Bride Seeing Groom's Attire Before The Wedding: Is It Okay?

There is a long-standing tradition that the bride and groom should not see each other before the wedding ceremony. This tradition is rooted in the historical norm of arranged marriages, where it was considered bad luck for the couple to meet before the wedding. In these situations, the bride's family often wanted to prevent the groom from backing out of the arrangement if he found the bride unattractive. Today, many couples still choose to follow this tradition, finding it makes the wedding day more exciting and memorable. However, it is ultimately a personal choice, and some couples may prefer to see each other before the ceremony to calm their nerves or take advantage of photo opportunities. While the bride typically has a say in many aspects of the wedding, it is generally recommended that the groom has the final say on his attire, although the couple may collaborate to ensure their outfits are cohesive.

The origins of the tradition of the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding

The tradition of the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding stems from the time when marriages were arranged and served more as business deals between families than romantic matches. It was considered "unlucky" for the bride and groom to see each other before the ceremony, as there was a risk that the groom would back out of the wedding if he did not find his bride attractive. This superstition was born out of the desire to ensure that the groom would follow through with his commitment to marry, as these commitments were often made for business purposes.

The bride's father usually made the marriage arrangement, with the hope that his daughter would marry into wealth to benefit the family. However, there was a fear that if the groom saw the bride before the wedding, he might not find her attractive, and this could lead to shame for the bride and her family if the wedding was called off. To avoid this risk, the tradition of the couple not seeing each other until the ceremony was born. The bride's veil also played a part in this tradition, as it kept the groom from seeing the bride's face until the very last moment, when it was too late for him to change his mind.

In modern times, this superstition has evolved into the romantic idea that couples should be a surprise to each other on their wedding day. While arranged marriages are no longer the norm, individuals still choose to incorporate this tradition into their weddings, adding an element of excitement and anticipation to their ceremony.

The veil's role in the tradition

The wedding veil is a time-honoured tradition that has been followed for decades, and its role has evolved over time. While the precise history of veils is uncertain, most experts trace its roots back to ancient Rome, where brides wore veils called "flammeum" over their faces as they walked down the aisle. This veil served two purposes: to protect the bride from evil spirits and to honour Vesta, the goddess of hearth and home. The saffron colour of the veil symbolised Vesta's flame.

Over time, the veil became a symbol of the bride's chastity and modesty, particularly as white wedding dresses became popular to symbolise purity. In some cultures and religions, the veil continues to hold specific significance. For instance, in Judaism, the veil plays a crucial role in the Bedeken ceremony, where the groom covers the bride's face with her veil to ensure he is marrying the right person. This tradition stems from the Biblical story of Jacob, who was tricked into marrying Leah, who was disguised with a veil, instead of his intended bride, Rachel.

In Catholic weddings, the veil is meant to add to the bride's modesty, often covering her shoulders during mass. It symbolises the bride's humility and purity.

Today, the veil is widely accepted as a bridal accessory that adds a perfect finishing touch to the overall bridal look. It allows brides to showcase their personal style while also paying homage to tradition. Modern brides often choose veils that complement their dresses in terms of length and colour, adding embellishments like lace, rhinestones, and pearls for a unique touch.

While wearing a veil is entirely optional, it remains a popular choice for brides who want to embrace the tradition or simply enjoy the look and feel of wearing one.

The bride's family's role in the tradition

The bride's family has a significant role in wedding traditions, and their involvement has evolved to suit modern times. Here is a detailed breakdown of the bride's family's role in wedding traditions:

Financial Contributions

The bride's family traditionally shoulders most of the wedding costs, including the wedding planner, venue, invitations, stationery, wedding programs, photography, videography, and accommodation for the bridal party. They also typically pay for the wedding dress, veil, accessories, cake, and a post-wedding brunch. However, in modern times, these traditions are often adjusted to suit the couple's preferences and financial situation. Some couples may opt to split costs with their families, contribute their own money, or pay for the entire wedding themselves.

Planning and Decision-Making

The bride's family is often involved in planning the wedding, especially if they are contributing financially. This includes making decisions about the venue, guest list, and budget. The bride's family may also offer suggestions or have a say in the wedding attire, particularly if the couple is following the tradition of not seeing each other's outfits before the wedding.

Walking the Bride Down the Aisle

One of the most well-known traditions involving the bride's family is the father walking the bride down the aisle. This tradition stems from the historical “transfer of liability” for the bride's wellbeing from her father to the groom. While this notion is outdated, the tradition remains popular as a symbolic blessing from the bride's family to the couple. Alternatively, another meaningful figure in the bride's life, such as a mother, uncle, or close friend, may escort her down the aisle.

Unity Ceremonies

The bride's family can be included in unity ceremonies, which symbolise the joining of two families. These ceremonies often involve combining sand, candles, water, or paint as a memorable way to include all family members in the celebration.

Honouring Absent Family Members

The bride's family can also play a role in honouring absent or deceased family members during the wedding ceremony. This may include placing a rose on an empty seat, displaying a framed photo, or using a personal token or memorial poem to symbolise their presence.

Seating Arrangements

It is customary to reserve prime seating for the bride's family, usually the first two rows on either side of the aisle. This ensures that the bride's family has a comfortable view of the ceremony and is honoured during the celebration.

The groom's attire: who decides?

In the lead-up to a wedding, it's normal for brides to want to have control over every aspect of their special day. However, when it comes to the groom's attire, who decides often depends on two things: the couple's relationship dynamics and how much input the groom wants.

Some grooms are happy to hand over the decision-making power to their partner, while others may want to choose their own wedding-day look, especially if they have a distinctive everyday style or are involved in the planning process. Ultimately, it's the groom's day too, and he should be allowed to decide on his outfit if it's important to him.

If the groom is uninterested in planning or doesn't know what to wear, it's okay for the bride to offer styling help or suggestions, as long as it's done in a collaborative and respectful manner. It's also a good idea for the couple to go shopping together to try on different colours and styles and find what works best for both of them.

To ensure everyone is happy with the groom's attire, it's important to have an open and honest conversation about expectations and preferences. The bride can also suggest that the groom's outfit complements her dress and the overall wedding theme, colour palette, style, formality level, and accessories.

While traditions and superstitions might influence some couples' decisions, today's weddings are often personalised and unique, with many couples choosing to make their own rules.

The pros and cons of the bride and groom seeing each other before the wedding

The tradition of the bride and groom not seeing each other before the wedding dates back to when marriages were arranged. It was considered bad luck, as it was believed that the groom might call off the wedding if he found the bride unattractive. This superstition was born out of the desire to ensure the groom followed through with his commitment to marry. The veil also played a part in this tradition, as it kept the bride's face covered until the last moment, ensuring the groom couldn't back out.

Today, many couples choose to abandon this tradition and opt for a "first look" before the ceremony. This offers several advantages, such as easing pre-wedding jitters and creating a private, intimate moment for the couple to connect. It also allows for more time-efficient photography, as the bulk of portraits can be taken before the ceremony.

However, there are also some downsides to consider. For superstitious or traditional couples, a first look might not be an option as it goes against longstanding rituals. Additionally, the early morning preparations required for a first look may not appeal to those who aren't morning people. The lighting during the day may also be less than ideal for photographs, resulting in the need for additional photos after the ceremony.

Ultimately, the decision to see each other before the wedding is a personal one. While the tradition of not seeing each other may have outdated and less-than-romantic origins, some couples may still prefer to keep their wedding attire a surprise until they walk down the aisle. Others may choose to spend the morning of the wedding together, capturing the pre-wedding prep and creating a more personal and special moment.

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