Wedding Toss: Groomsmen Can Throw Flowers Too

Wedding traditions have evolved over the years, with couples choosing to modernise customs to better represent their relationships. One such example is the role of the flower girl, which has traditionally been performed by a young girl. However, modern couples are now choosing to break with this tradition and are asking boys, and even men, to take on the role of flower boy or flower man. This shift reflects the evolving nature of wedding culture, which is becoming more inclusive and representative of all genders.

The role of the flower boy or flower man is similar to that of the flower girl, as their main duty is to toss flower petals down the aisle before the bride, symbolising beauty, love, and the journey ahead. This role is particularly suitable for couples who want to eschew well-established customs and add a modern twist to their ceremony.

Boys can be flower boys, too

Breaking Free from Gender Stereotypes

For years, the role of tossing petals down the aisle has been reserved for little girls, but times are changing. More and more couples are breaking free from gender stereotypes and asking boys—and even men—to be flower carriers. This shift reflects the evolving nature of wedding culture, which is becoming increasingly inclusive and representative of diverse relationships. By involving individuals of all ages and genders in the ceremony and reception, couples can create a modern and authentic celebration that resonates with their values.

The Role of a Flower Boy

Just like a flower girl, a flower boy is a child in the wedding party whose main duty is to toss flower petals down the aisle before the bride and/or groom. This symbolic act is believed to pave the way for the soon-to-be-wed couple, signifying "beauty, love, and the journey ahead." Flower boys not only add a lighthearted and joyful moment to the ceremony but also set the tone for the entire event. They are sure to bring a smile to the faces of your guests and leave a lasting impression.

Selecting the Right Flower Boy

When choosing a flower boy, it is important to consider both age and personality. The ideal age range for a flower boy is between two and eight years old, as older children may be seen as junior wedding party members, and younger ones might struggle with the long day and big task ahead. Look for a boy who is enthusiastic and outgoing, as this will help him thrive in the role. It is also crucial to gauge the child's interest level and ensure he is comfortable with the responsibility.

Communicating Expectations

Once you've selected your flower boy, be sure to clearly communicate the expectations of the role to both the child and their parents. Provide a detailed summary of the duties and logistics, including important details such as smiling, eye contact, and pace. Scheduling a practice run with your flower boy and his parents will help ensure everyone is on the same page and reduce pre-wedding jitters.

Attire and Presentation Ideas

When it comes to attire, flower boys can be dressed to match the dress code and theme of the wedding. For a black-tie event, a mini tuxedo or a suit and tie would be appropriate. More casual affairs call for button-down shirts and nice pants, such as corduroys or khakis, perhaps with suspenders or a tie. If the wedding is held on rough terrain, don't forget to provide sturdy shoes to prevent tripping.

In addition to the traditional petal-tossing role, there are alternative ways to involve a flower boy in your special day. Flower boys can distribute whole flowers at the start of the ceremony, handing them out to guests as they arrive. For younger boys who may be too small to walk down the aisle alone, consider seating them in a flower-decorated wagon, with one of their parents pulling them along. Combining the roles of flower boy and ring bearer is another adorable option, creating a unique and memorable procession.

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, the role of a flower carrier is not limited to girls alone. Boys can make equally wonderful flower attendants, adding a touch of modernity and inclusivity to your wedding. By embracing this non-traditional approach, you not only challenge outdated gender norms but also create a heartwarming and memorable experience for everyone involved. So, if you're considering breaking the mold, go for it! Your flower boys will undoubtedly charm your guests and leave a lasting impression.

The history of throwing flowers at weddings

The tradition of throwing flowers at weddings has evolved over the years, with roots in ancient Rome and Greece. In ancient Rome, brides carried or wore flowers as a symbol of new beginnings, fertility, and fidelity, often combining herbs like rosemary and dill, which were believed to ward off evil spirits. Similarly, the ancient Greeks used fragrant herbs and spices for the same purpose and to signify new beginnings, fertility, and loyalty.

In the Middle Ages, English brides threw bouquets of fragrant herbs and spices, such as dill, to represent lust and ward off evil spirits. The bouquet was also used to mask body odour, as bathing was not a common practice. Guests would try to grab a piece of the bride's dress or hair for good luck, and the bride would toss her bouquet to distract them and make her escape.

During the Victorian era, flowers became a common part of wedding bouquets, with Queen Victoria carrying a bouquet of snowdrops, myrtle, and orange blossoms. Flowers were exchanged between lovers as expressions of their relationship, and specific blossoms were chosen carefully.

The tradition of tossing the bouquet to a crowd of single women, with the belief that the catcher would be the next to marry, began in the 14th century. The bouquet was seen as a symbol of good luck and happiness. Over time, the tradition spread from England to other countries, particularly those with English influence, like America.

Today, the tradition has evolved to be more inclusive, with couples tossing the bouquet to all guests, regardless of gender or marital status. It is now seen as a way to honour and celebrate the special people in the bride's life and to acknowledge their support and love.

Why boys might not want to throw flowers

While some couples appreciate upholding longstanding traditions, others find that certain rituals are outdated and unrepresentative of their relationships. The role of the flower girl is one such example. For years, only little girls have been considered for the task of tossing petals down the aisle, but now, more modern couples are asking boys—and even men—to play the part.

That being said, there are several reasons why boys might not want to throw flowers at a wedding:

• Perception of flowers as "girly": Some boys may associate flowers with femininity and, as a result, view the act of throwing flowers as "doing something girly." This perception is often influenced by societal norms and gender stereotypes that promote certain activities as being exclusively for boys or girls.
• Age and maturity: Younger boys, especially those below the age of eight, may be too young to fully understand the significance of their role as a flower boy. They might find the task boring or challenging, or they may simply prefer to engage in activities that are typically associated with boys their age.
• Shyness or discomfort: Not all boys are comfortable with being the centre of attention. Some boys may be shy or timid and feel uneasy about participating in a public performance, especially if they are asked to wear special attire or follow specific instructions.
• Lack of interest: Boys who are not interested in flowers or wedding rituals may simply not want to participate in flower-throwing. Their interests might lie elsewhere, and they may prefer to engage in activities that align more with their hobbies, passions, or personal interests.
• Pressure and expectations: The role of a flower boy comes with certain expectations and responsibilities, such as tossing petals with enthusiasm and making sure to smile and maintain eye contact. Some boys may feel pressured by these expectations or find them restrictive, especially if they are naturally more reserved or prefer to express themselves in different ways.
• Alternative roles: In some cases, boys may be more interested in other wedding roles that are typically associated with males, such as ring bearers or junior groomsmen. They may also prefer to participate in less traditional roles that allow for more creativity or playfulness, such as acting as "ring security" or pulling a flower girl in a decorated wagon.

Alternatives to flower girls

While the role of the flower girl is steeped in tradition, it is not a mandatory role to fill. If you are set on having someone in this role, there are many alternatives to the traditional flower girl. Here are some ideas:

• Grandmas as flower girls: Incorporating grandmothers into your special day allows them to have a significant moment in your ceremony that they will remember and cherish forever.
• Four-legged friends as flower girls: Including your beloved pets in your wedding ceremony adds a heartwarming and unforgettable element to your special day.
• Floral petals and romantic atmosphere: Transform the venue before the ceremony with an enchanting aisle of petals, candles, or beautifully arranged flowers. This avoids the need for a flower girl and sets the stage for your ceremony.
• Flower boys: For a modern twist, boys can take on the role of flower girl. They can toss petals down the aisle before the bride, or distribute whole flowers to guests at the start of the ceremony.
• Flower men: For a lighthearted and memorable moment, adult male friends can take on the role of flower girl.
• Bubbles or confetti: Flower girls can blow bubbles or toss confetti instead of flower petals, especially for an outdoor ceremony.
• Wands, pomanders, balloons, windmills, or parasols: Flower girls can carry these items down the aisle instead of flowers for a magical, charming, or romantic effect.

What to do if boys don't want to throw flowers

While boys can certainly be flower bearers at weddings, it's understandable that not all boys will want to take on this role. If you're planning a wedding and the boy or boys you had in mind don't want to throw flowers, here are some things you can do:

Communicate and Respect Their Wishes

First and foremost, it's important to respect the boy's wishes. Forcing them to participate in something they're uncomfortable with can ruin their experience and create unnecessary stress for everyone involved. Talk to them and their parents to understand their concerns and let them know you value their feelings.

Offer Alternative Roles

If the boys don't want to be flower bearers specifically, perhaps they'd be interested in other roles in the wedding. You could ask them to be ring bearers, junior groomsmen, or ushers. They could also walk down the aisle with the bridesmaids or accompany the flower girls. This way, they can still be involved in the wedding party without having to throw flowers.

Include Them in Other Ways

If they'd rather not be in the wedding party, there are other ways to include them in the celebration. They could be involved in pre-wedding events like the bachelor party or rehearsal dinner. You could also ask them to do a reading during the ceremony or make a speech at the reception. This way, they can participate in a way that makes them feel comfortable and confident.

Consider Flower Girls or Adult Flower Bearers

If you're set on having someone throw flowers, you could ask flower girls to take on this role or even recruit some fun-loving adults to be flower bearers. Grandmas, uncles, or even friends can make for hilarious and memorable flower bearers. This can add a unique and lighthearted touch to your wedding.

Pre-spread the Petals

If you're flexible and don't mind changing your plans, you could forgo the flower bearers altogether and simply have the petals pre-spread on the aisle before the ceremony. This way, you still get the beautiful effect of flower petals without putting anyone in an uncomfortable position.

Get Creative with Flower Presentation

Instead of having someone throw petals, you could explore other creative ways to present flowers at your wedding. For example, you could have a flower arch or decorate the aisle with flower arrangements. You could also have the flower boys distribute whole flowers to guests as they enter, which can be a sweet and welcoming gesture.

Remember, the most important thing is to be flexible and respectful of everyone's wishes. By offering alternatives and being creative, you can still have a wonderful wedding celebration that includes all your loved ones.

Frequently asked questions