Who Pays For The Wedding? Exploring Groom's Family Tradition

While wedding costs can be split in a variety of ways, it is useful to know the traditional breakdown of expenses to help guide the conversation with your loved ones. In the past, the bride's family was responsible for most of the wedding costs, including the wedding planner, invitations, dress, ceremony, reception, flowers, photography, and music. The groom's family, meanwhile, would cover the marriage license and officiant fee, rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, wedding day transportation, and the officiant. The groom himself would pay for the bride's engagement and wedding rings, as well as gifts for his groomsmen. However, nowadays, it is more common for couples to contribute to their wedding financially, and for costs to be split in a variety of ways, depending on each family's preferences and abilities.

Bride's engagement and wedding rings

Traditionally, the groom and his family pay for the bride's engagement and wedding rings. The groom is also expected to purchase the bride's engagement ring. However, modern couples often make these decisions collaboratively, and sometimes the couple chooses the ring together, with the groom paying the bill.

The bride is traditionally only responsible for paying for the groom's wedding band and gifts for her bridesmaids, parents, and the groom himself.

In modern times, wedding expenses can be split in a variety of ways, and communication between the couple and both families is key to determining who pays for what.

Groom's attire and accessories

While the bride's family traditionally pays for most of the wedding, the groom's family is expected to fund the groom's attire and accessories. This includes the cost of the groom's wedding band, gifts for the groomsmen, and any other accessories the groom may require.

Grooms Attire and Accessories

The groom's attire is determined by a number of factors: the dress code, season, and location of the wedding. The groom should also consider the colour palette of the wedding, the location, and what colours complement his features.

Dress Code

The groom's attire will depend on the dress code of the wedding. For a white-tie wedding, the most formal dress code, the groom should wear a tuxedo with tails and a waistcoat. For a black-tie wedding, the groom should also wear a tuxedo, but tails and a cummerbund are optional. For a black-tie optional or formal wedding, the groom can choose between a tuxedo or a formal suit in a traditional neutral colour like navy or grey. Cocktail attire is best approached with a dark suit and either a bow tie or a straight tie. For a semi-formal or dressy casual wedding, the rules start to loosen. The groom can experiment with colour and fabrics, and accessories like colourful ties, vibrant pocket squares, and sneakers are all options. A casual dress code is one of the loosest, and the groom can wear a suit unbuttoned and without a tie, or opt for a polo, a nice sweater, or a casual button-down shirt.

Season

The season and weather will also influence the groom's attire. For spring, it's best to opt for lightweight, breathable fabrics like silk-blended linens and wools. Lighter colours like rich blues and grassy greens are also a good choice. In summer, linen is a popular choice, especially for more formal looks. Brighter colours and patterns are common, and it's often acceptable to go without socks. In autumn, richer fabrics like tweed or flannel suits are a good choice, and colours like burnt orange, deep plum, or maroon can be used as pops of colour. For winter, thick fabrics and layers are key. Formal attire is common, and the groom can opt for a tuxedo with a thicker wool or a suit in a winter neutral like grey, black, or navy.

Location

The location of the wedding will also influence the groom's attire. For a beach wedding, the groom should consider the hot, humid weather and opt for breathable fabrics. Lighter, reflective colours are a good choice, and the groom can even go without a jacket. For a city wedding, the groom should choose a colour that will help him stand out against the concrete backdrop, like a darker shade. For a desert wedding, the groom should also consider the hot weather and opt for a suit in a muted colour that will complement the landscape, like a dark tan.

Rehearsal dinner

The rehearsal dinner is a pre-wedding celebration that takes place on the eve of the wedding day, after the ceremony rehearsal. It is traditionally hosted and paid for by the groom's parents, but this is not a hard-and-fast rule in modern times. The dinner is an opportunity for both families to gather and kick off the wedding weekend, and it is common to invite close family members and anyone participating in the wedding ceremony, such as bridesmaids, groomsmen, and the officiant.

The style of the rehearsal dinner can vary from a formal banquet to a casual outdoor affair, and it is often held at a restaurant or other venue with special meaning to the couple. The dinner usually includes toasts and speeches from the couple and their families, and it is also a traditional time to present gifts to the wedding party.

While the groom's family traditionally covers the full cost of the rehearsal dinner, including food, drink, venue fees, entertainment, and transportation, modern couples may choose to pay for it themselves or share the cost with their families.

The rehearsal dinner is a chance for the couple to spend quality time with their loved ones and should be a reflection of their love story and personalities. It is an opportunity to introduce relatives and friends who haven't met before and create a relaxed and celebratory atmosphere before the big day.

Marriage license and officiant fee

The cost of a wedding officiant varies depending on location, type of officiant, and ceremony requirements. On average, couples spend between $250 and $300 on a wedding officiant, but prices can range from free to over $1000.

Religious officiants often work on a donation basis, with suggested amounts ranging from $100 to $300 or more. Secular officiants tend to charge a fee, which can be anywhere from a few hundred dollars to $1000 or more, depending on the level of customisation and the length of the ceremony. Civil weddings usually incur a small fee for the marriage license, typically between $30 and $100, and there may be an additional charge for the officiant to perform the ceremony, especially if they are travelling off-site.

If you are hiring a professional officiant, it is important to factor in additional costs such as travel fees, rehearsal time, and premarital counselling. It is customary to tip civil officiants with an additional $50 to $100 for excellent service, while religious officiants usually receive a donation to their house of worship instead.

Traditionally, the groom's family pays for the marriage license and officiant fee. However, modern couples often pay for their own officiant, especially if it is a religious or cultural officiant provided through their families. In some cases, the groom's family may only pay for the rehearsal dinner, leaving the bride's family to handle the remaining expenses.

When budgeting for a wedding officiant, it is important to consider the level of customisation, preparation, and talent you desire. A good rule of thumb is to invest at least as much in the officiant as you would for your wedding cake or DJ.

Honeymoon

While wedding traditions have evolved, and many couples now pay for their weddings themselves, there are still some customs regarding who pays for the honeymoon.

Traditional Views

Traditionally, the groom or the groom's family pays for the honeymoon. The bride's family usually handles the wedding costs, and the groom or his family would handle the honeymoon. In some cases, the groom would surprise his new wife with a trip, revealing the destination at the wedding reception.

The groom's family may offer to pay as a gift to the couple, which can be a great help financially, but it may also cause some issues. For example, the couple may have to compromise on their dream destination if the groom's family cannot afford it. It can also be difficult to discuss money and boundaries, and there is a chance that the parents will push boundaries and ignore requests.

Modern Views

Modern couples often have lived together before getting married and may prefer to pay for the wedding and honeymoon themselves. They may also delay their honeymoon until their first anniversary so they can save up and pay for the trip themselves.

Other Options

Some couples ask for contributions to a honeymoon fund as wedding gifts, or they may use the cash and cheques received as wedding gifts to fund their trip. This can be a good option if the couple wants to delay their honeymoon for a few months or even a year after the wedding.

Planning and Budgeting

It is important for the couple to be honest about what they want and what will make them happiest. If the groom's family is paying, the couple should discuss their expectations and preferences with them. If the couple is paying, they should decide on a budget and discuss who will be responsible for which expenses.

Pros and Cons of Each Option

If the groom pays, it can be a burden for him, especially if he cannot afford an extravagant trip. It may also cause friction in the relationship if he feels it is unfair.

If the groom's family pays, it can lift a financial burden, but the couple may have to compromise on their preferred destination and accommodations. It can also be difficult to discuss money and boundaries with the parents.

If the couple pays, they have complete freedom over their trip and do not need to involve others in the planning process. However, paying for their own honeymoon may not be financially feasible for some couples.

Frequently asked questions