How To Graciously Ask For A Plus One At A Wedding

Asking for a plus one to a wedding can be a tricky situation, and there are a few things to consider before making the request. Firstly, it's important to check your invitation carefully. If a plus one isn't listed, it's generally considered rude to ask the couple to bring one anyway, as this may lead to an awkward conversation about their budget or their wish for an intimate ceremony. However, if you're in a serious, long-term, or committed relationship, it's understandable to ask for clarification, especially if your partner's name is missing from the invitation. If you're casually dating someone or single, it's best not to ask, as this will likely result in a decline. It's also important to remember that every wedding is different, and the couple may have budget restrictions or limited space. When asking, be respectful, polite, and casual, and acknowledge that they might say no.

When to ask for a plus-one

Firstly, if you are married, engaged, living with your partner, or in a long-term committed relationship that the couple is aware of, it is understandable to ask about a plus-one. Typically, your partner's name should be included on the save-the-date and invitation, but if it isn't, it is reasonable to ask if a mistake has been made.

Secondly, if you are genuinely unsure about whether you have a plus-one, it is acceptable to ask for clarification. For example, if your save-the-date doesn't specify any names and you need to know ahead of time for planning purposes, it is better to ask than to assume and risk leaving someone out or bringing an uninvited guest.

Thirdly, if you have recently moved in with your partner or got engaged after the invitations were sent out, it is appropriate to ask about including your partner. It is considerate to ask in an understanding and flexible manner, giving the couple an out if they need it, and always graciously accepting their final decision.

It is important to note that the decision to allow plus-ones depends on various factors, including the couple's budget, venue capacity, and the number of guests they want to accommodate. As a general rule, if a plus-one is not listed on your invitation, you are likely not meant to bring one, and it may be considered rude to ask.

When asking about a plus-one, it is essential to be respectful, polite, and casual. Be straightforward and get to the point, acknowledging that the couple might decline and that you will respect their decision.

How to ask for a plus-one

Asking for a plus-one to a wedding can be a tricky situation. Here are some guidelines on how to approach it:

When to Ask for a Plus-One

It is generally advised not to ask for a plus-one if one is not offered in the invitation. Weddings are expensive, and limited budgets and space are the main reasons why couples do not always offer plus-ones. Asking for one might lead to an awkward conversation about finances, which could be uncomfortable for both parties. It is important to respect the couple's decision and remember that their priority is to celebrate their special day with their loved ones.

However, there are situations where it is understandable to ask about a plus-one. If you are married, engaged, living with your significant other, or in a long-term committed relationship that the couple is aware of, it is reasonable to clarify whether your partner was intentionally left off the invitation. While partners are usually considered invited guests and not plus-ones, there could have been an oversight.

If you are casually dating or single, it is best not to assume you can bring someone unless explicitly stated in the invitation. Asking the couple in this situation will likely result in a decline.

If you are unsure about whether you are offered a plus-one, it is acceptable to reach out for clarification. For example, if you need to plan ahead and know whether you can bring someone, or if your relationship status changed after the invitations were sent out.

When asking about a plus-one, it is important to be straightforward, respectful, and polite. Remember, you are asking the hosts to include someone in their special day, which is a big favour. Be thoughtful, get to the point, and keep the conversation casual.

It is recommended to ask over the phone, as text messages and emails can be misinterpreted as critical or rude. Calling also provides an immediate response. Acknowledge that they might decline and be appreciative of their consideration regardless of their answer. End the conversation on a positive note, expressing your excitement for the wedding.

It is important to remember not to guilt the couple or try to garner sympathy. Respect their decision and do not push further if they have already declined your request.

Tips for Couples Offering Plus-Ones

For couples who are happy to offer plus-ones, here are some tips to consider:

• Include "and guest" or the plus-one's name on the outer envelope of the invitation.
• Provide an RSVP card with a spot for the guest to indicate the number of attendees, to avoid any confusion or assumptions.
• Be proactive and manage your guest list early. This will help eliminate stress later on.
• Prepare a kind but firm explanation for anyone who reaches out asking for a plus-one if you are unable to accommodate their request.
• Consider seating arrangements in advance to accommodate plus-ones and avoid any potential drama at the reception.
• Use proper invitation etiquette by addressing the plus-one as an "invited guest" to add formality.

When not to ask for a plus-one

Asking for a plus-one to a wedding can be a tricky situation, and there are definitely some instances where it's better not to ask. Here are some scenarios where you should avoid asking for a plus-one:

When You're Casually Dating Someone

If you're casually dating someone and your invitation doesn't include a plus-one, it's best not to ask. It's likely that the couple is already working with a limited budget and venue space, and they may not be able to accommodate extra guests. Asking for a plus-one in this situation could lead to an awkward conversation about finances and might be seen as rude.

When You're Single and Know Other Guests

If you're single and you know that there will be other guests at the wedding whom you're familiar with, it's not necessary to ask for a plus-one. The couple is probably trying to keep the guest list manageable, and they may not have the budget or space for additional guests. You'll have a great time celebrating with familiar faces, even without bringing a date.

When Your Invitation Doesn't Include a Plus-One

As a general rule, if a plus-one is not listed on your invitation, it's likely that the couple does not intend for you to bring one. In this case, asking for a plus-one could be considered impolite. Remember, the couple is dealing with various factors, such as budget constraints and venue limitations, and they have put thought into their guest list. Respect their decision, as it's their special day.

When the Couple Has a Limited Budget or Venue Space

If you know that the couple is working with a tight budget or their venue has limited space, avoid asking for a plus-one. Weddings are expensive, and adding extra guests can significantly increase costs. By not asking for a plus-one, you show consideration for the couple's financial situation and venue constraints.

When You're Not Close to the Couple

If you're not particularly close to the couple, it's not advisable to ask for a plus-one. A wedding is an intimate event for the couple, and they may prefer to keep the guest list limited to their nearest and dearest. Respect their wishes and understand that they may not want someone they don't know well at their special day.

Remember, when it comes to plus-ones, it's important to be mindful of the couple's preferences, budget, and venue limitations. If you're unsure about whether to ask for a plus-one, consider reaching out to the couple respectfully and casually to clarify their intentions.

How to politely decline a plus-one request

As a couple planning your wedding, you may face questions about plus-ones from your guests. Here are some tips on how to politely decline these requests:

• Be honest and explain your constraints: Explain to your guests that you are unable to accommodate their plus-one request due to budget limitations or venue capacity. Be transparent about your reasons, so they understand your decision. For example, you can say, "We wish we could allow everyone to bring a plus-one, but due to budget constraints, we had to limit the guest list."
• Maintain consistency: Ensure that your response is consistent across all guests who are not offered a plus-one. This will help avoid any feelings of favouritism or unfairness. Apply the same criteria to everyone when deciding on plus-ones, such as only offering them to family members, wedding party members, or long-term partners.
• Respond promptly and privately: Address these requests individually and privately. Respond promptly to the guest's inquiry to avoid any confusion or further complications. You can say something like, "Thank you for reaching out about this. We are unable to accommodate your plus-one request due to our limited venue capacity."
• Suggest alternative arrangements: If possible, suggest other ways for their plus-one to be involved in the celebration. For example, you could invite them to join for the cocktail hour or suggest they attend the wedding remotely via a live stream. This shows that you value their presence and want to include them in some capacity.
• Express gratitude: Thank your guests for their understanding and reiterate your excitement for their attendance. Let them know how much you appreciate their support and that you are looking forward to celebrating with them. This will help soften the decline and maintain a positive tone.

Remember, it's important to handle these situations with grace and empathy. Your guests will appreciate your honesty and understanding, and it will contribute to a smooth planning process and a joyful celebration.

How to indicate plus-ones on invitations

There are a few ways to indicate plus-ones on wedding invitations. Here are some suggestions:

"Mr. Smith & Guest"

On the outer envelope, write "Mr. Smith & Guest". Once they confirm their attendance, you can then change the "plus one" to the guest's name on the seating chart, escort cards, etc. This approach is straightforward and clear, ensuring that the guest knows they are allowed to bring a plus-one.

Include a Note

Another option is to include a note along with the invitation. This can be added at the bottom of the card or on the back of the invitation, saying, "You are invited to bring a guest" or "You are invited to bring a plus one". This approach is more discreet and allows you to personalise the message.

Address the Envelope with the Guest's Name

When addressing the outer envelope, write the guest's full name without adding "and guest". This makes it clear that the invitation is directed to that specific person. Once they open the card, they will see the mention of the "plus one" inside. This method maintains a level of formality while still extending the invitation to a plus-one.

"and Guest" on the Envelope

A simple and common approach is to write the guest's name followed by "and guest" on the envelope. This can be done on the outer or inner envelope. For example, "Mr. First Last and guest". This method is widely recognised and leaves no room for ambiguity.

Include a Spot for the Number of Guests on the RSVP Card

On the RSVP card, you can include a line such as "____ of 2 will be attending" or "____ seats reserved in your honour". This approach ensures that guests specify the number of attendees, including their plus-one, preventing any misunderstandings or assumptions.

Remember, the choice of how to indicate plus-ones is ultimately up to the couple, and it's important to consider factors such as budget, venue capacity, and the desired atmosphere for the wedding day.

Frequently asked questions