Males As Wedding Gifts: A New Tradition?

The tradition of giving away the bride at weddings has evolved over time. Historically, this practice was rooted in the idea that a woman was the property of her father, to be transferred to the ownership of her husband on her wedding day. Today, this tradition has taken on a different meaning, with the bride's father walking her down the aisle as a symbol of love and support, or as a gesture of uniting the families of the couple. While the practice of giving away the bride is still common, modern brides may opt to be escorted by both parents, just their mother, or a brother, or they may choose to walk down the aisle unaccompanied.

The history of giving away the bride

The tradition of "giving away the bride" has evolved significantly over time. The custom originates from the days of arranged marriages when women were considered the property of their fathers. Once married, a woman would then become the property of her husband. In ancient times, the father of the bride would walk his daughter down the aisle and legally hand her off to her new husband, often along with a dowry, as a symbol of transferring ownership from one man to another.

Depending on the culture and time period, money was exchanged for a bride. The groom may have paid a "brideprice" or "bridewealth" to the bride's father to gain his approval to marry her. This was done to compensate for the loss of his daughter's work within the family and to demonstrate that he could provide for her. In some cultures, an engagement ring is viewed as a modern version of a "brideprice".

A dowry is an old tradition where the bride's family pays the groom's family money to help start their new life together and create a household. Since women in ancient times did not receive an inheritance, a dowry also acted as an inheritance for the bride. Dowries continued until the mid-1800s and were eventually replaced by the wedding registry, where wedding guests help the newlyweds start their new life.

Today, the tradition of giving away the bride has taken on a new meaning. In modern weddings, the father may still give away his daughter as a show of love and support, or both parents may choose to walk the bride down the aisle. In more progressive weddings, the bride may walk down the aisle by herself, demonstrating that marrying her partner is her choice.

The act of giving away the bride now signifies the seamless joining of two families or the bridge between the bride's old life and her new life.

Alternatives to giving away the bride

The tradition of "giving away the bride" is rooted in the antiquated notion of women being the property of men. Thankfully, this practice has evolved, and modern couples now derive different meanings from it. Here are some alternatives to the traditional "giving away the bride" ceremony:

Walk Down the Aisle With Both Parents:

Instead of just the father, the bride can choose to walk down the aisle escorted by both her mother and father. This symbolises the love and support of both parents.

Walk Down the Aisle Alone or With Your Partner:

The bride can choose to walk down the aisle unaccompanied, demonstrating her independence and that marrying her partner is her own choice. Alternatively, the couple can walk down the aisle together, showcasing their unity and commitment to each other.

Have the Groom Walk Towards the Bride:

There is no reason why the groom can't be the one to walk down the aisle towards the bride. This option emphasises the groom's eagerness to meet his partner at the altar.

Meet in the Middle:

Couples can choose to meet halfway down the aisle and then walk the rest of the way together. This option symbolises the joining of two families and the couple's decision to unite their lives.

Skip the Aisle Walk:

The couple can choose to skip the traditional aisle walk altogether and simply mingle with their guests before walking together to the ceremony location. This creates a sense of community and involvement from all the guests.

Modify the Wording:

Instead of using the phrase "giving away the bride," the officiant can ask, "Who supports/presents/blesses this woman in her decision to be married?" This option still includes the traditional act but with more inclusive and progressive language.

Include Both Sets of Parents:

The ceremony can be modified to include both sets of parents. For example, the officiant can ask, "Who presents this woman and this man to be married to each other?" and all four parents can respond, "We do." This option emphasises the support and blessing of both families.

A Feminist Option:

The officiant can ask, "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" and the response can be, "She gives herself, but with her family's blessing." This option acknowledges the bride's agency and independence while still honouring her family.

Remember, there are no rules when it comes to weddings. Couples should feel free to adapt these alternatives or create their own unique ways to make their wedding ceremony meaningful and representative of their values.

The role of the father of the bride

Paying for the Wedding

Traditionally, the father of the bride pays for the entire wedding. However, nowadays, it is more common for the couple to pay for the wedding themselves, or for the costs to be shared between both sets of parents and the couple. It is a good idea for the father of the bride to have a conversation with his daughter about finances and to establish a budget early on in the planning process.

Transport

The father of the bride often oversees the wedding day transport, ensuring that it arrives on time. It is also the father's responsibility to get the bride to the ceremony on time, so he should be on top of the timings and schedule.

Giving Away the Bride

At church weddings, it is customary for the father to give his daughter away. This can be an emotional moment, and while the father may be tempted to have a heartfelt chat with his daughter, it is best to keep it brief to avoid reducing the bride to tears. A hug and a compliment about how beautiful she looks are usually enough.

The Father-Daughter Dance

The father-daughter dance can be one of the happiest moments for the father of the bride. If he is not a confident dancer, it is a good idea to take a few dance lessons before the wedding to learn some basic steps.

The Father of the Bride Speech

The father of the bride usually makes a short speech during the reception. This is a chance to thank the guests and those who helped with the planning, as well as to share some stories about his daughter and welcome his new son-in-law into the family. The speech is typically followed by a toast to the happy couple.

Wedding Counsellor

The father of the bride may also be called upon to help with wedding planning and to offer support and a calm perspective when nerves are running high.

Keeping the Peace

A daughter's wedding can have an unusual effect on her mother, and there may be disagreements between the bride and her mother. The father of the bride can act as a peacekeeper, listening to both parties and encouraging them to find a compromise.

The role of the mother of the bride

While the tradition of "giving away" the bride is still seen at most modern weddings, it has evolved over time. In the past, a woman was viewed as the property of her father, and during the wedding ceremony, she would be given away to her husband, who would then become her new owner. Nowadays, the tradition is seen as a symbolic gesture, and the bride can be escorted by her father, mother, both parents, or another male relative.

Before the Wedding

• Organize a meeting between the bride's and groom's families: In the past, this was traditionally initiated by the groom's parents, but nowadays, either side can arrange this get-together.
• Support wedding planning: The level of involvement may vary, but mothers of the bride often help with venue selection, guest list creation, and tracking RSVPs.
• Scout wedding venues: Mothers can provide valuable feedback and ask important questions when visiting potential venues with their daughters.
• Accompany the bride during wedding dress shopping: This is often a memorable and emotional experience for both the bride and her mother.
• Attend the bridal shower: While the mother of the bride doesn't usually host the bridal shower, she often attends and may help with planning, decorations, or menu choices.
• Shop for a mother-of-the-bride dress: The mother of the bride should coordinate her attire with the wedding theme and the groom's mother's outfit to ensure they complement each other and don't clash.
• Assist with the wedding guest seating chart: The mother of the bride often has input on the guest list and can help create a seating chart, especially for guests she is more familiar with.
• Share family traditions and heirlooms: The mother of the bride is responsible for sharing any special family traditions and offering heirlooms for the bride's "something old" or "something borrowed."
• Lend creative ideas for wedding favors: As someone who knows the bride best, the mother can help brainstorm thoughtful and authentic wedding favor ideas.

On the Wedding Day

• Be present for the bride's preparation: The mother can be there for the bride on the morning of the wedding, helping her get ready and enjoying those last moments before the ceremony.
• Be the vendor contact: If the bride doesn't have a wedding coordinator, the mother can be the point person for vendors, directing them and ensuring the bride's vision is executed.
• Take your place for the processional: In a Christian wedding, the mother of the bride's entrance signals the start of the processional. She may be escorted by a male relative or the father of the bride, who then returns to escort the bride. In Jewish ceremonies, both parents usually accompany the bride down the aisle.
• Play hostess: The mother of the bride often acts as a hostess, greeting guests, guiding out-of-town visitors, and ensuring everyone feels welcome.
• Assist with dressing: Helping the bride into her dress and placing the veil is a time-honored tradition for the mother of the bride.
• Run last-minute errands: The mother can be a savior when small emergencies arise, such as forgotten items or missing toiletries.
• Take part in the ceremony and reception: The mother of the bride may escort the bride down the aisle or take a seat in the first pew before the ceremony. During the reception, she often sits at the parents' table and dances with the father of the bride.
• Celebrate with the bride: The mother can create lasting memories by taking photos with the bride and incorporating meaningful family traditions into the wedding day.

After the Wedding

Provide constant love and support: The mother of the bride's role doesn't end after the wedding. She continues to be a source of emotional support, offering wisdom and advice whenever needed.

While traditions may vary, the role of the mother of the bride is essential in making the wedding journey memorable and special for the bride and her family.

The role of other family members

While the bride and groom are the most important roles in a wedding, there are several other roles that family members can play. Here are some ideas for the role of other family members when a male is being given away at a wedding:

Parents of the Couple

The parents of the couple usually play an active and honoured role in the wedding. They are not only giving their child away but also work to make the wedding everything their child has dreamed of. The mother of the groom can help host pre-wedding events and support her son throughout the wedding planning and on the big day. She may also give a speech and enjoy a mother-son dance at the reception. The father of the groom often pays for the rehearsal dinner and the wedding bar. He can also greet guests on the wedding day and help usher relatives to their seats. The mother of the bride can help the bride plan the wedding and provide hands-on support throughout the process. She can assist with planning the bridal shower and support the bride during wedding planning tasks such as dress shopping. On the wedding day, she can help orchestrate the events and take an active role in the ceremony itself, as part of the procession. The father of the bride traditionally pays for the wedding, but this is becoming less common. On the wedding day, he will usually have a "first look" with the bride, give a speech, and partake in a father-daughter dance.

Siblings of the Couple

Siblings of the couple can take on a variety of roles, such as maid/matron/man of honour, best man, bridesmaid/groomsman, usher, or junior attendant. They can also be included in the processional by escorting elderly relatives down the aisle. If there is a unity candle ceremony, siblings can be asked to light the candles at the altar. Siblings can also be witnesses to the signing of the official marriage license.

Other Family Members

Other family members, such as aunts, uncles, and cousins, can also be included in the wedding party or take on alternative roles. They can be ushers, greeting guests and guiding them to their seats. They can also be in charge of the guest book, ensuring that guests sign it and watching the gift table. If there are readings during the ceremony, family members can be asked to read meaningful poems or religious passages. Family members can also be included in the processional by holding a chuppah pole or escorting relatives down the aisle.

Frequently asked questions