How To Officiate A Wedding: A Step-By-Step Guide

So, you want to officiate a wedding? It's becoming a growing trend for couples to have a close friend or family member officiate their wedding, but it's important to note that this role comes with a lot of responsibilities and legal requirements. The requirements to legally perform a wedding vary depending on the state and county where the wedding is taking place, so it's crucial to review the local laws. In general, the person who can legally perform a wedding is a civil, professional, ordained, or religious officiant. A civil officiant has gone through a formal legal process to become recognized, such as a justice of the peace or a magistrate. An ordained officiant can be a close friend or family member who has received legal recognition through non-denominational churches, nonprofit organizations, or online services. A professional officiant is a licensed officiant with experience who can guide the couple in writing vows and planning the ceremony. A religious officiant is someone ordained by a specific religious denomination, typically performing marriages at their place of worship.

Getting ordained to perform a wedding

Online Ordainment

The Universal Life Church, for example, has ordained over 20 million people of all faiths, with wedding ordination packages. You can also get ordained online through American Fellowship Church, Rose Ministries, and Universal Ministries. The cost of becoming ordained varies depending on your location and the organisation through which you get ordained.

The Process

The process of becoming ordained is simple. You will need to fill out an application form online and pay a small fee, if applicable. You will then need to wait for your official documents, which can take up to two weeks. It is important to verify with your local government that your ordination is recognised and legal.

Legal Requirements

In addition to getting ordained, you may need to register with your local government before performing a marriage. For example, in California, registration is not necessary, but in New York City, officiants must register in person at the City Clerk's office. It is also important to review any other legal requirements, such as obtaining a letter of good standing or a background check.

Wedding Ceremony

As a wedding officiant, you will work with the couple to prepare materials and perform the marriage on the wedding day. It is important to discuss the couple's vision for the ceremony and create a timeline for completing any necessary tasks, such as obtaining the couple's marriage license. You may also need to connect with the wedding planner or coordinator to discuss setup and equipment needs.

On the Day

On the day of the wedding, you will perform the ceremony, guide the couple through their vows, and sign the marriage certificate. You may also need to file the marriage certificate with the appropriate local authority, such as the county clerk or registrar.

The role of a wedding officiant

The wedding officiant plays a significant role in the wedding ceremony and is responsible for several tasks before, during, and after the wedding.

Before the Wedding

The officiant works with the couple to prepare materials and perform the marriage on the big day. This includes helping the couple craft meaningful vows and personalising the ceremony to align with their desires and expectations. The officiant also needs to ensure they have the proper credentials to perform the ceremony in the state where the wedding will take place and that all legal requirements are met. This may include registering with the local government and obtaining ordination if necessary. Additionally, the officiant should discuss the dress code with the couple and practice their public speaking skills to minimise emotions on the wedding day.

During the Wedding

The officiant is responsible for leading the wedding ceremony and explaining the flow of the event, including the rituals, vows, and exchange of rings. They act as a friendly reminder that the wedding is all about the couple and work to reduce stress for the couple and wedding party.

After the Wedding

The officiant has the important task of signing the marriage license, which certifies that the couple is legally married and can enjoy the benefits of marriage. They may also be responsible for returning the completed marriage license to the relevant authorities and ensuring proper filing and completion of paperwork for the vital records office.

Overall, the role of the wedding officiant is crucial in ensuring the wedding ceremony runs smoothly and that the couple's vision for their special day is realised.

Choosing a wedding officiant

Know the Options

The type of officiant you choose will depend on the kind of ceremony you want. If you're having a religious ceremony, you may be limited to a specific type of officiant, such as a priest, rabbi, or imam. If you're having a secular ceremony, you can choose a civil officiant or a friend or family member.

Start the Search Early

It's important to start your search for an officiant early, as they will need time to prepare and register if necessary. Meet with multiple officiants and look for someone who aligns with your ceremony style and makes you feel comfortable.

Communicate Your Needs and Expectations

Be clear about what you want from your officiant. Discuss your vision for the ceremony, including any specific rituals, readings, or personal stories you would like to include. Ask potential officiants about their experience, comfort with public speaking, and ability to meet your expectations.

Consider the Logistics

If you're choosing a friend or family member as your officiant, make sure they understand the responsibilities and time commitment involved. Ensure they have the emotional and physical energy to be present for your big day and all the events leading up to it.

Ask the Right Questions

Ask potential officiants questions to determine if they are a good fit. For religious officiants, ask about their experience, whether they will give a sermon, and if they can officiate an interfaith ceremony. For civil officiants, inquire about their experience, their typical ceremony outline, and if they can help with writing vows. For friends or family members, ask about their understanding of the role, scheduling conflicts, and comfort level with speaking in front of your families.

By following these tips and choosing an officiant who aligns with your vision and values, you can ensure that your wedding ceremony is personalized, intimate, and memorable.

Legal requirements for officiating a wedding

The legal requirements for officiating a wedding vary depending on the state and country in which the wedding is taking place. Here is a general overview of the legal requirements for officiating a wedding:

Registration and Licensing:

It is important to review the registration and licensing requirements specific to the location of the wedding. In some places, like California, officiants are not required to register, while in others, like New York City, officiants must register in person. Additionally, some states require officiants to be licensed or ordained by a recognised religious organisation, while others allow anyone to become ordained online and perform weddings. It is crucial to check the local laws and regulations to ensure compliance.

Age Requirements:

In most places, officiants are required to be at least 18 years of age. This is a standard requirement that ensures maturity and legal capacity to perform the wedding ceremony.

Obtaining Credentials:

Officiants typically need to provide credentials, such as an ordination certificate or license, to the local government or court. These credentials may need to be filed or registered with the appropriate authorities before the wedding can take place. It is important to allow sufficient time for processing these documents.

Completing Paperwork:

Officiants are responsible for ensuring that all necessary paperwork is completed accurately and submitted within the required timeframe. This includes the marriage license, which must be obtained by the couple and presented to the officiant before the ceremony. The officiant will need to fill out certain sections of the marriage license during and after the ceremony, and return it to the appropriate government office (usually the county clerk's office) within a specified number of days. Failure to do so may result in the ceremony being deemed invalid.

Performing the Ceremony:

There are legal requirements that must be included in the wedding ceremony itself. This includes the couple's consent or proclamation, which is typically the "I do" portion of the wedding. Additionally, the officiant must make a pronouncement, declaring the couple married in the presence of a witness. The specific format and requirements for the ceremony may vary depending on the location and type of ceremony (religious or civil).

Returning the Marriage Certificate:

After the ceremony, the officiant is responsible for signing the marriage certificate and returning it to the appropriate government office, such as the county clerk, recorder, or registrar. This step finalises the marriage and makes it official. The couple may also need to take additional steps to obtain their official marriage certificate.

Wedding ceremony rehearsal

A wedding ceremony rehearsal is a practice run of the wedding ceremony, usually held the day before the wedding. It is an opportunity to iron out any scheduling issues and ensure everyone knows what to do and when. Here is a step-by-step guide on how to run a smooth and efficient wedding ceremony rehearsal:

Hire a Wedding Coordinator

Having a wedding coordinator can make the process a lot easier and eliminate the couple from appearing "bossy". They can direct the wedding party, allowing the couple to relax and enjoy the experience.

Pair Up the Wedding Party

Decide who will walk with whom during the ceremony. If the sides are uneven, two people can be paired with one. If not, pair people by height, with the gentleman preferably being the same height or taller than the lady he is escorting. Avoid pairing people who have had a past relationship.

Decide on the Wedding Party's Entrance

There are different ways the wedding party can enter, depending on religious affiliation. Traditionally, there are two ways: bridesmaids and groomsmen enter together, except for the best man, who remains at the altar with the groom; or all the gentlemen go to the altar, and the ladies enter on their own. Check with the officiant for any rules or tips.

Decide on the Order

Determine the order of the processional (the entrance). This will naturally be reversed for the recessional (the exit). The order can be based on height, importance, closeness to the couple, or personal preference. Traditionally, the bridesmaids enter after the grandparents and parents have been seated, followed by the flower girl and maid/matron of honour, and then the bride.

Choose Who Will Escort the Bride

Ask the person who will escort the bride, usually the father of the bride, if they are willing to do so.

Send Readings to Participants

If there are any readings, songs, or poems, send the exact text to those involved beforehand so they can practice. Also, send a copy to the coordinator. If there is no coordinator, make a copy in a large, easy-to-read font to have on hand during the rehearsal and the wedding day.

Discuss the Order of Events with the Officiant

Before the rehearsal, meet with the officiant to discuss what elements the couple wants to include in the ceremony. Ask about options and remember to stay true to the couple's personality and preferences.

Decide on a Receiving Line

A receiving line is an opportunity for guests to congratulate the newly married couple and for the couple to thank their guests. Decide whether to have one and who will be part of it, typically the couple and their parents, and sometimes the maid of honour and best man. Include them in the rehearsal.

Line Up the Wedding Party

With the officiant's approval, start the rehearsal with everyone lined up as they would be during the ceremony. In most ceremonies, the bride stands on the left, facing the altar, and the groom on the right, although this is reversed in Jewish ceremonies. The wedding party stands on their respective sides, facing the guests, and the parents sit directly behind their children.

Briefly Run Through the Order of Events

Depending on religious affiliation, there will be different elements to the ceremony. Briefly run through the events and ask any questions. Invite those with roles, like readers and gift givers, to the rehearsal to practice.

Practice the Recessional

This is how the wedding party will leave after the ceremony. It is easier to practice this before the processional. The couple exits first, followed by the maid/matron of honour and best man, and then the remaining wedding party in pairs, starting with those closest to the middle. The bridesmaid and groomsman farthest out exit last, which is the cue for the parents to begin their exit.

Practice the Processional

After the recessional practice, regroup and line up for the processional. Since they now know where they are going, it should go smoothly. If there is a short aisle, have the next person wait until the person in front of them reaches the front row of seating. For a longer aisle, they can begin in the middle.

Discuss the Wedding Party's Exit

Whether there is a receiving line or not, explain to the wedding party and immediate family where to go after the recessional. If they need to stay for pictures, discuss a meeting spot. If there will be an exit with bubbles, flags, or other items, explain this to the wedding party so they can help lead the guests.

Don't Forget the Wedding License

Remember to bring the wedding license to the rehearsal!

Frequently asked questions