Deborah Chan
Deciding whether to invite children to your wedding is a tricky question. While some people love the idea of kids running around at their wedding, others worry about the additional costs and unpredictability of children. It's important to remember that it's your wedding and your rules, so don't be afraid to tell your loved ones that children are not invited. However, if you're hosting a destination wedding, it may be harder to enforce a no-kids rule. If you do decide to invite children, it's a good idea to consider their needs, such as providing entertainment, seating arrangements, and child-friendly food options.
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What You'll Learn
Inviting select children
Deciding whether to invite children to your wedding is a tricky issue, and one that tends to divide opinion. While some people love having kids at weddings, others worry about disruptions. It's your wedding, so it's your choice, but if you're inviting some children and not others, there are a few things to consider.
Firstly, it's important to be clear about who is invited. The traditional way to indicate whether a child is invited is to include their name on the invitation. If you're using an outer and inner envelope, the child's parents' names should be on the outer envelope, and the child's name should be written beneath their parents' names on the inner envelope. If you're using just an outer envelope, the child's name should be written on that. If the child is over 18, they should receive a separate invitation. You can also make it clear on your RSVP cards or wedding website that only named guests are invited.
If you're inviting children from immediate family, it might be harder for other guests to understand why their children aren't invited. You could make it clear on your wedding website or in person that only certain children are invited, and hopefully, any objections will be dealt with before the wedding.
It's also worth considering the ages of the children you're inviting. If you're inviting a lot of children, their behaviour might change. Donnie Brown, a celebrity wedding planner, recommends seating kids aged 7 to 14 at a separate table, and seating those under 7 in another room with childcare provided. You might also want to consider providing a separate menu for children, with kid-friendly food.
Remember, it's your wedding, so don't be afraid to tell your loved ones that it's adults-only if that's what you want. However, if you're inviting select children, be prepared for some pushback and try to handle any objections with tact and grace.
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Addressing the invitations
When it comes to addressing your wedding invitations, it's important to be clear and direct about who is invited. This is especially true when children are concerned, as parents may assume their children are included in the invitation.
If you are inviting children, the traditional way to indicate this is to include their names on the invitation. If your invitation has an outer and inner envelope, the child's parents' names should be on the outer envelope, with the child's name(s) written beneath on the inner envelope. If a child is over 18, they should receive a separate invitation.
If you are inviting children from immediate family only, it's a good idea to make this clear on your wedding website or in person. This will avoid any objections and help set expectations. You can also include simple, concise phrasing on your invitation, such as "limited room available" or "limited to named guests". Specify exactly who is invited by name, rather than saying "and family".
If you are not inviting children, it's best to make this clear from the outset. Be prepared for some pushback, but remember, it's your wedding and your rules. You could say something like "We politely request that all attendees be over the age of 18". If you are happy for parents to bring their children to the ceremony but not the reception, offer to help them arrange childcare for the rest of the night.
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Planning food and entertainment
If you're inviting kids to your wedding, it's a good idea to plan some entertainment to keep them busy. Here are some suggestions for food and entertainment to make your wedding kid-friendly:
Food ideas
- Serve kid-friendly foods that you enjoyed as a child, such as freshly baked chocolate chip cookies or other tasty treats.
- Provide snacks like popcorn, French fries in paper cones, or healthy options like fruit.
- For a fun activity, let them make their own s'mores.
- Instead of sparkling cider or juice during toasts, offer cookies and milk or chocolate milkshakes.
- After cake, serve pre-scooped ice cream cones or set up an ice cream station with various toppings and flavours.
Entertainment ideas
- Set up a kids' table with toys, crafts, colouring books, puzzles, and games.
- Include kid-friendly furniture and decorations that can also be used as entertainment, such as toy centrepieces.
- Provide handheld bubble machines or bubble wands for outdoor fun.
- Organise oversized yard games like Jenga, Connect 4, or Twister.
- Hire children's entertainers, face painters, or bubble artists.
- Create custom ""I-Spy" cards or provide Lego blocks and ask kids to build a dream house.
- Set up a kids' room with movies, a bouncy castle, or a magic show.
- Provide a small activity pack for each child, including colouring books, crayons, and stickers.
Remember to consider the ages of the children and plan accordingly. You can also seat families with similarly aged children together to encourage entertainment among kids. By providing a variety of food and entertainment options, you can ensure that the kids have a great time at your wedding!
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Dealing with uninvited children
It is important to inform your guests about your wedding being adults-only as early as possible. This gives them time to make the necessary arrangements. You can include this information in the FAQ section of your wedding website or on your save-the-date cards. You can also address the invitations to the guests you want to invite by name, making it clear that children are not included.
Despite your best efforts, some guests may still bring their children to the wedding. In this case, you can ask a third party, such as your wedding coordinator or a family member, to explain that there are no extra chairs or refreshments for the child. You could also say something like: "I'm so sorry! I thought we put 'adults only' on the invite."
If guests indicate that they will be bringing their children despite your requests not to, you can politely reiterate your original message, for example: "We're so glad you'll be attending, but just as a reminder, our wedding will be a child-free event. There is a list of qualified babysitters available on our wedding website."
If you are happy to cover the cost, you could consider hiring a babysitter to watch the children of your guests during the wedding. This could be a good solution if you have guests who are insistent on bringing their children and whose happiness means a great deal to you.
Remember, it is your wedding day, and you and your partner get to decide who is invited. Be sensitive when dealing with upset parents, but don't back down.
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Seating arrangements
Deciding on the seating arrangements for children at your wedding can be tricky, but there are several options to consider. Here are some ideas to help you plan:
Seating Children with Parents
One option is to seat children with their parents at the regular tables. This ensures that parents can easily supervise and interact with their children during the reception. It also avoids the issue of reducing the number of adults seated at each table. However, this option may not be ideal if you want to create a more adult-oriented atmosphere or if parents prefer their children to be entertained separately.
Kids' Table
Another option is to have a separate kids' table. This allows adults to have uninterrupted conversations and enjoy the reception without direct supervision of their children. The kids' table can be equipped with fun activities, such as colouring books, crafts, and games, keeping the children entertained and engaged. However, it's important to consider the ages of the children and whether they can safely supervise themselves. Some couples choose to have a kids' table for older children, while keeping younger ones with their parents.
High Chairs and Booster Seats
If young children or infants are attending, it's essential to provide high chairs or booster seats. These can be placed at the regular tables or at a separate kids' table for younger children. Ensure that you have an accurate count of how many high chairs or boosters are needed to avoid a shortage.
Separate Kids' Room
If your venue has the space, consider setting up a separate room just for kids. This room can be filled with games, entertainment, and crafts, providing a dedicated space for children to enjoy themselves. This option allows parents to easily supervise their children while still giving them some independence.
Family Table
If you have a small number of children attending, you could create a "family table" where guests with children are seated together. This option combines the benefits of having children close to their parents while also giving them the opportunity to interact with other kids.
Childcare Options
If you want to give parents the option to stay at the reception after their children go to bed, consider providing childcare services. Some venues may offer nannies or babysitters to put children to bed or supervise them while they sleep. This allows parents to continue celebrating without worrying about their little ones.
Seating Chart and RSVPs
When creating your seating chart, it's essential to start early. Gather RSVPs, dietary requirements, and any special requests, including seating preferences for families with children. You can use digital seating chart tools to easily map out your floor plan and assign seats as responses come in.
Remember, the decision on seating arrangements depends on the number of children attending, their ages, and your personal preferences. You can also mix and match these options to find a solution that works best for your wedding.
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Frequently asked questions
It's completely up to you whether or not you want kids at your wedding. It's customary to invite the flower girl and ring bearer to the reception, but if you're not keen on having children at your wedding, it's best to stick to a clear rule, such as only allowing immediate family to bring children.
It's best to be clear about your policy for kids on your wedding website or RSVP cards. Only invite the people named on the invitation and specify the number of seats available. You could also say there is "limited room available".
Involving children in your wedding means their parents don't have to worry about finding a babysitter for the day. You may also want to share the occasion with important children in your life, like nieces and nephews.
You'll need to consider the cost of hosting additional guests and providing children's entertainment and food. You may also want to seat kids together or in a separate room with childcare provided.
