The Freedom To Choose: Last Names And Weddings

The topic of last names is an important discussion for newlyweds, with many options available to them. Traditionally, women have taken their husband's last name, but this is no longer the only option. Couples can choose to keep their original surnames, one partner can legally change their name while keeping their original surname for professional reasons, or both partners can choose to create a new shared last name. While changing your last name can be a cumbersome process, it ultimately comes down to personal preference and there is no deadline for when this needs to be done.

Choosing a new last name together

Navigating the Legal Process

The process of changing your name after marriage can be a tedious task, so it's essential to be prepared. The first step is to obtain your marriage certificate, which serves as proof of your marriage. This document will be required when updating your name on other official documents such as your social security card, driver's license, passport, and bank accounts. Be sure to notify your employer and update your email signature, social media accounts, and any loyalty programs or autopay accounts you may have.

Honouring Your Roots

If you and your partner have strong cultural ties to your current last names, you may want to consider researching name roots, language patterns, or other lexical ideas to create a new last name that highlights your shared heritage. This is especially important if your families have immigrant histories or belong to racial, religious, or ethnic groups with a history of discrimination. By combining your heritages, you can create a name that speaks to both of your backgrounds in meaning, spelling, or other aspects.

Combining Names

One option for creating a new last name is to combine your current last names. For example, "Jones and Henry" could become "Jenry" or "Hones". This option is a simple way to honour both families while creating a new legal name for your new family and any future children.

Choosing a Name with Meaning

You may want to select a new last name that has personal significance to you as a couple. Consider how you met, your shared interests, or any symbols that represent your relationship. For instance, if you bonded over your love for classic novels, you could choose a last name inspired by your favourite authors or characters. Alternatively, if you met while travelling, you could pick a name that reflects the place you met or your shared love of adventure.

Practical Considerations

When choosing a new last name, it's essential to consider practicality. Opt for a name that is reasonably easy to spell and pronounce. You may also want to choose a name that reflects your specific ethnicities or cultures. Additionally, consider whether you want to avoid names from cultures you don't have a connection to.

Seeking Inspiration

If you're feeling stuck, there are plenty of resources available to help you generate name ideas. Online last name generators can provide suggestions based on your criteria, such as meaning or cultural origin. You can also seek inspiration from behindthename.com, which allows you to search for surnames by meaning.

Remember, the process of choosing a new last name together should be a fun and collaborative experience. Take your time, consider all your options, and don't be afraid to get creative. By following these steps, you'll be well on your way to establishing your new shared identity as a married couple.

Changing your name legally

Step 1: File for Your Marriage Certificate

The first step in changing your name is obtaining your marriage certificate. While it is usually the officiant's responsibility to file for the certificate, you can also do it yourself. It is recommended to do this as soon as possible after the wedding, ideally on the first business day following the ceremony.

Step 2: Obtain Certified Copies

On almost every document where you need to change your name, you will need to show proof of your marriage. Therefore, it is essential to have certified copies of your marriage certificate. You can purchase these through the county clerk's office where you filed your marriage certificate. It is recommended to obtain at least three copies.

Step 3: Update Your Social Security Card

Your Social Security number is used for identification and tax purposes, so it is crucial to update it with your new name. You can apply for a new Social Security card by mail or in person. There is no charge for updating your card, but you will need to provide the following documents:

• Proof of name change (certified copy of your marriage certificate)
• Proof of citizenship (valid passport, birth certificate, or certified copy of your birth certificate)
• Valid photo identification (driver's license, state-issued ID card, military ID, or unexpired passport)
• Your current Social Security card

Step 4: Get a New Driver's License or ID

After updating your Social Security card, the next step is to change your name on your driver's license or state-issued ID. This must be done in person at the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) and usually involves a fee. Be sure to bring the required identification cards and proof of your name change.

Step 5: Update Your Passport

If you are planning an international trip where the name on your travel documents must match your passport, it is best to wait until after your trip to update your passport. To change your name on your passport, you will need to contact the US Department of State and complete a Form DS-5504. You will also need to provide a certified copy of your marriage certificate and your current passport. There may be a fee for this service.

Step 6: Update Other Accounts and Documents

Once you have your new identification cards, you can start updating your name with other companies and services, such as banks, credit card companies, insurance providers, utility companies, and social media channels. Most of these updates can be done online, but some may require legal proof of your name change, such as a certified copy of your marriage certificate.

It is important to note that you have the freedom to choose what to do with your last name after marriage. You can take your spouse's last name, hyphenate your names, or create a completely new last name. If you choose to do something other than taking your spouse's last name, you may need to obtain a court order. The process and requirements may vary depending on your state, so it is recommended to check your local laws.

Updating identification documents

• Social Security Card: Updating your name with the Social Security Administration (SSA) is crucial. Submit Form SS-5 to change the information on your Social Security card. You will need to provide a certified name change order or other acceptable proof of your name change, such as a certified copy of your marriage certificate. Your Social Security number will remain the same, but updating your legal name is essential for employment, benefits, and taxes.
• Driver's License or State ID: Visit your local Division of Motor Vehicles (DMV) or its equivalent to change the name on your driver's license or state ID. Most DMV offices will require you to present the certified name change order and fill out an application for a new driver's license. If you are applying for a Real ID, ensure that your new legal name is on your Social Security card before initiating the process.
• Passport: If you need to update your passport with your new name, you must do so by mail. Use the U.S. Department of State's interactive tool to select the proper form for your circumstances. You will need to submit the completed form, a certified copy of your marriage certificate, your current passport, and a check for any applicable fees. If your passport was issued less than 12 months ago, you can update it for free; otherwise, there is a fee involved.
• Birth Certificate: Contact your state's Vital Records office to request an updated birth certificate with your new name. The process varies from state to state, so inquire about the specific documentation and fees required. Typically, you will need a certified copy of the name change order, a certified copy of your current birth certificate, an application, and a fee.
• Other Government Agencies: Notify other government agencies and departments, such as the State Department (for passports), the Department of Veterans Affairs (if applicable), and your local motor vehicle office. Update your voter registration information through vote.gov or by mail using the National Mail Voter Registration form.
• Financial Institutions: Inform your bank, credit card companies, and other financial institutions of your name change. They will likely require legal proof of your name change, such as a certified copy of your marriage certificate or your new driver's license. Update your bank accounts, credit cards, investment accounts, and any other relevant financial records.
• Insurance Providers: Notify your insurance providers (home, health, auto, etc.) of your new name to avoid any unintentional lapses in coverage. They will likely request to see your updated identification and/or a certified copy of your marriage certificate.
• Loyalty Programs and Autopay Accounts: Update your name on streaming services, loyalty programs, and autopay accounts, such as Netflix, Spotify, or rewards accounts. These updates can typically be handled online and may not require a certified copy of your marriage certificate.
• Workplace and HR: Inform your workplace's HR department about your name change to update your payroll and employer-sponsored benefits, such as health insurance and retirement plans. You may also need to update your email address and email signature to reflect your new name.

Informing people of your new name

Changing your name after marriage can be a cumbersome process, but there are several ways to inform people of your new name. Here are some suggestions:

Make a Formal Announcement at Your Wedding Reception

If you are comfortable with making a grand entrance, you can ask your emcee to announce you and your spouse with your new last name. For instance, "For the first time as a married couple, Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe!". Alternatively, you can stick to using just your first names, such as "For the first time as husband and wife, John and Jane!".

Update Your Social Media Channels

You can also inform people of your new name by updating your social media profiles. This includes changing the name line on platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You may want to consider keeping your old name in parentheses or as your middle name for a transition period to help others adjust to your new last name.

Notify Your Workplace and Professional Contacts

It is important to notify your workplace and professional contacts of your name change. Send an email from your updated address to all your regular contacts, and consider adjusting your email signature to include your new last name, at least for a transition period. This will help ensure that your new name is used in all professional communications.

Update Government Records and Documents

It is crucial to update your name with government agencies and on official documents. This includes changing your name on your Social Security card, driver's license or state-issued ID, passport, and bank accounts. These changes often require a certified copy of your marriage certificate as proof of your name change.

Inform Friends and Family

In addition to the formal announcement at your wedding, you can personally inform your friends and family of your new last name. This can be done through word-of-mouth conversations or even via text messages, emails, or social media messages.

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to informing others of your new name. You can choose the methods that feel most comfortable and appropriate for your situation.

Keeping your maiden name

There are many reasons why someone might choose to keep their maiden name. For some, it is a feminist act, a way of preserving their personal and familial identity, or a way to avoid the patriarchal notion of ownership. For others, it is a practical decision, particularly if their profession is closely tied to their name, or if they are the last member of their family to carry that name.

Some women who keep their maiden name may still use their spouse's name in certain contexts. For example, they might use their husband's name socially, or for things like social media accounts, but keep their maiden name legally and professionally.

Positives

• No paperwork is required to keep your maiden name.
• You get to keep your identity.
• You don't have to worry about any administrative headaches that can come with having a different name from your spouse or children.
• You can avoid any pressure from family or in-laws to take your spouse's name.
• You can avoid any potential confusion that might arise from having a name that doesn't match your accent or ethnicity.
• You can maintain consistency in your career, especially if you are established or have academic work published under your maiden name.
• You can avoid having to change your name again in the event of divorce.

Negatives

• People may still refer to you socially as "Mrs [spouse's last name]", especially if they met your spouse before they met you.
• Your spouse or in-laws may be sad or disappointed that you didn't take their name.
• It may require some explanation to family members, especially those who hold more traditional views about name changes.
• It might be difficult if you want your future children to have your spouse's surname, as it is more common for families to share one surname.
• It could be seen as a way of not fully committing to the marriage.

Frequently asked questions