Cousins As Bridesmaids: A Wedding Party Tradition?

Choosing your bridesmaids can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to family members. While some people may opt for a large bridal party, others may prefer to keep it small and intimate. Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to include cousins as bridesmaids is a personal one and depends on various factors, such as the relationship with the cousins, family dynamics, and the size of the bridal party.

Including cousins as bridesmaids when not close

Including cousins as bridesmaids when you're not close to them can be tricky. Here are some things to consider:

Family Dynamics and Expectations

It's important to be mindful of family dynamics and expectations, especially if your family has a tradition of including female cousins as bridesmaids. While it's ultimately your decision, not including cousins when they have been included in other family weddings may cause tension and hurt feelings. If you decide not to include cousins as bridesmaids, be prepared for potential repercussions and try to find other ways to involve them in the wedding, such as through readings or ushering.

Size of the Wedding Party

Consider the size of your wedding party and whether adding cousins as bridesmaids would create an uncomfortably large group. A recent study found that the average American has 4.39 bridesmaids. A large bridal party can make organisation and decision-making more challenging, as you'll have to navigate multiple opinions and preferences. However, if adding a few extra people to your bridal party would make you happy, go for it!

Navigating Relationships and Obligations

When choosing your bridesmaids, prioritise those you are closest to and couldn't imagine getting married without their support. If you're not particularly close to your cousins, including them out of obligation or family pressure may lead to regret. Remember, your bridal party should consist of people you want by your side, not those you feel pressured to include. If you're questioning whether to include cousins, it's probably a sign that you shouldn't.

Alternative Ways to Involve Cousins

If you decide not to include cousins as bridesmaids, there are other ways to involve them in your special day. You can ask them to do a reading during the ceremony, hand out programs, walk a family member down the aisle, or participate in pre-wedding activities like the bachelorette party. These roles can still make them feel valued and involved without adding them to the bridal party.

Communication is Key

Finally, remember to communicate your decisions clearly and empathically. If a cousin or family member expresses disappointment, validate their feelings while remaining firm in your choice. You can say something like, "I understand your disappointment, and I wish I could include everyone. It was a difficult decision, but I had to choose the people I felt closest to." By expressing empathy and providing a gentle explanation, you can help minimise hurt feelings.

Explaining to cousins they won't be bridesmaids

Explaining to cousins that they won't be bridesmaids can be a tricky situation to navigate, especially if you want to maintain family harmony. Here are some suggestions on how to approach this delicate topic:

Be Direct and Honest

Explain to your cousins that you have already chosen your bridal party and that you had to make some difficult decisions due to the limited number of spots available. Emphasize that your decision was not a reflection of your relationship with them and that you value their presence in your life. You can say something like, "I wanted to let you know that I've finalized my bridal party, and unfortunately, I wasn't able to include everyone I care about. It was a tough decision, and I hope you understand."

Offer Alternative Ways to be Involved

If you want your cousins to still feel included in your special day, suggest alternative roles for them. For example, you could ask them to do a reading during the ceremony, be ushers, or participate in other wedding events like the bachelorette party or bridal shower. This way, they can still feel valued and involved without being part of the bridal party. You could say, "I really want you to be a part of my big day, and I'd love it if you could do a reading during the ceremony. It would mean a lot to me."

Avoid Making Assumptions

It's important to have open and direct communication with your cousins. Avoid assuming that they expect to be bridesmaids or that they will be hurt if they aren't included. Each person is different, and they may not have the same expectations as you think. By having an honest conversation, you can clear the air and ensure everyone is on the same page.

Be Mindful of Family Dynamics

Consider the potential impact on family dynamics, especially if your cousins' parents are pushing for their inclusion. While it's ultimately your decision, be prepared for potential pushback or disappointment from family members. Weigh the importance of maintaining family harmony and find a balance that works for you. You could explain your decision by saying, "I understand that you may be disappointed, and I want you to know that this decision wasn't made lightly. I hope we can still celebrate together as a family."

Choose Your Timing Wisely

When having these conversations, consider the timing and your approach. It may be best to have these discussions in person or over a video call, rather than through text or email, to allow for a more personal and empathetic connection. Choose a time when you're not rushed and can have a calm and open dialogue.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you are entitled to choose your bridal party based on your relationships and preferences. Be empathetic, honest, and considerate in your approach, and try to find ways to include your cousins in other aspects of your wedding if possible.

Alternatives to asking cousins to be bridesmaids

Cousins can be bridesmaids, but it is not an obligation. If you are not close to your cousins, it is better to find other ways to involve them in the wedding. Here are some alternatives to asking cousins to be bridesmaids:

Include Them in Other Ways

One way to include cousins in your wedding without making them bridesmaids is to give them other roles. For example, you could ask them to do a reading during the ceremony, be ushers, or hand out programs. Cousins can also be involved in the pre-wedding festivities, such as the bachelorette party or getting-ready activities. This way, they can still feel included and special without being part of the bridal party.

Keep the Bridal Party Small

Another option is to keep your bridal party small and intimate. The average number of bridesmaids in the US is 4.39, and large bridal parties are going out of style. By keeping the number of bridesmaids low, you can avoid the potential issue of including some cousins and not others. This also reduces the number of opinions and people to organise, making the planning process easier.

Consider Other Relationships

When deciding on your bridal party, it is important to consider all your relationships. If you have a big family, including all your cousins may be impossible. Instead, you could choose cousins you are very close with and speak to regularly. Alternatively, you could opt for friends or future in-laws, ensuring you maintain strong relationships with your partner's family.

Be Mindful of Family Dynamics

Including family members in the wedding party can be tricky, and it is important to manage expectations. Sit down with your parents and close family to discuss the wedding party and be clear about your choices. Consider the potential long-term damage that could be done by not including certain cousins or other family members. Remember, your wedding is just one day, but family relationships can last a lifetime.

Wait and See

Finally, you don't have to decide on your bridal party right away. It can be helpful to wait a few months before asking anyone to be a bridesmaid. This allows you to see everyone's true colours and figure out who will be the most supportive during the planning process. It also gives you time to finalise other wedding details, such as the date and venue, before making any commitments.

Asking cousins to be bridesmaids to avoid family drama

Asking your cousins to be bridesmaids can be a tricky situation, especially if you want to avoid family drama. Here are some tips to help you navigate this situation:

Consider Your Relationship:

Start by evaluating your relationship with your cousins. Are you close to them? Do you want them to be a part of your special day? It's important to remember that you are not obligated to include anyone in your bridal party out of obligation or family pressure. If you are not close to your cousins and don't feel they would add to your joy on your wedding day, it is perfectly fine to not include them.

Manage Family Expectations:

If you are concerned about family expectations and potential drama, communicate openly with your family. Explain your reasoning and let them know that you want to keep the bridal party small or include only those you are closest to. It's your wedding, and while you want to honour family traditions and expectations, your wishes should be respected.

Offer Alternative Roles:

To involve your cousins without making them bridesmaids, consider offering them alternative roles in the wedding. This can help include them in a meaningful way while avoiding the potential drama of excluding them from the bridal party. Some alternative roles could include:

• Readings during the ceremony
• Usherettes or hostesses
• Singing a song at the reception
• Junior bridesmaids
• Flower girls

Discuss with Your Fiancé:

If your fiancé is close to your cousins, consider their perspective as well. Perhaps they can be included on the groom's side as groomsladies or in other ways during the wedding. Discuss this with your fiancé and decide together what role, if any, you would like your cousins to play.

Be Timely:

If you decide not to include your cousins as bridesmaids, it's important to communicate this decision early on to manage expectations. Let your cousins know that you value them and want them to be part of your special day in other ways. This will give them time to process and adjust their expectations before the wedding planning progresses further.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you should surround yourself with the people who will bring you joy and support. Communicate openly, manage expectations, and offer alternative ways for your cousins to be involved if you feel it's appropriate.

Cousins' expectations of being bridesmaids

Family Dynamics

In some families, there may be an expectation for cousins to be included as bridesmaids, especially if it is a tradition or if family members have done so in the past. This can be challenging if the bride wants to keep the bridal party small or only include those she is closest to. Family pressure to include cousins as bridesmaids can be strong, and it may be difficult to refuse without causing tension or hurt feelings.

Personal Relationships

Cousins who are close to the bride and have a strong relationship with her may expect to be included as bridesmaids. This can be tricky if the bride wants to prioritize other friends or family members for her bridal party. It is important for the bride to consider the strength of her relationship with her cousins and whether their expectations of being included are reasonable.

Cultural Traditions

In some cultures, it is customary for cousins to play a significant role in the wedding ceremony, including being bridesmaids. For example, in certain cultures, cousins are considered as close as siblings, and their participation in the wedding is seen as a sign of family unity and support. Understanding the cultural context can help manage cousins' expectations and ensure that traditions are respected.

Communication is Key

To manage cousins' expectations, open and honest communication is essential. The bride should feel empowered to express her wishes and explain her decisions to her cousins and family members. By involving them in other aspects of the wedding or offering alternative roles, such as doing a reading or singing a song, the bride can show her appreciation and ensure her cousins still feel valued and included.

Navigating Family Dynamics

To navigate family dynamics and expectations, the bride can consider having a private conversation with her cousins to explain her decision-making process. By showing empathy and understanding their desire to be involved, she can help cushion any potential disappointment. Additionally, involving the cousins' parents or other family members in the discussion may help gain their support and ease any tension.

In conclusion, cousins' expectations of being bridesmaids can vary depending on family dynamics, personal relationships, and cultural traditions. Effective communication, empathy, and inclusion in other aspects of the wedding can help manage these expectations and ensure a harmonious family dynamic during this special time.

Frequently asked questions