A Wedding-Less Marriage: Is It Possible?

There are many reasons why a couple might want to get married without a wedding ceremony. Whether it's due to financial or personal reasons, religious differences, or simply not wanting to be the centre of attention, there are several ways to get married without all the pomp and circumstance.

In the US, there are two types of marriage: statutory marriage and common-law marriage. A statutory marriage is what most people imagine when they think of a wedding: a couple goes to a courthouse, gets a license from the state, and has a religious officiant or a judge perform a ceremony. However, with a common-law marriage, the couple does not need to go through any legal formalities such as getting a license or having a ceremony. Instead, a couple only needs to express a present intent to be married and hold themselves out as spouses to be considered legally married.

For those who want a legal marriage without the traditional wedding ceremony, there are a few options. One option is a civil ceremony, which is a non-religious, legal marriage ceremony presided over by a legal officiant such as a judge or notary public. Another option is self-solemnization, where the couple performs the legal solemnization of their own marriage without the presence of a third-party officiant. This is only allowed in a few states, including Colorado, California, and Illinois.

Couples can also choose to elope, which can take many forms, from a quick Vegas-style wedding to a more intimate ceremony in nature with just a few close friends or family members present.

Ultimately, the decision about whether to have a wedding or not depends on the couple's personal preferences and what is legally recognized in their state or country.

Civil ceremonies

A civil ceremony is a non-religious, legal marriage ceremony. It is presided over by a legal official, such as a government representative, judge, magistrate, justice of the peace, county or court clerk, or notary public. The marriage will be recognised in all 50 states.

A civil ceremony can take place anywhere—a beach, a courthouse, or a garden wedding venue. There is no requirement for a particular venue, and the couple can choose a location that suits them.

To plan a civil ceremony, you will need to find an officiant, obtain a marriage license, and decide on the guest list. Some states require two witnesses over the age of 18, while others don't require any witnesses at all. There may be limits on the number of guests, especially if the ceremony is at a local courthouse.

The couple should also consider if they want to include any extras, such as a wedding bouquet, boutonnière, or other floral arrangements. They may also want to include something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue, to tie the civil ceremony to wedding tradition.

The civil ceremony is not the same as the wedding reception or party. The civil ceremony is the legal, non-religious part of the wedding, while the reception is the celebration that follows.

Commitment ceremonies

The structure of a commitment ceremony can be similar to a traditional wedding, including a welcome and greeting by the celebrant, readings, exchanging of vows and rings, a declaration of commitment, and a first kiss. However, the ceremony can be personalised to suit the couple, and there is no requirement to stick to a specific script or include any particular elements.

While a commitment ceremony is not legally binding, it is still a meaningful way for couples to celebrate their love and commitment to one another.

Common-law marriages

The concept of common-law marriage varies across different jurisdictions. In the United States, only a few states and the District of Columbia allow common-law marriages. These include Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Rhode Island, Texas, Utah, Oklahoma, and the District of Columbia. While other states may not allow common-law marriages, they may still recognize them under certain circumstances, such as if the marriage was validly contracted in a jurisdiction that permits them.

To establish a common-law marriage, couples typically need to meet certain requirements, such as expressing a present intent to be married, holding themselves out as spouses, and cohabiting as a married couple. Some states may have additional requirements or factors that need to be considered. It is important to consult an attorney or legal professional familiar with marriage laws in a specific state to understand the intricacies of common-law marriage.

It is worth noting that ending a common-law marriage is similar to ending a statutory marriage. Couples need to obtain a divorce or annulment, and failing to do so can have legal implications, such as claims to each other's estates or restrictions on remarriage.

Self-solemnizing

Self-solemnization, or self-uniting, is a way for couples to marry without a third-party officiant. In other words, the couple can perform the legal solemnization of their marriage, which will be recognized as a legal marriage throughout the United States. This option is only available in a few states, including Colorado, California, District of Columbia, Illinois, Kansas, Maine, Nevada, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin.

The process of self-solemnizing involves both partners going to the Office of the Clerk and Registrar to apply for a marriage license in a state that has legalized self-solemnization. They will need to present information such as the date of marriage, documentation if they are divorced or widowed, a valid US ID, and their social security number. The application fee is typically around $30.

One of the benefits of self-solemnization is that it allows couples to elope in complete privacy, with no witnesses present if they so choose. It also gives them the freedom to fully customize their ceremony and choose a location based on their preferences, rather than the availability of an officiant. Additionally, not having an officiant means that the couple does not need to worry about scheduling or coordinating with anyone else, making the planning process simpler and less stressful.

For couples who wish to include guests in their self-solemnizing ceremony, there are a few options. They can act as their own officiant, writing a script to recite during the ceremony, or they can keep things simple and only exchange vows. They can also involve guests by asking them to do a reading, participate in a ring-warming ceremony, or have a guest act as their officiant.

While self-solemnization offers many benefits, it is important to note that it may not be recognized in all countries outside of the United States. For couples planning to marry abroad, it is recommended to research the legal requirements of the specific country to ensure they bring all the necessary paperwork.

Eloping

Planning Your Elopement

First, you'll need to decide if you want to elope with just the two of you or if you'd like to include a few close friends or family members as guests or witnesses. Some states require witnesses for a legal marriage, so be sure to research the requirements of the state or country where you plan to tie the knot. You'll also need to decide on a location. Do you want to elope at your local courthouse, or would you prefer a destination elopement? If you're choosing a destination, be sure to book your travel early to save money and reduce stress.

Legal Requirements

Whether you're eloping in your hometown or abroad, you'll need to ensure that your marriage is legally recognized. Research the legal requirements of your chosen location, such as whether you need a marriage license, how long it will take to obtain one, and if there are any waiting periods or residency requirements. Some countries, like Spain and France, have strict regulations for non-natives marrying, so it's essential to do your research beforehand.

Telling Friends and Family

The Day Itself

Even though eloping is more low-key than a traditional wedding, there are still some things you'll need to plan. Do you want to exchange rings and vows? What will you wear? Will you have a bouquet or boutonniere? You may also want to hire a photographer to capture the special moments of your day.

Post-Elopement Celebrations

Just because you eloped doesn't mean you can't celebrate with your loved ones afterward. Consider sending marriage announcements or hosting a post-elopement reception, dinner, or party. This can be a great way to share your joy with those who couldn't be there and to thank them for their support.

Remember, eloping is about choosing an intimate and intentional way to celebrate your love and commitment. By following these steps and considering your unique preferences, you can create a memorable and meaningful elopement experience.

Frequently asked questions