Plus One Wedding Guests: When And How To Bring Them

Planning a wedding guest list can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to deciding who gets a plus-one. A plus-one is when an invitee can bring a guest of their choosing, usually a romantic partner but sometimes a family member or friend. While there are no set rules, wedding etiquette suggests that married, engaged, and cohabiting guests, as well as wedding party members, should receive a plus-one. It is also considerate to offer plus-ones to out-of-town guests who may not know many people at the wedding. Ultimately, the decision comes down to the couple's budget, venue capacity, and personal preferences for their big day.

Married, engaged, and cohabiting guests

When it comes to wedding guest lists, the first rule of thumb is that there are no set rules. It's your wedding, and ultimately, your wedding day should reflect what you and your partner want. However, if you're looking for some guidance on whether married, engaged, and cohabiting guests should get a plus-one, here are some considerations:

Inviting Plus-Ones for Married, Engaged, and Cohabiting Guests

It is generally considered good etiquette to extend a plus-one invitation to guests who are married, engaged, or living with their partner. This is true even if you haven't met their spouse or partner before, or if you are closer to only one half of the couple. As Anne and Lizzie Post, authors of 'Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette', explain, "your guest is part of a package deal". This rule also applies to the spouse or partner of your officiant and the parents of ring bearers and flower girls.

If you are close to the couple, it is considered polite to include the partner's name on the invitation. If you don't know the partner well, you can simply write the guest's name followed by "and guest". This gives your guest the flexibility to bring their partner or a friend.

Budget and Space Constraints

However, it's important to keep in mind that not all couples have the budget or venue space to accommodate plus-ones for every guest. In this case, it is generally recommended to at least offer a plus-one to those in your wedding party and immediate family. These people are your wedding-day VIPs, and it is a nice gesture to give them the option to bring a date, friend, or partner.

If you are still unable to offer a plus-one to all married, engaged, and cohabiting guests due to budget or space constraints, it is perfectly acceptable to only invite the guest without a plus-one. As wedding planner Matthew David Hopkins advises, "Your wedding is—and can be—different from theirs. They may not be happy with your decision at first, so it may be best to communicate and explain why you made the decision you did."

Communicating Plus-One Privileges

When sending out invitations, it is important to be clear about who is invited. The traditional way to indicate a plus-one is to write the guest's name followed by "and guest" on the envelope. If the couple is married or living together, it is polite to include both of their names on the outer and inner envelope. If you are unsure of the relationship status, it is best to use "invited guest" instead of assuming a plus-one.

For unmarried couples living separately, it is acceptable to send one invitation addressed to the primary guest, with the partner's name included in the materials inside. This approach ensures that the primary guest knows they have the option to bring their partner, without assuming they will do so.

Guest Requests for a Plus-One

If a guest who has not been offered a plus-one reaches out to ask about bringing one, it is recommended to first inquire about the nature of the relationship. If the relationship is serious and long-term, you may consider accommodating their request. However, if you truly cannot accommodate a plus-one due to budget or space constraints, it is acceptable to politely decline. A kind and firm explanation, such as "We'd love to include everyone, but unfortunately, our budget only allowed us to invite close friends and family", should suffice.

In conclusion, while there is no one-size-fits-all approach to plus-one etiquette, it is generally considered good practice to offer a plus-one to married, engaged, and cohabiting guests whenever possible. However, if budget or space constraints limit the number of plus-ones you can offer, it is perfectly acceptable to prioritize offering plus-ones to your wedding party and immediate family. Clear communication on invitations and flexibility in accommodating guest requests will also help ensure a smooth process.

Bridal party members

However, it is not mandatory to offer a plus-one to bridal party members. If you are on a tight budget or prefer a more intimate gathering, you can choose to only invite significant others by name. Significant others are not considered plus-ones but guests and should be invited by name.

If you do offer a plus-one, you cannot dictate who the guest is. It is also not necessary to offer a plus-one to every single bridal party member. You can set criteria, such as only allowing single bridal party members to bring a plus-one.

When it comes to seating, it is considered outdated to separate bridal party members from their dates or significant others at the reception. Instead, you can opt for a sweetheart table for just the newlyweds or arrange seating to allow bridal party members and their guests to sit together.

Outlier guests who won't know many other attendees

When it comes to wedding guest lists, it's common to end up with a lopsided list, where one partner is inviting more friends or family than the other. This is especially true if one partner has a larger family or prefers a more intimate group of friends. To even things out, you can divide your guest list into three categories:

List A: The people you MUST invite, including close friends and family members you couldn't imagine celebrating without.

List B: People you'd like to have, but don't need to have, such as coworkers, family friends, extended family, and former classmates.

List C: People you don't need to invite but would like to send a formal announcement to after the wedding.

Now, when it comes to outlier guests who won't know many other attendees, it's generally a good idea to give them a plus-one so they don't feel out of place or lonely. This is especially important if they're travelling from out of town. Here are some tips to consider:

• Be mindful of your budget and venue capacity: While it would be ideal to give everyone a plus-one, most couples have budget and space restrictions. So, consider giving plus-ones to those who really need them, like outlier guests.
• Create an "A" and "B" list: Put your outlier guests on the "A" list, ensuring they get a plus-one. Then, create a "B" list of other guests you'd like to include if possible. Once you've taken care of the "A" list, see how many plus-ones you can offer to the "B" list.
• Use proper invitation wording: To indicate a plus-one, write the guest's name followed by "and guest" on the outer envelope. If you don't know the plus-one's name, you can include a space for the primary guest to write their name on the RSVP. This ensures you know who to expect and can prepare a seating chart.
• Be consistent: If you give a plus-one to one person in a certain category, try to offer it to everyone in that category. For example, if you give a plus-one to one member of the wedding party, consider offering it to all of them. This avoids any hint of favouritism.
• Be prepared for people to ask for a plus-one: Guests who don't receive a plus-one may still reach out to ask for one. Be polite and consistent in your response, and consider each request individually. Take into account your budget, venue capacity, and the social dynamics of the evening.
• Have a clear criteria: If you allow one single guest outside the bridal party to bring a casual date, it's only fair to let all single guests do the same. However, if budget constraints make this impossible, have a clear and easily explainable reason for who gets to bring a plus-one.
• Work on your seating chart: Ensure that single guests without a plus-one are seated with people they know or with outgoing and friendly couples they'll get along with. This will create a communal feel and help them meet people.

Remember, there are no set rules for wedding guest lists and plus-ones. Every wedding is different, and you should ultimately do what feels right for you and your partner.

Guests with a serious or long-term partner

Deciding on your wedding guest list can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to plus-ones. While there are no set rules, it's important to keep your budget, vision, and guests' needs in mind. Here are some tips to help you decide on plus-ones for guests with serious or long-term partners:

It is generally considered good etiquette to extend a plus-one invitation to guests in serious or long-term relationships, especially if you don't know their partner well. This acknowledges their commitment and ensures they feel comfortable at the wedding. If you have the budget and space, it is a thoughtful gesture to allow all guests in serious relationships to bring a plus-one.

Invitation Wording

When addressing invitations to guests with serious partners, it is best to include their partner's name. This shows that you recognize their relationship and want to include them. If you are unsure of the partner's name or their relationship status, it is better to use "and guest" or "invited guest" rather than guessing.

Seating Arrangements

When creating a seating plan, be mindful of solo guests. Avoid seating them between couples, as this can be awkward. Instead, place them next to friendly, outgoing couples or other singles to create a communal feel and help them meet people organically.

Out-of-Town Guests

Consider offering plus-ones to out-of-town guests who may not know many other attendees. Attending a wedding alone, surrounded by strangers, can be uncomfortable. A plus-one can make them feel less out of place.

Be Consistent

Try to maintain consistency when offering plus-ones. If one person in a similar situation gets a plus-one, it is polite to offer the same to others to avoid any hint of favoritism.

Be Prepared for Requests

Some guests may reach out to ask for a plus-one if they don't have one. Be prepared to respond kindly and firmly, explaining your budget or space constraints. It is best to do this over the phone or in person, rather than via email or text, to avoid misunderstandings.

Remember, your wedding day should ultimately reflect what you and your partner want. These guidelines can help you navigate the tricky terrain of plus-ones and ensure your guests feel valued and respected.

Guests who are family members

Deciding on your guest list for your wedding can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to plus-ones. Here is some advice on how to handle plus-ones for family members.

Firstly, it is important to remember that your wedding day should reflect what you and your partner want. If you want to invite all your family members with a plus-one, that is your choice. However, if you are working within a limited budget or venue capacity, you may need to be more selective.

A good rule of thumb is that immediate family members should receive a plus-one. This is especially true if they are in a serious or long-term relationship, or if you don't know their partner very well. It is considered good etiquette to invite both parties in a married couple, even if you are closer to one person than the other. The same goes for engaged couples and those who live together.

If your family member is in a new or casual relationship, you may choose not to offer a plus-one, especially if you are on a tight budget. However, if you are worried about a family member feeling lonely or out of place, you could consider extending a plus-one invitation. This is a good option for out-of-town guests who may not know many other attendees.

When it comes to addressing the invitations, you can indicate a plus-one by writing the family member's name followed by "and guest". If you know the name of the plus-one, it is more formal to include their name on the invitation. For married or cohabiting couples, address the invitation to both parties.

Remember, it is your wedding, and you can choose who to invite. Don't feel pressured to include everyone's plus-ones if it doesn't work for your budget or venue. Be consistent with your decisions, and communicate any changes or updates clearly to your guests.

Frequently asked questions