Rhiannon Hendricks
Jewish weddings are steeped in tradition and ritual, and while they are a joyous occasion, they are also a serious affair. The wedding ceremony follows Jewish laws and traditions, and common features include a chuppah (a canopy under which the ceremony takes place), a ketubah (a marriage contract signed by two witnesses), and the breaking of a glass. Jewish weddings are a communal event that isn't just about the bride and groom but their place among the Jewish people. The rituals are links in a chain connecting Jews across time and space. While interfaith marriages were uncommon in the first half of the 20th century, they have become more frequent in recent decades, and many Jewish weddings today include non-Jewish guests and even elements of other faiths.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Enjoyment | Fun for some, but not for others. |
| Guests | Non-Jewish guests may be present at some Jewish weddings, but this is not common. Orthodox Jews rarely invite non-Jews. |
| Clothing | Modest clothing is expected. |
| Alcohol | No non-mevushal wine. |
| Rituals | Chuppah, ketubah, kiddushin, nissuin, erusin, yichud, tisch, bedeken, breaking of a glass, veiling, etc. |
| Inclusivity | Some rabbis refuse to officiate interfaith weddings. |
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What You'll Learn
Traditions: Chuppah, Ketubah, and breaking glass
Jewish weddings are full of traditions and rituals that are deeply meaningful and significant to the Jewish community. Three of the most well-known traditions are the Chuppah, the Ketubah, and the breaking of the glass.
Chuppah
The Chuppah is a canopy with four corners and a covered roof, symbolising the new home that the married couple will build together. In some ceremonies, the four posts of the Chuppah are held up by friends or family members, symbolising the support of the community for the couple's new life together. The canopy may be made from a tallit, or prayer shawl, that belongs to the couple or their families. The Chuppah is also the name of the first stage of the Jewish wedding process, during which the couple stands beneath the canopy to exchange vows.
Ketubah
The Ketubah is a marriage contract, detailing the groom's obligations to the bride, including food, clothing, and marital relations. The Ketubah is signed by the groom and two witnesses before the wedding, and then traditionally read aloud under the Chuppah, in the original Aramaic or in translation. The Ketubah has the standing of a legally binding agreement and is often displayed in the couple's home after the wedding.
Breaking the Glass
At the end of the ceremony, a glass is placed on the floor and the groom (or sometimes the bride and groom together) shatters it with their foot. This tradition holds multiple meanings. It is a reminder of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, and of the idea that even in moments of great joy, Jews remember the loss of their ancient homeland. It also symbolises the idea that marriage holds both joy and sorrow, and that the couple will stand by each other even in hard times. Finally, it is a reminder of the seriousness of the commitment, symbolising that just as a broken plate can never be fully repaired, so too can a broken relationship never be fully mended. After the glass is broken, the guests shout "Mazel Tov!", meaning "good luck" or "congratulations".
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Interfaith weddings
One of the first steps is to choose an officiant. Not all rabbis will officiate at interfaith ceremonies, as a Jewish wedding is typically understood as a sectarian ceremony. However, many Reform, Reconstructionist, Renewal, and unaffiliated rabbis do officiate at interfaith weddings, especially if the couple commits to creating a Jewish home. Some rabbis will also co-officiate with a religious leader from the non-Jewish partner's faith. If you choose to work with a rabbi, it is essential to understand their guidelines for including Jewish traditions in an interfaith context.
When it comes to including both traditions in the ceremony, there are many creative ways to do so. The chuppah, or wedding canopy, is often used to represent both families and cultures. For example, using a family prayer shawl or a sari or shawl with distinctive embroidery from the non-Jewish culture. Another option is to incorporate food from the non-Jewish culture or to include traditions such as a mehendi party and ladies' sangeet before the wedding.
Involving both families in the ceremony is another important aspect. This can be done by having parents walk down the aisle together or including them under the chuppah. Explaining the wedding customs to both families beforehand can make them feel included and welcomed. It is also a good idea to provide a program describing the flow of the ceremony for guests who may be unfamiliar with Jewish wedding traditions.
Finally, it is crucial to start planning early and keep communication open throughout the process. Discuss which traditions from each background are important to include and be mindful of religious observances, relationships with in-laws, and how you will navigate synagogue membership and children's religious affiliations.
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Non-Jewish guests
If you're a non-Jewish guest attending a Jewish wedding, you might be wondering what to expect. While every wedding is unique, there are some Jewish wedding traditions that you can familiarize yourself with ahead of time.
During the ceremony, a rabbi or cantor usually conducts the proceedings, standing under the chuppah (marriage canopy) with the couple and sometimes their families and friends. The ceremony typically includes a few short blessings, a few sips of wine, and an exchange of rings. In more liberal circles, the signing of the ketubah—the Jewish marriage document—may be the main event, with the couple, witnesses, and all the guests present. Near the end of the ceremony, the sheva berakhot (seven blessings) are recited over a cup of wine, and guests are invited to sing along. The ceremony ends with the breaking of the glass, symbolizing that even in joy, there is still pain in the world.
When it comes to attire, it's important to dress modestly and respect religious norms. Avoid wearing revealing clothing and refer to guidance on how Orthodox Jews typically dress.
At the reception, you can expect food, music, and celebrations. Traditional Jewish music may be played, and guests are often invited to join the hora, a circle dance. Don't be afraid to join in! It's a fun and memorable part of the festivities.
If you're curious about the rituals and their meanings, don't hesitate to reach out to the couple, their families, or the rabbi. They can provide guidance, explanations, and resources to help you understand the significance of the traditions you'll be witnessing. Additionally, look out for programs or guidebooks provided by the couple, which can explain the flow of the wedding and the meanings behind the rituals.
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The role of the Rabbi
The Rabbi plays a crucial role in Jewish weddings, ensuring that the ceremony is conducted according to Jewish law and custom. The Rabbi, or mesader kiddushin in Hebrew, has two main functions. Firstly, they make sure that all the necessary paperwork, such as the ketubah (marriage contract), is in order and that the marriage witnesses meet the halachic criteria. They also ensure that all other parts of the ceremony, including the blessings, conform to halachic standards.
The second function of the Rabbi is to recite the blessing that the groom is traditionally responsible for before placing the wedding ring on the bride's finger. As the groom may be nervous, the Rabbi often performs this duty on his behalf. Additionally, the Rabbi may explain the wedding customs and rituals to guests, ensuring that everyone, regardless of their religious background, feels welcome and included in the celebration.
While it is common for a Rabbi to officiate at Jewish weddings, it is not mandatory. Any Jewish person can perform the wedding ceremony, provided they have permission from the rabbinical authorities and the relevant municipality. However, the Talmud emphasizes the complexity of marriage laws and cautions that errors can be serious, underscoring the importance of familiarity with these laws for anyone officiating a wedding.
In some cases, non-Jewish couples may choose to incorporate Jewish rituals into their wedding ceremony, such as the chuppah, ketubah, and breaking of the glass. This practice of cultural appropriation has been criticized by some as a violation of history, tradition, and the ties that bind the Jewish community.
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Two stages: Kiddushin and Nissuin
A Jewish wedding is a two-step process, consisting of the stages of "Kiddushin" and "Nissuin". The first stage, "Kiddushin", is commonly referred to as "betrothal" and renders the couple full-fledged husband and wife. However, the couple is not permitted to live together as husband and wife until the second stage, "Nissuin", is completed. During the "Kiddushin" stage, the groom gives the bride a ring, creating a relationship between the two. This stage is also accompanied by a celebratory feast.
The second stage, "Nissuin", includes the chupah ceremony, which symbolises the husband and wife uniting under one roof for the sake of marriage. It also includes yichud, which permits the couple to begin their married life together. This stage marks the beginning of their shared economic life, as they build a shared household with financial responsibilities and commitments.
In ancient times, the two stages were often performed separately, with a full year separating the two occasions. During this year, the couple would prepare for married life. However, over time, it became customary to perform both stages together on the wedding day. This change was partly due to the poverty that prevailed in Jewish communities, as people could not afford two celebrations.
The two-stage marriage process is expressive of the uniqueness of a Jewish marriage, which is viewed as the fusion of two souls. By having the "Kiddushin" stage precede "Nissuin", the spiritual connection between the couple is prioritised, laying the foundation for a soulful marriage before the physical aspect of their relationship is actualised.
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Frequently asked questions
Jewish weddings are a celebration of love and community, and fun is a big part of it! There are many rituals and traditions that make a Jewish wedding unique and enjoyable, such as the breaking of the glass, the chuppah (wedding canopy), and the signing of the ketubah (marriage contract).
The Jewish wedding process has two distinct stages: kiddushin (betrothal) and nissuin (marriage). During kiddushin, the groom gives the bride a ring or another object of value, and the couple stands under the chuppah or canopy. The ketubah, a legally binding marriage contract, is signed by two witnesses and read aloud during the ceremony. At the end of the wedding, there is a ritual of breaking a glass.
Yes, non-Jewish people can attend Jewish weddings. However, it is important to be respectful of religious norms and traditions. For example, dressing modestly and being aware of separate seating arrangements if applicable. Some Orthodox Jews may not invite or allow non-Jews to their weddings, but this is not a widespread prohibition.
