How To Charge Wedding Guests Without Causing A Stir

The cost of weddings has sparked a debate about whether it is acceptable to charge guests to attend. With the average cost of a UK wedding at £32,273, some couples are looking for creative ways to finance their big day. While some people believe that it is acceptable to ask for financial contributions, others argue that it is selfish and stingy to expect someone else to pay for your wedding. Some couples have asked for donations towards their honeymoon or have sold tickets to their wedding, marketing it as an all-inclusive holiday. However, this approach has received mixed responses, with some guests feeling outraged and insulted.

Is it ever acceptable to charge guests to attend a wedding?

Weddings are expensive, and the average cost of a UK wedding is now a whopping £32,273. So, it's understandable that couples might be tempted to ask their guests to contribute to the cost of their nuptials. But is it ever acceptable to do so?

The majority of people seem to think not. In one poll, a huge 93% of respondents were against the idea of charging guests to attend a wedding. Etiquette expert Liz Brewer agrees, stating that there is "really NOT a scenario where it's acceptable to ask guests to pay". She suggests that if a couple can't afford their dream wedding, they should opt for a smaller, more intimate ceremony and save up for a bigger celebration later on.

However, some people argue that charging guests to attend a wedding can be a good way to keep costs down, especially if the couple is offering an all-inclusive package. For example, one couple charged their guests £150 per head for a three-night stay at a venue with a spa and pool, which included all food and drink. This was actually cheaper than the average amount a guest would spend on a wedding, including accommodation, drinks, and a gift.

Another option for couples looking to save money is to ask for cash gifts instead of a traditional gift list. This can help cover the cost of the wedding or contribute to a honeymoon. While some guests may be happy to give money instead of a gift, it's important to be sensitive to their financial situation and not expect them to contribute more than they can afford.

Overall, while there may be some creative ways to finance a wedding, charging guests to attend is generally considered taboo. It's essential to remember that a wedding is a celebration of love and commitment, and the focus should be on creating a memorable day for everyone involved, not on making a profit.

Is crowdfunding for your wedding costs a good idea?

Crowdfunding your wedding costs can be a controversial topic. While some people believe it is a genius tactic to fund the wedding, others believe it crosses the line. Here are some points to consider before making a decision:

The purpose of crowdfunding sites

Crowdfunding sites like GoFundMe, IndieGogo, and Kickstarter initially began as charity fund-raising platforms. Therefore, it might be inappropriate to use these platforms to fund your wedding unless it is for a specific charitable cause, such as couples racing to tie the knot after a cancer diagnosis.

Financial situation

If you are unable to finance your wedding, it might be better to opt for a smaller, more intimate wedding or elope and celebrate with a larger group at a later date when you are in a better financial position. This approach can also help you avoid the stress of planning a large wedding.

Guest expenses

It is important to consider the financial situation of your guests. Attending a wedding can be expensive, with costs for travel, accommodation, and gifts adding up quickly. Asking your guests to contribute financially to your wedding may be inappropriate and could cause embarrassment if they are unable to contribute.

Alternative options

There are alternative ways to save money on your wedding without crowdfunding. For example, you could opt for a mid-week wedding, a venue with no corkage fees, or a cake alternative. You could also consider asking for cash gifts to go towards your honeymoon instead of traditional gifts.

Destination weddings

If you are planning a destination wedding, arranging a fixed, all-inclusive price for your guests could be a cost-saving option. Group flight bookings and bulk-booking rooms can lead to significant discounts.

In conclusion, while crowdfunding your wedding costs can be an option, it is important to carefully consider the potential implications and explore alternative cost-saving measures. Ultimately, the decision depends on your personal circumstances and preferences.

Asking for cash gifts instead of traditional gifts—yes or no?

While it is generally considered unacceptable to ask guests to pay to attend a wedding, it is acceptable to ask for money instead of traditional gifts. However, it is essential to approach this in a tactful and tasteful manner.

Firstly, it is important to note that it is not appropriate to ask for monetary gifts on the wedding invitation itself. Instead, couples can include an insert card within the invitation suite, directing guests to their wedding website where they can detail their preference for cash gifts. It is recommended to provide a specific reason for this preference, such as saving for a house deposit or planning an expensive honeymoon.

To ensure guests are aware of the couple's preference, it is advisable to inform close family members, friends, and wedding party members, who can then spread the word discreetly. Additionally, the couple can create a cash or honeymoon registry website, providing guests with an opportunity to make financial contributions towards their goals.

While it is acceptable to ask for cash gifts, it is essential to also create a traditional registry for guests who prefer to give physical presents. It is also important to thank guests for any gifts received, whether monetary or traditional, with written thank-you notes.

In conclusion, while asking for cash gifts instead of traditional gifts can be acceptable, it should be approached with tact and consideration for guests' preferences and feelings.

Is it okay to charge no-shows for their meals?

It is understandable that a couple would be upset if guests who had RSVP'd failed to show up at their wedding, especially if they had already paid for their meals. However, it is generally not considered acceptable to charge guests for their meals if they are a no-show. Etiquette expert Liz Brewer calls it "the height of bad manners" for guests to accept an invitation and then not show up. She advises that the couple should make it clear to their guests that it is a seated meal and that numbers are important, and that if a guest is unable to attend, they should convey this information as soon as possible.

While it is frustrating and costly for the couple if guests do not show up, it is important to remember that unexpected events can happen, and guests should not be expected to pay for a meal they did not consume. Instead, couples should budget for no-shows and unexpected plus-ones. It is also a good idea to confirm guest attendance a few days before the wedding to ensure an accurate headcount.

In summary, while it is understandable to be upset about no-shows, it is not considered good etiquette to charge guests for their meals if they are unable to attend. Proper communication and budgeting are key to managing this situation.

What are some ways to save money or make your budget stretch further?

While it may be tempting to charge your wedding guests to attend your wedding, it's generally considered unacceptable. Instead, there are several other ways to save money or make your budget stretch further. Here are some suggestions:

Timing and Location

• Opt for a weekday wedding, perhaps a Friday evening or a Sunday.
• Choose an off-season date for your wedding.
• Book your ceremony and reception at the same venue to cut down on transportation costs.
• Select a venue that is within walking distance of the ceremony location.
• Choose a venue that already has beautiful decor so you can save on decorations.

Food and Drink

• Keep the catering simple and seasonal.
• Opt for a cocktail-style reception or a brunch reception instead of a sit-down dinner.
• Limit the drink options to one or two signature cocktails, beer, and wine.
• Buy your own alcohol if the venue allows it.
• Skip the champagne toast.
• Order a small decorative cake for cutting and serve guests from more affordable sheet cakes.
• Go for a buttercream finish on your cake instead of fondant.
• Choose a wedding cake alternative, such as cupcakes, a dessert bar, or treats like donuts or ice cream.
• Combine food and favours, such as offering edible favours like cookies or popcorn.

Flowers and Decorations

• Embrace minimalist bridesmaids' bouquets with just a few large blooms and a bit of filler.
• Repurpose your ceremony flowers for the reception.
• Skip the escort cards and use a seating chart poster instead.
• Use the venue's standard tablecloths and top them with decorative runners.
• Opt for non-floral decor, such as candles, votives, books, or heirloom photos.
• Choose just a few seasonal flowers arranged with greenery.
• Focus on guest-facing floral arrangements, such as those on the dinner tables.
• Skip floral arrangements for the wedding party and opt for a single elegant stem with a silk ribbon instead.

Stationery

• Choose a smooth matte paper card stock for your invitations instead of cotton fibre, which is more expensive.
• Skip the envelope liner.
• Include a QR code on your invitation card that directs guests to your wedding website for additional information.
• Order your wedding gown at least eight months in advance to avoid rush fees and last-minute alteration costs.
• Take advantage of trunk shows and sample sales to save on your wedding dress.
• Use the standard invitation size (5x7) to keep postage costs down.
• Opt for a save-the-date postcard.

Other Tips

• Hire a professional wedding planner who can help you find savings and exclusive discounts.
• Use a wedding budget tool to stay organized and avoid overspending.
• Trim your guest list to reduce costs across catering, invitations, venue, and rentals.
• Keep your wedding party small.
• Be mindful of DIY projects and focus on smaller projects like seating cards or signage.
• Opt for a plated meal instead of a buffet to reduce food waste.
• Skip the raw footage from your videographer and choose a highlight reel instead of a full-length film.
• Choose a DJ or a smaller musical ensemble instead of a full band.
• Skip wedding favours or select inexpensive ones, such as edible treats.

Frequently asked questions