Lyla Dejesus
Missing a wedding can be stressful, especially if you had planned to attend. It is always better to decline an invitation as soon as possible, to avoid wasting the couple's time and money. However, sometimes unforeseen circumstances prevent us from attending. If you are unable to attend a wedding, it is a thoughtful gesture to send a gift from their registry or fresh flowers. You could also treat the couple to a special outing after the wedding if you are close to them. If you missed the ceremony but can still make the reception, it is generally advised to go, as the couple will have already paid for your seat.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Reasons for missing a wedding | Body dysmorphia, panic attack, illness, emergency, mistake, other plans |
| Actions to take if you miss a wedding | Send a text, call, card, gift, fresh flowers, or a small gift from their registry |
| How to decline a wedding invitation | Politely decline as soon as possible, explain your absence, send a gift |
What You'll Learn
Make it a virtual celebration
If you've missed a wedding, you can still make it up to the couple by organising a virtual celebration. Here are some ideas to make it a memorable event:
Virtual Pre-Wedding Events
If the wedding has been postponed rather than cancelled, you can still host a virtual pre-wedding celebration. This could be a bridal shower, a bachelor or bachelorette-themed virtual happy hour, or even a live-stream bridal shower. Get everyone in the mood by asking them to dress up, and perhaps send out favours or swag bags ahead of time. You could even ask guests to share their favourite recipe, memory of the couple, or tips for a wonderful marriage.
Virtual Wedding Ceremony
If the couple is keen to tie the knot regardless, you can help them plan a virtual wedding ceremony. Choose a streaming service like Zoom, Facebook Live, YouTube Live, or a wedding-specific app like Lovecast or WebWed Mobile. Help the couple coordinate their vendors and e-invitations, and perhaps suggest a theme for guests to dress up. On the day, create a romantic backdrop and put on some music to set the mood.
Virtual After-Party
Even if the wedding itself is postponed, you can still host a virtual after-party to celebrate the couple. Ask guests to dress up, and suggest a signature cocktail for everyone to make at home. You can even have a first dance and a cake-cutting ceremony.
Virtual Venue Tours
If the couple is still in the planning stages, you could organise a virtual venue tour. Many venues now offer personal site tours via FaceTime and Skype, so the couple can "walk" through the event spaces and talk through their options with the venue's coordinator.
Virtual Vendor Consultations
Help the couple set up virtual consultations with vendors such as photographers, videographers, and floral designers. They can show samples of their work and talk through the details of their packages and contracts.
By organising one or more of these virtual events, you can help the couple celebrate their special day and create lasting memories, even if you can't be there in person.
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Celebrate when they get back
If you missed a wedding, it is important to communicate this with the couple as soon as possible. Politely declining the invitation or informing them of your absence allows them to offer the place to someone else. It is also good manners to send a small gift or a card with your well wishes if you are unable to attend. Here are some ideas on how to celebrate with the couple when they return from their honeymoon:
Host a celebration dinner
You can host a dinner to celebrate the couple's marriage when they return. This can be a more intimate gathering with close friends and family, or a larger celebration with all the guests who attended the wedding. This is a great opportunity to recreate some of the wedding traditions and moments that were missed, such as a first dance, cake cutting, or a toast to the couple.
Offer a special outing
If you are close to the couple, you can offer to treat them to a special outing or experience. This could be a fun activity, such as a wine tasting, a spa day, or a concert. Alternatively, you could offer to take them out for a celebratory dinner to their favourite restaurant. This is a great way to show the couple that you care and want to celebrate with them.
Plan an anniversary party
If the couple is open to the idea, you could plan an anniversary party to celebrate their first anniversary. This can be a more low-key gathering compared to the wedding, but it will still be a special way to mark the occasion and celebrate their marriage. You can even encourage guests to dress up and bring gifts if they wish.
Organise a photo shoot
If the couple missed out on their wedding photos due to unforeseen circumstances, you can offer to organise a photo shoot for them. This could be at the original venue or a new location of their choice. You can even offer to include their family in the photos, especially if they missed out on traditional dances or parent-child moments. This will give the couple a chance to capture the memories they may have missed on their wedding day.
Send a thoughtful gift
If you are unable to celebrate with the couple in person, you can always send a thoughtful gift to show your support and congratulations. Consider something personalised, such as a framed photo from their wedding, or a gift that aligns with their hobbies and interests. You could also offer to contribute to their honeymoon fund if they have one.
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Throw a post-wedding party
Post-wedding parties are a great way to celebrate with friends and family who were unable to attend your wedding due to travel or schedule conflicts. Here are some tips for throwing a fantastic post-wedding party:
Planning
Since a post-wedding party is essentially a reception without the ceremony, you'll need to plan for similar elements such as a large venue, a dance floor, drinks, snacks, music, and decorations that reflect your style as a couple. Consider booking a DJ or live band to keep your guests entertained and create a festive atmosphere.
Cake and Catering
A wedding cake is a must-have for your post-wedding party! Opt for a multi-layer cake that can be shared with your entire guest list. In addition, serve a meal or hearty hors d'oeuvres in a buffet style to create a casual and joyful atmosphere. Don't forget to include dietary-friendly options clearly labelled so that everyone can find something tasty to enjoy.
Timing and Location
Post-wedding parties are typically held immediately after the wedding reception to maintain the upbeat energy. Choose a location that is easily accessible from the reception venue and suitable for the number of expected guests. Consider an intimate and cosy space, such as a private room in a bar or hotel, a friend's house, or even a chartered boat! If your reception venue has a hard cut-off time, be sure to plan ahead and book your post-wedding party location in advance.
Invitations and Guest List
Extend invitations to all guests who attended the wedding reception. It's considered polite to include everyone to avoid making anyone feel left out. Inform your guests about the post-wedding festivities through word of mouth, wedding invitations, your wedding website, or a separate card included with the invitations. If you decide to host the post-wedding party the day after the wedding, a group email closer to the date will suffice.
Dress Code
Encourage your guests to wear something comfortable and fun, keeping in mind that there will be dancing! You can suggest a specific dress code or let your guests know that they are free to change out of their formal wedding attire.
Budgeting
The budget for your post-wedding party will depend on the style of the party. Good music, drinks, and a dance floor are essential. You may also need to put down a deposit for booking a venue or area within a pub or club. If you're on a tighter budget, consider a more casual gathering at a friend's house or a low-key bar.
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Send a thoughtful gift
Sending a thoughtful gift is a great way to make up for missing a wedding. Here are some ideas to consider:
Personalised Gifts
If you want to add a thoughtful touch, consider personalising your gift. For instance, you could send a personalised wedding date keepsake or a letterbox with personalised biscuits. This will show that you've put thought and effort into the gift, making it more meaningful.
Practical Gifts
If you're looking for something more practical, you could choose something from the couple's registry. This could be kitchenware, such as flatware or a mixer, or something decorative for their home, like art deco frames or a heart-shaped gift box.
Sentimental Gifts
If you want to focus on the sentimental value of the gift, you could send something related to the concept of "something borrowed, old, new, or blue". This could be an item that serves as a reminder of your friendship and their special day. Alternatively, you could send a thoughtful card with a heartfelt message expressing your congratulations and explaining why you couldn't attend.
Experience Gifts
If the couple is going on their honeymoon, you could surprise them by arranging for something special to be sent to their hotel room, such as champagne and strawberries. Or, if they enjoy puzzles or games, you could send them a jigsaw puzzle with a dreamy beach scene to help them unwind and escape.
Gift Cards
If you're unsure about what to send, a gift card or some money in a card is always an option. This allows the couple to choose something they truly want or need, and you can include a thoughtful note to express your well wishes.
Remember, it's the thought that counts, and your friends will likely appreciate the gesture, especially if you include a sincere apology and explanation for your absence.
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Apologise and explain
If you missed a wedding, the best course of action is to be honest and apologise as soon as possible. It is best to communicate directly with the couple and explain what happened. Be truthful and express your regret for missing their wedding. You could say something like:
> "I want to send my most sincere apologies for missing your wedding – I can’t believe it happened and I am incredibly sorry beyond words. I RSVP'd yes and made the hotel reservation on time, but I accidentally wrote your wedding date in my calendar for the wrong day. I can’t begin to express how sorry I am. As a wedding planner, I know that this stuff is not cheap. I would like to compensate you for the cost of my plate and donate to your honeymoon fund. Please let me know how much it was so I can do that for you. Additionally, I’d like to send you both a gift, so let me know your address so I can arrange that. Congratulations to you both and I wish you a wonderful and happy marriage! I love you and hope you can forgive me."
It is also a thoughtful gesture to send flowers or a gift from their registry, or to treat the couple to a special outing after the wedding if you are close to them. If you are unable to afford an expensive gift, a heartfelt card and a small gift or donation are also acceptable.
If you missed the wedding due to illness or a medical emergency, it is still a good idea to apologise and explain what happened. You are not at fault for getting sick, but the couple will likely appreciate hearing from you and understanding why you missed their wedding. You could say something like:
> "I wanted to let you know how sorry I am for missing your wedding. Unfortunately, I got sick at the last minute and was unable to attend. I felt terrible about it, but I was too unwell to even send a message. I hope you both had a wonderful day and I wish you all the best for your married life together."
Remember, it is always better to decline a wedding invitation as soon as you know you cannot attend. This allows the couple to offer your place to someone else and avoids wasting their money on a seat that won't be used.
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Frequently asked questions
There are several ways to make up for missing a friend's wedding. You could send them a thoughtful gift from their registry or treat them to a special outing. You could also plan a post-wedding party or get-together when they return. If you are very close, you could even Skype and attend the wedding virtually.
Yes, missing a wedding is considered impolite, especially if you RSVP'd "yes". It is always better to decline the invitation as soon as possible rather than cancelling at the last minute.
If you missed the wedding, it is best to apologise profusely and send a gift or card. You could also offer to treat the couple to a special outing when they return. It is important to let them know as soon as possible and not leave them guessing or "ghosting".
Even if you had a legitimate reason for missing the wedding, it is still a good idea to follow up with an apology and a gift. Let the couple know as soon as you can and explain the reason for your absence. They will likely understand, but it is still polite to express your regrets.
An appropriate gift to make up for missing a wedding could be something from the couple's registry, flowers, or a gift card/voucher. If you are close to the couple, you could also offer to take them out for a meal or another special outing.
