Rsvping Early: Is It Too Soon For Wedding Guests?

Wedding RSVPs should ideally be due at least three to four weeks before the wedding. This gives the couple enough time to organize their final guest list and sort out seating arrangements. It's also helpful for the couple to get an early idea of the final guest count so that they can plan for meals, tables, chairs, and transportation. It is therefore recommended that guests RSVP as soon as they know whether they can attend.

When to send out wedding invites

The timing of your wedding invites and the deadline for RSVPs will depend on whether your wedding is a local or destination event. For a local wedding, it's generally recommended that invites are sent out between six and ten weeks before the wedding, with the RSVP deadline falling around three to four weeks before the wedding. This gives guests enough time to make travel arrangements if necessary, without being so far in advance that they forget or change their plans.

For a destination wedding, it's best to give guests more notice. Invites should be sent out at least ten to twelve weeks before the wedding, with the RSVP deadline falling around one month before the wedding. This gives you more time to work with out-of-town vendors and make accommodation arrangements.

It's important to set an RSVP deadline and stick to it. You'll need to give your final guest count to your caterer, venue and other vendors around one to two weeks before the wedding, so you'll want to allow yourself a couple of weeks to gather any late responses and chase up any non-responders.

Some sources suggest that you should send your invites out eight weeks before the wedding, with an RSVP deadline of four weeks before. This is based on the idea that caterers and venues need to know numbers around a month in advance, and that final billing normally happens 30 days out for most vendors.

If you're worried about late RSVPs, you could include a pre-addressed, pre-stamped return envelope with your invites, or give guests the option to respond digitally through your wedding website.

How to get guests to respond on time

Planning a wedding is a complex task, and one of the most important aspects is knowing how many guests will attend. It is essential to set an RSVP deadline and stick to it. Here are some tips to ensure your guests respond to your wedding invitations on time:

Set a Clear Deadline

Give your guests ample time to respond, usually about a month, and set the RSVP deadline around three to four weeks before the wedding. This timing ensures that your guests don't feel rushed and that you have enough time to finalise the details, such as the seating chart and the number of tables and chairs.

Make it Easy for Your Guests

Include a pre-addressed and pre-stamped return envelope with your invitations. You can also provide multiple RSVP options, such as a digital submission through your wedding website, to cater to different preferences.

Choose Clear and Direct Wording

Clearly state the wedding RSVP deadline, and place it in a prominent and visible spot on the RSVP cards. You can also add the deadline to your wedding website for reinforcement. Avoid using "RSVP" as some guests may not understand what it means or that a response is required even if they are declining. Instead, use wording such as, "The favour of your reply is requested by [date]."

Offer Meal Choices

Asking your guests about their meal preferences can be a great motivator for them to respond on time. Provide a list of options and request that they select their preferences. This information is also essential for caterers to plan accordingly.

Send Out Reminders

Despite your best efforts, some guests may still forget to respond by the deadline. About a week before the deadline, send out friendly reminders via email or social media. If the deadline has passed, you may need to be more assertive and send individual texts or make phone calls. Let them know that you are excited to see them at the wedding and politely explain that the venue and caterers require a final headcount.

Track Your Responses

Keep a spreadsheet of all invited guests and mark their RSVPs as they come in. This will help you easily identify any missing responses as the deadline approaches.

What to do if a guest doesn't RSVP

It's frustrating when guests don't RSVP to your wedding, but it's a common issue. Here's what to do:

Take a Deep Breath

It's normal to feel stressed when you're waiting on RSVPs, but try to stay calm. Wedding planning is a stressful process, so it's important to manage your stress levels. Try deep breathing exercises, like yoga's Ujjayi breath: inhale slowly through your nose for 8-10 seconds, then exhale slowly and audibly, as if you're fogging up a window.

Contact Guests Who Haven't Responded

Start reaching out to guests who haven't RSVP'd about a week before the deadline. You can use email, text, or phone calls, depending on what you're comfortable with and what you think your guests will respond to. Be friendly and polite in your messages, and include details like the date of the wedding and the deadline for RSVPs. Here's a sample message:

> I’m doing some final wedding prep this week (I can’t believe the day is almost here!). I was going through the guest list and realized you hadn’t RSVP’d yet. Will I get to see you and your lovely family/partner on [WEDDING DATE]? No worries if you can’t make it. I’d love to see you, of course, but I know life is crazy. But it’s getting to the point where I need to give caterers a final headcount and wanted to check in.

If you want a clear answer, it's best to ask directly if they'll be attending and fill out the RSVP for them, rather than including a link to your wedding website and hoping they'll follow through.

Send a Follow-Up

If you don't hear back after your initial outreach, send a follow-up message 3-4 days later. Keep it short and sweet, and include the details of your wedding and RSVP deadline. Here's a sample message:

> Just checking on your RSVP. Will I see you there? I’m giving the caterers a final headcount today and am just checking in. Will you be able to make it to the wedding?

Accept That Some Guests Won't Respond

If you still don't hear back after your follow-up, it's time to move on. If the RSVP deadline has passed, assume they're not coming. You can pad your vendor's final headcount by 5-10 people in case of last-minute RSVPs, but you're within your rights to turn away anyone who RSVPs after the deadline.

Enjoy Your Day

Remember, the most important thing is to stay polite and calm, and to enjoy your big day no matter what.

How to follow up with non-responders

It is frustrating when wedding guests don't respond to your RSVP, but it's important to keep a cool head and follow up with them. Here are some tips on how to do this:

Timing is Everything

Give your guests about a week after the RSVP deadline has passed before you start contacting them. This allows for any late responses to arrive by mail and gives you time to appear calm and collected.

Make a Phone Call

Rather than sending an email, which could end up in their spam folder, give your guests a call. This also allows you to use your tone of voice to convey that you're not angry, simply politely enquiring about their attendance.

Respond Graciously

If a guest expresses surprise that you didn't receive their response, don't be annoyed. Take their answer and any additional information, such as dietary requirements, and thank them. If they are still unsure about attending, politely inform them of your deadline by saying something like, "Please do let me know by [date] since we have to submit our headcount to the caterer."

Set a Clear Deadline

Give your guests a set deadline to respond by, but avoid demanding a response within 24 or 48 hours as this may seem too bossy. Instead, specify a day of the week, such as Tuesday, even if it is the same amount of time away.

Keep Apologies to a Minimum

While it's fine to apologise for calling during the evening, for example, don't overdo it with the apologies. You have a right to be chasing them for an answer, and your venue needs a headcount for their planning.

Make the Call Yourself

It may be tempting to get a parent to call relatives, but this could lead to uncomfortable conversations and a failure to get a clear answer. Make the call yourself to increase your chances of getting the answer you need.

How to choose the right RSVP date

Choosing the right RSVP date for your wedding is important to ensure your to-do list moves along smoothly in the final weeks of planning. Here are some tips on how to select the right RSVP date:

Consider the timing:

The ideal "RSVP by" date is typically about three to four weeks before your wedding. This timing gives you a buffer to chase up any late responses and finalize details with your vendors. It also gives your guests enough time to plan and respond without feeling like they can put it off until later.

Account for destination weddings:

If you're planning a destination wedding, it's essential to give your guests more notice. Send out invitations at least ten to twelve weeks before the wedding, and set the RSVP deadline about two months before the wedding. This allows guests to make travel arrangements and gives you time to coordinate with out-of-town vendors and accommodations.

Align with vendor requirements:

Before setting your RSVP date, communicate with your caterer, venue, and other key vendors to understand when they need the final headcount. Typically, they will request this information one to two weeks before the wedding. Work backward from their deadline to set your RSVP date, giving yourself a buffer to chase any late responses.

Send invitations early:

It's recommended to send out your wedding invitations six to eight weeks before the wedding for a standard wedding and ten to twelve weeks for a destination wedding. This timing ensures your guests have ample time to respond and make any necessary travel plans.

Be mindful of holidays:

If you're planning a holiday wedding, it's a good idea to give your guests extra notice. Send out invitations earlier, and set the RSVP deadline accordingly. This will help guests with their travel plans during busy holiday periods.

Provide clear instructions:

Ensure your invitations include clear instructions on how and when to respond. Include a pre-addressed, pre-stamped return envelope to make it easy for your guests to respond promptly. You can also offer a digital RSVP option through your wedding website.

Remember, it's essential to allow yourself enough time between the RSVP date and the wedding to finalize details with your vendors and make any necessary adjustments based on the final guest count.

Frequently asked questions