Charging Wedding Guests: Is It Acceptable?

The idea of charging wedding guests has sparked controversy, with some people finding it outrageous and unacceptable, while others see it as a practical way to keep costs down. The high cost of weddings puts immense financial pressure on couples, and with the average cost of a UK wedding at £32,273, it's no surprise that some couples are looking for creative ways to finance their big day.

Some couples have asked guests to contribute a set amount, while others have suggested that guests pay for their food or accommodation. There are also stories of couples billing guests who didn't show up to the wedding after RSVPing. While some people may understand the financial strain that leads to these requests, the majority view it as unacceptable and selfish.

So, the question remains: is it ever appropriate to charge wedding guests?

Is it ever acceptable to charge wedding guests?

The short answer is no. Etiquette expert Liz Brewer says that there is "really NOT a scenario where it's acceptable to ask guests to pay". She suggests that if a couple can't afford their dream wedding, they should opt for a "quiet family affair" and save up for a celebration at a later date.

However, some people argue that charging guests can be a good way to keep costs down. One person commented on a Facebook debate: "I think the couple getting married has the right to influence the kind of gifts they get for their wedding". Another said: "I definitely wouldn’t go. Even though it works out cheaper than a gift I don’t like the idea. A gift is something given to a couple in celebration of their union".

In 2019, a couple made headlines for charging their guests £100 each to attend their wedding. The guests were served "hot dog slices" as appetisers, and the main course was "suspect-looking" and "cold to the touch". The couple was slammed as "tacky", with one person commenting: "Don't throw a wedding you can't afford. No one owes you anything in life".

In another case, a bride was criticised for charging her guests a $50 entry fee to "get back the money she spent" on her wedding. A guest who was a student said they couldn't afford the fee and wouldn't be attending. The bride contacted the guest's aunt, who called her niece "cheap and rude".

While it may be tempting to charge guests to keep costs down, it's important to consider the financial situation of your guests. They may already be spending a lot of money on travel, accommodation, and gifts. Instead of charging guests, there are other ways to save money on your wedding, such as picking a mid-week date, choosing a venue with no corkage, and opting for a cake alternative.

Is crowdfunding for wedding costs acceptable?

The short answer is no. Etiquette expert Liz Brewer says that there is "really NOT a scenario where it’s acceptable to ask guests to pay".

However, some people disagree. In a poll of 2,108 Hitched Instagram followers, 1,965 voted no and 143 voted yes to the question of whether they would consider asking guests to pay to attend their wedding.

One person commented: "I think the couple getting married has the right to influence the kind of gifts they get for their wedding. Some people prefer to have itemised lists of material stuff that they want, others specify that they would prefer monetary gifts". Another said: "I think it is fair to say that most couples DO NOT expect a wedding gift on their day, whilst they may insert details of a gift list or things they may like/need, ultimately it is not a pre-requisite to attend".

In some cultures, it is customary to give money instead of a gift. For example, in Spain, guests normally give between €150 to €250 per person, and in Australia, it is common to give money instead of a gift for birthdays.

However, the majority of people agree that it is unacceptable to ask guests to pay to attend a wedding. One person commented: "This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. It is in no way customary to charge people an entry fee for a wedding. If she couldn't afford her wedding without charging the guests to attend she should have had a smaller wedding". Another said: "I told her I wouldn't be able to come because this was outrageous and that I wish her well on her special day".

So, while there are some people who think that crowdfunding for wedding costs is acceptable, the majority believe that it is not. Ultimately, it is up to the couple to decide how they want to fund their wedding, but they should be aware that asking guests to pay may cause offence.

Asking for cash gifts

• It is generally considered impolite to ask for cash gifts directly on your wedding invitations. Instead, include a separate card with your invitations that mentions your preference for monetary gifts. You can also include the address of your wedding website, where guests can find more information.
• A subtle way to suggest cash gifts is to include a lighthearted poem in your invitations. This can be a fun and less direct way to convey your wishes.
• Be transparent about how you plan to use the money. Guests will feel more connected to your plans and may be more inclined to give a monetary gift if they know it will go towards a honeymoon, a new home, or another meaningful project.
• Set up a honeymoon or house deposit fund with a gift registry service. This allows guests to contribute to a specific goal and makes it feel less like a simple cash grab.
• Ask close friends and family to spread the word. Let them know that you prefer cash gifts and encourage them to tactfully mention it to other guests.
• It is still a good idea to create a small traditional registry. Some guests will prefer to give physical gifts, and this will make it easier for them to choose something you really want.
• Be prepared to accept physical gifts as well. Not all guests will feel comfortable giving money, so be gracious and appreciative if you receive non-monetary gifts.
• Remember to send thank-you notes for all gifts received, whether they are cash or physical presents.

While asking for cash gifts may be considered taboo by some, it is becoming more widely accepted, especially among younger generations. As long as it is done in a polite and considerate manner, it can be a reasonable option for couples who prefer monetary gifts over traditional wedding presents.

Charging no-shows for their meal

It is understandable to be frustrated when guests RSVP "yes" but don't attend your wedding. However, it is generally considered poor taste to invoice no-show guests for their meals. Doing so could drive a wedge in your relationship and come across as vindictive.

Instead, it is recommended to create a budget and stick to it, accounting for the possibility of no-shows. This may mean reducing the number of guests or choosing a less expensive menu.

If you are planning a destination wedding, it may be appropriate to ask guests to contribute to the cost of their meals. However, it is essential to be transparent about this expectation upfront in the invitation.

As a guest, if you need to cancel your attendance at a wedding, it is considerate to notify the couple as soon as possible and offer an apology.

Examples of no-show invoicing

Despite the general consensus that invoicing no-show guests is impolite, there have been instances where it has occurred.

In one case, a couple invoiced no-show guests for the cost of their meals, including service and tax charges. The invoice read: "This cost reflects the amount paid by the bride and groom for meals that were RSVPed for. Reimbursement and explanation for no-show, card, call or text would be appreciated."

In another example, a couple sold "tickets" to their wedding, charging guests £150 per head for an all-inclusive three-night stay at a cottage with access to a spa and pool.

Opinions on charging guests for meals

The majority of people polled (93%) were against the idea of asking guests to pay to attend a wedding. Renowned etiquette expert Liz Brewer agrees, stating that there is "really NOT a scenario where it's acceptable to ask guests to pay." She suggests that couples who cannot afford their dream wedding should opt for a more intimate family affair or wait until they can save enough to celebrate on a larger scale.

Some people on online forums have inquired about the acceptability of asking guests to pay for their meals, especially in cases where the couple is getting legally married separately and hosting a small dinner celebration later. However, most responses advise against this, stating that if you are hosting a celebration, you should cover the costs. Suggestions to reduce costs include having a more casual get-together or serving less expensive food.

Ways to save money or make your budget stretch

While it is generally frowned upon to charge wedding guests, there are many ways to save money or make your budget stretch. Here are some tips for keeping costs down:

Set a budget

Do a little mental math about how the gift, travel expenses, and wedding attire will add up, then work those numbers into your regular budget for the month or year. This is especially important if you have a destination wedding on your calendar or are planning to attend multiple weddings in a short period.

Consider the big picture

If you are attending weddings during the holiday season or close to a big family vacation, factor these time-related elements into your wedding budget from day one so you won't blow all your disposable cash too fast.

Start planning travel early

The sooner you start exploring transportation and accommodation options, the more likely you are to get a good deal. Research travel costs as soon as you receive a save-the-date, and don't forget to check the couple's wedding website for any cost-saving options for guests.

Split travel and accommodation costs

Round up a group of friends to split a hotel room, or buddy up with another couple on a car rental. If you're not close enough with other guests, ask someone in the bridal party if they know anyone interested in sharing a ride or accommodation.

Buy your registry gift early

Being prompt with the gift gives you a wider range of choices on the registry and helps you avoid last-minute purchases that could cost more. If you're left with gifts that are out of your budget, put together a curated gift of multiple smaller items that fit your target price.

Pitch in for a group gift

If there are big-ticket items on the couple's registry, suggest that your group of friends chip in to buy the couple their dream gift. This way, the couple gets their splurge gift, and you give something you can comfortably afford.

Frequently asked questions