A Wedding, An Objection: Should The Ceremony Continue?

The tradition of allowing objections during a wedding ceremony was introduced by the Catholic Church in the 12th century as a way to ensure the legality of a union before making it official. At the time, it was difficult to verify the marital status or familial relations of people from other towns. While the tradition has become less common, it is still included in some modern weddings. If an objection occurs, it is up to the officiant to decide how to handle it. The officiant may halt the ceremony to discuss the objection in private with the objector or may choose to ignore the objection and continue with the wedding. In most cases, an objection will not prevent a wedding from proceeding unless there is a valid legal reason for the objection.

The history of wedding objections

The custom of voicing objections to a marriage during the wedding ceremony itself was introduced by the Catholic Church in the 12th century. During this time, it was difficult to ascertain whether a couple was eligible to wed, so the tradition of allowing objections served as a final check to ensure the legality of the union.

The grounds for objection included factors such as one party already being married, pre-existing vows of celibacy or commitment to the church, underage marriage without parental consent, or close blood relations. Objections were taken under oath and would result in the suspension of the wedding by the officiant to allow for further investigation.

The tradition of allowing objections during weddings became institutionalized in medieval times, when it was even harder to get the word out about an upcoming marriage. There were no computers or cell phones, so most churches announced upcoming marriages on three consecutive Sundays before the wedding. These announcements, known as "banns" or "banns of marriage," were read aloud by a priest and published in the parish bulletin.

Today, this tradition is fading, as easily accessible legal records and marriage licenses have made it possible to sort out any issues long before the wedding day. Most officiants are no longer required to ask for objections during the ceremony, and even if they do, any objections are highly unlikely to have valid legal grounds.

What to do if someone objects

If someone objects to the marriage, it is usually a dramatic, impulsive, and awkward interruption. While it is uncommon for this to happen, it is still a good idea to be prepared for this situation. If you are the couple, discuss with your officiant beforehand so that they are not blindsided and can help to break the ice and keep the ceremony going.

If someone does object, it is widely agreed that the wedding officiant has two options. Firstly, they can take the objecting person to another room to privately give their reason for the objection. This is the best course of action, as it allows the officiant to assess the validity of the objection. If the objection is emotional, the officiant can acknowledge it, realise it carries no legal substance, and proceed with the wedding. If the objection has legal merit, the officiant must suspend the wedding for further investigation.

The second option for the officiant is to ignore the objection and continue with the ceremony as normal, allowing the wedding guests to deal with the objector and encourage them to leave. However, this may not be the best course of action, as it does not allow for the validity of the objection to be assessed.

If you are the one objecting, contemplate your motivations. Are you averse to this relationship, or are you just afraid of losing your best friend? If your opinions are selfish, it is best to keep them to yourself or discuss them with a therapist. If you believe your concerns are salient, voice them to the couple (or the half closest to you) in private and well in advance of the ceremony. After the discussion, you must trust the couple to make their own decision and respect their choices. If you still cannot celebrate their union, it is best to simply not attend the wedding.

What happens if someone objects

The tradition of voicing objections to a marriage during the ceremony dates back to the 12th century when the Catholic Church introduced it as a way to ensure the legality of a union. Back then, it was difficult to verify people's marital status, age, and relation to each other, especially if they were from different towns. Thus, the community was given the opportunity to voice any concerns before the marriage was made official.

Today, however, this tradition is becoming less common and is mostly seen in movies and TV shows. In modern times, any legal issues are usually resolved when the couple applies for a marriage license before the wedding. Therefore, an objection during the ceremony is unlikely to have any legal merit and will not invalidate the marriage.

If someone objects during a wedding ceremony, it is up to the officiant to decide how to handle the situation. They may choose to halt the proceedings and speak to the objector privately to understand their reasons for objecting. If the objection is not based on legal grounds, the officiant may then choose to continue with the ceremony as planned. Alternatively, the officiant may try to make light of the situation and downplay the objection, especially if it is based on emotional rather than legal grounds.

It is important to note that raising an objection during a wedding is considered poor etiquette and may cause tension and disruption to the ceremony. If there are concerns about a potential objection, it is advisable to discuss it with the officiant beforehand and carefully consider the guest list.

What happens if someone objects after the wedding

If someone objects after a wedding, it would have to be under "extraordinary circumstances", according to ceremony expert Fr. Jason Lody. He says:

> We live in an age where marriages are not happening (mostly) hours after meeting. So as much as one may disagree with the wedding, the reasons they have for objecting might not be of any significance. If there is a legal basis for your objection, you can notify the proper authorities or discuss [it] with the courthouse that issued the marriage license.

In other words, it's extremely unlikely that an objection after a wedding will have any impact on the marriage. The only way to annul or dissolve a marriage after the wedding is if there is a legal or moral concern.

How to deal with wedding objections

The prospect of someone objecting during a wedding ceremony is enough to make anyone's blood run cold. But fear not, as it is now very uncommon for this to happen. In fact, the traditional line "speak now or forever hold your peace" is also fading from modern wedding scripts.

However, if someone does object, it is important to handle the situation with extreme care. Here are some steps you can take to deal with wedding objections:

• Pause the ceremony: If someone objects, the officiant will usually pause the ceremony briefly to decide how to proceed.
• Have a private conversation: It is advisable to take the objector to a private area to discuss their concerns. Emphasise that you appreciate their input but reinforce your commitment to your partner. You are not obligated to justify your decision to marry.
• Return to the ceremony: After addressing the objection, return to the altar and proceed with the wedding. Ask the officiant to apologise briefly for the interruption and thank everyone for their continued support.
• Enjoy the celebration: If anyone brings up the objection at the reception, simply state that it was an unfortunate interruption but that you now feel more confident in your decision to marry. Focus on enjoying the celebration and the support of your loved ones.
• Take precautions beforehand: While you cannot predict a guest's impulsive behaviour, you can take some precautions. If you suspect someone may object, have a private conversation with them beforehand to address any concerns. If necessary, you can also rescind their invitation, preferably in person with an explanation.
• Consider your own objections: If you have concerns about a wedding, contemplate your motivations. If they are selfish, you may want to keep them to yourself or discuss them with a therapist. If you still feel the need to object, voice your concerns to the couple in private and well in advance of the ceremony. Respect their decision and, if you cannot celebrate their union, it is best to stay away from the wedding.

Remember, wedding objections are meant for legal issues, not emotional ones. Unless there is a substantial legal reason, an objection will not stop a wedding from proceeding.

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