Bride's Cursing Bridesmaids: Is It Ever Okay?

Being a bride can be stressful, and sometimes brides take their stress out on their bridesmaids. But is it ever okay for a bride to curse at her bridesmaids? Wedding planning can put friendships through a taffy-pulling machine, making your friend's annoying habits seem like fatal character flaws and your spats feel like Bravo-worthy feuds. Bridesmaids are often expected to plan the bridal shower, rev up the guests at the reception, write speeches, and hold the bride's dress while she uses the bathroom. They also have to pay for their dresses, hair, and makeup, which can cost hundreds of dollars. All of this can lead to resentment, judgment, and shit-talking on both sides. So, while it's understandable that a bride might get frustrated, it's important for her to remember that her bridesmaids are her support network and that she should treat them with kindness and respect. Cursing at them is never okay.

The bridesmaid curse: being a bridesmaid three times means you'll never get married

The idea that being a bridesmaid three times means you'll never marry is a superstition that stems back to the 16th century. Back then, people believed that if a woman had been a bridesmaid three times and hadn't found a partner, she was destined to end up alone. This might be linked to the role of bridesmaids in early Roman law, where witnesses dressed like the bride and groom to protect them from evil spirits. A bridesmaid could only protect her bride so many times before the spirits came after her.

However, there are ways to reverse the curse. One is to catch the bridal bouquet. Another is to be a bridesmaid seven times in total, thus breaking the curse. This belief is referenced in the 1917 English Music Hall song, "Why am I always the Bridesmaid?", and in the musical "I love you, you're perfect, now change" from the 1990s, which features a song called "Always a Bridesmaid."

While some people may worry about the bridesmaid curse, others embrace it. One woman, Jen Glantz, even became a "professional bridesmaid," renting herself out to perform bridesmaid duties. So, if you've been a bridesmaid three times, don't despair—you can still break the curse!

Bridesmaids can make or break a bride's day

However, the role can put a strain on even the strongest of friendships. The pressure and expectations on both the bride and her bridesmaids can cause resentment and tension, and it can be an expensive and time-consuming role. Bridesmaids are often expected to pay for their own dresses, hair, and makeup, as well as contributing to the cost of the bridal shower and bachelorette party. This can cause financial strain and resentment, especially if the bridesmaids feel they are being taken advantage of or that their efforts are unappreciated.

It is important for brides to choose their bridesmaids wisely and to be clear about their expectations. Being a bridesmaid is meant to be a celebration of friendship, and many women feel privileged to be part of a friend's special day. However, the role can also highlight differences and cause rifts in a relationship, so it is a role that should not be taken lightly by either party.

So, while a good bridesmaid can make the bride's day, a strained relationship or a sense of being taken for granted can break it. It is a fine line to tread and one that requires good communication, clear expectations, and a healthy dose of realism from both the bride and her attendants.

Bridesmaids' duties and expectations

While there is no definitive answer to whether a bride can curse at bridesmaids, it is generally understood that bridesmaids have a wide range of duties and expectations to fulfil. Here is a detailed breakdown of the responsibilities that come with being a bridesmaid:

Pre-Wedding Duties:

• Planning and attending pre-wedding parties, such as the bridal shower and bachelorette party. This includes helping with decorations, greeting guests, and chipping in financially.
• Shopping for and paying for bridesmaid attire, including dresses, jewellery, and shoes. Bridesmaids usually do this together as a group to ensure their outfits coordinate.
• Attending any other pre-wedding events, such as engagement parties or couples' showers.
• Booking travel and hotel reservations for the wedding weekend, ensuring early reservations for convenience.
• Attending the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner to familiarise themselves with the ceremony proceedings and offer support to the bride.
• Providing emotional support to the bride throughout the wedding planning process, which can be stressful.
• Assisting with smaller wedding planning tasks, such as stuffing envelopes, alphabetising escort cards, DIY projects, or accompanying the bride to appointments.
• Buying a wedding gift for the couple from their registry, unless the bridesmaid is part of a destination wedding, in which case her presence may be considered gift enough.

Wedding Day Duties:

• Getting ready with the bride and other bridesmaids, ensuring an early start for hair and makeup, and assisting the bride with her dress, shoes, jewellery, and veil.
• Providing snacks and drinks for the bridal party while they get ready.
• Participating in the ceremony by walking down the aisle and standing at the altar with the bride.
• Being available for wedding photos, which usually take place after the ceremony and during the cocktail hour.
• Giving a speech at the reception if requested by the couple.
• Mingling with guests, signing the guest book, visiting the photo booth, and participating in other guest activities.
• Ensuring a stress-free send-off by helping to assemble and transport items that need to be taken out of the reception venue, such as decorations, gifts, cards, and leftover food.

Post-Wedding Duties:

• Attending any farewell parties or post-wedding brunches hosted by the couple.
• Organising and returning any miscellaneous or leftover wedding items to the newlyweds or other bridesmaids.
• Settling any outstanding payments or bills that were split among the bridal party.

Bridesmaids' expenses

Being a bridesmaid is a huge honour, but it can also be a major financial commitment. Bridesmaids are typically expected to pay for their own dresses, shoes, travel, accommodation, and hair and makeup. They may also be expected to contribute to the cost of bridal showers, wedding showers, and bachelorette parties. These costs can quickly add up, especially if the wedding is in a far-flung location or if there are multiple pre-wedding events.

It's important to have open and transparent conversations about money to avoid any misunderstandings or resentment. Brides should communicate their expectations and give their bridesmaids an idea of the expected costs. Bridesmaids, in turn, should be honest about what they can afford and not be afraid to opt-out if the costs become too high.

While there are no steadfast rules, here are some common expenses that bridesmaids typically incur:

Bridesmaid Dress and Accessories:

Bridesmaids are usually expected to purchase their own outfits, including dresses, shoes, and jewellery. The bride may give instructions on style, colour, and fit, or allow bridesmaids to choose their own within a certain theme.

Bridal Shower or Wedding Shower:

The bridal shower is typically organised and paid for by the maid of honour. However, bridesmaids may also be expected to contribute financially, especially if they are hosting or co-hosting the event.

Wedding Shower Gift:

Traditionally, it is considered best to buy a separate gift for the bridal shower and the wedding. However, if bridesmaids have already spent a significant amount on the bridal shower or other pre-wedding events, it is understandable if they opt to forgo a gift or go in on a group gift.

Bachelorette Party:

Bridesmaids typically plan and pay for the bachelorette party, covering their own costs as well as contributing to the bride's expenses. This can be a significant expense, especially for destination bachelorette trips. It's important to have clear communication about expectations and budgets to avoid any surprises.

Wedding Day Hotel and Travel:

Bridesmaids are generally responsible for their own travel and accommodation for the wedding. However, some brides may offer to split or subsidise these costs, especially for destination weddings.

Wedding Gift:

Even with all the other expenses, bridesmaids are traditionally expected to give a wedding gift. This can be a small item from the couple's registry or a group gift purchased together with other bridesmaids.

Pre-Wedding Event Attire:

In addition to the bridesmaid dress, there may be other pre-wedding events such as engagement parties or themed bachelorette parties that require new outfits or accessories.

Wedding Day Essentials:

Bridesmaids are responsible for bringing their own essentials and must-haves for the wedding day, such as toiletries, medicine, touch-up makeup, and a change of clothes.

While being a bridesmaid comes with financial obligations, it's important to remember that it's not all about money. Offering support with planning or day-of tasks can also be a meaningful contribution. It's crucial to have open and honest conversations about budgets and expectations to ensure a stress-free and joyful experience for everyone involved.

Bridesmaids' experiences

Being a bridesmaid can be a double-edged sword. It is an honour to be chosen for the bridal party and to play a role in someone's special day. However, it can also be a stressful and demanding role that can put a strain on friendships.

The role of a bridesmaid is to support the bride, offering advice, moral support, and practical help with planning. Bridesmaids are often expected to plan and fund events like bridal showers and bachelorette parties, as well as purchase their own outfits. This can lead to financial strain and resentment, especially if the bride is demanding or unappreciative.

One of the challenges of being a bridesmaid is managing expectations. Brides and bridesmaids may have different ideas about the level of involvement and support expected, which can lead to misunderstandings and conflict. It is important for both parties to communicate their expectations clearly to avoid issues.

Being a bridesmaid can also highlight existing issues in a friendship. The stress of wedding planning can amplify negative traits in the bride, such as stinginess or bossiness, which may be tolerable in small doses but become overwhelming during the planning process. Similarly, the bridesmaid's minor annoying habits may become more noticeable and irritating to the bride.

The pressure and demands of being a bridesmaid can lead to a breakdown in communication, with both sides feeling judged, resentful, and exhausted. This can result in the end of a friendship, with bridesmaids feeling used and brides feeling let down.

However, not all bridesmaid experiences are negative. Some bridesmaids feel privileged to be part of their friend's special day and enjoy sharing the experience with their friend. It is also possible for bridesmaids to maintain and even strengthen their friendships with the bride if both parties are considerate of each other's needs and expectations.

Overall, being a bridesmaid can be a rewarding experience that brings friends closer together, but it can also be a test of the friendship, highlighting the strengths and weaknesses of the relationship.

Frequently asked questions