Personalizing Wedding Vows: Making Them Your Own

Wedding vows are promises exchanged between two people during their wedding ceremony. While traditional vows are often recited, couples can also personalise their vows to make them more intimate and unique. In some cases, couples may even choose to have private vow exchanges before or after the wedding ceremony. While the vows are usually influenced by the type of wedding ceremony, such as religious or non-denominational, there is room for customisation. However, it is important to note that legal weddings may have specific requirements for the vows to be considered valid.

Changing the beginning and end of traditional vows

Beginning of the Vows

Instead of starting with the traditional "I, [name]," you can begin with a heartfelt statement or a story about your relationship. For example:

• "Mark, I take you today as my best friend, my trustworthy partner, and my beloved husband. I give you my heart to have and my hand to hold from this day forward..."
• "Andrew, you are the partner I've always longed for, and this day is nothing short of my wildest dreams. I went home after that night and saved every measly penny I made at my retail job for weeks until I could afford to take you out to dinner..."
• "I call you 'My Megan' because you are my everything. You are my light, and you've shown me more love than I've ever known..."

End of the Vows

You can also add a unique twist to the ending of your vows. Instead of simply saying, "till death do us part," consider something like:

• "...until I take my final breath. I am forever yours and I will forever love you."
• "I promise to love you, no matter what, and to always be there for you."
• "I vow to spend every day I have left on this Earth showering you with a zealous love and a faithful commitment."

Using Traditional Vows as an Outline

Another approach is to use the traditional vows as an outline and fill in your own details. This way, you can customise your vows while still retaining the structure and sentiment of the traditional marriage vows. Here is an example:

"I, [name], take you, [name], for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward.

From the good times of laughing together and having spontaneous dance parties to the more challenging moments when we leaned on each other for support and encouragement.

From when we could barely make rent to successfully building our business together—I’ll stand by your side no matter what stands in our bank account.

From head colds and keep-you-up-all-night shingles to feeling like the best version of ourselves—I’ll never get sick of you, and I’ll always pray for your health.

Until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life."

Remember, your wedding vows are a reflection of your love and commitment to your partner. Feel free to be creative, personal, and heartfelt in your wording. You can also seek inspiration from pop culture, such as movies, TV shows, books, and songs, to express your feelings.

Using traditional vows as an outline

Start with a Greeting

Address your partner by name, and perhaps include a pet name or term of endearment. You could also include a brief statement about how you feel about them, such as "my beloved" or "my best friend".

Describe How You'll Navigate Life's Ups and Downs

Traditional vows often mention "better" and "worse" times. Describe how you'll be there for your partner through life's challenges and triumphs. You can get specific here, recalling past experiences you've endured together and how you supported each other.

Describe How You'll Manage Financial Fluctuations

Financial situations can vary throughout a marriage, from times of financial scarcity to abundance. Describe how you'll navigate these fluctuations, and perhaps recall past experiences where you've successfully managed financial challenges together.

Describe How You'll Support Your Partner's Health

Health issues are an inevitable part of life, and it's important to vow to support your partner through sickness and health. You can personalise this section by sharing specific ways you'll care for your partner when they're unwell, or recalling past experiences where you've nursed them back to health.

Close with a Loving Line

End your vows with a heartfelt statement that encapsulates your love and commitment. This could be a simple "I love you", or a more elaborate expression of your devotion.

Example Vows Using the Traditional Outline

"John, my dearest love and best friend, I take you today as my husband. I promise to support and encourage you through life's twists and turns, whether we're laughing together or facing challenges. From times of financial scarcity to abundance, I'll stand by your side, ready to dance and laugh with you, or provide a shoulder to cry on. When you're unwell, I'll be there to nurse you back to health and pray for your recovery. Until death do us part, I will love, respect, and trust you for all the days of my life."

Adding your own twist to traditional vows

Use the same vow template but change the words

A quick and easy way to personalise traditional marriage vows is to swap out the words for more meaningful phrases. For example, instead of saying "in sickness", you could playfully say "in flu season". These unique details will turn traditional vows into a more modern version.

Use traditional vows as an outline

Traditional vows cover all the essentials that one could wish to say on their wedding day. You can use these elements as an outline and then reference this outline to write your own vows. Start by addressing your partner, describe how you'll work through better and worse times, describe how you'd manage being poor and rich, describe how you'll be there for your partner when they're sick and healthy, and close with a loving line.

Embrace the spirit of traditional vows

When you look at traditional marriage vows, the main idea is that no matter what, you'll be there for each other. Write your vows with this idea as your main theme. Ask yourself: What challenges have you endured together as a couple and how did you work through them? How has your partner always been there for you? How do you show up for your partner and provide your support? How do you encourage your partner to achieve their goals and dreams?

Get specific and go into detail

You can have longer-form vows by using traditional vows as the structure and then going into detail with specific examples for each section. Start your vows by using the exact phrasing from the traditional vows as your base and then write more around each section.

Just change the beginning and the end

You don’t have to completely rewrite traditional marriage vows to make them sound more like you. Revise the first and last sentences to give this traditional set of vows a new twist. For example: "Mark, I take you today as my best friend, my trustworthy partner, and my beloved husband. I give you my heart to have and my hand to hold from this day forward. ...for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health... ...until I take my final breath. I am forever yours and I will forever love you."

Work with a vow writer

If you’re still stuck on how to put your own spin on traditional vows, consider hiring a professional vow writer. They can help you write funny wedding vows, non-traditional vows, and non-religious vows.

Private vows

Private wedding vows are custom-written vows that are recited in a private setting, usually just between the couple, although some couples choose to include their photographer and videographer. They are an increasingly popular option for couples who want to make their ceremony more personal and heartfelt, and for those who feel nervous about reciting their vows in front of others.

When writing private vows, it is recommended to keep them between three to six minutes long. They can be structured in the following way:

• Address your partner and explain why you're excited to marry them.
• Detail the qualities you admire about them.
• Communicate what you appreciate about your relationship.
• Make three to six specific promises for your marriage.
• Close with a loving wish for your life together.

Religious vows

Religious wedding vows are steeped in tradition and vary according to the specific religion. They are declarations of lifelong commitment to each other in the presence of God and loved ones. While the vows themselves are generally not to be modified, couples can add their own flair through additional religious readings, poetry, or extracts.

Catholic Wedding Vows

"I, [name], take you, [name], for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honour you all the days of my life."

Episcopal Wedding Vows

"In the name of God, I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death. This is my solemn vow."

Presbyterian Wedding Vows

"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband/wife in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live."

Protestant Wedding Vows

"I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith."

Church of England Wedding Vows

"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law. In the presence of God I make this vow."

Frequently asked questions