The Couple's Big Day: To Chat Or Not?

There are many traditions and superstitions associated with weddings, and one of the most well-known is that it is bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other or communicate before the ceremony. This superstition dates back to when marriages were arranged, and the bride and groom were not allowed to meet until the altar to ensure the groom would not call off the wedding if he found the bride unattractive. Nowadays, this superstition has largely been debunked, with many couples choosing to do a first look before the ceremony. However, some couples still choose to save the moment of seeing each other for the actual wedding ceremony. Ultimately, the decision of whether or not the bride and groom communicate on their wedding day is a personal choice and should be based on what works best for the couple.

Texting and calling

However, in today's day and age, many couples are choosing to buck tradition and do what feels right for them. Some opt for a ""first look" moment before the ceremony, either in person or via text or call, to appreciate and calm each other. Others prefer to stick to tradition and not communicate at all, believing that it adds a touch of romance to the day.

If you're unsure about what to do, remember that there are no rules set in stone. You can choose to text or call your partner to calm your nerves, share a sweet message, or even sort out last-minute details. Alternatively, you can opt for handwritten letters or cute post-it notes to be exchanged via a friend or family member. Ultimately, the decision is yours and you should do whatever feels right for you and your partner.

If you do decide to text or call, it's important to be mindful of the time and not be on your phone all day. Your wedding day is a special occasion, and while technology can help you feel connected to your partner, it's also important to be present and savour the moments leading up to your ceremony.

Wedding day superstitions

While there is no explicit superstition about whether the bride and groom can talk on their wedding day, there are several other wedding superstitions and traditions.

Superstitions and Traditions

• In English culture, a spider on a wedding dress is considered good luck.
• In English tradition, Wednesday is considered the best day to marry, while Monday is for wealth and Tuesday is for health.
• Saturday is the unluckiest day to marry, according to English folklore.
• In Roman tradition, brides wore veils to disguise themselves from evil spirits.
• In Medieval Europe, it was believed that a bride was vulnerable to evil spirits through the soles of her feet, so the groom would carry her over the threshold of their new home.
• In some cultures, rain on your wedding day is considered good luck and symbolises fertility and cleansing.
• In Italy, couples smash a vase or glass, with the number of pieces symbolising the number of happy years they'll have.
• It is considered good luck for the bride to cry, symbolising that she has shed all her tears and won't cry during her marriage.
• In the Victorian era, it was considered bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress before the ceremony.
• Brides carry or wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. Something old symbolises the bride's past, something new symbolises the couple's future, something borrowed is supposed to be from someone who is happily married, and something blue symbolises fidelity and love.
• The bride and groom must save the top layer of their wedding cake to eat on their first anniversary.

First looks

The superstition that the bride and groom should not see each other before the wedding ceremony dates back to when marriages were arranged. It was considered bad luck if the couple met before the wedding, as people believed that the groom might call off the wedding if he found the bride unattractive. The veil was also used to cover the bride's face so that the groom would not see her until the last moment, at the end of the ceremony.

Today, this superstition has evolved into the idea that couples should allow their wedding attire to be a surprise until they meet at the altar. However, this tradition is not strictly followed, and many couples choose to have a ""first look" moment before the ceremony. A "first look" is when the couple sees each other for the first time on their wedding day, usually with a photographer and/or videographer capturing the moment. This allows them to appreciate each other and have an emotional moment without an audience.

Some couples choose to spend the night before the wedding together and may even have breakfast together before going their separate ways to get ready. Others may prefer to stick to tradition and not communicate at all until the ceremony. Ultimately, it is a personal choice, and there are no set rules.

The groom's speech is also an opportunity for the couple to express their gratitude and share their reflections on their journey to marriage. It is a chance to thank the guests for their attendance, family members for their support, and vendors for their contributions. The speech usually lasts around three minutes and is given before or after dinner.

Father-daughter first looks

The father-daughter first look has become a must-do photo op. It is a special moment shared between the bride and her father, where the father sees his daughter in her wedding dress for the first time. This moment is often filled with raw emotion and is a great opportunity to capture candid moments and create lasting memories.

• Set aside time for the photo: Ensure you schedule time for the first look with your father. This moment can help you relax and feel less anxious before the wedding. It is also symbolic, as it is a longstanding tradition for the father and bride to share a moment before the ceremony.
• Choose a suitable location: Consider a place with plenty of good light for great pictures. You can also plan the first look somewhere meaningful, such as in front of a portrait at home. If your venue allows, coming down the stairs after getting ready can create a beautiful sense of anticipation, especially if your father is waiting for you at the bottom.
• Include other family members: While the first look is primarily between the bride and her father, you can choose to include other family members such as your mother or siblings. This can make the moment even more special and emotional.
• Plan for candid moments: To capture authentic emotions, it is essential to plan for candid moments. Ensure you have enough time set aside before the ceremony to connect with your father and share an honest and meaningful moment.
• Have your photographer ready: To capture natural reactions and emotions, ensure your photographer is close by and ready to snap pictures at any moment.

The father-daughter first look is a beautiful way to honour the special bond between a father and his daughter. It allows the father to shake off some nerves before walking his daughter down the aisle and provides an opportunity to get meaningful and emotion-filled photos that will be cherished forever.

Pre-ceremony vow exchanges

There is no rule that says the bride and groom can't talk on their wedding day. In fact, some couples choose to spend the night before the wedding together and even have breakfast together on the morning of their wedding.

The vows are the most intimate part of a wedding ceremony, and some couples may feel uncomfortable sharing such a personal moment in front of a large group. A pre-ceremony vow exchange can be a great option for couples who want a private moment to express their love. This can be done a few hours before the ceremony or even a few days in advance.

• Start early: Give yourselves enough time to write your vows. Starting early will help reduce stress and give you time to really think about your relationship and what you want to say.
• Make it authentic: Feel free to include inside jokes and private moments in your vows. This is your chance to be personal and unique.
• Check in with your partner: Make sure both you and your partner are comfortable with exchanging vows early. If one person is averse to the idea, it may take away from the intimacy of the moment.
• Choose the right setting: Pick a location that is comfortable and meaningful to both of you. Consider a quiet spot away from busy streets and loud noises so you can focus on each other.
• Make it your own: Even if you exchange vows before the ceremony, you can still make your wedding ceremony feel special and significant. Include elements that are unique to your wedding, such as a first dance or a special reading.
• Rehearse with your officiant: If you're working with an officiant, consider rehearsing your vows with them separately beforehand. This will help you prepare and ensure that your vows are similar in length.

A pre-ceremony vow exchange can be a beautiful way to connect with your partner and create an intimate moment on your wedding day. Whether you choose to exchange vows privately or during the ceremony, the most important thing is that you're doing what feels right for you as a couple.

Frequently asked questions