Attending Weddings Before Your Own: Good Or Bad Omen?

Attending a wedding is a great honour, but it also comes with a lot of expectations and rules. From the moment you receive a wedding invitation, you need to be mindful of deadlines, budgets, dress codes, and travel arrangements. As a guest, you are expected to respond to the invitation promptly, even if you can't attend, and to follow any instructions provided by the couple. This includes adhering to the specified dress code and respecting the wishes of the couple regarding plus-ones and children. It is also important to arrive on time, be respectful during the ceremony, and follow the seating plan at the reception. Being a good wedding guest also involves socializing, celebrating, and showing gratitude to the couple and their families. It is generally expected that you bring a gift or send it later, but the most important thing is to be present and actively participate in the festivities.

RSVPing and doing so on time

RSVPing on time is one of the most important rules of wedding guest etiquette. The couple has set the response deadline with careful consideration, and your timely response will help them with their seating chart, headcount for the caterer, and more.

• Plan ahead: Save the dates usually come about six months before the wedding, and the formal invitation will typically follow two months to eight weeks before the wedding date. Once you receive the invitation, respond as soon as possible. Mark the deadline on your calendar and set a reminder to ensure you don't forget.
• Read the invitation carefully: Pay attention to the details provided by the couple, such as the date, time, location, dress code, and any COVID-related policies or requirements. Also, look for information on how to RSVP, whether it's through a response card, a wedding website, or an email to the wedding planner.
• Understand plus-one etiquette: If you're unsure about your "plus-one" status, don't be afraid to check with the couple. Only those addressed on the invitation have received a formal invitation. If the phrase "and Guest" is written after your name, you can bring a date.
• Be thoughtful in your decision: If you're unable to attend, it's not rude to decline the invitation. Common reasons for not attending include financial constraints, scheduling conflicts, lack of childcare, and personal emergencies. Whatever your reason, communicate your decision to the couple by the RSVP deadline.
• Follow instructions: When responding, follow the instructions provided by the couple. If they have included a physical response card, fill it out promptly and accurately. If they request a digital RSVP, pay attention to their preferred method, whether it's through their wedding website or via email.

Remember, your timely RSVP is crucial for the couple's planning and will help ensure a smooth and well-organised wedding celebration.

Dress codes and appropriate attire

When it comes to wedding guest attire, it's important to respect the couple and the event by dressing up. Your outfit should always be respectful, conservative, and appropriate, but also comfortable. The rules of etiquette are designed to help you feel at ease and comfortable in all social situations. So, remember that your cheerful presence at the wedding is what counts.

• The dress code is the most important factor to consider when choosing what to wear to a wedding. The majority of couples will set a wedding dress code depending on the style of the event and the time of year. For example, a black-tie wedding in the winter will require a different outfit than a casual summer wedding.
• For a black-tie wedding, men should wear a tuxedo with a black bow tie, vest or cummerbund, and patent leather shoes. Women should wear a floor-length evening gown or an elegant dress.
• For a casual daytime wedding, men can opt for a navy blazer, a blue button-down shirt, or khaki pants. Women can choose a dress with a nice neckline and simple accessories.
• The time of day, season, and location of the wedding can also provide insight into the appropriate attire. For example, a beach wedding calls for more casual attire, while a fall wedding caters to darker jewel-toned colours and richer fabrics.
• Avoid wearing white or any shade that might be mistaken for white, as this is typically the colour worn by the bride.
• Do not wear anything that is too revealing or too short.
• Avoid anything too formal or glamorous for the requested dress code. You don't want to outshine the couple.
• Avoid wearing the same colours or styles as the wedding party. Check the invitation for colour cues, and if possible, ask a member of the wedding party about the dress code.
• Consider the weather when choosing your outfit. If it's windy, avoid short, flowy gowns. If it's going to be chilly, bring a jacket or shawl.
• Wear comfortable shoes, especially if you plan on dancing. Flats, wedges, or low heels are good options.
• Avoid jeans, t-shirts, tank tops, flip-flops, and sneakers, even at a casual wedding.

Arriving on time

Being punctual is one of the most important things to keep in mind when attending a wedding. It is considered rude to be "fashionably late" to a wedding. As a general rule, guests should aim to arrive 15 to 30 minutes before the ceremony is scheduled to begin. This allows for time to find parking, get seated, and avoid any last-minute rushing.

Arriving early also gives guests the opportunity to scope out the setting that the couple has carefully planned and to take their seats without causing any disturbance. It is important to respect the couple's timeline and not arrive too early, as this could cause disruptions to the vendor team's final preparations.

If you do arrive after the ceremony has commenced, it is best to slip into the back row or wait for an usher to guide you to your seat. If the processional has already started, wait until everyone has reached the altar before discreetly making your way to a seat.

Being mindful of your arrival time is one of the first ways to demonstrate respect for the couple and their special day. It ensures that you are present to celebrate and honour their union from the very beginning.

Gifts and budgeting

Budgeting for a wedding can be a daunting task, but it is important to have a clear idea of how much you can spend. Here are some tips to help you navigate the financial aspects of your wedding:

• Determine your budget: Before you start planning, decide on a realistic budget that you and your partner are comfortable with. Be honest about what you can afford, and factor in all expenses, including daily costs and future financial goals.
• Understand what weddings include: If you're new to wedding planning, research the typical costs associated with different aspects of the wedding, such as catering, attire, flowers, music, etc. This will help you allocate funds effectively.
• Consider contributions: Discuss with family and friends who may be willing to contribute financially to your wedding. Be clear on their expectations for how the money should be spent.
• Prioritize: Identify your must-haves and be willing to compromise on less important aspects. This will help you stay within your budget.
• Create a budget breakdown: Allocate your budget across different categories, such as venue, catering, attire, flowers, entertainment, etc. Here is a suggested percentage breakdown for each category:
• Reception venue, catering, and rentals: 45%
• Wedding planner/coordinator: 5-15%
• Ceremony: 5-10%
• Photography and/or videography: 12%
• Reception music/entertainment: 10%
• Stationery: 5%
• Flowers & decor: 10%
• Wedding attire & beauty: 9%
• Favors & gifts: 2-5%
• Transportation: 2-5%
• Additional considerations: 5-15% (tips, unexpected expenses, rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, etc.)
• Set up a budget tracker: Use a spreadsheet or budget app to track your expenses. Open a dedicated bank account for wedding expenses, and ask for upfront cost estimates from vendors, including taxes and fees.
• Be flexible: Your budget is a guide, and it's okay to make adjustments as you plan. Don't be afraid to tailor it to your needs and priorities.
• Save where you can: Shop around for cost-effective options, and don't be afraid to reuse or repurpose items. Remember, small savings can add up!
• Understand the impact of style: Formal and floral weddings tend to be more expensive. Ensure your budget aligns with your vision, and be willing to make compromises if needed.
• Set an absolute limit: Decide on a maximum amount you are willing to spend, and stick to it. If you need to cut costs, focus on reducing guest numbers, choosing a less expensive venue, or opting for minimalist decor.
• Include an "extras" fund: Allocate a small portion of your budget for unexpected expenses or last-minute changes. This will help you stay on track and avoid overspending.

When it comes to gifts, here are some guidelines to consider:

• Gifts for the wedding couple: It is customary to give a gift to the wedding couple, especially if you are attending the wedding. The amount you spend should be based on your relationship with the couple and your budget. Here are some suggested amounts:
• Colleague or distant acquaintance: $25-$50
• Cousin, friend, or coworker: $50-$150
• Close friend or immediate family member: $150-$250
• Group gift or for a couple you are very close with: $250-$500
• Parent of the bride or groom: $500-$1000
• Gifts for wedding attendants: It is also common to give gifts to your wedding party, such as bridesmaids and groomsmen, to thank them for their participation.
• Sending gifts if you can't attend: If you are unable to attend the wedding, traditional etiquette suggests that you are not obligated to send a gift. However, it is a kind gesture to send a gift or a card to express your well-wishes, especially if you are close to the couple.
• Timing of gift-giving: It is generally recommended to send gifts before the wedding or within three months after the wedding. However, you have up to one year to send a gift if necessary.
• Physical vs. cash gifts: Both physical gifts and cash are acceptable. Consider the couple's preferences and what is considered appropriate in their region. If giving cash, bringing a card with your gift to the wedding is appropriate.
• Sticking to the registry: It is generally a good idea to choose a gift from the couple's registry. However, if you know the couple well, you may opt for a personalized gift that reflects their interests.
• Group gifts: If you want to give a more expensive gift but have a limited budget, consider joining forces with a group of friends or family members to purchase a group gift.

Plus-ones and bringing uninvited guests

If you're single, check the wedding invitation envelope for the phrase "and guest" to know if you can bring a date to the event. According to a WeddingWire Guest Study, permission to bring a date is one of the most researched aspects of a wedding before a guest confirms their attendance. If you're unsure about your "plus-one" status, don't hesitate to check with the couple—about a third of respondents indicated that they would confirm if they were allowed to bring a date before RSVPing.

Bringing only the guests listed on your wedding invitation is a firm etiquette rule. The guest list is carefully curated, and it may be based on the wedding budget or the venue capacity. If the couple wants to offer you a plus-one, they will communicate this on the invitation. If it's not included, assume that the invitation is just for you.

Adding children to your RSVP when they weren't listed on your invitation is also considered rude. Many couples choose not to have children at their weddings for various reasons, and it's important to respect their wishes. If your invitation doesn't include your children's names or specify "and family," it's best to leave them at home. Check the wedding website for clues—you may see a statement such as "Children only over the age of 12, please."

Couples who plan to accommodate only adult guests may be following rules set by their venue, liability constraints, or catering guidelines. Bringing uninvited children is not only rude to the hosts but also inappropriate for your kids. If you're unsure, clarify with the couple instead of showing up with your little ones.

Frequently asked questions