Attending A Wedding: What You Need To Know

Attending a wedding can be a tricky affair, especially if you are unsure about the type of wedding, the couple getting married, and the expectations that come with being a wedding guest. There are social and religious considerations to take into account, and it's important to be mindful of the couple's wishes and your own boundaries. From responding to the invitation promptly to navigating the ceremony and reception with grace, being a wedding guest goes beyond dressing up and requires an understanding of wedding guest etiquette.

Catholic weddings: when to attend

When it comes to Catholic weddings, there are several factors to consider when deciding whether or not to attend. Here are some guidelines to help you make an informed decision:

Understanding Catholic Wedding Traditions:

Catholic weddings follow specific rituals and requirements that are important to the faith. A Catholic wedding typically involves a Mass, which is a sacred ceremony that includes prayers, readings from the Bible, and the celebration of the Eucharist. The wedding ceremony is usually held in a Catholic church and presided over by a Catholic priest.

Validity of the Marriage:

The Catholic Church has specific rules regarding the validity of marriages. For a marriage to be recognised as valid by the Church, it must be performed in a Catholic church or with the appropriate dispensation from a bishop. If a Catholic chooses to marry outside of the Church without this dispensation, the marriage is not considered valid.

Your Relationship to the Couple:

Consider your relationship with the couple getting married. If they are close family members or friends, your presence at their wedding may be especially important to them. However, you should also be mindful of the Church's teachings and your own conscience when making your decision.

Your Own Faith and Beliefs:

As a Catholic, it is essential to reflect on your faith and beliefs. If attending a wedding that does not align with Catholic teachings causes conflict with your values, it may be best to respectfully decline the invitation. Your faith and commitment to Church teachings should always come first.

The Impact of Your Attendance:

Consider the potential impact of your attendance on the couple and other guests. The Catholic Church teaches that attending a wedding indicates celebration and approval of the union. If the wedding goes against your values or Church teachings, your presence may be misinterpreted as support for a marriage that is not recognised by the Church.

Case-by-Case Assessment:

Each wedding invitation should be assessed on a case-by-case basis. The Catholic Church does not provide absolute norms for attendance, recognising that each situation is unique. Use your prudential judgment, keeping in mind the necessity to uphold the Catholic understanding of the sanctity of marriage.

Alternative Ways to Show Support:

If you decide not to attend a wedding due to conflicts with your faith, you can still show your support for the couple in other ways. Consider sending them a letter expressing your love, prayers, and well-wishes. You can also offer guidance and resources to help them understand the Catholic perspective on marriage.

In conclusion, when deciding whether to attend a Catholic wedding, carefully consider the validity of the marriage, your relationship to the couple, your own faith and beliefs, the potential impact of your attendance, and alternative ways to show support. Remember, each situation is unique, and you should make a decision that aligns with your values and conscience.

RSVP etiquette

RSVP stands for "répondez s'il vous plaît" which is French for "please respond". It is considered impolite to leave your hosts hanging, so it is important to respond to an RSVP as soon as possible, preferably within 24 hours. This helps the host plan accordingly, showing enthusiasm for the event and appreciation for being included.

Different Types of Invitations

• RSVP and no response card: A handwritten response to the host at the return address on the envelope is required.
• Response card: Fill in and return in the enclosed envelope by the indicated date.
• RSVP with a phone number: Telephone and speak to the host in person. Answering machines can be unreliable.
• RSVP with an email address: You may accept or decline electronically.
• Regrets only: Only reply if you cannot attend. If the host doesn't hear from you, they are expecting you.
• No reply requested: Unusual, but it is always polite to let the host know your intentions. A phone call would be sufficient.

Cancelling Plans

It is impolite to change your RSVP for other social plans. If an emergency arises, let the host know immediately. If you were unsure whether you could attend or you RSVPed "no" but later discover you can make it, communicate this with the host.

Wedding Invitations

Wedding invitation etiquette dictates that you should absolutely send an RSVP (acceptance or regrets). This is so the hosts can plan for the number of people attending. Invitations to formal weddings typically do not include a response card, so a handwritten response on your own stationery is expected.

Plus-one rules

Deciding who gets a plus-one at your wedding can be a tricky task. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate this aspect of wedding planning:

Who Gets a Plus-One?

• Married, Engaged, and Cohabitating Guests: As a general rule, spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of each guest should receive an invitation. This is true even if you have never met them or are not particularly fond of them.
• Bridal Party: Members of the bridal party should typically receive a plus-one, regardless of their relationship status. This is a way to thank them for their efforts and support during the wedding planning process.
• Close Friends: It is considerate to offer plus-ones to your closest friends, especially if their partner or spouse is not already involved in the wedding. This ensures that they have someone to share the experience with.
• Long-Term Couples: Couples who have been dating for over a year, even if they are not living together or engaged, should generally be invited as a social unit.
• Single Guests Who Don't Know Other Guests: If you have single guests who won't know many people at the wedding, it is thoughtful to offer them a plus-one so they have a familiar face to spend time with.
• Older Guests: Older guests, such as parents or relatives, may feel more comfortable if they are allowed to bring a friend or companion as their plus-one.

Who Doesn't Get a Plus-One?

• Casually Dating: If a guest has a new significant other every few months or hasn't been in a relationship for more than a year, giving them a plus-one is not a priority.
• Single Guests Who Know Other Guests: If a single guest will know several people at the wedding and is part of a friend group, they may not need a plus-one. However, consider the dynamics of your guest list to avoid creating an awkward "fifth wheel" situation.

Additional Considerations:

• Clear Criteria: If you decide to offer plus-ones to some single guests outside of the bridal party, it is best to extend the same courtesy to all single guests to avoid hurt feelings.
• Seating Arrangements: When creating your seating plan, be mindful of solo guests. Avoid seating them between couples, as this can be awkward. Instead, place them with outgoing and friendly couples to foster a communal feel and help them meet people organically.
• Communication is Key: Be prepared for guests to inquire about plus-ones. If you are unable to accommodate their request, respond kindly and explain that it is an intimate affair. It is best to communicate your decision over the phone or in person rather than via email.

What to wear

When deciding what to wear to a wedding, it's important to consider the dress code, location, weather, and colour scheme.

Dress Code

The dress code is the most important factor when choosing what to wear to a wedding. The couple will usually set a dress code depending on the style of the event and the time of year. For example, the dress code for a black-tie wedding in the winter will be very different from a casual summer wedding. For black-tie weddings, men typically wear a tuxedo, while women wear floor-length gowns. On the other hand, casual daytime weddings call for outfits like navy blazers, button-down shirts, and khaki pants for men, and dresses with nice necklines and simple accessories for women.

Location

The location of the wedding can also give clues about what to wear. For instance, a beach wedding calls for much different attire than a formal hotel wedding. Use common sense when deciding between sandals and heels, and consider the weather and temperature at the location.

Weather

Knowing the weather forecast is crucial, especially for outdoor weddings. Be prepared for rain, snow, or wind, which can affect your choice of outfit and hairstyle. If it's windy, avoid short, flowy gowns, and opt for something more secure.

Colour Scheme

It's generally considered a faux pas to wear white to a wedding, as it may be seen as upstaging the bride. It's also a good idea to avoid colours that match the wedding party. The invitation or wedding website usually provides clues about the colour scheme, so choose an outfit that is clearly distinct.

Should you bring a gift?

When it comes to weddings, gift-giving is a time-honoured tradition and a thoughtful way to congratulate the newlyweds. While it is not a mandatory requirement, it is generally considered good etiquette to bring or send a gift to the happy couple. Here are some guidelines to consider when deciding whether or not to bring a gift:

The Couple's Preferences:

Firstly, it is important to respect the couple's wishes. In some cases, the couple may explicitly request no gifts, especially if they already have established households or are focused on a charitable cause. In such instances, it is respectful to honour their request and refrain from bringing a gift.

Cultural and Religious Considerations:

Cultural and religious norms may also dictate whether gift-giving is expected or optional. For example, in some cultures, it is customary for guests to bring gifts of a certain nature or value, while in others, monetary gifts or contributions towards a honeymoon or new home may be more appropriate. Understanding the cultural context of the wedding can help guide your decision.

Your Relationship with the Couple:

The nature of your relationship with the couple can also influence your decision. If you are very close to the couple, you may want to put more thought and effort into selecting a gift that aligns with their interests and preferences. On the other hand, if you are a distant acquaintance or have a strained relationship with the couple, you may opt for a more neutral or modest gift.

Practical Considerations:

There are also practical considerations to keep in mind. If you are attending a destination wedding or have financial constraints, it may not be feasible to bring a large or expensive gift. In such cases, a thoughtful card with a handwritten message or a small token of your appreciation can still convey your well wishes without putting a strain on your resources.

Timing of the Gift:

Traditionally, wedding gifts are given before or during the wedding ceremony. However, it is also acceptable to send a gift after the wedding, especially if you were unable to attend. Sending a gift within the first year of the wedding is generally considered appropriate, and it can be a lovely way to extend your congratulations and celebrate the couple's new life together.

In conclusion, while gift-giving is not mandatory, it is a thoughtful gesture that can express your happiness for the couple and your support for their new life together. Ultimately, the decision to bring a gift depends on various factors, including cultural norms, your relationship with the couple, and practical considerations.

Frequently asked questions