Military Weddings: Who Can Officiate And How?

Military weddings are a unique expression of patriotic pride, and often include tributes to military service, commitment, and traditions. Military personnel and their spouses are asked to make sacrifices for their service, so it's only fitting that their special day includes these elements.

Military weddings follow specific rules and etiquette, from the location and officiant to the dress code and seating arrangements. Military chapels and academies are popular choices for wedding locations, and ceremonies are often officiated by military chaplains. While their services are free, they may require pre-marital counseling, and it's customary to donate to the chapel as a sign of appreciation.

If the groom is in the military, he must wear the appropriate dress uniform, and military grooming standards apply, including hair length and a clean-shaven face. The bride may choose to wear her dress uniform or a traditional wedding dress.

Military weddings also have unique traditions, such as the Arch of Sabers/Swords Ceremony, where the bride is welcomed into the military family, and the Saber/Cutlass Cake-Cutting Tradition for commissioned officers.

So, can military officers officiate weddings? The answer is yes, but it depends on their authorization and the state in which the wedding is taking place. In some states, military officers are authorized to officiate weddings, while in others, only ordained ministers or clergy are recognized as authorized marriage officiants. It's important to check the specific state laws and regulations to determine if a military officer can legally officiate a wedding in that state.

Military Chapels or Academies as Wedding Locations

Military chapels and academies are popular choices for wedding locations, especially for those with a military background. They offer a unique and meaningful setting for couples to exchange their vows, often with a rich history and stunning architectural features.

Military Chapels

All military bases have chapels that can be used for wedding ceremonies, usually free of charge, although a donation is expected. These chapels cater to a variety of faiths, so you can find one that aligns with your religious beliefs. It is important to book early as these venues are in high demand and tend to get booked quickly. When planning a wedding in a military chapel, it is essential to work closely with the chaplain, who can provide information on protocol, restrictions for guests and vendors, and any other requirements.

Service Academy Chapels

If either partner is a graduate of one of the service academies, getting married in their academy's chapel can be a beautiful and meaningful option. The United States Military Academy in New York, for example, offers a stunning view of the Hudson River, while the Air Force Academy in Colorado is renowned for its particularly beautiful chapel. These chapels often feature elaborate stained glass windows, gorgeous wooden pews, and a wealth of history. Similar to military chapels, it is crucial to book early and be mindful of any restrictions that may apply.

Planning Considerations

When considering a military chapel or academy as your wedding location, it is important to keep a few things in mind. Firstly, ensure that everyone, including guests and vendors, will have access to the venue. This may involve providing specific directions on your wedding website, especially if the wedding is on a military base. Secondly, be mindful of any protocol and restrictions regarding guests and vendors. Florists, musicians, and photographers, for example, may face certain restrictions when working on military property. Lastly, if you or your partner plan to wear a military uniform during the ceremony, adhere to the uniform and grooming standards of your branch.

Invitation Wording

When it comes to invitation wording for military weddings, many of the same etiquette rules apply as for non-military weddings. However, there are some differences, particularly in the use of military titles. Brides and grooms who are members of the armed forces may choose to include their military titles in the invitation wording, along with their rank and service. For enlisted military personnel, the rank is usually omitted.

Example One: Officer Without a Plus-One

Outer envelope: Captain Samantha Hubbard, United States Army

Inner envelope: Captain Hubbard

Example Two: Female With a Plus-One

Outer envelope: Captain Khloe Small, United States Army and Mr. Dale Small

Inner envelope: Captain and Mr. Small

Example Three: Male With a Plus-One

Outer envelope: Commander Joshua Saling, United States Navy and Mrs. Susan Saling

Inner envelope: Commander Saling and Mrs. Saling

Example Four: The Return Address

If you or your parents who served in the military are collecting the RSVPs, include your title on the return address envelope.

Return envelope: Major Peter Smith, United States Marines and Ms. Alexandra Armstrong

Or, if both of you serve in the military:

Return envelope: Colonel Peter Smith and Major Charlie Jones, United States Marine Corps

Example Five: Retired Military

If a commissioned officer is retired, they keep their title.

Outer envelope: Lieutenant Commander Robert Armstrong, United States Navy, Retired

Inner envelope: Lieutenant Commander Armstrong and guest

In general, it is best to ask your guests how they prefer to be addressed. They will likely appreciate being asked and will ensure that you use the correct title and rank.

Seating Arrangements

Military weddings are steeped in tradition and protocol, and seating arrangements are no exception. Here are some guidelines for seating arrangements at a military wedding:

The same rules apply at the reception; military guests should be seated according to rank, with the highest-ranking officials taking precedence. The installation protocol officer can assist with the seating chart to ensure that military tradition and seniority are respected.

Seating the Bride and Groom

In a military wedding, the bride stands to the right of the groom, away from his saber. This is a departure from the traditional arrangement, where the bride usually stands to the groom's left.

Military Uniforms and Dress Protocols

Military weddings are steeped in tradition, history, and solemnity, and military dress and service uniforms are often the only visible sign of a military wedding. The type of uniform depends on the style of the wedding, the time of day, the season, and, most importantly, the government-issued uniform manual.

Mess Dress Uniform

The Mess dress uniform is worn for both ultra-formal and formal weddings (i.e. a white or black-tie affair). For most branches, this means a dark-blue uniform, but during the summer months, Army and Navy men may wear white pants.

Class-A or Service Dress Uniform

The Class-A or Service dress uniform is appropriate for a semi-formal event (comparable to a suit). Like the Mess dress uniforms, these are also dark blue and sometimes with white pants.

The bride and bridesmaids can wear their uniforms, but many military brides opt for a traditional white wedding gown. Bridesmaids might wear navy bridesmaid gowns to complement the colours of the men's uniforms, or any other colour dress the bride prefers.

If the groom is wearing a Mess uniform, the best man should also wear one. The groom and best man do not wear gloves because they will be handling the rings, but the other ushers wear white gloves throughout the ceremony. Boutonnieres are never worn with uniforms; instead, officers wear their military decorations.

Grooming Expectations

Any service member attending the wedding in uniform will need to adhere to the personal appearance codes of their military branch. For men, this will likely include a clean-shaven face and a haircut that doesn't exceed a certain length. For women, this may include natural nail colours, certain hair styling requirements, and simple jewellery, such as stud earrings.

Seating Arrangements

At the ceremony, military members of higher rank (captains, admirals, generals, etc.) will be given seats of honour just behind the immediate family members of the marrying couple. At the reception, "distinguished visitor" tables should be included. These tables will be placed close to the table of the marrying couple and will include the highest-ranking service members in attendance, along with their family or dates. From there, officers of the same rank and their dates or families will be grouped at the same tables.

Arch of Sabers/Swords Ceremony

The Arch of Sabers/Swords Ceremony is a wedding tradition that involves the bride and groom passing under an honorary arch of swords or sabers, which is often used to salute a newly married military couple. The tradition is said to have originated in the British Royal Navy and is now practised worldwide. The arch symbolises a pledge of loyalty and protection to the couple, welcoming them into the military family.

The ceremony usually takes place immediately after the wedding ceremony, as the couple exit the building. The sword team, typically consisting of six to eight people, positions themselves just outside the doorway. The guests are invited to assemble outside to watch the event. On command, the sword team raises their swords to form an arch, with the tips of the swords nearly touching and the blades facing away from the couple. The senior usher then announces: "Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honour to present to you (rank) and Mr/Mrs (name)". The couple then proceeds under the arch.

In some variations of the ceremony, the last two sword bearers lower their swords to detain the couple momentarily. The sword bearer on the right may give the bride a gentle tap on her backside with the sword, saying "Welcome to the (branch of service)!" This step is omitted if the bride is in the military. In other variations, each pair of sword bearers may lower their swords, requiring the couple to share a kiss before passing through. After the couple has passed through, the sword team recovers on command and dissolves formation.

The arch of swords ceremony is typically reserved for military or police service members and is considered a privilege. The sword bearers are usually officers or NCOs, often from the same unit as the service member. All sword bearers are required to wear white gloves.

The arch of swords is also sometimes performed at the wedding reception, with the couple passing under the arch before cutting the wedding cake with a sword.

Frequently asked questions