readers. Parents and immediate family members are also usually invited, along with any plus-ones.

If you are a bridesmaid, it is important to be aware of the dress code for the rehearsal dinner. This will depend on the formality of the event and the season. Generally, it is best to avoid wearing anything too casual or flashy, and it is advisable to stay away from white.

If you are unable to attend the rehearsal dinner due to travel or accommodation costs, be sure to let the bride know in advance and find out any details you need to know about the ceremony.

Paying for pre-wedding events

Engagement Parties:

Engagement parties are usually hosted and paid for by the families of the couple, either jointly or separately. It is common for the bride's family to host the first engagement party if there are two separate celebrations. These events are typically held at the host's home or a favourite restaurant and are a chance for the couple to announce their upcoming nuptials to their loved ones. While not mandatory, they are a lovely way to kick off the wedding festivities.

Bridal Showers/Wedding Showers:

Bridal showers are traditionally hosted by the bridesmaids, maid of honour, or female relatives of the couple. Wedding showers, on the other hand, are often planned by a combination of friends and family members of both sexes. It is not uncommon for there to be multiple showers hosted by different loved ones. While gifts are customary at these events, they are not mandatory. As a member of the bridal party, you may be expected to contribute financially to the shower, but this should be discussed and agreed upon in advance.

Bachelorette/Bachelor Parties:

The bachelorette or bachelor party is typically the responsibility of the bridesmaids or groomsmen, respectively. The maid of honour or best man usually takes on the majority of the planning and spending. The cost of the bride or groom's share is then divided amongst the entire wedding party. This event is meant to be a surprise for the guest of honour, so they are not expected to contribute financially.

Bridesmaid Luncheon/Groomsmen Luncheon:

The bridesmaid luncheon is a small gathering hosted by the bride to thank her bridal party and present them with gifts. Similarly, the groom may host a groomsmen luncheon. These events are a nice way to celebrate and relax before the wedding. While not mandatory, they are a thoughtful way to acknowledge the time and effort of your bridal party.

Rehearsal Dinner:

Traditionally, the groom's family organises and pays for the rehearsal dinner. However, in modern times, it is becoming more common for both sets of parents to contribute or for the couple to plan and pay for it themselves. The rehearsal dinner is usually held the night before the wedding and is a chance for the couple to thank their wedding party and parents with gifts and to ensure everyone knows their role for the big day.

Travel and Accommodation:

It is important to note that while bridesmaids and groomsmen are not required to attend all pre-wedding events, particularly if they involve travel, it is considerate to discuss any limitations and set clear expectations upfront. If you are in the bridal party and are travelling for the wedding, you may be expected to cover your travel costs and accommodation. However, the bride or groom's family may offer to assist with these expenses, especially if they are hosting a destination wedding.

Frequently asked questions